“No way. I’m good at fixing things, but bad with people. I don’t do the emotional stuff well.”
“Way! You’re terrific with people. Look at Rick. His entire family wants to sponsor a shrine in your honor. There’s Flo and Brian and practically every other employee at the company. Jeez, Brian is like a little puppy following you around, wanting to be just like you.”
“That’s a mistake,” he grumbled. “I’ll admit I like helping people out in their lives, but only with logistical things like jobs or finding an apartment. I don’t know how to connect emotionally.”
“We’re friends. You adore my daughter.”
He smiled. A warm, slow smile that made her thighs quiver. “That I do.”
“So what’s the problem?”
“I’m not what you think.”
Heather sat up and glared at him. “That argument is getting really old. The bottom line is you better get ready for a real relationship because one day you’re bound to fall in love and have some kids of your own. Don’t even try to tell me differently because you have daddy written all over you. I know you want that, so why are you resisting so hard?”
He didn’t look at her, but he didn’t have to for her to realize that she’d trodden on dangerous territory. There were other clues. The tension in his body, the tight muscle in his jaw, the steely set of his gaze.
Heather wondered if she should call it all back. Did she really want to know any more of Jim’s secrets?
“I wanted that once,” he said before she could decide. “I’ve been in love. In high school. My senior year. Carrie was smart and pretty and I was head over heels for her. Then one day she turned up pregnant.”
Heather’s breath caught in her throat. Her first instinct had been to be jealous of this Carrie person, but now she could only focus on the fact that Jim had a child. “What happened?” she asked.
He shrugged. “I had a football scholarship out of state, but I told her I would give it all up to be with her. I wanted to make it right. I wanted us to get married.” He glanced at her. “Pretty stupid, huh?”
“No. Pretty wonderful.” That was so like him, she thought. Her first husband hadn’t lifted a hand to do anything to support them, and Luke had walked out on her. But Jim wasn’t like that. He would be willing to go the distance.
“I went out and found a job and we looked for an apartment. We couldn’t afford much, of course, but I knew everything would be okay. Then one day she didn’t come to school. When I called her house, her mom told me she had the flu.”
His voice was flat and emotionless. Heather stiffened in anticipation of something horrible. She sent up a prayer that she was wrong, that someone else hadn’t destroyed Jim the way his mother and father had. After all he’d been through, he didn’t deserve that. But her prayers were years too late.
“Two days later, she came to see me. She told me she thought we were too young to get married. She wasn’t even sure she wanted to marry me, but she was sure she didn’t want a child. My child. She’d gone off and had an abortion without even telling me.”
Chapter Eleven
Heather didn’t think it was possible for Jim to shock her again. Not this much or this way. He was speaking. She could see his lips moving, but she couldn’t hear him. Not clearly anyway. There was only the rushing sound of her stunned amazement and the burning in her eyes and throat from unshed tears.
“How could she?” she murmured, more to herself than him.
Jim stopped talking and stared at her. “Are you all right?”
“Of course. I’m fine. It’s just…” Her voice trailed off. Waves of pain washed over her. Pain for the young girl who had to make such a difficult decision, but mostly pain for Jim. For the young man he’d once been and the man he’d grown into. She shifted on the sofa, moving toward him until she was close enough to rest her hand on his forearm. “I’m glad you told me. That experience explains a lot.”
His gaze narrowed. “Like what?”
“Like why it’s difficult for you to trust in relationships or love. You must have felt betrayed.”
“I did,” he admitted. “I’d been willing to go the distance, but she hadn’t wanted that.” He shrugged. “I guess we were too young.”
“Did you ever talk about it? Later, I mean?”
“Do you mean did we talk about why she had an abortion without discussing it with me?”
She nodded.
“Yeah.”
Jim stared past her. Heather knew he was caught up in the memories of his past. She wanted to pull him close to her and hold him until the ache went away, but she didn’t think he would welcome her comfort.
“She said that she knew I would try to talk her out of it.”
“Was she right?”
“Probably. I thought we could make it, but she felt the odds were too stacked against us. She wasn’t sure she wanted to get married and she knew she wasn’t ready to be a mother.”
“Do you understand her reasoning?”
He was quiet for a long time. “I’ve heard all the arguments—that it’s her body and ultimately she’s the one responsible for the child. I know her family didn’t want her to have the baby. But—”
“But it was your child, too,” she said gently. “You wanted to have a say in the decision.”
His troubled gaze met hers. “I would’ve given up everything for the two of them. I would’ve worked two or three jobs. I know we could have been okay.”
But the young woman in question hadn’t given him a chance to prove himself…or fix the situation. First his mother had asked him to do something impossible, then his first love had taken away his chance to take care of her and their child. No wonder Jim went through life trying to fix things for everyone.
A sudden rage burned through her. She rose to her feet and paced to the window. “Damn,” she said aloud. “I’d like to get my hands on both of them.”
“Both of who?”
“Your mother and that girl. I want to tell them exactly what I think of them!” Talk about horrible, selfish, thoughtless creatures.
Jim looked startled. “What are you so mad about?”
She turned on him and planted her hands on her hips. “I’m not mad, I’m furious. How dare they do that to you? How dare they treat you so horribly. Your mother had no right to ask you to do what she did. You were only a boy. I sympathize with her pain, but no matter what, she was still your mother and she should never have put you in that situation. As for your girlfriend, you should have had a choice. If she didn’t want to get married, fine. If she didn’t want the baby, fine. But if you were willing to take the child and be completely responsible, you should have had that option.” She ground her teeth together. “I want to do something, but I can’t. It’s terrible.”
“You’re spending a lot of energy on this,” he said. “It’s old news.”
She looked at him and saw that he believed what he said. He didn’t even realize how his past continued to haunt him and influence his actions. She returned to the sofa and sank next to him, then took his hands in hers. “You are such a wonderful man. You deserved better than that.”
“What about you?” he asked. “Sounds to me like the men in your life haven’t been all that terrific.”
He did have a point. “Okay, I’ll agree I’ve had a run of bad luck, but that’s changing. After all, now I have you.”
Heather stared at him, not quite sure she’d actually said those words aloud. Had she? Had she really said that she had Jim in her life? That was what she meant, but not in the way he was likely to interpret her comment. She jerked her hands free of his, then scooted back to the far end of the sofa.
“What I mean,” she began awkwardly, “is that we’re friends. I didn’t mean that in a romantic way. I meant I have you in my life as a friend and it’s a very nice change from the losers I’ve…” She bit her lower lip. “That didn’t sound much better, did it? Okay, let’s try this again. What I was trying to say was—”
>
He cut her off with a brief shake of his head. “I understand your point, but I also want to make sure you understand mine.” His gaze lingered on her face. “If I decided to change my rule, I would do it for you in a heartbeat. But I’m not. I don’t do relationships, Heather.”
“I know,” she muttered, wishing the earth would open up and swallow her. This was too humiliating for words. “I’m fine with that. I don’t want a relationship, either.” Although she wouldn’t mind one or two of his fabulous kisses. For a man who didn’t date much, he sure was a good kisser. Why was that?
She looked at him, at the piercing blue eyes and the dimple he could flash on command. At the broad shoulders and well-muscled arms. The man filled out a pair of jeans in a way that, in some countries, would be considered illegal. He had to have women falling all over him. When they did, would he give in?
“I have a question,” she suddenly announced. Courage momentarily failed her, but then she concluded that she’d already humiliated herself once that evening. It wasn’t likely to get a whole lot worse. “What do you do about…well…you know.”
“Know what?” he asked, then grinned. “Are you asking about my sex life?”
“I believe I am. You’re a normal guy. You have needs and hormones and all that. How do you take care of those needs?”
Jim didn’t know whether to be shocked or flattered by Heather’s question. He also hoped she didn’t notice how big his “need” was right now. He often had trouble controlling his urges when he was around her, but when they were also talking about making love…He shook his head. That made the wanting damn near impossible to keep in check. If only she weren’t so pretty or fun to be with. If only she didn’t smell so good, or walk with that little sway to her hips, or do any of a dozen other things that made him crazy about her.
But, as he’d already informed her, he didn’t do relationships, and Heather wasn’t the casual-sex kind of woman. So he would continue to suffer through the pain of unfulfilled arousal as he’d been doing for the past three months. None of which answered Heather’s question. Based on her expectant expression, she wasn’t going to let him get away without answering.
“I have female friends,” he said cautiously.
“Women you see for sex?”
“They’re not hookers. I occasionally establish a short-term relationship based on physical needs. Both parties understand that and abide by those rules.”
She tilted her head. “An affair.”
“Exactly.”
Her expression turned thoughtful. “Where do you find them?”
“I meet them through work connections or friends.”
“Employees?”
“No.”
“Why?”
He thought about that one for a second. “It’s never been an issue. Most of my employees are guys.”
“Oh. That would sort of change things.” She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “So you meet a woman, and if you like her, you discuss the possibility of a month or so of exclusive sex. No commitment, no strings.”
He didn’t like where the conversation had gone. “Yes.”
Then he got it. Her questions, her quiet consideration. Horror and anticipation slammed into him, sending him slumping against the sofa. Dear God, she could not possibly suggest what he dreaded she was going to suggest. There was no way he could…they could…it would never work.
Or it would work too well, a little voice in his head whispered. If he were honest with himself, that was his greatest fear. That being with Heather would be all things wonderful. She already knew too much. She was too close, too far inside him. If he wasn’t careful, he would start to want her in an emotional way. Then they would be more than friends and he would be lost.
He rose to his feet, crossed to her side of the sofa, bent down and kissed her cheek. “I’ve got to be on my way.”
Her gaze was scornful. “Coward.”
“Sensible,” he corrected. “One of us has to be.”
“It could work.”
An affair? With Heather? Never. Because at the end of the appointed time, he wouldn’t be able to let her go. He would fall for her, and when she found out the truth about him and left him, he would die.
*
Heather stood on a chair and tried to reach one of the balloons dangling above her. Some of the ribbons were too short and she couldn’t reach them without help. But even if she stood on a chair, the curling yellow ribbons were tantalizingly out of reach.
“I’ll do that,” a male voice said.
Heather turned around and saw Brian standing in the entrance to the walled-off portion of the hangar. She smiled at the teenager and climbed down. “Thanks. You’re a good three or four inches taller, so it should be easy for you.”
He jumped up and grabbed the ribbon in one graceful, athletic movement, then handed her the balloon. “Jim asked me to help you clean up.”
She glanced around at the half-eaten cake, the melting ice cream and the paper plates and plastic forks that hadn’t quite made it into the trash can. “Thank you, sir. I do believe I’ll accept your assistance.”
Brian flushed slightly, gave her a shy smile, then started clearing the tables.
“Do you want to take the cake home?” Heather asked. The chocolate-frosted gooey confection had marked the celebration of two more employees going on to bigger and better jobs. “We ordered a half sheet this time and about a third of it is left over. I think it would freeze well if your mom wants to do that.”
“Thanks,” Brian said. “That would be great.”
Heather found some plastic wrap in the cabinets on the far wall and wrapped up the cake. As she did so, she kept glancing at Brian. Although she didn’t spend much time with him, when she did, he always had a dozen things to talk about. His job, how great Jim was, his girlfriend, school, his career plans, college. But today he was strangely silent. The only sound in the hangar was the rustle of his broom on the cement floor.
Heather gave up all pretense of working and studied him. He looked as tired as she felt. Diane had been up the past few nights. The pediatrician and her mother had both said it was a precursor to teething and there was little Heather could do but try to make her daughter comfortable. She wondered what was keeping Brian up at night.
“Is there something on your mind?” she finally asked.
Brian glanced up, stared at her for a second, then shook his head. “I’m fine.”
“Uh-huh.” Like she believed that. Maybe if she started a conversation, he would feel more comfortable joining in. She tried to figure out the most helpful opening. He talked to Flo about his girlfriend, so it probably wasn’t that. He talked to Jim about nearly everything else.
She paused in the act of closing an ice-cream carton. Was that it? Was there a problem with Jim? There was only one way to find out.
“These parties are great,” she said. “I like the chance to say goodbye to people who are leaving.”
She waited, but Brian didn’t do more than nod.
“Jim really takes the time to find his people a job where they’ll be happy. Not many employers would bother. Of course, he won’t have to do that for you, right? You’ll be heading off to college in a year.”
“I guess.”
She leaned against one of the tables while Brian started stacking the metal folding chairs into neat piles. “Have you talked to him about that?” she asked. “Depending on where you decide to go to college, I’ll bet he could help you find a job there working with helicopters. If you want to, I mean.”
Brian froze, then shuddered. “He doesn’t know me,” he said quietly. “I’m just the new guy and a kid. Nobody knows me.”
Heather didn’t know what that meant, but it gave her a bad feeling. “Brian, what’s wrong?”
He brushed his dark brown hair off his forehead and shrugged. “Nothing. I swear.” His gaze was intense. “I’d never do anything wrong. I need Jim to trust me on that.”
“Well, you
’ve never given him reason not to trust you.”
Brian didn’t respond. Then he finished stacking the chairs and left without even saying goodbye. Heather was still staring after him when Jim walked into the hangar.
“What’s the problem?” he asked.
“I don’t know. I just had the strangest conversation with Brian. I think something’s bothering him, but he doesn’t want to talk about it.” She gave him a brief recap of their conversation.
“I don’t understand what he was trying to say,” Jim told her. “Brian’s work around here is helpful, but he doesn’t do anything strictly essential. He’s not allowed to work on the equipment, so he can’t make a mistake there. Why wouldn’t I trust him?”
“My point exactly.”
“Maybe he just has a lot on his mind.”
“Maybe.” But Heather wasn’t convinced. She decided she would try to speak to Brian in the next few days.
“Life is complicated at seventeen,” Jim said.
“I think it’s complicated at any age. If nothing else, it’s always changing.” She picked up the cake Brian had forgotten. “Two more employees leaving. Is that going to be a problem?”
“No, I just hired three more from the college. They start on Monday.”
“So you bring them in, train them, then move them on. Don’t you ever miss anybody?”
“Sometimes,” he said easily.
“But you never think about keeping a few on permanently?”
“No. That’s not my style.”
His style didn’t amuse her, at least not under these circumstances. She couldn’t say why it bothered her, but it did. “Sometimes I think you—” The sound of crying cut through the air. Heather looked at the baby monitor she’d brought with her into the hangar and sighed. “She’s awake and she’s unhappy. I’d better get over to her.”
Jim followed her back to the office. “Diane has been fussy these past few days. Is everything all right?”
“Yes. I almost wish there was a problem because then there would be a solution. Unfortunately, all we’re dealing with is her teething. She won’t actually get teeth for a while, but according to the pediatrician, she’s starting to feel some pain. I checked with my mother. She told me that I cried for three weeks straight, although I was fine when the teeth came in later.”
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