Chapter 24
Sinners
Me and Brenda went to church two weeks ago and she got saved. I was scared to death when she jumped up and threw both her arms over her head and balled up her fists and started boxing the air, and then she musta been doing that call-and-response business, 'cause she yelled back to the choir, "Yes, He is worthy!" I guess that song is what did it, 'cause, right before that, Reverend Xavier Jones had preached a hefty sermon about redemption and how good God is for forgiving us for our sins, and sweat was dropping down Brenda s temples and tears was rolling from her eyes, but she didn't move that much. The reverend broke it down so good that Brenda, and it seem like everybody else in there, started whooping and hollering, fanning fans, and moaning "Amen"s and "Hallelujah"s and "Thank you, Jesus"s, "He who died for our sins," and what have you. Everybody probably except me. It take a lot to get me excited. I was moved, just not to the point of yelling, speaking in tongues, or jumping up and down. And before the reverend could finish calling folks up to join his congregation, when the choir started humming and singing in the background, Brenda was already up there, dropping to her knees. I could hear her crying and she was shaking her head back and forth so fast one a her hoop earrings flew off but she didn't even notice. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," she was saying. I wanted to tell her she ain't got nothing to be sorry about, but I couldn't go up there, 'cause I wasn't feeling the Holy Spirit on this particular Sunday the way Brenda was, and if I was to go up there with her, I'da been faking it. And that ain't a good thing to do in the House of the Lord. Some older woman wearing all pink wrapped her arm around Brenda and rocked her till she calmed down. Good thing the kids was in the next building in Litde People's Church, 'cause they wouldn'ta been able to handle watching thei r m ama in such a state. It was hard for me, too. But when Brenda came back to her seat, she looked different. Like she just took a shower or something. All I know is when she took my hand and squeezed it, I felt closer to her at that one moment than I ever remember feeling with Viola.
Afterwards, when we in the car, I come right on out and ask her: "You all right, Brenda?"
"I'm fine. Never felt better."
"Well, what just happened in there?"
"I ain't sure, Cecil. But all I know is I felt the power of God move in me. I been feeling bad for not being a good mother, for dranking like a fish all these years, and here I am pregnant again and all I been doing is cutting back some, and it's shameful. I know I can do better than what I been doing for myself and my kids. I ain't dumb. We shouldn't be living in no projects, 'cause I got good sense."
"I know that, Brenda. It's one of the thangs that attracted me to you. Did God tell you anythang in particular? Like what to do next, anythang of that nature?"
"No. I just feel cleansed. And I ain't finished. I need to purge myself. I need to look into the light instead of the darkness. That's what I been doing all these years, living in darkness."
"Who told you that?"
"Nobody. I grew up in the church. I left when I started doing a whole bunch a unnecessary things to myself. But Cecil," she say, looking over at me like she pleading, "I feel like God done gave me another chance to make my life right with you. You a blessing. I know you older and all, but it don't matter to me. I wanna spend the best years of my life, and the best years of the ones you got left, with you."
"You can put money on that."
"Will you join with me?"
"You mean church? If I have to, I will, but I don't like going to church every Sunday, Brenda."
"I didn't ask you to go every Sunday, now, did I?"
"No you didn't. But, Brenda, please don't turn into one of them Holy Rollers and try to save me and everybody else just 'cause you been saved. Please promise me you won't do that?"
"I promise, Cecil. I just feel like it's time to clean up my life. I think that's why I came to church today. Something led me here."
"I'm happy for you, Brenda. I'm just glad you can't sang."
"Why is that?"
" 'Cause I ain't gotta worry about you joining the choir."
"Is that right?" she say, and then she just let out a hoot and hit me with her purse and started singing "Amazing Grace" real loud, like them people who get pulled off the stage with the rod on Amateur Night at the Apollo.
We done seen two miracles around this house: Brenda ain't had a drop to drank since she found God, and I done lost eight pounds since I started walking evenings a little over a month and a half ago. I sure like her sober, and she say she certainly like what's left of me.
Right now, we sitting out here at Lorenzie Park watching the kids feed the ducks. She mad with me. Ain't said a word in the last ten minutes. She just put Sunshine on her left hip and started throwing breadcrumbs out in the water, too. Miss Q keep trying to count the ducks, but they keep flying away, and she get mad 'cause she have to start all over. For five, she don't count too fast, but I been trying to help her, using toothpicks. I bought my fishing pole out here just so Hakeem could hold it in his hand to see what fishing feel like, but he keep wanting to run in the water to catch hisself a duck. I wanted to take 'em to McDonald's and then over there to the Sammy Davis Theatre to see a litde kids' movie, but I don't know now. Depends on what Brenda feel like doing.
She getting big. Her stomach is starting to poke out. I thank it's cute. Been a long time since I been around a woman with a baby inside her. I been thanking about what Howie asked me, and I come to the conclusion that I don't care if this baby is mine or not. I'ma pretend like it is, and that's what's gon' make it mine. I been wanting to ask Brenda off and on ever since Howie brought it up, but I just can't brang myself to do it.
I love her. And these kids is growing on me. I'm even learning how to braid hair. Brenda showed me, 'cause Sunshine's hair sticks out all over the place and she look too wild to be such a little-bitty thang. I musta bought at least twenty books for these kids. They was so excited, it was like they ain't never had they own books before. I told Brenda that reading is important. Especially for black kids. I would write and talk a whole lot better if I'da learned how to appreciate reading when I was younger. I been reading to 'em before they go to bed, at least on my nights off, and Brenda started doing it when I ain't there. She say she love that Goodnight Moon more than the baby, and If The People Could Fly makes her happy. She said she never knew reading could be so much fun. That words could make you feel so good. This is one more reason why I like Brenda: she say what's on her mind. Uh-oh, here she come now. Sunshine done fell asleep on her shoulder.
"Can you take her for me, please, Cecil?"
"Sure can."
And then she stands there with her hands on her hips. "You want me to make you some gumbo tonight?"
Hot damn. Don't she know how to get what she want from a man. "Yeah, if it ain't too much trouble."
"You know how much trouble it is, but if I didn't wanna do it, I wouldn'ta mentioned it, now, would I?"
"Thank you, Brenda."
"You're welcome. You ready to go home?"
"I wanted to take the kids to McDonald's and a movie."
"I'm tired, Cecil. Let's go to the drive-up window so we can go on home. They can watch a video, they don't care."
"Okay, then."
"So-you thinking about what I asked you?"
"Yeah, I'm thanking about it."
"And what you thinking?"
"I'm thanking that maybe you right. That we living in sin in front of these kids and we need to do it the right way."
"So when you gon' go down there and file?"
"Monday morning." "You sure you wanna do this, Cecil?"
"I can't go back to Viola, Brenda. Not now."
"Why not now?"
"With the baby coming and everything."
"What if I told you I ain't sure if this baby is yours, Cecil?"
"You got reason to doubt?"
"Maybe. But maybe not. I don't know. I'm trying to be honest about it."
"I don't truthfully care o
ne way or another, Brenda. I like being around you and these kids."
"And I love being with you, Cecil. I love how you treat my kids. I love how you treat me. That's why I'ma make you some gumbo tonight, but you gotta go to the store to get the stuff."
"I don't mind."
"When you think we gon' be able to move?"
"Soon. Viola's moving out the house next week. I went down there to talk to them IRS folks, and turns out I can put the house up for sale and pay what I owe from the proceeds. I should. Have enough change left over for us to find a decent place."
"What's wrong with that house?"
"We can't live there."
"Why not?"
"I can't bring you into that house, Brenda; now, thank about that."
"I wouldn't care. It ain't like we'd be sleeping in the same bed."
"No. And that's all I gotta say about the matter."
"Okay. But when we gon' start looking?"
"When we get a offer on the house."
"We?"
"Well, that would be me and Viola. Whatever I get, I gotta split it with her."
"Hakeem! Miss Q! Come on! Let's go. We going to McDonald's!"
And here they come.
I can tell she mad again, but it's too bad. Wait till she hear this: "Speaking of Viola, I gotta stop by there to get my stuff out the carport."
"Today?"
"It won't take but ten or fifteen minutes at the most."
"You sure you know what you doing, Cecil? I mean, I ain't one to pressure nobody. I done took care of my kids by myself all this time, I don't want you to feel obligated to me."
"Brenda, stop."
"You right, Cecil. I'm sorry. Glory be to Jesus. I know I'm blessed, and here 1 go being ungrateful. I ain't got no hard feelings toward Viola. None. She been your wife longer than I been born, so I understand you kinda tied to her. Just don't change your mind about us, Cecil. Please."
We almost at my car in the parking lot. "I was thanking that if and when the house sell, I might should trade this old thang in and get us a van. Something the kids can be comfortable in. What you thank about that, Brenda?"
"I like it. I like that idea a lot."
After we put the kids in they car seats, I bend over and give her a kiss on her lips. Brenda is a good kisser. A very good kisser. She just don't know how blessed I feel, and I ain't even close to being saved.
Is that fella back again? This is getting a little ridiculous. I mean he spending a awful lotta time over here with a woman who ain't even divorced yet. He don't feel no kinda shame, do he? I should ask him. But naw. I can't talk about sinning. What I thank I been doing for the past five months? I still wonder what him and Viola been doing in there. I had a hard enough time trying to get her in the same bed with me, let alone getting her to do anythang else. I wanna see this fella. See what he sporting that I ain't got.
When I get up to the front door, before I get a chance to even knock, Viola opens it, and I have to rub my eyes, 'cause I know I'm seeing thangs. This look like the woman I was married to ten or fifteen years ago. This can't be the fifty-five-year-old Viola. Not looking like this.
"You can't speak?" Now I know it's the Viola I left five months ago, but she still look good enough to kiss right now. If only she could change the tone of her voice so she don't sound so evil.
"How you doing, Vy? You sho' looking good, girl. Don't tell me you done went and had some of that plastic surgery?"
"Hell no, I ain't had 110 damn plastic surgery. What about you, Cecil? You looking like you done had some liposuction. Where's your stomach?"
I look down. Some of it is gone. I suck it in a little more and stand up extra tall. "I been exercising."
"What took you so long to start?" "Look, Viola. You got company?" "No I don't."
"Well, last time I was here you said that car belonged to a male friend. Did he give it to you?"
She break out into a big smile, and hot damn if her teeth ain't pretty and white. What she been doing over here? "Viola?" "What?"
"What happened to your other teeth?"
"Paris got me some new ones."
"Them don't even look like dentures."
"That's 'cause they ain't cheap like the other ones was."
"You look like you done lost quite a bit a weight, too."
"I have. And still losing. I got ten or fifteen more to go."
"Me, too," I say. "Is your friend in there?"
"No. And that's my car, Cecil. Paris bought it for me."
"So do this mean you ain't got no friend?"
"Did I say that?"
"No you didn't."
"Then don't let it concern you."
"I just came over to get my stuff."
"It's out there."
"You gon' need any help moving?"
"I don't know yet. A lot of this junk ain't going to my new place."
"What you mean by junk?"
"That bedroom set, for starters."
"Ain't nothing wrong with that bedroom set, Viola."
"Then you can have it."
"No, I can't sleep on that."
"Then shut up, Cecil."
"You looking good, Vy. Healthy. I'm glad."
"Thank you, Cecil. Now. I wish I could stand here and talk to you, but our granddaughter got a track meet and I been watching all that O. J. Simpson mess on TV and I'm almost late."
"He kilt them people as sure as I'm standing here. Shanice still here?"
"You don't know that, Cecil. She ain't going back home till next month."
"We'll soon see, won't we? How the kids doing these days?"
"Damnit, Cecil. I just told you I gotta go. I'd be standing out here all night if I was to tell you what they all doing, but let me say this. Janelle done finally put George out, and he might be going to jail."
"Say what?"
"You heard me. Charlotte ain't speaking to me, and I suggest you try calling her, 'cause I'm through with her ass. I mean it. Your son is in jail again. I think they said he might get up to a year for beating up Donnetta s husband with a sponge mop handle."
"Say what?"
"And Paris still over there in California trying to be superwoman, popping pills like them women did in Valley of the Dolls to keep that fast pace up, but she don't thank nobody know it."
"Say what?"
"If you say 'say what' one more time, I'ma slap you into next week. Now, get outta my way, 'cause we ain't got no more kids to discuss. And don't touch my lawnmower or take nothing that don't belong to you. Goodbye."
I just stand there and watch her lock the front door that I had the keys to for twenty-some-odd years. But my keys don't fit this door no more. I walk over to the carport and turn around and watch Viola get in her new car. She just don't look younger, she look happy. I ain't seen her look like this in years. I wonder, as she wave to me backing out the driveway, if it's because I'm here, or because I'm gone.
Chapter 25
A New Life
"I still can't believe Jackie Onassis is dead; can you, Loretta?"
"I can't believe I'm not dead," Loretta says, laughing.
"She was too damn young to die. And as pretty as she wanted to be. You remember when President Kennedy was shot?"
"Of course I do, Vy. Everybody remembers that day. Okay, let's not talk about dead people right now. We're alive and kicking right here in your brand-new condo, and it's beautiful! Just beautiful, Vy!"
"It is, ain't it?" I say, looking around. It certainly is. And far enough from my old house that I get to go to a different grocery store, bank, and post office. "Thank you, Loretta. I told you you would love it." It took all the patience I had to hold off showing her rill now, but I wanted to wait till after they put in the new carpet and painted it, so she could get the total effect. But with Memorial Day and everything, they couldn't do nothing till this week, and they took their sweet-ass time. They just finished two days ago, and we go on our cruise a week from today-on the sixteenth, and I got a million and one
things to do between now and then.
Since I can't move in for another few days, I wanted to bring something over here so it feel like I'm gon' live here, so me and Loretta stopped by Target and picked up two $7.99 houseplants. She also helped me bring over my good towels and sheets and glasses that I keep hid. I'm trying to decide if I wanna put one of the plants in the kitchen window and the other one in my master bathroom. I don't know. Hot damn! If I don't like the sound of that: master bathroom. But if there ain't no master, can I call it a mistress bathroom? Naw, 'cause I ain't nobody's mistress neither. Hell, it's my big bathroom. That's good enough. I got two sinks! So I can take my pick which one I wanna brush my teeth or wash my face in. They look just like marble even though they ain't, but, hell, I don't care. I still can't believe it. "Don't you just love this dark teal I picked out for the carpet, Loretta?" I say, and then I sneeze.
"Bless you. I do, Vy. You've got such good taste."
"So do you, Loretta. What you talking about? I just don't like ruffles as much as you do, that's all. Come on around this corner and see how big my bedroom is."
"I'm coming," she says. "Boy oh boy, these ceilings are so high. And you've even got a little backyard out there. This is just perfect. I wish I had a daughter like you."
"I feel blessed to have all my kids, even when they make me mad," I say. "I can't wait to put my new bedroom set in here, and I'm still gon' have plenty of room. When I start taking that class to get my day-care license, and if I get a job that won't mess up my Social Security checks, I might buy one of them loveseats or a chaise lounge, like Marlene Dietrich used to lay on, remember those?"
"Of course I do. You're still thinking about working at a day care, Vy?"
"I don't know, Loretta. I can't hardly add two and two no more, I don't know what kinda class I'ma take, but I'ma learn how to do something. That much I do know." I sneeze again.
"Bless you."
"Thanks. Okay, Loretta, get the camera and hurry up and take my picture. I gotta get outta here, 'cause this paint is starting to get to me, I ain't lying."
A Day Late and a Dollar Short Page 29
