“I know I can. I’ll choose them myself.”
“You mean riders from Fort Crag?” Talin asked. “That’s too risky. You’re Galeth’s first line of defense. Surely one of the other forts can spare them.”
“Perhaps. But I wouldn’t trust riders I haven’t trained.”
My mouth fell open in shock. “What are you saying?”
He grinned. “You didn’t think I was going to let you have all the fun without me, did you?”
18
“We should come with you,” I argued as Roan started to close the door behind him. He had escorted us outsiders to a sitting room so he could explain what he’d learned to the rest of the councilmembers.
“What, so you can get in another fight with Yana?” He clucked his tongue. “I’d sooner put two dominant mares in the same pasture.”
I wrinkled my nose at the analogy just as he slammed the door in my face.
He returned an hour or so later, face beaming in triumph even as Yana followed him through the door.
“What are you thinking?” she demanded. “Sacrificing Galethians for this spoiled princeling and his girlfriend? Or were you perhaps hoping this would impress her enough to pick you instead?”
I rose from my chair, indignant, but Roan cut me off with a sharp glance.
“Do you really think I’d endanger my own men and women for a girl? Be reasonable, Yana. If you still can.”
Her face had turned nearly the same shade of red as her hair. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You know exactly what it means. We’ve given you the benefit of the doubt because we know how difficult it was when Landrey left, but we voted on this. One soldier from each fort will replace my men and women at Fort Crag. Twelve including me. The decision is made.”
For the first time since I’d met her, Yana appeared at a loss for words. I watched as the color leeched from her face, and she sank into a chair, suddenly looking exhausted.
There was a long, heavy silence, and then she tilted her face up to Roan. “You think this is because of Landrey?” Her usually powerful voice was raw with emotion, and just like with Mother, I found it difficult to witness. There was something about seeing the cracks in a seemingly impenetrable veneer that cut straight to my heart.
Roan placed a hand on her hunched shoulder. I expected her to recoil at his touch, but she remained slumped in defeat. “Of course it is,” he soothed with surprising gentleness. “She’s your sister. I know how hard it was for you to see her banished.”
I covered my mouth with my palm to stifle a gasp.
“You have no idea how hard it is,” she whispered, but there was no anger in her voice. Whatever fight she’d put up in the meeting room had finally left her. “And to see that child riding Titania is even worse.” Her eyes traveled to me as she said it, but she seemed resigned rather than bitter.
“Titania chose Nor,” Roan said. “Believe me, I was as shocked as you were. But that horse doesn’t make false moves. And I believe Landrey would be glad to know Titania’s with a rider she chose.”
Yana made a small noise in her throat. The rest of us looked at each other, having no idea what would happen next.
After a few moments of silence, she sat up straighter and placed her hands on her knees. “Right. Well, you can’t all ride straight for New Castle. Ceren will see you coming and crush the lot of you.” She stood up and began to pace the room. “It seems to me that if it’s Nor he wants, she should travel directly south with you and your soldiers.”
Roan’s eyebrows twitched. “Then you and Nor are in agreement. She was already planning to split up with the others.” He lowered his voice and leaned in closer. “You’d know that if you hadn’t stormed out of the meeting.”
Yana looked sheepish for a split second before her eyes darted to me. “Talin and his men should go east and cut south along the shore. They can take the old road to New Castle,” she continued.
Roan tapped his chin thoughtfully. “Not a bad idea.”
“Nor,” Talin said, placing his hand on my arm. “I don’t like this. If anything happens and I’m not there to protect you...”
I pursed my lips. “I thought we agreed I don’t need protecting.”
“That was before I knew my brother wanted more of your blood.”
Roan rolled his eyes at the two of us. “We’ll ride slowly as a large group. You’ll make far better time without us. And the sooner you reach New Castle, the better the odds you’ll be able to infiltrate it while Ceren is away.”
“It’s a risky plan,” Yana said. She glanced at me, one eyebrow raised. “The best plans usually are.”
I smiled at the unexpected approval. “Thank you.”
Roan looked to Talin and his men. “You should leave right away. We’ll hang back a day to give you a head start.”
Osius and Grig nodded, but Talin turned to me. “Can we talk for a minute?”
“Of course.” I followed him into the hallway, where we had more privacy. “What’s wrong?”
“I hate the idea of separating from you. I know you don’t need my protection, but I want to be sure that you’re safe.”
I cupped his face with my palm. “I don’t like it, either. But there was no way we were ever going to stop Ceren without putting ourselves at risk. Danger was always going to be inherent to the plan.”
“I hate the plan,” he murmured into my hair. “Just promise me one thing.”
“What?”
He sighed, a soft puff of air against my skin. “That when you’re in a position to do something bold and reckless and Nor-ish, you remember how much I love you.”
It was the first time he’d said it out loud, and the words spread warmth throughout my chest. “Fine,” I said, smiling. “But you have to promise me something, too.”
He nodded.
“That when you decide to do something heroic and brash and Talin-ish, that you remember that I love you, too.”
He leaned back to look me in the eye, and there was so much hope and fear there that my heart swelled with tenderness. His voice was almost too quiet to hear when he asked, “Are you sure?”
I rolled my eyes. “Honestly, Talin, the nonsense that comes out of your mouth.”
His lips twitched in a grin. “Do you remember what happened the last time you said that to me?”
“I do indeed. So what are you waiting for this time?”
When he kissed me, I knew he didn’t actually doubt my love for him. And I knew that I didn’t doubt it, either. I wanted to stay there with him forever, but the rest of the group was waiting for our decision. We walked back in the room hand in hand, and Roan smiled.
“I knew you’d do the right thing,” he said, and I wasn’t sure if he was talking to Talin or me.
* * *
Talin, Grig, Osius, and Ceren’s guard headed east that afternoon so they could cross the border into Ilara under cover of darkness. The odds that Ceren would have men watching that border were slim—it led into far northern Ilara, which was uninhabited—but the Galethians had promised to help them cross the border safely, with the councilmember from the nearest fort escorting them.
I watched them go from the top of a hill, clutching Zadie’s hand as they disappeared around a curve in the road. Until I left Varenia the first time, I didn’t have any practice with goodbyes. Now I understood that they wouldn’t get easier. Difficult things, I was learning, never did. You simply got stronger.
“Is this a stupid plan?” I asked Zadie. “Should we have stayed together?”
She shook her head. “It’s not a stupid plan. But I understand why you’re questioning it.” She sat down on the grass and motioned for me to join her. “When were you going to tell me about Ceren and the visions?” she asked. There was no accusation in her voice, only hurt.
“I’m sorry, Zadie. I shou
ld have told you when I told Talin. I was just afraid of worrying you unnecessarily, when I didn’t even know what they meant.”
“Silly Nor. Don’t you know I was worried about you anyway? I always know when you’re keeping something from me. I didn’t push you because I knew you’d tell me when you were ready. But I can’t help wishing you’d told me sooner. Not that it would have changed the outcome, but because I might have at least offered you some comfort.”
I stared down at my hands folded in my lap. “I just feel like I’m constantly bringing trouble to the people I love, when all I ever wanted was for you to be happy.”
She placed one of her hands over mine. “I know that, Nor. And so do Talin and Sami. Father knows, and even Mother, I think.”
I raised my eyes to hers. “Then stay in Galeth with Sami. Stay so I’ll know that at least two of the people I love will be safe.”
“Nor—”
“You and Sami could have a good life here,” I insisted. “This journey will be dangerous, and there’s nothing you and Sami can do that the Galethians and I can’t. It’s me that Ceren wants. There’s no reason for you and Sami to risk yourselves.”
I trailed off when I saw that her expression hadn’t changed a bit.
“Are you finished?” she asked.
“I don’t know. I suppose so.”
“Good. Now it’s my turn. When you went to Ilara, I experienced the worst pain I’d ever felt. The sting from the maiden’s hair jellyfish was nothing compared to the agony of your loss. I put on a brave face because I didn’t want you to leave thinking I wouldn’t be all right without you. But even Sami’s banishment didn’t hurt me as much, perhaps because I’d already become numb. I don’t know.”
“Zadie—”
She started to raise a hand to cover my mouth in warning, and I pressed my lips closed.
“Look, Nor. I know you think you have to be the brave one all the time, that you’re the leader and I follow. That you have to be everything for me. And it’s my fault more than anyone’s. But there was one good thing that came from you leaving.” She took my hands in hers. “I learned I can be brave, too.”
I shook my head. “I know. I’ve always known.”
“Yes,” she said, her golden-brown eyes welling with tears. “But I didn’t. And I would sooner die than let you leave without me again.”
I bit my lower lip to keep it from trembling. “I’m so sorry, Zadie.”
“After you left, things in Varenia were bad. Worse than I’ve let on. I had told myself that I’d done what I’d done not just so I could be with Sami, but also so that you could go to Ilara and live the life you dreamed of. I couldn’t think of another way. And I’ve never forgiven myself for asking you to help me that night.”
“I have never held it against you. I know you thought it was your only option.”
“But I struggled with the guilt, with my own selfishness. I told Sami everything, and he said he understood, but I don’t know if he did. I think a part of him would have found it nobler if I had gone to Ilara anyway, despite the fact that he loved me. I dishonored myself by lying and allowing you to take my punishment, and I don’t know that he’ll ever see me the same way as he did before.”
“That’s not fair,” I said, my anger growing on her behalf. “It’s not like he was doing anything to help!”
“He has guilt of his own, believe me. That’s why he tried to convince his father and the elders of your innocence after he saw you in the port market. He risked his standing in the community for both of us, and it cost him everything.” She looked away. “He isn’t the same since the banishment, Nor. It took something from him.”
We sat in silence for a few minutes. “What happened out there on the ocean?” I asked gently.
She shook her head. “I don’t know exactly. He doesn’t like to talk about those three nights at sea. He was able to create a makeshift paddle from the benches on the boat and row to shore on the fourth day. But I don’t think it was being at sea that traumatized him; it was the kidnapping, the way people he had known his entire life turned on him. He never wants to go back to Varenia. I don’t, either. Once we free our parents, we plan to go somewhere else to settle. I can’t look those people in the eyes anymore.”
Questions I couldn’t bear to consider popped into my mind without warning. Were those people still alive? Was there even a Varenia left to go back to? “I understand, Zadie.”
I wiped her tears away with my thumbs before they could fall, and she did the same to me. After a minute, she sniffed and set her chin.
“In conclusion, while I appreciate your speech, and I know it’s coming from a place of love, kindly shut up on the subject of this journey.”
I blinked in shock. “Wh-what?”
She rose and brushed the grass from her skirts. “I don’t want to hear about it again. Sami and I are in complete agreement on this, so don’t think going to him behind my back will help. His parents are in just as much peril as ours.”
“I know that,” I said, still reeling as I climbed to my feet. “And I know that you’re brave, Zadie. But selfishly, I want to keep you safe. I couldn’t bear losing you again.”
“And you think I can?”
I shook my head, unable to speak.
“We came into this world together, Nor. And that’s the only way I plan on going out. Do you understand me?”
I nodded. “Yes.”
“Good.” She pulled me to her, and for the first time in my life, she didn’t feel small in my arms. It wasn’t my job to protect her anymore. We would protect each other.
19
“Come with us,” I pleaded as Adriel helped gather my belongings from her cottage. “Please.”
She glanced at me over her shoulder. “I would only slow you down. I’m not a natural horsewoman, Nor.”
“We’re not going to travel fast. And your knowledge would be invaluable on the road if anyone gets sick or injured.”
She glanced at Foxglove, who was licking his outstretched hind leg, one ear flicked toward us. “Who would take care of him?”
“He’s been taking care of himself just fine, from what I can tell.” The cat came and went when he felt like it, sneaking in through a cracked window when he wanted shelter and warmth. Even when he slept on my bed at night, I got the sense it was because he desired somewhere soft to rest and a hand to pet him, not because he needed companionship.
“And what if I don’t make it back?” Adriel asked. She was convincing herself not to come. I’d seen the same tactic in Zadie a hundred times, when I tried to get her to go diving against Mother’s wishes. But I had a knack for knowing when to leave her alone and when to push just a little harder.
“Bring him with us,” I said.
She turned to look at me, her blue eyes wide with incredulity. “What?”
Fox slowly lowered his leg mid-lick, his pink tongue still partially extended, as if he was keen to hear this explanation, too.
“He can ride in a basket behind your saddle. He’ll like it.”
She laughed. “He’ll hate it.”
“Fine, he’ll hate it. But if it convinces you to come with us, it’s worth it.”
She sat down on the edge of my bed. “Why do you want me to come so badly?”
I could have said that I wanted her help with the book and understanding the blood bond between Ceren and me or reiterated that I thought she would be useful on the road. But I genuinely cared for Adriel, and I knew she wasn’t happy, despite her bravado.
“Because,” I said, coming to sit down beside her. “I think you and I met for a reason. And I don’t think our journey is meant to end here. You’ve never felt accepted in Galeth. I know what that’s like. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned from everything that’s happened lately, it’s that we don’t have to accept things just because of where we h
appened to be born.”
She was quiet for a moment. “Wave child,” she said finally. “That’s what they call you, isn’t it?”
I nodded. “The Ilareans do, yes.”
“We were called all sorts of things by the Galethians. I’ve heard people refer to me as the Hedge Hag when they think I can’t hear. They learned to put up with those of us who remained because we were useful to them, but they never fully accepted us.”
I nodded in understanding. “Oh yes, I know all about that. We Varenians were never good enough to come to land, and yet somehow we were good enough to marry the Ilarean princes.”
She gave a wry snort. “Tell me, Nor. What did you hope to find when you left Varenia? I imagine with your limited experience in the world, you couldn’t have had any idea what to expect. But what were you hoping for?”
I sighed and leaned back on my elbows. “I told myself I wanted adventure, to see things that I’d never even dreamed of. But it was about more than that.” I touched the scar on my cheek absently. “After I was injured as a child, I could tell that I had lost value not just as a potential bride, but as a daughter. My father always made me feel loved, but my mother... I wanted to prove to her, to everyone in Varenia, that I was worth more than my appearance.”
Adriel’s brow wrinkled in confusion. “All that over a tiny scar?”
I nodded. “I tried to contribute to our family by diving deeper and more often than most girls. But all my mother saw was my salt-dried hair and dull skin. When Zadie was injured and couldn’t go to Ilara, I asked to go in her place because I thought I could make a difference. But the village accused me of deliberately hurting her for my own selfish aims. And when I found out what Ceren was doing to the Varenians and tried to warn them, they ended up banishing Sami for conspiring with me. The entire village despises me.”
“Then why do you want to help them?” Adriel asked.
“They’re still my people,” I said weakly.
Adriel cocked her head, clearly not satisfied with my answer. “And?”
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