“I suppose it could work in the same way some medicine does,” she said.
“What do you mean?”
“Take foxglove, for example. The plant, not the cat,” she clarified with a laugh. “The entire plant is toxic, including the roots and seeds. If ingested, it can cause vomiting, hallucinations, delirium, convulsions, and even death. It’s sometimes known as dead man’s bells or witch’s gloves.”
I shuddered. “That’s what you chose to name your cat after?”
She grinned. “That’s just it. If used in properly controlled doses, various parts of foxglove can also be used to treat internal bleeding, regulate an erratic heartbeat, and cure dropsy.”
I raised a questioning brow.
“Swelling from fluid buildup. In other words, a substance that can be deadly in large doses can be beneficial when diluted.”
I thought about the connection between the blood coral and the Varenian pearls. No one understood how it worked; we only knew that one was deadly and the other healing. But if the toxins released by the blood coral were diluted by enough seawater, as Adriel said, then perhaps whatever was beneficial in it accumulated safely in the pearls. Or, in my case, in my blood.
“You said the fruit of the bone trees was poisonous, but the seeds could be made into healing teas and tinctures, right?”
She nodded. “I never heard of anyone eating the fruit and surviving, but I suppose it’s possible. Perhaps they had powers like yours, too.”
There was a strange comfort in the idea of someone else out there being like me. “There’s something else,” I said. “When Ceren drank my blood, it gave him my healing abilities. I stabbed him with a blood coral blade and he survived. What if...” My voice trailed off. I was too afraid to say it out loud.
Adriel took my hand. “What’s the matter?”
“If a wound of that magnitude didn’t kill him, I’m not sure what can.”
“What are you saying? That he’s immortal?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know. Perhaps.”
I couldn’t voice the last part, the part I hadn’t ever wanted to consider. Because if Ceren was immortal, what did that make me?
* * *
Unlike when we had camped on the journey to Galeth, on our way south the horses stayed with us through the night. Each rider rolled out their bedding near their horse, who lay down next to their rider. Titania seemed relieved when I didn’t try to tie her up to a tree branch.
“What if they roll over?” I asked Roan, remembering Talin’s concern. The dun gelding had chosen a spot right near my mare, to my dismay.
“They won’t,” he said, tucking his hands behind his head. “In twenty years, I’ve never heard of it happening.”
“How do you train them?” I asked, turning on my side to face him. His features were so chiseled that I sometimes couldn’t read his expression.
“Any Galethian horse that is going to belong to a soldier is taken from its mother the day it’s born.”
“That seems cruel,” I said. “Surely they need their mothers.”
“Their rider becomes a mother figure to them. We feed them from bottles and sleep in their stalls with them. Those first few weeks are the most important. If the rider and horse don’t bond immediately, they’ll never form the kind of connection they need to fight together.”
I glanced up at Titania, who seemed to be watching me in the dark. “Never?”
Roan smiled. “Titania is well trained. But if it came down to it, I can’t say whether she would lay down her life for you.”
“And your horse would?”
Roan reached behind him and the gelding immediately placed his muzzle in Roan’s palm. “Kosmos? Without question.”
“What about your other horse, the one who looks like he’s part fur seal?”
He laughed. “Is that how you think of him? Duster has a disease that means he doesn’t shed, among other things. He’s getting old, but he was my first bonded horse. I got him when I was three years old.”
My mouth dropped open in shock. “You learned to ride when you were three?”
Roan eyed me strangely, like maybe I was joking. “I could ride before I could walk, Nor.”
“Oh.” I rolled onto my back, staring up at the stars. I wondered what my life would have been like if I’d been born in Galeth instead of Varenia. I would have had my own horse like Titania, of course, and I would have been trained in combat rather than the art of wooing a husband.
“What were you and Adriel discussing earlier?” he asked. “I saw you talking by the river.”
“Medicine, mostly. She said she wants to make me her apprentice.”
Roan sat up a bit. “What, in Galeth?”
I shrugged. “I have no idea.”
He watched me for a moment. “And what do you think of that?”
A deep sense of exhaustion washed over me, and I released a heavy sigh. “I was raised to be beautiful, to be a good wife, to be a mother someday, perhaps.”
“What about what you want?”
I turned my face toward him. “I wanted to leave Varenia, to see the world and experience all it has to offer.” And in doing so, I had caused pain and hardship for the people I loved.
“Has that changed?”
“How can I think about what I want when I have to save my parents, to make sure that Ceren is stopped from hurting more people?”
“We all have things we have to do, Nor. But once everyone is safe, surely your parents will be able to look after themselves. Zadie has Samiel. And Talin and his mother and sister will be there to keep the kingdom safe.”
I considered his words for a moment. I had envisioned that future, yes.
“And in that case...” he continued “...what will you do?”
I closed my eyes, frustrated that he once again seemed to know what I was thinking. “I’m trying to take things one day at a time right now. I could be dead from an arrow tomorrow.”
“I’d never let that happen.”
I opened my eyes and turned to him. “Oh no? You’re going to prevent any possible harm from coming to me until I arrive safely in the south?”
I could see his jaw feathering in frustration. “That’s why I’m here, isn’t it?”
“I don’t know why you agreed to come.”
He was quiet for a few minutes, and I wondered if he had fallen asleep.
“I understand taking things one day at a time better than most,” he said softly. “After I left home to join the elite cavalry training, all I did was try to survive one day, and then the next, and the one after that. I didn’t think about my future or becoming the head of a fort. I didn’t like to think about the future at all.”
I waited, listening to the soft sounds of breathing coming from the other humans and animals around the fire. Roan didn’t seem to need anyone, but Adriel had said he felt emotions more strongly than most. Of course it would have been hard to leave his family.
“It’s obvious that Talin loves you, Nor. And if he does win this war and return to his life as a royal, I’m sure he will marry you and be happy to keep you at his side like the trophy you were raised to be.” There was nothing cruel in his tone, but I could feel tears at the back of my throat. “But somehow I don’t see that making you happy.”
“You have no idea what will make me happy,” I whispered.
“You’re right, Nor. I don’t. But the real question is, do you?”
* * *
Sometime that night, I dreamed of Ceren.
He was just a boy, but I recognized him immediately. He looked to be no older than ten, his white-blond hair brushing his shoulders. His skin was so fair he seemed translucent, like some deep-sea creature not made for the sunlight, which suited him well to life at New Castle. He was playing in what looked like a nursery, based on the toys surrounding him
. He picked up a wooden practice sword and spoke to a child on the other side of the room.
Talin was a little smaller than Ceren, but not as much as he perhaps should have been considering he was two years younger. His hair was a mass of glossy brown curls, and his blue-green eyes cut quickly to Ceren before darting away. Ceren had asked him to play. And Talin had said no.
Ceren looked disappointed but not surprised. He rose from where he was sitting and went to answer the door. A beautiful young woman with olive skin and golden-brown curls falling to the small of her back stood in the shadows. Her green eyes instantly landed on Talin, a smile spreading across her face that seemed like sunshine itself.
Talin rose and ran to her, and she dropped to her knees to embrace him.
Ceren stood next to the doorway watching, no expression in his pale eyes. Talia rose and took Talin’s hand, leading him out of the playroom. Talin raised a hand to his half brother, but Ceren didn’t wave in return.
The door closed. A moment later, Ceren returned to the wooden practice sword, picked it up with his long, delicate fingers, and beat it against the wall until it broke in two.
When he was finished, Ceren sat down on the floor of the playroom. His cheeks were pink from the exertion of destroying the sword, and purple bruises were blooming on his arms where he’d inadvertently struck himself, but his gray eyes were just as empty as they had been before.
As the dream faded, I woke with cold tears snaking down my cheeks. I understood now why Talin had refused his brother; Ceren was so delicate that he was likely not allowed to play with the wooden swords. And he wasn’t allowed to go wherever it was Talin had gone with his mother, either.
Roan was awake and watching me. I wondered if I’d made some noise in my sleep. I wanted to get up and leave, my tears threatening to spill over, but I was afraid I’d wake the others.
“Nightmare?” Roan mouthed to me.
I nodded, because it was simpler than the truth: that what I had seen was likely one of many similar memories Ceren had from his childhood. The visions had been disturbing enough, but this was far worse. Because even after all the terrible things he had done, I had seen a small glimpse of what had shaped him, and how could I want to kill someone who had been so broken inside from such a young age?
All of my frustration from last night had turned into a sorrow so heavy I knew I had to release it. As quietly as I could, I slipped out of my bedroll and made my way to the river. Mist rolled on the surface of the water in the pre-dawn light. I sat on the same rock I’d sat on with Adriel last night and let the tears come, weeping silently as the forest began to wake around me.
At the sound of soft footsteps behind me, I whipped around, hand flying to my waist before I remembered I had left my knife under my pillow.
Roan raised his hands. “It’s just me,” he said.
I groaned and wiped my tears on my tunic. “I’m fine. I needed to be alone.”
“You don’t look fine.” He approached the rock slowly. “If this is about what I said to you last night...”
I rolled my eyes and turned away from him. “This has nothing to do with you, Roan.”
“Okay.” He sat down next to me, and I scooted as far from him as I could. “What was the nightmare about?”
“It wasn’t really a nightmare,” I said. “It was one of Ceren’s memories, and it was heartbreaking.”
“You’re sure it was a memory? Is it possible he gave you some kind of false vision?”
I shook my head. “No. I don’t know how I know, but I’m sure it was real.”
“Empathy can be overwhelming at times. I can’t imagine what it would be like to experience someone else’s painful memories like that.”
“Is that why you were so patient with Yana?” I asked. “Because you can empathize with her pain?”
“I suppose so. But I’ve also known her since I was a child, and I know she’s a good person. Even good people can do bad things when they’re suffering.”
I thought of Ceren, staring into nothing though the pain he’d caused himself had to be excruciating. “I’m worried about the queen,” I said. “Talia. I know Talin loves her and that she was a wonderful mother to him, but what if she’s not the person he remembers? In this memory, she was so callous toward Ceren. He was just a child.”
Roan nodded. “I can understand your concern.”
“It’s just...what if the person Talin is risking everything to help is no better than the person we’re trying to stop?”
“I don’t know,” Roan said. “But I suppose we’ll find out soon enough.”
21
Over the course of the next few days, we encountered travelers heading north on the road, but they all gave us a wide berth and sent suspicious looks our way. I doubted such a large number of Galethians had been seen together south of their border before, and it was clear that Sami, Zadie, and I were not Galethians despite our escort.
Thankfully, there were no more signs of Ceren’s soldiers, and I didn’t dream of him again. But the image of his thin, bruised arms and empty eyes haunted me just the same.
On the one hand, I was glad Ceren hadn’t caught up with us, but I had a terrible feeling that meant he had never left New Castle. Which meant Talin would have had no chance to rescue the Varenians. Regardless, our plan had been to meet Talin and the others in the south, where Talia’s army was.
We reached the outskirts of Riaga on the evening of the sixth day, planning to remain in the area only long enough to replenish our supplies at the port market the following morning. The mood in the city had changed since we were here last. We overheard people speculating that the woman king’s army had reached the southern end of the River Ilara, and mercenaries roamed the streets with their weapons slung prominently on their hips or backs.
“Sell swords,” Shiloh explained. “They’ll work for the highest bidder.”
“I don’t get the impression that the woman king and Ceren are leaving people much of a choice,” I said.
“No,” Shiloh said. “But Pirot has its own army.”
“Pirot swore to help Talin’s mother.”
“If they’re smart, they’ll wait until they see who has the upper hand before sending troops.” Roan dismounted and passed his reins to Shiloh. “I’m going to see about finding us rooms for the night.”
It took me a moment to realize that the seedy-looking building with poorly dressed men and women smoking out front was an inn.
“Here?” I asked. “Talin gave me some money. We can find something better.”
“We’re not looking for fancy,” Roan said. “We’re looking for something that will have enough rooms for all of us.”
He disappeared inside and came out a few minutes later, looking extremely angry.
“They won’t let rooms to Galethians,” he said, swinging onto his horse. “They said no one in Riaga will.”
Sami shook his head. “Surely coin is coin. I’ve never had any problem trading, as long as I have something they want.”
“That was before the war reached Riaga. The innkeepers said they won’t take sides.”
“But the Galethians are not on a side,” I said.
“He seemed to think our presence proves otherwise. He slammed the door in my face when I tried to argue. In the meantime, you should rest, eat, and bathe. My soldiers and I will get whatever supplies we need at the market tomorrow and meet you at the southern end of the city at dusk.”
“No. We’re not splitting up, Roan.”
“I’m afraid we don’t have a choice. Not if you want a chance to recover. Shiloh will stand guard outside the inn, to make sure you don’t get into any trouble.” He looked at me as he added this last bit, but I’d learned not to take his teasing seriously.
“Ceren could have soldiers in Riaga looking for us.” The idea was to lure Ceren out, not run into
him when we were without an escort.
“Exactly. And we’ll be a lot easier to spot if we’re together. As long as you stay in the inn, there shouldn’t be a problem.”
“I have contacts at the market,” Sami said. “I should go with you to trade, surely.”
“We’ll take care of the supplies.” Roan glanced at me. “You just take care of each other.”
Adriel scowled as he rounded up his soldiers and headed south, out of Riaga. “If they weren’t going to stay with us, they could have found us better accommodations.”
“At least you’ll get a bath and a meal,” Shiloh said. “I’ll be out here if you need me.”
“I can’t help with the bath, but we’ll bring you something to eat,” Adriel promised. “I’m sorry you have to stay with us.”
Shiloh tossed her blond hair out of her eyes and grinned. “I’m not.”
Adriel’s pale cheeks pinked beneath her freckles. I’d never seen her blush before.
Inside, the inn was even worse than it looked from the outside. The carpets were threadbare, the wallpaper dingy with years of smoke, and there was a damp, rotten smell permeating the air. It was clear most people hadn’t come for the ambiance.
“This way,” the innkeeper, an older woman in a stained dress, said to us, leading us upstairs to the third floor of the building. The stairs creaked ominously beneath us.
“Your friend paid for two rooms,” she said, indicating two doors next to each other. The roof was gabled and Sami had to duck to enter. “Don’t matter to me how you split up. Bathroom’s at the end of the hall. Hot water costs extra.”
Zadie and I shared a glance, and I immediately fished one of the coins Talin had given me out of my purse. “We’ll take enough for all of us,” I said. “And something to eat for our friend outside.”
Kingdom of Sea and Stone Page 18
