by Joyce Meyer
I was always on my mind, and nothing changed until I got sick of my entire life being “all about” me, me, and more of me. Jesus came to open prison doors and set captives free (see Isa. 61:1). He has set me free from many things, the greatest of which is myself. I have been set free from me! I continue to grow daily in this freedom, but I am thankful to realize that real joy is not found in getting my way all the time.
Perhaps, like me, you also had poor examples in life and need to unlearn some things that you learned in your early years. Be honest: How do you respond when you don’t get what you want? Do you get angry? Do you grumble and complain? Are you able to trust God to take care of you or do you live in fear that if you don’t take care of yourself, nobody will? Believing you have to take care of yourself leads to selfishness, which leads to an unhappy life. I urge you to turn away from selfishness today and begin to value, care for, and truly love others.
Selfishness Is a Choice
Most of us spend a great deal of time thinking, talking about, and making plans for ourselves. Although I strongly teach that we should love ourselves in a balanced way, I don’t believe we should be so in love with ourselves that we are the center of our world and all we care about is getting what we want. By all means, we must take care of ourselves because we are extremely valuable to God’s plan in the earth. He gave us life so we might enjoy it (see John 10:10). So we need to go for it, but we must not fail to realize that the true path to happiness is giving our lives away rather than trying to keep them for ourselves.
Jesus says that if we want to be His disciples, we must forget ourselves, lose sight of ourselves and all of our own interests and follow Him (see Mark 8:34). Now, I admit that this is a rather scary thought, but I do have an advantage because I have lived long enough to have actually tried it and I have found that it works. Jesus further says that if we will give up the “lower” life (the selfish life) we can have the “higher” life (the unselfish life), but if we keep the lower life we will lose the higher life (see Mark 8:35). He gives us choices concerning how we will live. He tells us what will work well and then lets us decide whether to do it or not. I can remain selfish and so can you, but the good news is that we don’t have to. We have the power of God available to us to help us get over ourselves and live to make someone else’s life better.
The Journey
Selfishness is not learned behavior; we are born with it. It is an inbred part of our nature. The Bible refers to it as “sin nature.” Adam and Eve sinned against God by doing what He told them not to do and the sin principle they established was forever passed to every person who would ever be born. God sent His Son Jesus to die for sins, and to deliver us from them. He came to undo what Adam did. When we accept Jesus as our Savior, He comes to live in our spirit and if we allow that renewed part of us to rule our decisions, we can overcome the sin nature that is in our flesh. It doesn’t go away, but the greater One who lives in us helps us overcome it daily (see Gal. 5:16). That does not mean that we never sin, but we can improve and make progress throughout our lives.
I certainly cannot say I have overcome selfishness entirely, and I doubt anyone else can either. To say that would be to say we never sin, since all sin is rooted in some kind of selfishness. I have not overcome selfishness completely, but I have hope of improving daily. I am on a journey and, although I may not arrive, I have determined that when Jesus comes to take me home He will find me pressing toward the goal (see Phil. 3:12–13).
The apostle Paul made the following statement: “It is no longer I who live, but Christ (the Messiah) lives in me” (Gal. 2:20). Paul meant that he was no longer living for himself and his own will, but for God and His will. I was greatly encouraged one day when I discovered through study that Paul made this statement approximately twenty years after his conversion. Learning to live unselfishly was a journey for him, just as it is for everyone else. Paul also said, “I die daily [I face death every day and die to self]” (1 Cor. 15:31). In other words, putting others first was a daily battle and required daily decisions. Each of us must decide how we will live and what we will live for; and there is no better time to do so than right now. You and I have one life to live and one life to give, so the question is: “How then shall we live?” I firmly believe that if each of us does our part to put the welfare of others first then we can see and be part of a revolution that has the potential to change the world.
No Man Is an Island
I am sure you have heard John Donne’s famous line, “No man is an island.” These words are simply a way of expressing the fact that people need each other and affect each other. Just as my father’s life affected me in negative ways and Dave’s life affected me in positive ways, our lives can and do affect other people. Jesus told us to love one another because that is the only way the world will know He exists (see John 13:34–35). God is love, and when we show love in our words and actions, we are showing people what God is like. Paul said that we are God’s ambassadors, His personal representatives, and that He is making His appeal to the world through us (see 2 Cor. 5:20). Each time I think of that Scripture all I can say is, “Wow! What a privilege and responsibility.”
One of the lessons I had to learn in life was that I could not have privilege without responsibility. That is one of the problems in our society today. People want what they are not willing to deserve! Selfishness says, “Give it to me. I want it and I want it now.” Wisdom says, “Do not give me anything I am not mature enough to handle properly.” The world is lacking in gratitude and in large part, that’s because we no longer want to wait or sacrifice for anything. I have found the things I am the most thankful for are the ones for which I had to work hardest and wait longest. Things that come easy usually don’t have a lot of value to us.
In many ways, we are raising a generation of children to be selfish because we give them too much too soon. We often buy them a bicycle a year before they can ride it or a car when they turn sixteen. We pay their college bills, buy them houses when they get married, and fill those houses with expensive furniture. Then, when our children end up in financial trouble, if it’s at all possible we get them out of it and are there for them every time they need us. We do these things in the name of love, but are we really loving our children or are we just pampering them? Sometimes, by doing these things, parents are trying to “pay” for the time they didn’t spend with their children when they were younger. Giving their children lots of things soothes their guilt, and if it’s an option, throwing money at them is easy when parents have busy lives.
We all love to bless our children, but we should exercise discipline in how much we do for them. King Solomon advises us to use “wise thoughtfulness” (see Prov. 1:3). At times saying “No” may be the best gift we can give our children because it can help teach them the valuable lessons of privilege and responsibility.
Model Generosity
Model a life of generosity not only in front of your children but also before all of those with whom you have contact. If you are a giver rather than a taker in life, it won’t take long before they realize that you are quite different from the people they are accustomed to. Then as they witness your joy, they may be able to connect the dots and realize that giving makes a person happier than being selfish. People are watching, and I am amazed by what they notice and remember.
Paul said to let all men know and see your unselfishness, your considerateness, your forbearing spirit (Phil. 4:5). Jesus encouraged us to let all men see our good and kind deeds so they would recognize and glorify God (see Matt. 5:16). Jesus did not mean that we should be showoffs or do things for the purpose of being seen; He was encouraging us to realize how much we do affect the people around us. Certainly, negative behavior affects others, as I have mentioned, but generosity also affects those around us in very positive ways and makes us happy people.
What about Me?
Right about now, you may be thinking, What about me? Who is going to do something for me? This is usually wha
t prevents us from living the way God wants us to live. It always comes back to “me.” What about me, what about me, what about me? We are so accustomed to seeing that our desires are satisfied that the very thought of forgetting about ourselves even for one day is frightening. But, if we can manage to muster up the courage to try it, we will be amazed at the freedom and joy we experience.
For most of my life, I woke up every day and lay in bed making plans for myself. I thought of what I wanted and what would be best for me and how I could convince my family and friends to cooperate with my plans. I got up and went about the day with myself on my mind, and each time things did not go my way I became upset, impatient, frustrated and even angry. I thought I was unhappy because I wasn’t getting what I wanted, but I was actually unhappy because all I did was try to get what I wanted without any real concern for others.
Now that I am discovering that the secret of joy is in giving my life away rather than trying to keep it, my mornings are quite different. This morning, before I began to work on this chapter, I prayed and then took some time to think of all the people I knew I would come into contact with today. I then prayed through Romans 12:1, which speaks of dedicating ourselves to God as living sacrifices, offering up all of our faculties to Him for His use. As I thought of the people I would work with or probably see today, I asked the Lord to show me anything I might do for them. I set my mind to encourage them and be complimentary. Surely we can all find one nice thing to say to each person we meet. Simply trying to do so will help us keep our minds off ourselves. I trust the Lord will lead me as I go about my day.
If you want to dedicate yourself to God so He can use you to love and help others, I suggest you pray like this: “Lord, I offer You my eyes, ears, mouth, hands, feet, heart, finances, gifts, talents, abilities, time, and energy. Use me to be a blessing everywhere I go today.”
“Lord, I offer You my eyes, ears, mouth, hands, feet, heart, finances, gifts, talents, abilities, time, and energy. Use me to be a blessing everywhere I go today.”
You will never know the joy of living like this unless you actually try it. I call it a “holy habit,” and like all habits, it must be practiced to become one. On some days, I still get all caught up with myself and forget to practice my new habit, but I am quickly reminded when I lose my joy and enthusiasm for life that once again I have gotten off track.
I’ve been trying to live this way for several years, and it has been quite a battle. The “self life” is deeply ingrained in every fiber of our being and does not die easily. I have read books about love, gone over and over what the Bible says about it, and prayed about it. I have talked with friends about it, preached about it, and done all I can to keep it foremost in my thinking. At times when I realize that I’ve been selfish again, I don’t get upset because getting upset with myself only keeps me involved with me. When I fail, I ask God to forgive me and start fresh; and I believe that’s the best policy. We spend far too much time feeling bad about ourselves because of the mistakes we make—and that is a waste of time. Only God can forgive us and He is quite willing to do so if we will simply ask Him.
Yes, I firmly believe the root of the world’s problem is selfishness, but it is possible to live in the world and yet refuse to be like the world. If you will join me in starting a Love Revolution, if you will do a radical complete turn-around in how you have been living and aggressively begin to live to love rather than to be loved, then you can be part of the solution rather than part of the problem. Are you ready to start?
CHAPTER 3
Nothing Good Happens Accidentally
I am alert and active, watching over My word to perform it.
Jeremiah 1:12
None of the revolutions that changed the world happened accidentally. In some cases, they began with just a few people discussing changes that were needed. Whether these history-making events were birthed by casual unrest or well-planned revolt, they never just happened. They were deliberate, intentional, passionate, and strategic. They started because someone refused to do nothing; someone refused to simply “let things unfold”; someone refused to be passive and idle while injustice ran rampant. Revolutions happen because someone decides to act.
Act Now!
The Bible is filled with instructions for us to be active. The direction to be active instead of passive is rather simple, but millions of people totally ignore it. Maybe they think things will get better on their own. They won’t. Nothing good happens accidentally. Once I learned that, my life changed for the better.
Wishing for something does not produce the results we desire, but we must aggressively do what needs to be done to achieve them. We will never find a successful man who spent his life wishing for success and attained it. Neither will we find a man who did nothing and somehow became successful. The same principle applies to being part of the Love Revolution. If we want to love people as Jesus instructed, we will have to do so on purpose. It will not happen by accident.
The Bible says we are to seek to be kind and good (see 1 Thess. 5:15). Seek is a strong word that means “to crave, pursue, and go after.” If we seek opportunities, we are sure to find them and that will protect us from being idle and unfruitful. We must ask ourselves if we are alert and active or passive and inactive? God is alert and active! I am glad He is; otherwise, things in our lives would deteriorate rapidly. God not only created the world and everything we see and enjoy in it, He also actively maintains it because He knows that good things do not simply occur; they happen as a result of right action (see Heb. 1:3).
God-inspired, balanced activity keeps us from being idle and unfruitful and thereby serves as a protection for us. Staying active doing right things will prevent us from doing wrong things. It seems we don’t have to try very hard to do what is wrong; our human nature drifts in that direction if we don’t choose to do what is right.
For example, we don’t have to choose disease; all we have to do is be around it and we can catch it. But we must choose health. To be healthy, I have to constantly make good choices about exercise, sleep, and nutrition. I must choose not to worry or be anxious because I know that will make me tired and possibly cause other physical symptoms. To be healthy, I must actively invest in my health, but I can easily get sick by doing absolutely nothing to take care of myself.
The Flesh Is Lazy
The apostle Paul teaches clearly that the flesh is lazy, lustful, and desirous of many sinful things (see Rom. 13:14). Thank God we are more than flesh. We also have a spirit and the spiritual part of a Christian is where the nature of God dwells. God is good and the fact that He lives in us means we have goodness in us. With our spirit we can discipline and rule over the flesh—but it does require effort. It requires cooperation with the Holy Spirit Who strengthens us and enables us to do good things. Paul says we are not to make provision for the flesh and I believe one way we do make provision for it is by simply doing nothing!
Doing nothing is addictive. The more we do nothing, the more we want to do nothing. I am sure you have had the experience of lying around the house all day and found that the more you lay there, the more difficult it was to get up. When you do first get up, everything feels stiff and tired, but as you continue to force yourself to move your energy comes back.
Today I woke up in a rather low mood. I worked hard all weekend doing a conference and am still a bit tired. In addition, I experienced a personal disappointment about something I had hoped for. I felt like lying on the couch and feeling sorry for myself all day, but since I have years of experience doing that and have found it fruitless, I decided to make another choice. I decided to go ahead and write this chapter on activity. It was my way of doing warfare against the way my flesh felt! The longer I write, the better I feel.
In situations where our flesh tempts us to be lazy, we can begin to overcome by asking God to help us and by making determined decisions to be active instead of idle. Then, as we go forward and act on our decisions, we will find that our feelings catch up wi
th them. God has given me a spirit of discipline and self-control just for days like today, but it is up to me to choose whether I use what He has given me or merely follow the ways of the flesh.
Paul also writes about “carnal Christians,” who are people who have accepted Jesus Christ as their Savior, but never work with the Holy Spirit to develop spiritual maturity. In 1 Corinthians 3:1–3 Paul told the Christians he had to talk to them as non-spiritual men of the flesh in whom the carnal nature predominated. He could not even teach them strong things but had to stick with what he called “milk messages.” He told them they were unspiritual because they allowed ordinary impulses to control them. Do you allow ordinary impulses to control you? I was very tempted today to let ordinary impulses control me and, to be honest, I will probably have to resist the temptation all day long by staying active doing something I believe will bear good fruit. I cannot afford to give in to my feelings because I don’t have a day to waste.
No Rewards for Passivity
None of us can afford to waste our time sitting around doing nothing. God does not reward passivity. Passive people do not use their free will to do what they know is right. Instead, they wait to feel like doing something or to be motivated by some mysterious outside force. They wish something good would happen, especially to them, and they are committed to doing nothing while they wait to see if it does. God does not applaud this attitude; in fact, it is actually quite dangerous.
