“You have experience with all of that?” she asked, her voice shaky.
Pulling one of the chairs closer, he sat, his knees touching hers. If he wanted her trust, he had to be honest with her. Bare his past. Bare his soul. “There’s a lot you don’t know about me, about the time before I met you. About my… women.” He’d almost said subs, but she wasn’t ready for that. Not until he explained about the lifestyle and why he was no longer a part of it.
“I know you had your pick of fire bunnies.” Her lip curled up just a bit at the end. Just enough to let him know she didn’t like that idea at all.
Biting back a grin, he said, “I wouldn’t say that.”
“Come on. You’re a hot, hunky firefighter. That’s why I was so surprised when you hit on me at that party.”
“So you think I’m hot?” The question made her blush, and the grin he’d been trying to hide burst out.
She bent her neck, hiding her face with her hair again. “You know I do.”
With his finger under her chin, he raised her face. “You have no idea how beautiful you are.” He murmured the words while winding a strand of her hair behind her ear. He loved her ears, so delicate and perfect, with the little diamond studs she preferred.
After giving him a small smile, she pulled away. “Tell me about the women.”
“You sure you want to hear this?”
“Well not all the gory details. Just what’s relevant to our discussion.”
Twisting sideways on the couch, he studied her. He was going to have to tell her about Andrea. That was the only way she’d really understand where he was coming from. And his limits. “I’ve been involved in D/s relationships before. Most were short-lived. But one was more serious.”
“D… s?”
Step-by-step. He had to remember she was new to all of this, and the last thing he wanted was to scare her off. “Dominant and submissive.”
“Obviously, you were the dominant.”
He smiled. “The only time I’ve ever been even remotely submissive has been with you.”
“Why would you do that?”
“It’s because of what we talked about before. I felt guilty for what happened, for getting you pregnant, and I wanted to make you happy.”
She sighed and shook her head. “I liked you just fine that night. I think our relationship would have gone a lot better if you hadn’t tried to change for me. Tried to become someone you aren’t. I know I pushed you a lot, but I expected you to fight back, to show that you cared. But you just seemed to check out.”
“I’m starting to get that.”
“So, about these dominant and submissive relationships?”
“I’m telling you this because I want you to understand what I like and what I’m willing to do. After, we’ll need to talk about your side of things.” When she nodded, he continued. “I met Andrea at a club that specializes in BDSM. We hit it off right away. We agreed on some conditions and after signing the contract, I became her Dom.”
“Hold on. A contract?”
“I don’t know how legal these things are, but a lot of people in the lifestyle like the idea of a contract, because it forces the Dom and sub to make everything clear. It establishes a framework for the relationship that both parties feel comfortable with.”
“Contract, framework, parties. I don’t hear anything about love in all that.”
“D/s relationships aren’t usually about love, Rickie. They are about two people getting what they need, sexually.”
“I see. Is that what you wanted with me that night?”
He laughed. “No. I could never see you as part of the lifestyle. You’re way too pure.”
When her expression turned mulish, he laughed again. “No need to be insulting,” she said.
“Believe me, I meant that in the best way possible. I like you exactly the way you are. The world of BDSM can be very ugly. It isn’t for people who just want to experiment. You have to be the lifestyle, not act it.”
“Did you see any of this ugliness?”
“I’d never judge anyone. People have different needs and what’s right for one might not be for the other. That’s what went wrong with Andrea. I like—no, I love—controlling my partner’s sexual gratification. It turns me on like nothing else. But part of a true D/s relationship also involves punishment. If the submissive doesn’t follow the rules, her Dom has to punish her. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not against inflicting pain when the return in pleasure is greater. But I just can’t hurt someone for the purpose of giving them pain.”
“Is that what she wanted, this woman?”
“It is. Andrea was a masochist.”
“So by hurting her, you were giving her pleasure?”
“That’s what she said. But it wasn’t the kind of thing I like to do. I wasn’t getting any pleasure from it. The final straw was when she had me whip her with a Viper. She’d had it specially made with blood knots and metal tips.” He rubbed his stomach. Just the memory of that day made him feel sick. “I’ll never forget the welts across her back and legs, her stomach and her breasts.” The blood.
Rickie pressed a hand to her mouth. Clearly the idea didn’t seem all that appetizing to her either. Thank God. He wasn’t sure what he’d have done if she’d seemed excited by this. “Why would she do that?” she asked.
“She wanted me to mark her. Some subs like having marks that remind them of their Doms when they’re apart. Again, I’m not judging. It’s just not for me.”
“So this is one of your limits?”
“Absolutely. I gave my subs just enough pain to push their limits, but always to increase their pleasure.”
“But if you never punish, how did you make them do what you want?”
“I’m a great believer in positive reinforcement. When that’s not enough, a little orgasm denial goes a long way.”
Her eyes rounded. “That’s what you did to me that night!”
“It was. And it worked.”
She gave him a wide smile. “If we do this, do we need a contract?”
“Babe, we already have one. It’s called a marriage.”
“How do you want to handle it then?”
“I don’t want a true D/s relationship with you, Rickie. When I was with Andrea, she wanted a full-on D/s relationship. Even though we didn’t live together, she expected me to dictate everything she did, everything she ate, even what she wore. Let me tell you, it was exhausting. She’d call me when I was dragging my ass to bed after twenty-four hours straight on the job to ask if she should wear her red skirt or her brown slacks. Do you know how little I give a shit what someone wears to work?”
They shared a smile, a memory. “You even let Chloe pick her clothes when she was a toddler,” Rickie said.
A load of anxiety rolled off his shoulders. He took her hand, running his thumb over the blue veins visible through the thin skin at her wrist. “We’ll play this by ear, and I’ll give you information as we go so you aren’t overloaded and overwhelmed. The key is trust. You need to trust that I’ll never do anything you don’t want to do, or that I don’t want to do. And I have to trust that you’ll tell me if I push you too far. Without trust, this won’t work. Our marriage won’t work.”
“When do we start?” she asked, giving him a coy glance.
Lust coiled in his groin and his cock wanted him to shout, “Now. Right the fuck now.” But before they could start, he had some shopping to do.
Plan your work and work your plan.
He pushed up from his chair and got his night clothes from his suitcase. “We start tomorrow.”
And if his plan was going to mean diddly-squat, he needed a cold shower. He caught a glance of Rickie lost in thought. Her eyes were bright, her color high. His cock shot to full attention, reiterating its earlier mantra: Now. Right the fuck now.
The water had better be ice cold, because he was fucking volcano hot.
Chapter 4
“Housekeeping.”
Str
etching her hands above her head, Erica luxuriated in Jamie’s touch. His hand moved up her leg, igniting little flames with every inch closer to her thigh. Almost involuntarily, her knees spread in invitation. She kept her mouth closed, knowing he’d prefer it that way. But her mind screamed for him to hurry, to touch her where she needed him most.
“Housekeeping.”
The insistent voice distracted her and the spinning in her belly unwound, the moment ruined. With a groan, she patted the bed beside her, refusing to open her eyes. “Jamie? Someone’s at the door.”
When there was no response, she sat up and rubbed the last remnant of sleep from her eyes. Seeing the empty space beside her, she frowned. Where was Jamie? She felt fingers on her leg again. Her eyes shot to her thigh, where a small brown lizard-like animal was making steady progress northward. “Ahhh!” she screamed, knocking it off her leg and jumping to the floor. “Oh, my God! Jamie!”
Knock. Knock. “Housekeeping! Ma’am, are you okay?”
Adrenaline sending her heart into overdrive, she scooped up her robe and raced to the door, pausing only a moment to peek through the peephole. A middle-aged woman in uniform stood outside. Erica swung the door open, holding the robe against her chest. ‘There… there was something in my bed,” she said, trying to catch her breath.
The woman marched over to the bed and smiled. She picked up the beast and held it so Erica could see. “Just a little house gecko, ma’am. They eat bugs, not people.”
“Good to know.” Now that the critter was safely in the woman’s hand, Erica could admit it was kind of cute, with its big unblinking eyes and bright red tongue. In a reptilian kind of way.
“I’ll take him outside while I get your tray.”
“My tray? There must be a mistake. I haven’t ordered anything.”
The woman pulled a notepad out of her pocket. “Caldwell, cottage six?”
“Yes. Okay, my husband must have ordered.” The bathroom door was ajar, and the room clearly empty. Why would Jamie order breakfast, then leave?
Returning with a cart, the woman rolled it into the sitting area and pushed open the thick night curtains. “Would you like to eat on the lanai?”
“That would be lovely,” Erica said, opening the glass doors. “It’s so beautiful out here.”
After setting the tray on the table, the woman wheeled the cart back inside. She pointed to Jamie’s pillow and grinned. “Looks like your husband left you a love note.”
Nearly tripping over her robe, Erica rushed across the room to grab the note. As she unfolded the paper, the woman said, “Enjoy your breakfast, ma’am. I’ll be back later to collect the tray and clean the room.” With that, she made her exit, shutting the door behind her.
Note in hand, Erica sat on the edge of the bed and read.
Mrs. Caldwell,
I’ve ordered you a light breakfast. Eat, have a bath. Do your hair and make-up. You are to wear only a loose sundress, and strappy heels. Nothing else.
Take your time getting ready, but meet me at exactly 12:30 in the gardens by the resort lobby. Use your sunscreen. We’re going for lunch and a walk on the beach.
Don’t be late.
—J.
He’d addressed the note to Mrs. Caldwell. Why? She’d have to ask him about that later. Walking out to the lanai, she removed the lid from her plate, revealing small muffins and a mound of fruit. Her mouth watered at the array of exotic scents and colors. A thermos of hot coffee accompanied the breakfast. She poured herself a cup and mixed in some milk and sugar, her mind returning to Jamie’s note.
Given its authoritative tone and that fact that he’d given her no choice in their plans, Jamie had already slipped into his new role. And he’d expect her to slip into that of a submissive. Should she balk or go along with it? It had been her idea, and the payoff would be extraordinary if she could have the old Jamie back.
She didn’t really mind him telling her to have a bath and wash her hair. She’d have done that anyway. But what was the bit about the dress? Last night, he’d been abundantly clear that he didn’t want to be in charge of her clothes. That he didn’t care what she wore. The cup mid-way to her mouth, she hesitated as she replayed his earlier words in her mind. Correction: he’d said he didn’t care what she wore to work. This wasn’t work. She shivered in anticipation. No. This was play.
The dress and heels. Only. The very idea of wearing nothing under her sundress made her wet. Did Jamie know she’d react this way? Probably. What else did he know? She couldn’t wait to find out.
Before the adult games could begin, she had a child to check up on. Retrieving her cell phone from her purse, she dialed the number to Jamie’s parents’ house. Her mother-in-law answered with a laugh. “Jamie, honey. I already told you. Everything is fine.”
A smiled teased Erica’s lips. More evidence of what a wonderful father her husband was. “Caroline, it’s me, Erica.”
“Erica. I’m sorry. I saw Caldwell on the caller ID and well, I didn’t expect…” She trailed off.
Erica could count on one hand the number of times she’d called Jamie’s parents. She’d pushed them away, like she’d pushed their son away. “Caroline, I want to apologize again to you and Liam. Regardless of what was going on between me and Jamie, I shouldn’t have let it affect your relationship with Chloe. I hope someday you can forgive me.”
Dead silence had Erica squirming in her seat. Had she made things worse by bringing up the past? She could have ignored it and gone from there. It was more her style. But she was turning over a new leaf, and ignoring the past had always done her more harm than good. She opened her mouth to explain further when Caroline cleared her throat.
“I won’t deny that I was hurt when you wouldn’t let us see Chloe. She’s my only grandchild, and I missed out on more than a few of her milestones. From the day Jamie brought you home, all I’ve wanted was for you to feel included, a part of the family. I’m sorry that we didn’t succeed. But let’s try to change that. I’m here for you, whenever you need me.”
A tear rolled down Erica’s cheek. Those were words she’d never heard, would never hear from her own mother. But now she had Caroline, and with some work, maybe they could be friends. She picked up the linen napkin and wiped her cheeks dry, then took a deep breath to ease the constriction in her chest. “I’ve learned some things about myself recently, things I don’t like very much. Things I’m trying to change. If you’ll allow it, I’d like for us to be closer. Maybe we could go on an all-girls shopping trip with Chloe and Victoria.”
“I’m ready whenever you are, honey,” Caroline said, her voice rough with emotion.
“Thank you.” Chloe was so lucky to have Caroline as an example of what a strong, capable woman should be. They were all lucky. “So is my daughter being a good girl for you?” She took a bite of mango, the sweet juice easing her raw throat.
“Ah, she’s an angel. Don’t worry about a thing. Her leg is looking good, and I’m following all your instructions to the last letter.”
Erica choked on the mango, and in her grab for the napkin, she almost knocked Jamie’s note onto the wooden floor of the lanai. Apparently, he wasn’t the only one who liked to give out orders. “Listen, Caroline. I don’t know what I was thinking. Please just throw those out. You raised five children; you don’t need me telling you how to handle Chloe.”
Caroline laughed. “Liam will be happy to hear that. He was just about to make copies of your instructions and the hourly schedule and post them in every room of the house so we didn’t mess up.”
Groaning, Erica set the napkin on the table. Jamie’s parents had to think she was certifiable. And maybe she had been. But not anymore. She was turning a corner. When she and Jamie returned to Seattle, everyone would see the new and improved Erica. “Please tell Liam I’m sorry.”
“Believe it or not, Erica, I understand. When Jamie was little, I went through something similar. But then William came along, and I was just too darn busy to keep fussing.”<
br />
“You know Jamie and I are working through some things. Any advice?”
“The Caldwell men aren’t an easy bunch. No matter how smart they are about other things, when it comes to understanding women, they don’t have a clue. Jamie’s a good man, but the poor boy is just like his father. He needs direction. Be patient with him and crystal clear. If you let him guess, he’ll guess wrong.”
Interesting. She was scrambling for some sort of response to Caroline’s advice, when her mother-in-law said, “Hey sweet pea. Guess who’s on the phone?”
Erica smiled at Chloe’s squeal. “Mommy! I’m having so much fun with Grandma and Grandpa.”
“Are you being a good girl?”
“I’m always a good girl.”
Amused, Erica said, “You’re right, sweetheart. How are you getting on with the crutches?”
“It’s kind of hard. So when I need to go upstairs or to the car, Grandpa or Uncle Chad carries me.”
“Uncle Chad is there?”
“Yeah. He said he missed me. Uncle Drew and Auntie Tori are here too. And Uncle William has to work, but he’s coming for supper tonight. And Mommy, everyone gave me presents! Is it my birthday?”
A bittersweet ache gripped Erica’s chest. She really hadn’t been fair to Jamie’s family or to her daughter. She’d talk to Jamie later and figure out a way to make it up to them. “It’s not your birthday. They’re all so happy to see you and to know that you’re going to be okay. They want to celebrate with you. Just enjoy it. And remember to say please and thank you.”
“I know that. I’m not a baby.”
“You’ll always be my baby, sweetheart,” Erica said, her voice breaking.
“Are you crying, Mommy?”
“Maybe a little. But only because I’m happy you’re having such a good time.”
“I miss you and Daddy,” Chloe whispered.
“We miss you too. But Daddy and I really need this time together to work through a few things so we can be a family.”
“Daddy’s not going to leave us again, is he?”
Under His Command (Six-Alarm Sexy) Page 7
