As Daisy lifted her face from the wet, stinking ground, a car door slammed behind her. She turned to find Gigi staring down at her, a smile plastered across her umbrella-shaded face. They both giggled.
Then Daisy’s smile vanished. Jasper’s Escalade had pulled up behind Gigi’s car.
Daisy wanted desperately to run into the house, but the front door was closed and on automatic slam-lock. She looked at Gigi, who shrugged. Not knowing what else to do, Daisy smiled as she saw Marcus getting out from the driver’s side of the Escalade.
“Hey, Marcus,” she said, shaking her head. “What happened? Jasper too tired to drive again? I don’t know why he does it to you.”
Gigi tapped Daisy’s shoulder and pointed toward Jasper’s SUV, which had no other visible passengers. “Marcus, where’s—”
Marcus held up his hand, silencing her. He stood two feet from Daisy, his gaze traveling up and down her body before coming to rest on her partially exposed breasts.
Daisy cleared her throat, then grabbed him under the chin, forcing him to look in her eyes. “Up here, Marcus. My face is up here!”
“You better act like you know, Marcus,” Gigi said. “Trifling bastard,” she muttered.
Marcus stood still. Rain was running down his face, drenching his clothes, but he didn’t seem to notice. He was breathing heavily, his eyes blank as they moved over the lawn to the tree. “What happened? I know you didn’t—”
“Where’s Jasper?” Daisy snapped.
“Yeah, Marcus,” Gigi intervened. “Where’s Jasper?”
Marcus wiped a hand over his face and cleared his throat. His eyes were misty, and Daisy suddenly wasn’t sure that it was because of the rain. “Listen, Daisy. I need to talk to you. Jasper—”
“Jasper, who? You mean the bastard who doesn’t come home and sends you to clean up his mess? That Jasper? What about him?” But then Daisy realized that it was tears in Marcus’s eyes. They were now running down his face.
“Jasper’s dead,” he choked.
2
Daisy gasped, and Jasper’s clothes fell from her grip. But as she stared down at the pile by her feet, she had a revelation. She looked up knowingly at Gigi, then Marcus, and a slight smile came to her face. Jasper wasn’t dead, just trying to wiggle out of a tight situation.
“Oh, Marcus, stop it. Of all the lies and excuses you and Jasper could’ve made up. I went to the hospital, so I know he wasn’t there—”
“You went to University Hospital?” he asked, his eyes focused on the ground. “Staten Island University Hospital?”
Daisy nodded, although she knew he wouldn’t see her. She wanted him to look at her, needed to see that his eyes were lying.
“We were at the University Hospital in New Jersey—Newark.”
“Yeah, right.” Daisy grinned victoriously. She knew she’d beaten them at their game, and she waited for Marcus’s expression to confirm it. But it didn’t.
Marcus just closed his eyes, and Daisy’s smile faded. She wanted to speak, even scream, but nothing came out. “No,” she finally managed to whisper. “Please, God, noooo…” She sank to the ground.
Gigi pulled her up and tried to hug her, but Daisy pushed away. Her heart drummed in her ears, and everything started to fade.
Marcus grabbed Daisy, shook her, and held her face in his hands. “Look at me, Daisy. Please look at me.”
Daisy mustered her strength and opened her eyes. Her heart had never beaten so fast. It raced and pulsed, yet she had no energy. Anxiety was no longer a word or a description for what she had. It was her, they were synonymous. Her hands shook uncontrollably as she grasped for hope and grabbed nothing but air. Jasper’s spirit.
“Jasper loved you, Daisy. He told me to tell you that he loves you and he’s sorry…those were his last words.”
Daisy stared at him blindly. “How did he die?”
“He was shot…”
Daisy held her breath, trying to suffocate the ache that blistered through her and caused her soul to twist into knots. She formed her mouth to question how and why Jasper was shot, but couldn’t. Not yet. She had to accept the death first, then deal with the cause. “I’ve lost the biggest part of me,” she whispered as a terrifying loneliness filled her. She squeezed her eyes closed, trying to forget what she’d said about Jasper, but the words haunted her. If I don’t ever see that muthafucka again, it’ll be too soon…I’d kill him.
An intense heat overcame her, and she began to perspire. Daisy bent over, releasing everything she’d consumed. She finally straightened again, shaking her head as she wiped her mouth with her sleeve. “Jay,” she whispered.
“What happened? Tell me, I have to know,” Daisy broke the quiet.
Marcus wrapped his arm protectively around her shoulders as she rested her head on his chest. They’d walked for blocks in silence, the early afternoon sun an orange glow in the sky. Daisy dabbed her eyes with a Kleenex. So much had happened. And so quickly. Jasper had kissed her Saturday night, disappeared Sunday, and died early Monday morning.
Marcus turned Daisy to face him. “Daisy, I know this is hard for you, because it’s difficult for me. But I want you to know that you can call on me whenever you need to. Okay?”
“How, Marcus? I know he was shot, but why did Jasper die?”
Marcus closed his eyes, sighing heavily. “Jasper died being Jasper. You know how he loved helping people. He was always coming to someone’s aid, putting others before himself.” Marcus paused, his voice dropping to a whisper. “I miss him, Daisy.”
“How, Marcus? Please tell me. Just give it to me straight. I have to know.” Daisy blinked hard, trying to hold back the tears.
“We’d just left the club and were riding down the street, when we thought we heard a baby crying…screaming. It was so intense, Daisy.” Marcus swallowed hard. “I didn’t know what to do. It sounded like a death cry, a painful cry. Jasper was driving and pulled into a parking lot. We both got out and followed the noise. We had to see—” Marcus started crying.
Daisy rubbed his arm. “It’s okay, Marcus.”
Marcus wiped his eyes, collecting himself. “We had to see where it was coming from. In the back of the parking lot, we found a man beating a woman. She was screaming, yelling like I’ve never heard before. It was obvious that everything wasn’t all right, but you know Jasper. He asked anyway.” Marcus paused, shaking his head. “But the lady didn’t answer—the man gave Jasper the only excuse he needed to step in—the man hit her, made her body float through the air like wind. Before I knew it, Jasper was inches from them. The lady begged Jasper not to interfere…” Marcus paused. “I told him that you can’t help those who don’t want to be helped.”
“Jasper didn’t listen, did he?”
“No. I told him to come on, that the lady obviously didn’t want our help. But he wouldn’t listen, Daisy. He grabbed the man and they began to struggle. There was a loud bang, and Jasper fell. The man had a gun. We didn’t know. Jasper couldn’t have known!”
“And you…what did you do? The police?”
“I froze, Daisy! I froze. What kind of friend…no, what kind of man did that make me?”
Daisy put her hand to her chest, forcing herself to breathe. “The police, Marcus. What about the police?”
“They came too late. The paramedics came too late. They all came too late.”
Daisy sat on the sofa, rocking from side to side, trying to decipher the blur in front of her. Too many people. Too much talking. Too many “Are you okay?”’s. She closed her eyes, waiting for the Xanax to kick in, wishing it would all go away. She prayed for Jasper to walk through the door. She needed him. Jay needed him. What would they do without him?
Poor, innocent Jay. How was she to tell him that his father was dead? There were no correct words. Death couldn’t be sugar-coated.
“Okay, Daisy?” Gigi patted her back, interrupting her thoughts.
Daisy stared at her.
“Okay?”
“Oka
y, what?”
Gigi knelt down in front of her, looking into her eyes. “Jay. Where does his friend stay, Daisy? Where did he spend the night? We’ll go get him and make the funeral arrangements. We have to before my aunt does. She’ll do it her way, not Jasper’s.”
“Jasper’s mom? They didn’t speak—”
Gigi sighed loudly. “No one in our family talks to her.”
Daisy nodded. “I know. Anyway, I’ll go get Jay. His first big tournament is this evening. I have to be there. We were supposed to…Jasper and I. It was so important to Jay. To all of us. Somebody can drive me.”
Marcus sat down beside her and kissed her on the cheek. “I’ll take care of the funeral arrangements.”
“We have it under control, Marcus,” Gigi said.
“No!” Marcus shouted, then scanned the room as if he were daring everyone—anyone—to go against him. “No. I’ll do it.”
Daisy stared at Marcus and could read the tension on his face as his eyebrows drew close together, almost touching. She’d never seen him so angry, so adamant. “Why, Marcus? Why are you so intent on doing it?”
“I have to,” he spat, and avoided Daisy’s eyes. She knew something was wrong, felt a warning that she didn’t have time to heed. “You don’t understand—I have no choice.” Manly tears spilled from his eyes and he wiped them away as fast as they came.
“What’s your problem, Marcus?” Gigi asked. “Why the sudden urgency?”
“Gigi,” Marcus said slowly, “I can do it. I have to. I promised Jasper before he…”
Gigi turned to Daisy. “Is it okay? Do you mind if Marcus handles the funeral? Because Ming Li and I can—”
“I said I’ll do it, Gigi,” Marcus said. “Damn!”
“All right, Marcus.” Gigi nodded. “But you’re going to explain yourself later—the reason you’re in here carrying on like a fool.”
Ming Li shook her head at Marcus. “It’ll be alright, Daisy. Gigi and I’ll go to Jay’s game with you while Marcus handles everything else. He knows what to do. Let’s hope he does.”
Daisy stepped out of the shower. She hadn’t even wanted to bathe, but Ming Li had insisted that it would make her feel better.
She moved to the mirror, gripping the sides of the sink. She barely recognized herself. Her eyes were puffy, and her nose was red. When she tried to put her toothbrush in her mouth, her lips split from the dryness. She was dehydrated from hours of crying.
She heard a knock on the door, then Ming Li walked in. “You alright in here? Need me to help you with anything?”
“No, thanks. I’ll be okay. Really. You guys can go home if you want. Don’t let me burden you.”
“Daisy, you’re no burden, and we’re not leaving. We’ve made arrangements. So guess what? You’re going to have to put up with us for seven days.” Ming Li paused, a sympathetic smile coming to her face. “And I hate to bother you with this, but Marcus can’t find Jasper’s parents’ number. Gigi doesn’t know it, and her mother’s not home to give it to her.”
Daisy stared at the ceiling, thinking. “I don’t know the number. They were never close. Didn’t call or anything.” Daisy shrugged. “Give me a minute to dress. I’ll check his office. And since you two insist on staying, there are extra house keys in the jewelry box on the chest.”
“Okay. I’ll tell Marcus, so he can start preparing himself. He says he’s never met Jasper’s parents, and he can’t figure out how to tell them that…well, you know.”
“Tell him not to worry. I’ll call them myself.”
“Okay,” Ming Li said. “But if you can’t, you know you don’t have to. I’ll do it for you.”
Daisy held Jasper’s PalmPilot and stared at his parents’ number. She inhaled deeply, held her breath, and exhaled. She tapped her fingers against her forehead, dreading the call.
“What am I supposed to say? ‘Hello, this is Jasper’s girlfriend. I’m just calling to inform you that your son died,’ ” Daisy whispered. How do you tell someone that they’ve now lost both of their twin boys—their only sons? Jonathan and now Jasper too? As she reached for the cordless phone, a pile of pale-gold-and-navy custom stationery fell to the floor. She smiled faintly, remembering the pleased look on Jasper’s face when she’d had it designed for him three years before.
Daisy paced, cradling the phone, waiting for an answer. But when someone picked up, she hung up. Making the call was going to be harder than she thought. Daisy set the phone down on Jasper’s desk and wiped her damp palms on her jeans. She grabbed the phone and dialed again.
“Hello,” a woman answered.
“Hello, may I speak with Mr. or Mrs. Stevens, please?” Daisy managed.
“This is Mrs. Stevens,” Jasper’s mother said sadly.
“Hi, Mrs. Stevens, this is Daisy—”
“Oh, Daisy. I remember Jasper mentioning your name,” Mrs. Stevens said, sniffling. “You’re the one that my baby…I mean, Jasper, worked with, right? I guess you’re calling about the funeral.”
“Yes, but Jasper and I never—”
“Well…” Mrs. Stevens cleared her throat and blew her nose. “I’m sorry. I just haven’t been able to stop crying since the hospital called and told me that my baby was gone. Lord, rest his soul…the service is going to be here, in Philadelphia, at Greater Baptist. Thursday, at two. You all are welcome and wanted. Please thank everyone in your office for the beautiful flowers that Jasper’s wife and I received.”
“Excuse me, Mrs. Stevens. Did you say Jasper’s wife?”
“Yes. Jasper’s wife, Camille—”
Daisy hung up.
She slumped over as grief turned to anger. She’d been used and misled. She had loved a man who had obviously loved someone else. She’d spent so much time loving him that she hadn’t loved herself, had invested so much of herself in him that she’d neglected her own needs, beliefs, and wants. “I knew something was wrong, but I refused to see,” she mumbled.
With a scream, she threw the phone at the wall and ran out of the room. She wanted to disappear, although she was already clearly invisible to those outside of her and Jasper’s immediate circle. His mother didn’t know her, and neither did his coworkers. I didn’t receive flowers, or even a sympathy card. People don’t send things to no one. I was Jasper’s no one.
Daisy made her way to the guest room, which no one was allowed to enter. She flung the closet door open and dropped to her knees. She opened the small safe and removed the troubling papers. Her daughter’s birth certificate. She rocked back and forth, cradling the document as if it were a baby—the baby she’d given up eight years before.
When she’d visited her parents in California, Daisy had spent so many afternoons watching her from a distance, hearing her call someone else Mom. Lalani would never know Daisy was her mother, but she’d always be her baby.
Daisy collapsed onto her side and curled up in a fetal position. She held her stomach as if someone had kicked her. She’d lost a part of herself because she’d loved too hard. I hid my baby from you, you bastard. All these years I wanted to go back and get her, and I didn’t because I didn’t want to lose you.
Ming Li ran into the room with Gigi and Marcus trailing right behind. “What’s wrong?”
Gigi sat on the floor beside her. “What happened, Daisy?”
Daisy stared into Gigi’s eyes for truth. “You didn’t know—tell me you didn’t.”
“Know what?”
Daisy shot Marcus an evil look. “You knew, Marcus. Didn’t you?”
Marcus held up his hands.
“What, Marcus? What’s Daisy talking about?” Gigi looked from Marcus to Daisy. “Daisy, tell me.”
Marcus lowered his head. “I wanted to tell you. I just couldn’t…”
Daisy jumped up. “Why? Why couldn’t you tell me? You were my friend too, Marcus. You mean to tell me that you sat in my home, ate my food, and had the nerve to act concerned about me—about Jay—when all along you were lying to me? You know damn well you
should’ve told me that Jasper was married!”
“Married?” Gigi and Ming Li echoed in unison.
“Yes, married. Can you believe it?” Daisy said, never taking her eyes off Marcus. “Leave, Marcus. Just leave.”
Marcus turned away, then paused in the doorway. “Daisy, I didn’t mean…Jasper…”
“Out.” Daisy pointed to the door.
Ming Li held Daisy as she cried. They could hear Gigi outside the door, cursing at Marcus.
“What about Jay? What did Jasper’s mom say about Jay?” Ming Li asked.
“Nothing. Didn’t mention him.”
Daisy sat on the bleachers next to Gigi and Ming Li and tried to smile genuinely every time Jay looked at her. Jay was a talented player, taller than the rest of his teammates and clearly more athletic. They were up by ten points, thanks to Jay, and the game was almost over. Please don’t let the other team catch up. Daisy was proud and happy for him, glad that she’d decided to let him spend one more night over at his friend’s house and to break the news to him after his tournament. He’d need a pleasant memory to balance the upcoming bad news. Deep down inside, she knew a ball game wouldn’t lighten his pain, but how could she rob him of two loves in one day?
Grinning, Jay ran over to Daisy, holding the ball under his arm. “Hey, Mom! Hi, Ms. Gigi, Ms. Ming Li. Did you guys see me? We whipped them, blew them away. Where’s Dad?”
Daisy had prepared, but she still wasn’t ready. She wrapped her arm around Jay and walked him to the other side of the court. She wouldn’t tell him in front of his teammates. “Hey, you.” She rubbed his head, messing up his hair. “I’m so proud of you. You did a good job—fantastic. I didn’t know you could play like that.” Her eyes grew misty.
“Aw, Mom, don’t start crying. You’re gonna embarrass me.”
Pushing Up Daisies Page 3
