“I tell myself every year that I’m not going to do this,” Seth said, maneuvering the cart down the bicycle aisle. He wove it around a little boy who sat in a wagon in the middle of the lane, waiting contentedly for some generous soul to hitch him to the back of a bike and tow him about the store.
Seth looped his arm around her shoulder. His eyes held hers, and everything else seemed to fade away: the noise, the children, the sense of panic and rush. The excitement remained, only now it seemed centered between the two of them. Reba was profoundly aware of Seth, profoundly aware of the strength of their attraction. In her pain and disappointment, she’d come to him. He’d comforted her with his words and his gentleness. And his kisses. If they hadn’t been in his home, with family close at hand, Reba wondered where those kisses might have led them. She was glad she hadn’t needed to make that decision. Seth was dangerous. He reminded her she was a woman. Any part of her that was sexual had been buried. He made her feel again, made her yearn for all that she’d been missing. The fear remained, but with nowhere near the intensity of previous relationships.
“I appreciate your coming with me,” Seth told her, breaking the spell that had enveloped them.
“What, and miss all this?” she teased. Seth’s in-laws had the children for the afternoon. Mrs. Merkle had sent them out with her blessing and the promise of a hot meal upon their return. Although Reba had teased him, she was enjoying herself. This was almost as good as being a mother herself. She loved Judd and Jason and the other children she’d come to know through the Christmas program. She paused as they turned down another aisle. She stood in front of the doll section. Ellen, Vicki’s little girl, would be at the age where she’d love a baby doll. The urge to buy one was strong, but her mother was sure to take it as a sign that Reba wanted to mend the relationship, and nothing could be further from the truth.
Seth steered her farther down the aisle. “Say, did you hear they have a divorced Barbie?”
“No.” Reba couldn’t believe it.
“Yup,” he said with a twinkle in his eye. “She’s got all of Ken’s things.”
Reba laughed and elbowed him in the ribs, and Seth chuckled, too.
All in all, she felt good. Generally the holidays were an unhappy reminder of the problem between her and her sister, and this year was no exception. Although she’d agreed to spend Christmas Day with Seth and his family, a part of her resented that it was Vicki who’d be with her aunt Gerty and uncle Bill. Reba would have liked to introduce Seth to her parents and her aunt and uncle, but that was out of the question now.
“Judd said something about wanting Power Ranger walkie-talkies,” Seth said, breaking into her thoughts. “Do you have any idea where those might be?”
Reba knew next to nothing about the setup in toy stores. “Your guess is as good as mine. This is all new to me.”
“New. You act like a pro with all those kids at church. One would think you’d been doing this for quite some time. You make it look easy. You know what’s going to happen, don’t you? You’ve talked yourself into a job for the next ten years.”
Frankly, she wouldn’t mind. The benefits from volunteering to direct the Christmas program had been an unexpected blessing. While her motives hadn’t been pure, she’d reaped untold rewards. Sure, there was the hassle factor, but again the sense of accomplishment outweighed any problems.
The Christmas Eve program would be a wonderful success, and she’d like to think it was due in part to her efforts. Naturally Seth and his in-laws would be there for the performance. Reba would have liked to have her family there as well, and the knowledge that they would not be coming brought a twinge of disappointment.
Her spirits lifted again when she reflected on yet other unexpected benefits of volunteering her time: she’d made friends with several of the other women, and she’d even picked up a number of new clients. It felt good to be an active member of the church family, contributing more than just her presence in a pew on Sunday morning.
For the first time in four years she was reaching out, charting new ground, planting seeds. She cast a glance at Seth, who wore a perpetual frown as he wandered aimlessly down one aisle after the next. Poor fellow. He needed her.
Next year she’d…Reba stopped herself, amazed at how she’d imagined them together twelve months into the future. She stood proudly at his side, happier than she could remember being in a very long while.
“Reba…”
The soft voice cut into her thoughts like the sharpest of sabers. Even after all this time, she recognized the speaker.
Vicki.
Reba tensed and slowly, deliberately, turned around. Seth must have sensed the way her muscles tightened because he turned with her.
Reba said nothing. She couldn’t.
It felt as if her tongue had frozen to the roof of her mouth. The old, familiar resentment rose like bile in the back of her throat. Her gaze slid from her sister to the tall, good-looking man at her side and the little girl in his arms. So this was Ellen, the much-loved grandchild. Vicki and Doug’s daughter. She was beautiful, sleeping contentedly on her father’s shoulder, her blond hair spilling down his back. Reba’s heart softened with an instant flow of love for this child she’d never seen.
“I talked to Mom this morning,” Vicki said, her delicate voice shaking slightly. “She explained that there’s been a misunderstanding about Christmas Eve.”
“There was no misunderstanding.” Her mother had sided with her sister, the way she had from the beginning. Seth must have realized who Vicki was because he moved closer, protectively, to her side. She was grateful for both the physical and the emotional support.
“I want you to know that I feel bad about that.”
“Yeah, I bet,” Reba muttered.
“I talked it over with Doug,” Vicki continued, and glanced up at her husband, “and we decided it wouldn’t be that much of a problem to change our plans.”
“Don’t worry about it.” Reba made her voice as cold and as unfeeling as she could. She was horrified to feel a lump form in her throat. “I’ve already made alternate plans for Christmas. You go on ahead and visit with Aunt Gerty and Uncle Bill.”
“But they’re your godparents.”
It was on the tip of her tongue to remind Vicki that John had been her fiancé and it hadn’t stopped her from sleeping with him. Hadn’t stopped Vicki from ruining her life.
“We’ve already phoned Doug’s grandmother and explained,” Vicki said. “Please, Reba, it’s a small thing. I want you to be home for Christmas.”
“I appreciate the effort, but as I said I’ve already made other plans.” Her sister must have noticed the way Reba’s gaze fell on the sleeping child. The photographs that filled her parents’ house didn’t do the little girl justice. Reba’s heart felt tight, as though a vise were constricting her chest. She didn’t want to feel anything for Vicki’s daughter, but she couldn’t help herself. The desire to hold little Ellen herself was overwhelming. Forcefully she moved her gaze elsewhere.
“Ellen’s a lot like you,” Vicki said, “I don’t know if Mom told you….”
Reba shook her head, not able to bear hearing it. She was about to turn away when Vicki’s husband stopped her.
“Reba,” Doug said sharply. Her sister’s husband looked at Seth and appeared to be asking for a few moments’ indulgence. “I know what happened with Vicki and John. It’s in the past—everyone makes mistakes. I have. You have. Wouldn’t it make life less complicated if you could forgive your sister and get on with your life?”
Reba laughed, the scratchy sound as full of sarcasm as she could make it. “No way. If she’s miserable with the way matters are between us, all the better. It’s what she deserves.”
“Doug, I told you it wouldn’t do any good.” Vicki reached out and touched her husband’s arm. A look of hopelessness came over her face, and she was about to turn away when she stopped and raised her gaze to meet Seth’s.
Reba bristled. Her si
ster had already stolen one man from her, she’d be damned if she’d let her take another. She was about to say something ugly when Vicki spoke, only this time her comment was directed to Seth.
“Make her happy,” she whispered. “Make her forget.” With tears glistening in her eyes, she walked away.
Doug remained a moment longer. “You’re a fool,” he said.
Again Reba was forced to restrain herself from reminding her brother-in-law that he’d married a woman who was as likely to betray him as she had her own flesh and blood. If he wanted to talk about fools, perhaps he should take a close look at his own life.
Not until her sister and family were out of sight did Reba lower her guard. The starch went out of her then, and all at once her knees felt like mush. She exhaled slowly and lowered her head, struggling to regain her composure.
“Are you all right?” Seth asked.
She lied and nodded. Her fingers tightened about his arms, cutting into his flesh. “Thank you,” she whispered.
“For what?”
“For not saying anything, for standing at my side.” If she’d had the strength and the wherewithal, she would have turned and walked away the instant Vicki had spoken to her. Even now she couldn’t explain why she hadn’t. She’d stood and talked to her sister the way some people linger, fascinated, with the morbid.
Seth’s arm tightened about her as if he’d instinctively recognized her need. He kissed the top of her head and whispered something she couldn’t hear. Something about sincerity. That was when the trembling started, so badly that she was sure others could hear her knees knocking.
“Maybe we should find someplace to sit down,” he suggested.
She nodded, barely conscious of what she’d agreed to. “That might be a good idea.”
By luck the toy store had a small snack bar and a few tables. Seth found her a seat, left her momentarily, and returned with a cup of hot, steaming coffee. “Can I get you anything else?”
“I’m fine.” She refused to allow her sister to ruin this special time Christmas shopping with Seth. Every minute they could squeeze out of their already tight schedules to be together was precious.
Seth stood behind her and rubbed her tired, tense shoulder muscles. “Are you going over to your parents’ on Christmas?” he asked.
“No,” she stated emphatically, stunned that he would ask. Despite Vicki’s assurances, she didn’t trust her sister, couldn’t. Vicki had proved exactly how untrustworthy she could be. “I’m spending the day with you, remember?” she added, turning to smile up at him.
“I’d enjoy meeting your family.” The suggestion was made in gentle tones, as though he feared upsetting her.
He wasn’t making this easy. “Another time.”
“Okay,” he agreed softly.
She’d thought he’d understood. Thought he’d appreciated her reasons for having nothing to do with her older sibling. Reba had carried the shame of her sister’s betrayal while her family had gathered around Vicki as if she were the injured one. The old hurts, the old pain, returned.
Seth reached for a chair, positioned it in front of her, and straddled it. “Reba, don’t you see? You’re the one who’s suffering. You’re denying yourself the pleasure of visiting your uncle and aunt.”
“I’ll see them another time,” she returned tightly.
“That wasn’t what you told me after the dinner with your mother. As I recall, you were upset because this may well be the last time you have a chance to visit them. They’re getting on in years, remember?”
Reba longed to place her hands over her ears and block out his words. It wasn’t what he said. She had no defense because common sense told her he was right. She had no argument; she stood on sinking ground and knew it.
This grudge she carried against her sister had hurt her and would continue to do so. Her sister, the wife and mother. Her sister, the wonderful, generous daughter, the mother of her parents’ only grandchild. Always so perfect, always so good.
The traitor.
“Perhaps you should head toward the checkout stand,” Reba suggested, looking blindly into the distance.
Seth hesitated. “I’m not siding with your sister against you,” he said after a moment. “You’re the one I care about; you’re the one I don’t want to see hurt.”
“Again,” she added, “hurt again.” He hadn’t a clue. If he had, he wouldn’t have asked her to work matters through with Vicki. All her hopes for the future, all her dreams, came crashing to her feet and shattered like crystal.
Unlike any man she’d met since the broken engagement, Seth had led her to believe he understood. He didn’t. He couldn’t possibly comprehend what he was asking of her.
Reba joined him just as he was finishing up at the checkout stand and helped him carry the bulky purchases back to the car. She smiled, hoping that they could put this matter behind them.
Soon they were on the road again, heading back to Seth’s house. The silence that stretched between them was like the rubber strand of a slingshot. The pressure so strong, it all but vibrated.
“Reba, I know it’s none of my affair, but you’ve got to let go of this bitterness or you’ll pickle in it.”
If he meant to be amusing, he failed miserably. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“You can’t live in the past.”
Furious that he of all people would say that to her, she refused to respond. He was the man hung up on a dead wife, the man who’d buried himself in his grief. Vicki was about to do it to her again: she was going to lose Seth, and all because of her sister.
“You’ve let what Vicki did jade your entire outlook on life. Don’t you think this whole thing has hurt Vicki, too? It probably has and in ways you’ve never imagined. Have you ever really talked it over with her?”
“As I said before, I don’t have anything to say to my sister, and furthermore I’m not willing to listen to anything she has to tell me.” If he thought he was helping, he was wrong. Every time he opened his mouth he made matters worse. Much worse. All he did was repeat what other well-meaning friends and family had said to her. His attitude was one of the sorriest disappointments of her life. She’d expected much more of him.
“But—”
“Seth, don’t,” she pleaded, and closed her eyes. “Please don’t say another word.”
The rest of the drive was completed in dark silence. He parked his car in his driveway. Despite her unhappiness, she had to smile when two small faces appeared in the window. Judd and Jason battled for the best vantage point to check out the Christmas goodies, hoping for the opportunity to catch a glimpse of what presents they’d find under the tree on Christmas morning.
“It looks like we have a welcoming committee,” Seth said.
“So I see.”
“If I know Mrs. Merkle, she’s cooked up a feast to tempt the saints. I don’t know about you, but I’m starved.”
“I can’t stay,” she said, eager to get away. She opened the car door, anxious to make her escape. Anxious to sort through what had happened.
Chapter 24
There’s a reason a dog has so many friends. He wags his tail instead of his tongue.
—Mrs. Miracle
Harriett Foster decided she couldn’t delay her talk with Pastor Lovelace any longer. This matter with Ruth Darling wasn’t the only problem, either. God had graced her with a knack for details, and she’d noticed a number of other good Christians flirting with sin.
Since she hadn’t been able to accidentally-on-purpose bump into the minister, she scheduled an appointment through the church secretary.
“It’s vitally important I speak with Pastor Lovelace at his earliest convenience,” she’d told Joanne Lawton.
When the church secretary had quizzed her about the purpose of the meeting, Harriett had been vague. She’d said something along the lines of the matter being a delicate one that in her humble opinion required the attention of the church’s spiritual leader. She must have been
convincing because Joanne scheduled her for an appointment first thing Monday morning, three days before Christmas.
Harriett dressed carefully, choosing her best outfit, the one she generally reserved for formal occasions: playing the pipe organ at baptisms and weddings, that sort of thing. Her new black pumps were a tad snug and uncomfortable but would loosen with a bit of wear, she decided.
Generally she avoided studying her reflection in the mirror. She allowed only one small hand mirror in her home; anything larger would be flirting with vanity. And while other Christian women were spiritually comfortable wearing cosmetics, Harriett had never used anything but a light shade of lipstick.
Jewelry was another matter of concern. Her only adornment was a plain gold wedding band and a locket that had once belonged to her grandmother. One day she would pass it along to her niece. To her way of thinking, a woman in the service of God would choose to don only what would enhance a meek and humble spirit. Harriett cringed whenever she saw a woman wearing large, looped earrings. And she’d nearly fainted the first time she’d seen an earring on a teenage boy. In his nose. The mere thought was enough to cause her to grimace, even now, months later.
She arrived promptly, as always, for her appointment. Cleanliness wasn’t the only personality trait that was next to godliness.
“Pastor Lovelace will see you now,” Joanne said when Harriett entered the office. The other woman led the way into Pastor Lovelace’s private study.
The minister was a good man who preached straight out of the King James version of the Bible. Harriett approved of his choice and had let it be known early on. Although young, he possessed a healthy appreciation for the traditional view of such important matters.
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