by M A Roth
“She’s in shock. Give her some time.” Zee’s chest rumbled as the words left his mouth, but I didn’t respond. I stayed silent the whole drive back to my apartment.
Chapter Twenty
Abigail
I sat on my bed, my body still shaking. I could hear Father Peter in the kitchen.
“Abigail?” I looked at Zee as he stood in the doorway. His clothes changed and his hair towel dried.
“You need to get out of those clothes.” His voice was low.
I nodded my head. He was right.
I stood and walked to the bathroom, closing the door behind me. I started to strip, my body protesting at every move. The fabric of my clothing felt like it was ripping my flesh. Once I had undressed, I stood in front of the mirror, naked and vulnerable. I wanted to shout, scream out, but I couldn’t with Zee and Father Peter here. It would worry them more. I pulled my ice-cold hair away from my body and stepped into the bath, messing with the dials, trying to get the shower started, but my hands shook too much.
The tears came again, running down my cheeks. I crumbled into the bath floor and sobbed. I had never felt so afraid before, not like this. Everyone wanted to go to heaven, yet no one wanted to die. I died and went to hell. I dug my nails into my thigh until the pain made me bite my lip. Blood dripped from my thigh as my nails sunk deeper. I watched it run down the side of my leg and stain the white bath. It was enough to make me stand and turn on the shower. I stayed a long time under the water. The front door opened and closed several times and low talk made me finally step out. I reached for a towel… none. This made me feel somewhat normal. This was typical.
Where were my maids? On holidays, permanently. The joke made me feel stronger. I opened the door, letting steam leave the tiny bathroom, hiding behind the door to cover myself as I opened my mouth to call Zee. It closed again as my eyes fell to the ground. At the foot of the door sat towels and fresh clothes. Where the hell did he find them? I didn’t care. I took all of them in and closed the door as I started to dry myself. The long woolly jumper, leggings, and underwear with a matching bra were all black and all new. I pulled off the tags while shaking my head.
“Cathy, you bitch!” I said to myself in a whisper, each word making me feel like myself. I knew the new clothes were her doing.
I wiped the steam from the mirror, my brown eyes, almost black now, staring back at me. I ran a brush through my long, black, straight hair. My skin looked paler than it normally did, making my lips so red. I gathered my washing and left, nearly walking into Zee. He stood with his hand raised about to knock.
“You took a long time,” he said gently as his hands fell to his side.
He moistened his lips as his eyes fell on mine. My heart picked up; no one could ever make me feel this way. It was too much, too intense. I loved Zee like I had never loved anyone. This, I had known a very long time. I regretted never telling him, never kissing him. Yet standing there, looking at him, understanding the choices he had made for me, the life he gave up for me, made me unworthy of his affection and love. I wouldn’t allow it, ever. I tried to calm my beating heart and put some distance between us.
“Where did the clothes come from?” I asked, but no anger came into my voice.
I was a little breathless. Everything I wanted stood there right before me. He was gorgeous, kind considerate, and I was… what, bad? I had never killed anyone so what made me so deserving of hell? I cleared my throat and moved, breaking the spell with Zee and the thoughts that raced through my mind.
He blinked as if feeling it too. “I found them in your room,” he said.
“Sure.” I didn’t have the energy to argue.
I threw my dirty clothes in the basket and followed the smell of food into the kitchen. My stomach grumbled, but stopped as Father Peter stood, opening his arms. I walked straight into them and inhaled the smell of wood, wax, and his old, spicy cologne. His smell to me was home, safety, and peace. I couldn’t stop the tears as my body shook with tremors. I could hear the kitchen door close. Zee had left us to some privacy.
I cried for what felt like an eternity before Father Peter gave me a tea towel to dry my face. We sat down and he pushed a bowl of noodle soup towards me.
“Daniel made it for you,” he said. I nodded and took a spoonful. It was delicious. “It was quite the night for you.”
I looked up at him and could see the sympathy in his eyes.
“Yeah, it was.” My throat was scratchy from crying making my voice sound hoarse.
“Steven is calling this team back for a meeting.”
The tension in the room hitched. I could see he didn’t want to tell me this now. But my emotions were soon fueled with anger.
“Why? What for?” I asked. “It wasn’t my fault.”
He cut me off, taking my hand in his. Looking at his worn, wrinkled skin reminded me that he wasn’t immortal and one day he would die. My throat tightened.
“They feel you are too volatile, Abigail. It’s only two days away and I know how hard this is for you.”
I shook my head in denial. But it was only two days away from my families’ anniversary. “This has got nothing to do with them. Ask Zee. He was there. A truck drove us off the goddamn road!” My face grew red with anger, not at Father Peter, but at The Reote.
“I know, Abigail. But it’s not only today. There have been too many incidents.” He paused and looked at me. “Too many deaths.” I shook on another sob. Father Peter looked bewildered, but moved to grab both of my hands. I didn’t normally cry in front of people, but I was a mess. He stood, and I didn’t look up at him. “Daniel has your ticket.” there was no point arguing anymore.
I nodded and Father Peter kissed me on the forehead before leaving.
“I’ll see you at the airport,” he said, still looking at me with sympathy.
“Yeah, I’ll be there.”
I didn’t see him out, but moved my noodles around the bowl, trying to gather my emotions. I could hear Zee talking to Father Peter about me. He returned to the kitchen after locking the front door.
Zee stood silent for a moment. I didn’t want to talk anymore about what happened. I didn’t want to feel so broken, so I reached for anger.
“You know he has it in for me. That prick never liked me!” I said.
“Come on, Abby. You know that Steven doesn’t like anyone.”
I let out a heavy sigh. To Rome, we were going. I hadn’t felt that fragile in a long time. My anger was subsiding too quickly.
“Will you stay with me?” I asked Zee as I looked into the bowl, feeling weak.
“Yes.”
One word and my body relaxed. I packed a bag as Zee cleaned up. I changed into a long black t-shirt and black shorts as I climbed into my bed. Zee lay in behind me, pulling me into his warm body. He traced my face with his fingers just looking at me. It seemed like his mind was racing.
“Abigail, about today,” he started, but I wouldn’t listen to it.
“I don’t want to talk about it. Not now.”
“We have to.”
“I am a moment away from breaking, so please, for now, for tonight, I don’t want to hear anything.” I said as the tears welled again.
He tucked me into his chest again and kissed the top of my head.
“Make me dream of nothing, Zee,” I whispered before looking up at him, meeting his intense blue eyes.
He stared at me for a long time and I didn’t look away. So much was in his eyes.
He had so much to say, but he settled for four words, “Anything for you, Abigail.” And then, his lips moved to me and kissed my forehead so gently, sending me into a dreamless and peaceful sleep.
Daniel
I had never felt so helpless. After the accident, she looked utterly devastated. I needed to tell her the truth, but when I looked at her beautiful face and how she looked at me, I couldn’t. I didn’t want her to hate me… it was more than I could bear. My hands ran along her hair, over her perfect face and down her
arm. I wondered what she dreamed of, did she dream of me? I gave a small laugh, and she stirred slightly, tucking herself in closer to me. My body came alive with such an intense want for her. I closed my eyes and fought hard to control my breathing and my body.
I needed air. I left her and went outside. It was hard not to want her when she was so close. Once I was outside, I felt Zuris before I saw him. My mind felt tired, but my body went on full alert.
“Here to finish the job?” I asked, turning to him.
“I’m here to warn you, Daniel. He’s mad that she nearly died. He killed so many with his anger.”
I flinched, thinking of the other men that I had fought side by side with, suffering under Lucifer’s rage.
“It was one of the kids I was meant to watch over. His powers are strong…” I didn’t finish the rest. He knew the kid was pissed and took it out on me when he saw Abigail beside me.
“But she’s okay.” My eyes went to the main door. “She’s asleep.” I looked back at Zuris, my eyes pleading. I didn’t want to hurt him. He was like a brother to me.
“He didn’t send me. I came by myself.” He moved towards me and leaned against the wall, like it was something he did normally. “You have spilled a lot of blood here, my friend,” he paused. “Are you sure she’s worth it?” He asked, and my body tensed.
“Yes!” One word was enough to make him nod his head.
He smiled then. “Love. It isn’t something I could ever want. One woman wouldn’t be enough. I like variety.” He laughed, but I didn’t join in. My body was still tense, but he didn’t seem to mind and continued. “Does she keep your bed warm all the time?” His eyes were light with teasing.
“That’s none of your business.” I moved away, wanting to end this conversation. “Thanks for the warning.” I looked back at Zuris and paused. “Nicolas has come a few times for her, but I’ve kept him away so far. He’s getting stronger.”
This made Zuris stand straighter, his face became hard. “His strength is growing because of all the areas he’s occupying. We can’t even find him. Some magic keeps us all going in circles. The only way is flying, but we’re not all given wings, only the best of us.” At that, he smiled at me and I gave a weak one back. I missed my wings every day, but I pushed the thought away.
Zuris moved to walk away, but I stopped him. “What does he want with Abigail?” I asked. It was something I had never questioned, knowing only a small detail.
“I know as much as you do, my friend. He needs them to give him control over the uppers and here that’s all I know.”
“Okay. Thanks, Zuris!”
Zuris gave a small salute before he dissolved into the air.
Chapter Twenty One
Abigail
We met everyone at the airport. I got lots of hugs and so did Zee. I kept my sunglasses on, hiding my eyes from everyone. They said too much.
Cathy was the last to hug me as she took too long hugging Zee in my opinion.
“Were you drunk driving, Abigail?” she asked in her bitchy voice. I wasn’t in the mood to deal with her shit.
“Fuck you,” I spat back.
I didn’t wait for a reaction, but went to check-in my luggage. I had only one bag, hoping we wouldn’t stay for long. My carry-on bag held my mother’s note. I had re-read it so many times that the edges were starting to crinkle.
Once my bag was checked in, I ditched the rest. They didn’t notice me as I made my way to the small bar.
“Vodka straight,” I said.
The barman gave me a look, one raised an eyebrow. “ID.”
I was about to give him my ID, my middle finger, but everyone had followed me.
“Unbelievable!” I could hear Cathy say. She was so close to getting a punch in the face.
I turned, taking off my sunglasses, ready to give her a piece of my mind. But her shocked expression and the hand that rose to her mouth made me stop and look behind me. I met the bartender’s hateful stare, before turning back to Cathy.
“What are you staring at?” I asked her.
“Oh, honey, you look like shit.”
Her words were so sincere that I had no comeback. The only thing I could do was to slap the sunglasses back on my face, hold my head high and march past her as I made my way to the ladies room. That’s where I emptied my stomach. I wasn’t feeling so great. I badly needed a drink.
I knelt on the floor for a while, my stomach retching, but nothing came out. My neck was coated in sweat. My body was trembling. The clicking of heels made me flush the toilet and get up.
I rinsed my face and dabbed the back of my neck.
“I’m sorry,” Cathy said, scaring the shit out of me.
“Are you fucking serious, Cathy? Jesus, you nearly gave me a heart attack!” I dabbed sweat off my forehead.
Cathy raised her hands in the air. “Sorry. I was only trying to apologize. Didn’t think I could scare you since ghosts and demons are the norm.” She flicked her hair and left the bathroom, slamming her heels angrily into the floor..
Great, just great! This day was going brilliantly.
I threw the paper towel in the bin, putting all my force behind it, all my frustration and anger, but it hit the bin gently with the most unsatisfying thud ever. I growled with frustration just as a woman entered, giving me a weary look. She moved around me as if she would catch a disease. I moved right up to her ear.
“What?” I asked angrily. She jumped and bumped into the sink. I caught myself. I was acting like a lunatic. “I’m sorry.” My cheeks blazed with embarrassment.
She walked away, moving into one of the stalls, giving me another look before she closed the door. I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath and left the bathroom.
I needed a drink to make me feel better, or else I wouldn’t get through this day.
My body still shook slightly. I clenched my fists, trying to hide my shaking hands as I reached for the bottle of vodka in the duty free. I grabbed a 500ml bottle of water and made my way to the till. I smiled at the cashier and I actually got one back. Things were already looking up.
My smile dissolved as I made my way back to the bathroom with my purchases. I hurried into one of the small cubicles, locking the door behind me while uncapping the vodka.
Oh, it burned. I slid to the ground in pleasure while taking another large gulp. I closed my eyes as the liquid trailed down my throat. My body relaxed so quickly, guilt and shame soon flooded my brain and tears brimmed in my eyes.
“Abigail, were boarding,” Cathy said, then silence. She had left.
For the first time, I was grateful for her interruption of my thoughts. I emptied the water bottle, filling it with vodka, before putting it in my carry-on bag. I slid the bottle of vodka into a bin before rinsing my mouth out with water and splashing my face. I made my way to the boarding gate.
***
My stomach got queasy once the wheels of the plane lifted off the runway. I closed my eyes tightly, my hands gripping the armrest until my knuckles turned white. A hand touched mine in a reassuring gesture. Once my heart slowed down, I opened my eyes and looked at the hand on top of mine, following it to its owner.
“Thanks, Simon,” I said, and he gave a huge, bright smile back.
“I know how it feels. I watch loads of those documentaries about planes falling from the sky and I tell you I’m not doing so well,” he said in such a matter of a fact tone. I could feel my face pale. My stomach twisted again, and I closed my eyes against the nausea. “Oh, I’m making it worse. Well, the odds are one in twenty nine million chances of us being killed.” I raised my hand to make him stop. This wasn’t getting any better. “Sorry,” he whispered. I smiled as best as I could to reassure him and hopefully remove some of the color from his blazing cheeks.
“Really, it’s fine. I just hate flying.” His mouth moved to give me more facts about planes, but I cut him off, my stomach was starting to settle, so I changed the subject. “Where’s everyone else seated?” I asked, causing Simo
n to smile.
“Cathy is with Father Peter.” I had to snort at that. Poor Father Peter. Then again, more than likely, she would tarnish me, not that I had a good reputation to tarnish, but still.
“Daniel and Blake are sitting together. I’m not so sure they’ll make it to Rome in one piece with all the hostile looks flying between them.” Simon said.
“They need to build a bridge and get over whatever is bothering them. Boys!” I rolled my eyes, causing Simon to smile. But really, something was going on with Zee and Blake, as if they knew each other or something. It didn’t seem right.
“I heard about the accident… it sounded really awful. You’re so lucky not to have gotten hurt, but to walk away with not a scratch. It’s like a miracle or something…” Simon rambled on about miracles and fate, but I tuned him out. Little did he know that I had died and went straight to hell. “Are you alright?” Simon asked, looking concerned.
I could feel the sweat dripping down my back.
“Yeah, just need to go to the toilet.” I grabbed my bag and left, walking past an air hostess before reaching the small toilets. I closed the door and took out the bottle, taking large gulps of vodka. It calmed me, giving me a more relaxed feeling. I couldn’t meet my eyes in the mirror. I was feeling ashamed and too broken. I feared that if I did. I would hate what I saw and right now, I hated myself enough. I placed both hands on the small sink while taking deep, calming breaths with my eyes closed. A loud knock at the door made me jump and a small squeal left my throat. I pushed my bottle back into my bag and opened the door. The air hostess that I had walked past earlier stood at the door.
“Are you alright, ma’am? I noticed you looked a bit pale when I walked past you earlier.” Her eyes held suspicion, more like she got the whiff of drink off me and wanted to know if I was intoxicated.
I smiled and moved past her while holding my breath. But before I left, I turned. “I’m feeling much better now.” I said, and she gave me a tight smile. I left and nearly walked straight into Blake.
