by Like, Macyn
He tilted his head to the side and smiled as he dipped down and kissed me lightly on the forehead, and then the lips. “Humor me,” he said.
Butterflies filled my stomach and I convinced myself Alisha was wrong. I knew exactly who Kieran was. She was just a strange girl with severe issues who was trying to get rid of me. So she didn’t like me. I didn’t care. I wasn’t going anywhere.
I gathered a handful of his shirt in my fist and pulled. “Okay, I’m convinced. Come on in.”
Kieran smiled triumphantly as I dragged him behind me. “I was hoping you’d ask.”
Chapter 30
Kieran
“Alisha,” I said as I climbed the stairs, surprised to see her leaning against the railing in front of my apartment.
She looked upset, or nervous, or maybe both.
“Where’ve you been?” she asked, and I noticed that her voice was shaky. “You should’ve been home an hour ago.”
“The store,” I said, holding up the two plastic grocery bags in my right hand. “Have you been waiting on me that long? Why didn’t you just call?”
“Because…I couldn’t,” she said, looking down at the parking lot below. “Can we go in?” She gestured to the door with a hard jerk of her head.
“Yeah, okay,” I said, feeling uneasy. I fished my keys out of my pocket and sat the grocery bags down in front of the door. “Alisha, is something wrong? You’re acting—I don’t know—you seem a little keyed up. Is everything okay? Is Shannon okay?”
“Yeah, he’s fine. Kieran,” she said, reaching out and grabbing my arm, pulling me against her, “I love you.”
The keys slipped from my hand as my mouth dropped open. “What?” I asked, sure I had misheard her.
“I love you. I’m in love with you. I know I’m with Shannon and you’re with her, but I can’t stand it! I can’t stand to see you with her.”
I blinked once. “Alisha, I—” I grappled for words, “You’re engaged to my best friend. You and I are just friends.”
“I know, but don’t you ever think of me as more? I know you wonder what it would be like to be with me. Don’t you?”
I didn’t. I honestly didn’t.
She moved closer to me and wrapped her arms around my neck. I tried to step back, but she tightened her grip.
“I know this is a lot, but please, Kieran. Please. Be with me.”
“What about Shannon?”
“I know. I’m not sure yet. We’ll figure something out. Just, please, I’ve wanted you for so long now.”
“Alisha, this is crazy,” I said, still not believing what was happening even though she was right in my face.
And then it happened. Before I could stop it, her lips were on mine, covering them, moving against them. I put my hands on her shoulders and pushed her away, but she only moved back a little. Her lips were still inches from mine. I stared at her in shock, barely registering the choked sob I heard to my right. “Alisha,” I said, barely able to get her name out. She was my best friend’s fiancée. What did she think she was doing?
Wait—choked sob?
I turned, slowly, because I already knew what I would see. Alisha was already looking at her, a slight smirk on her lips.
“Marissa,” I said softly.
She stood in the middle of the staircase, staring up at me with glassy eyes. A tear dropped from each one, sliding slowly down her cheeks, slicing me right in two. Her mouth opened, but she didn’t say anything.
“Marissa,” I said again, louder this time. I took a step toward the stairs and she turned, bolting down the staircase and into the parking lot.
“Marissa!” I called, practically jumping down the stairs. I felt Alisha grab my left arm, but I quickly yanked it free.
“Marissa!” I yelled, racing after her into the parking lot.
I saw her slam her car door shut and the car roared to life.
“Marissa, wait!” I ran up to the car, slapping the driver’s side window with my palms as she backed out of the parking space. Tears were streaming down her face when she turned and looked me, hurting me in ways I didn’t know were possible.
“Marissa, please,” I said, panic washing over me.
She pressed her lips together and for a second I thought she was going to talk to me. But then she pushed the gearshift into drive and sped away.
I felt a hand on my shoulder and I shrugged it off. “I think you should leave,” I said, trying to control the trembling in my voice.
“Why?” Alisha asked. “Now she knows.”
“Knows what?” I snapped, turning on her.
“About us,” she replied, her eyes full of bewilderment, like she thought I should understand everything that had just happened.
“What are you talking about? YOU ARE MY BEST FRIEND’S FIANCEE! And I have a girlfriend. I don’t want to be with you! And even if I did, I could never do that to Shannon. Who do you think I am?”
She moved back as if I’d slapped her, but didn’t reply. I sighed and started to walk back to my apartment.
“Kieran, where are you going?” she called after me.
I didn’t respond, just kept walking.
“You’re not going to tell Shannon about this, are you?”
I turned around. “Are you KIDDING me?”
“Kieran, please! Please, don’t!”
She ran up the stairs after me.
I slammed the door in her face.
Chapter 31
Marissa
I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand, but the tears just wouldn’t stop coming. I sucked in a shaky breath. I couldn’t believe it. Kieran and Alisha? It didn’t make any sense. Or maybe it did. Suddenly everything Alisha had been saying to me didn’t seem so strange anymore. She was trying to scare me off. She wanted Kieran for herself, and he didn’t seem to object.
What a lying, cheating…
“Arrgh!!” I yelled out in frustration. How could I have been so stupid? I’d completely fallen for his game. What if he’d been seeing her the whole time? He probably had. She’d hated me from first sight. Now I knew why. And Shannon! Poor Shannon. How could Kieran do that to his best friend? The Kieran I knew couldn’t, but maybe that Kieran was all a lie, the perfect front to lure girls in and crush them when he was over it. That’s what Alisha had said, right? She’d know.
I’d never even told a guy I loved him before.
I took a deep breath and tried to stop shaking. I drove down the street, not knowing where I was going, and feeling like I never knew Kieran at all. I approached the bank where I worked and noticed the parking lot was mostly empty except for a few cars, and Camden’s car was one of them. Camden. He was still there. I seemed to remember being interested in him before I got so wrapped up in Kieran. It was looking like I should’ve settled on him in the first place and saved myself all this trouble. Kieran was complicated, but Camden was simple. I could handle him. I swung into the parking lot.
I pulled into the space next to his car and was just about to get out and head into the bank when I noticed Camden was in his car, and not alone. He was making out with some dark-haired girl. They were all over each other. If my heart hadn’t just been stomped on, I would’ve laughed. Oh, well. Guess that ship had sailed. I should’ve been surprised by my lack of disappointment, but I wasn’t. Yeah, I wasn’t into Camden anymore. Kieran had ruined that.
Neither one seemed to have noticed me, so I put the car into gear and started to creep away when I glanced back and saw that the girl had pulled away and I caught a glimpse of her face.
What.
WHAT?
I slammed the car into park and jumped out.
“What?!” I screamed, clearly startling both of them. I didn’t care that Camden was kissing somebody else. Goodness knows his kisses hadn’t done anything for me. It was who he was kissing that had caused something inside me to snap. It reminded me too much of what I’d just seen.
Greta stepped out of the car as I rounded the front, quickly followed by C
amden.
“Greta, what are you doing?” I shouted at her.
“Marissa, listen. I’m sorry. But you said you didn’t like him.”
“So did you!”
“Yes, I did…and I’m sorry. I wasn’t being honest with you.”
“You think?” I snapped.
“Marissa, this…this…it’s not what you think!” Greta looked like she was about to hyperventilate, but I didn’t care.
“I think it’s exactly what I think.”
“No, it’s just—I wanted to fight this. I wanted to hate him, be disgusted by him…”
“Thanks, Gret,” Camden chimed in.
She shot him a glare and he held his hands up and started to get back into the car. He looked at me before he shut the door. “Hey, Marissa, I know we went out, but I just didn’t think it was really going anywhere with us…” he trailed off.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” I waved him into the car. “That still doesn’t excuse this.”
Greta and I stared at each other for a long moment.
“I’m sorry,” she said, “but the way I feel for him is so…powerful. I’m so attracted to him.”
“And so engaged,” I added.
“I know that!” she shouted.
“Do you? I mean, really, do you? Do engagements not mean anything anymore?!!” I shouted, no longer even talking to Greta.
Greta was touching the car door, as if she was wondering whether or not to hop in and lock all the doors.
“What about all those things you said? Did you just say them to turn me off of him?” I asked.
“No, not at first. I said them because I wanted them to be true. I said them to turn me off of him. I don’t want to be doing this.” Her voice broke, and she looked at me pleadingly, but I couldn’t feel sorry for her.
“Then don’t.” It was all I could say.
“Marissa,” she said, tears beginning to fall down her cheeks.
I shook my head. I was done. I’d seen too many unavailable girls with the wrong guys today.
I glanced down at her left hand, at the large diamond sparkling in the afternoon sun. An image of Alisha’s smaller diamond flashed through my head as I narrowed my eyes at it. “You should probably take that thing off,” I said as I got back into my car.
I put the car in gear and drove straight to the store, purchasing only a tube of cookie dough and a small carton of milk. I ripped the tube open in the car and started in on it. I was in no mood for baking tonight.
I drove around for what seemed like hours eating raw cookie dough. I couldn’t go home. Kieran was at home. Or at least, I hoped he was. I scolded myself for thinking that way. And an hour later, I scolded myself again, when I was pleased to discover that he was home, and Alisha’s car was nowhere in sight.
Still. It didn’t mean anything. I knew what I saw. I couldn’t forget it.
I took Tulip out and then went straight to bed.
Not two seconds after I was underneath the covers did I hear it.
Knock, knock.
Kieran was knocking on the wall, just like he’d done before. To let me know he was thinking about me.
No, don’t do that, I thought. It’s not fair.
I wanted to knock back, despite everything, but I couldn’t. It was too much. I pulled the comforter over my head and tried to get some sleep.
Chapter 32
Kieran
I laid in the dark, sprawled out, facedown on the bed. Marissa hadn’t come home yet. I’d called. I’d texted. She hadn’t replied.
I know what she thought she’d seen, and I’d be upset, too. But she had to let me explain eventually.
Maybe.
If I lost her, it was going to hurt a thousand times worse than Becca, because Marissa was it. She was the one. Which was exactly why I shouldn’t have gotten involved with her. I hated the empty feeling in my chest, the churning in my stomach. I hated how hard it was to breathe. I hated wondering if this pain would ever go away. I knew the first time I saw her that she was the only one that could ever make me feel that way again.
Didn’t matter. It was worth it this time.
I rolled onto my back and glanced at the clock. It read 2:10 A.M. I sighed and peeled myself off the mattress, snatching my cell phone off the nightstand as I walked into the kitchen and filled a glass with tap water. I chugged it and then scrolled through my recent calls until I found Shannon’s name. I pressed it and the phone began to dial.
“Hello?” he answered on the fourth ring.
“Sorry for calling so late,” I began.
“It’s fine. What’s up?”
“Are you alone?”
“Yeah. Just watching some Firefly on Netflix.”
“Okay, well.” I didn’t want to do it, but it’s not like I had a choice.
“Yeah?” he prompted.
“Alisha came to see me today after work.”
“Oh, yeah? What did she want?” he asked, and I didn’t miss the unease that had slipped into his tone.
“Okay, well, she…” I trailed off, not knowing the best way to put it. I really should have thought about it before I called, but all I’d been thinking about was Marissa.
“She came on to you, didn’t she?” he asked, his voice flat.
“Yeah, how did—”
“I knew it!” he said. “Oh, I knew it. Listen, I’m sorry, man.”
“You’re sorry?”
“Yeah, I mean, I’ve—I should have done something about it before now.”
“I’m sorry. You lost me. You knew she had feelings for me?”
“Yeah, sort of. I mean, I’ve thought that for a while now, and I just ignored it. Lately, it’s gotten a lot harder. You’re all she talks about. And she hates your new girl. I should’ve called her out on it, I just…didn’t want to, you know?”
“I had no idea. Still, you have nothing to be sorry about. I just thought you should know.”
It was silent on the other end for what seemed like a long time, but I knew he was still there.
“Yeah. Thanks, man,” he said, finally. “Can I—is it okay if I ask what happened?”
“Yeah, if you want to know.”
“Yeah.”
“She kissed me. Marissa saw it.”
I heard him suck in a breath. “She mad?”
“I don’t know. She’s not talking to me, so I’m thinking yes, she is.”
“I’m sorry…that sucks.”
“It’ll be okay. I keep telling myself that, anyway.”
“It will. Listen, Marissa’s the real thing. It’s going to be okay with you two.”
“Yeah,” I agreed, trying to feel some of his confidence.
“So, I’ve got to go. Figure out what to do, you know?” he said.
“Yeah. You’re not going to marry her, are you?” I asked, not being able to help myself.
“No.”
“Good.”
He mumbled something I couldn’t make out and then hung up.
I felt like crap for telling him, but keeping it from him wasn’t an option. I sank onto the couch, but jumped back up when I heard the door next door open.
Marissa was finally home.
I waited for a while, listening to the soft sounds of her moving around in her apartment. When it stopped I went to the bedroom, knowing that she was on the opposite side of the wall.
I knocked on the wall twice and waited.
Silence.
I should’ve expected it, but I didn’t. I slid under the covers, trying to feel comforted by the fact that she was so close, only a few feet away, but feeling devastated because I knew she was so far away from me.
A tear slid down my cheek and then another, and I found myself doing something I’d promised myself I’d never do again. But it was impossible not to cry over this girl.
Chapter 33
Marissa
I stared at the clear vase of pink lilies sitting on the edge of my desk. The note, which I had stuffed into my desk, read, “Please talk t
o me.”
I’d thought about it. I wanted to talk to him, so bad. But Alisha’s words still sounded in my head. He’s not who you think he is. She had that right. The image of them kissing was still something I couldn’t shake.
And I’d seen this kind of thing before, too many times. Before my mom met Danny, things like this were always happening to her. She’d catch her boyfriend red-handed, then they’d talk, and she’d be right back with him, and then it would happen again and again until she finally wised up. I had grown so tired of that cycle. I was so relieved when she married Danny. I knew he was for keeps. But I’d thought Kieran was, too…
I blew out a sigh and turned away from the flowers. The thing about it, though, was that I had been warned. No one had ever tried to tell my mom to back off, but Alisha had told me, more than once, and I just blew it off every time. Seeing it made me believe it, though, and I wasn’t like my mom. I knew what I saw, and I couldn’t be won back so easily.
“Marissa,” I heard someone speak my name from the front of the bank.
I looked up to see Antonia summoning me.
I took a deep breath, wondering what I had messed up. Kieran was on my mind, so there was no telling.
I followed her to her office, almost not caring if I was in trouble or not. I couldn’t be bothered with anything like that. I was already dealing with too much disappointment. I sat down in one of the chairs across from her desk and was somewhat surprised when she sat down and smiled at me.
“A position has come open and I wanted to see if you might be interested in it.”
“Oh, has Kori decided not to come back to work?” I asked. I wouldn’t mind it. I liked what I was doing.
“Um, no, I haven’t heard from Kori on whether or not she’ll be rejoining us. This is another position.”
“Oh?” My curiosity was sufficiently piqued.
“As you’ve probably heard, we had to let go one of the loan officers yesterday evening.”
I shook my head. “I haven’t heard anything.”
Antonia glanced at her computer screen. “Well, we did, and one of the tellers as well.”
There was a sinking feeling in my stomach. Oh, I hoped it wasn’t Greta. I’d felt so bad for yelling at her. It hadn’t been my place to reprimand her like that, especially when she wasn’t the one I was upset with. I should’ve gone and found Alisha and yelled at her. I probably wouldn’t have had to go too far. There was a good chance she’d be at the apartment next door.
