by Ella Edon
“It won’t. Trust me on that, Claire.”
“It’s the killer I don’t trust.”
Fair point. Jane turned her horse towards the stable doors. The stable hands were busy with their duties and were turning a blind eye to the fact that she was going out. Hopefully, none of them were going to let her parents know about it. Claire certainly wouldn’t. Yet.
As long as Jane came back within the agreed time, then Claire wouldn’t say a thing. She would cover for her mistress. Jane just had to go riding around the estate and be back within the hour. That was doable.
She just wanted to get out of there. Due to the awkwardness between everyone, practically the whole family and the various guests - uninvited and otherwise - had ended up confining themselves to their rooms. Jane thought it was best to stay in solitude after her argument with Rachel.
Plus, it gave her a chance to think about what she was going to do about Alexander Harrison. Whether she should spend more time with him, get to know him more, or keep her distance as much as possible. Jane knew what she wanted to do, but it was against everything she had been raised to do. Alexander was a rake by reputation, and she should not have anything to do with him. Her parents had always told her those people shouldn’t be in their social circle. Then again, they thought anyone who wasn’t the son or daughter of one of their old friends was undesirable, even with a stellar reputation.
But Jane had seen past all his defenses. She had gotten a glimpse of the real Alexander, and it was a softer, kinder man than the person he portrayed. He was scared of getting hurt, and he did his best to stay away from people beyond anything superficial. That he was showing the real side of him was humbling and Jane felt honored that he would do that with her.
It wouldn’t take much for a woman to fall in love with the real Alexander Harrison.
That gave Jane pause. Was she in love with Alexander? She didn’t really know. They had only known each other a few days, and yet Jane was so drawn towards him that it would be difficult to turn away. And Alexander would more than likely take what he wanted from her before he withdrew and lost interest.
That was a painful thought, and Jane knew there was always a chance, but there had to be something there.
Jane didn’t know what to think anymore, except that Alexander Harrison was certainly someone who could turn everything upside-down.
Chapter Nineteen
Jane loved feeling the wind in her hair as she rode out across the grass. The air was crisp and warm, no need for a coat. Jane loved to go riding, and she went often. It was the one activity that could make the blood rush in her body while also clearing her head. It was something to concentrate on other than the problems in her life. Her parents despaired at the amount of times she went out riding, telling her that she wasn’t responsible enough to go out on her own. They coddled her so much that Jane just wanted to scream. She loved her parents, but they needed to remember that she wasn’t a little girl anymore. She wasn’t made of spun glass.
It was frustrating and a little humiliating. Jane had grown up knowing that her parents were older than others. All her friends her age had parents who were much younger, as old as her siblings were. They teased her that Jane’s parents were as old as their grandparents. It had upset Jane, and she had gone to her mother in tears. Lady Crawley had simply told her that she received a life that was different and better than the other children, and these things were said out of jealousy. Jane had listened to her, and her attitude towards it had ended up driving away most of her friends.
Maybe that was what her mother had wanted all along. They liked their solitude and while they had many contacts in Society, they barely left the estate. Jane was kept close by while her sister left to get married. Her brothers didn’t leave home, either, except to go to London during the Season. Anthony was Lord Crawley’s stand-in at Parliament and he was heavily focused on politics. Jane always thought he looked exhausted during this time. She hated politics.
She had had her first Season, but Lady Crawley followed her around nitpicking at everything, so eventually Jane had given up trying to make friends and look for a potential suitor because her mother just blocked everything. How she had managed to sneak out from her parents’ hold and go up to Derbyshire those two times - the first to see Amy for the first time and the second to stop the wedding - Jane had no idea. But her parents had made her suffer dearly for it afterwards.
Jane didn’t like that her parents kept her sheltered. Apart from Rachel, she didn’t have many friends who were a constant fixture in her life, and she hadn’t had any suitors since she came of age.
Then again, with her infatuation with Ian, Jane would have outrighted refused to contemplate anyone else. But, the more she thought about it now, the more Jane realized that she hadn’t even had anyone approach her parents for courtship. The very few times she had been out of the house for social engagements, Jane tried to talk to people but they kept their distance from her. Jane was made to stay next to her mother or Rachel was to follow her around. Had that been deliberate? Did her parents not want her to marry and leave?
What were they so scared of that they refused to let Jane even contemplate a future for herself that didn’t involve them? In Jane’s mind, they would always be there, but she wouldn’t be under their roof.
Unless they made her and her husband - if he ever turned up - live with them. That would be a living hell for her.
Maybe it was something to discuss. Jane would approach her father about it this evening and ask if she could go and find a suitor to marry. Lord Crawley could either agree or not, although Jane was sure he would immediately say no. Still, she could at least try.
Anything to get out of the house.
Jane headed into the woods, slowing her horse down to a gentle trot. There was a clearing near the river that she liked to frequent. Hopefully, the water would be low enough that it wasn’t too wet.
As luck would have it, the water was back to its usual level. The long, flat rock that was beside the river was dry. Even then, Jane took the blanket she had folded onto the back of the saddle and laid it out. The rock was warm to the touch, heating up the blanket. Jane tied up her horse to a nearby tree and climbed onto the rock, lying back to stare at the sky. Nobody would have thought there had been a big storm a few days before and the estate was half-covered in water. Apart from a slight squishing feeling beneath her feet, Jane couldn’t tell.
She didn’t have long, but a bit of solitude out in the fresh air would do her some good. Jane didn’t want to stay in her room all day until her parents forced Alexander out. They wanted her to keep away from him, and Jane found herself wanting to disobey that order. She didn’t want to keep away.
What if she said she wanted to be courted by Alexander? Jane let out a giggle. Not only would Alexander blanche at it, but her parents would have a fit. Maybe she should say it later on, just to get a reaction. Anything to make things more light-hearted for her.
There was the sound of horse’s hooves, but when Jane looked over at her horse, she saw it wasn’t coming from her mount. Her mare was happily grazing, standing still. Jane sat up. Another horse had come into the clearing, slowing to a stop. Alexander was astride, wearing riding clothes in light brown. They seemed to fit to every line of his body, and Jane found herself staring. Why did he have to look that fine?
She swallowed and shook herself. “What are you doing out here?”
“I saw you riding away and thought I’d make sure you were safe.” Alexander dismounted and led his horse to join Jane’s. “With a killer around, you shouldn’t be alone.”
“The idea of being here was so I could be alone.”
Alexander gave her a sidelong glance as he tied the reins to a branch.
“Humor me.”
Jane bit her lip. He was looking out for her. They barely knew each other, and yet he was making sure she was safe more than her own family. Alexander did care. It humbled her that someone cared about her like he did.
Alexander walked over to the rock, and Jane could hardly breathe. The cut of his clothes fit him better than she expected. He was long, lean and full of muscle, moving like a wolf prowling through the grass. If he was a wolf, he would certainly be stalking prey right now.
Jane was the prey.
“Besides, I needed to get some air.” Alexander climbed onto the rock and settled beside her, stretching his legs out. “It’s a little stifling inside the house right now, what with your father and all.”
“I thought you were keeping out of his way.”
“I was. He sought me out.” Alexander sat back on his hands. “He wants me gone. Today.”
Jane already knew that her father wanted Alexander out as soon as possible, but the thought of him actually going sent her into a slight panic. He couldn’t go. Then she stilled, realizing what she was thinking. Did she really want him to stay?
“Why does he want you gone?”
“You mean apart from the fact I’m an undesirable that he doesn’t want under his roof?”
“Putting that aside.”
Alexander sighed. “I wasn’t here at the time of the murders, so I shouldn’t be considered a suspect, and that I should just go. I simply said Lord Surrey doesn’t want me to go anywhere until he’s finished looking into this mess, so he’s stuck with me.” Alexander chuckled. “I may have suggested that I sneaked over here at the time of the murders, so I could be considered a suspect.”
Jane stared. “You what?”
“I was in Derbyshire at the time. I’ve never been to this part of the country before. But Lord Crawley doesn’t know that.”
Jane groaned and swatted his arm. “You are impossible, Alexander.”
“I’ve known that all my life. That’s nothing new.”
“I’m sure,” Jane drawled. She shook her head. “You’re playing with fire saying that. If Father doesn’t want you in the house, he’s going to do what he can to get you to leave. Even if Lord Surrey has said everyone must stay.”
“I’m just as stubborn as the old gentleman.”
“Look, I want Rachel to leave after what she’s said about you, but she won’t be able to go anywhere.”
Alexander raised his eyebrows.
“You don’t want your closest friend to be nearby?”
“I told her that she was wrong about you and she should keep an open mind.” Jane managed to look at him without wavering. “But she’s determined that you’re a bad person and you corrupted Marissa. I know the truth, as does everyone else, but Rachel is adamant.”
“You stood in my corner and fought for me?”
“Did you not want me to?”
“I…” Alexander’s mouth opened hesitantly. “…I can count on one hand all of the people who have ever stood up for me. You’ve just moved it to a second hand.”
Jane didn’t like the feeling that squeezed her chest. No one should have to say something like that. Alexander was more out on his own than anyone realized. Jane wished that wasn’t the case. She wanted to reach out and touch him but stopped herself. If she did touch him, she might not want to pull away.
Her restraint weakened whenever Alexander was close by. Even more so since the kiss. Now, the urge to touch him was great, and the urge was even greater to just lean into him.
“You might not have a choice in staying if Father gets his way,” she murmured. “Lord Surrey is in charge, but Father will find a way around it.”
“I’m not going anywhere.” Alexander watched her intently. “Someone needs to be with you.”
“Me?”
“I don’t feel comfortable walking away until I know you’re safe.” Alexander shrugged. “That’s probably the first time I’ve admitted that about anyone. You’re certainly the first I don’t want to leave.”
Jane was thrown. Were Rachel and Claire right about him? Was there something there? She wasn’t really sure, and the last time she had thought that, it had actually been non-existent. She shifted around to face him.
“Why do you even care?” she asked.
Alexander sighed, then looked away. “I’ve been thinking that myself. Ladies like you I stay away from, for good reason.”
“Because I’m not good enough to take into bed?”
That stung her to say. Alexander snorted. “After what happened last night, do you really think that’s the reason?” He took a deep breath and turned to face her. “It’s because you’re too good for me. You’re dangerous.”
That had Jane giggling. “I’ve been called erratic before, but never dangerous.”
“You are to me.” Alexander reached out and slid his hand along her jaw, cupping her head. “I should be keeping away from you. For my sanity. But I can’t. I just can’t.”
“Alexander…”
He kissed her, and Jane didn’t pull away. The emotions from the night before came rushing back, and Jane didn’t want them to leave. They felt too good. Gripping his shoulders, she kissed him back and allowed Alexander to draw her into his arms. He groaned into her mouth, his fingers running through her hair as his hand drifted down her back. Jane could feel the heat of his hand through her dress.
She didn’t fight as Alexander tipped her back, laying her on the blanket and shifting to her side, still kissing her. He cradled her like she was a treasure, taking his time in spite of his fierce kisses. Jane whimpered and craved more.
Then she momentarily froze as Alexander cupped her breast with his hand, giving her a gentle squeeze through her clothing. Jane pulled back with a gasp as an intense feeling she hadn’t experienced before shot through her body. Already there was a tingling sensation in her belly, and it was spiraling upwards through her.
The intensity of it scared her. Alexander raised his head.
“Jane?”
“We shouldn’t be doing this.” Jane was surprised that she could talk as Alexander kneaded her breast. She was feeling lightheaded. “We just…”
“Do you really care right now about what we should and shouldn’t be doing?” Alexander then gently pinched her nipple, rolling it in his fingers. “Because I don’t. Not now. I’m tired of keeping my hands off you.”
Talking like this and tending to her body as he was made it difficult to think clearly.
“I…” Jane gasped as his hand left her breast, leaving it feeling cool and bereft, and travelled down her body. “Not really.”
“Not really what?”
“I don’t really care.” Jane bit her lip as pleasure rippled through her body, feeling the heat from Alexander’s hand.
Alexander groaned. “Good.”
He cupped her hip, pressing kisses to her jaw, her ear and her neck, before gathering her skirts and pushing his hand underneath. Jane started as his hand brushed over her bare thigh.
“Are you always this forward?” she panted.
Alexander was smiling as he lowered his head. “Always.”
Jane started as he kissed her the same time as he cupped her backside, going under her petticoat and tracing his fingers over her skin. She had never been touched so intimately before. If she had any sense, she would be pushing Alexander away, slapping him and getting out of there as soon as possible. But she didn’t. She didn’t want to.
Proprieties had gone out the window now. Alexander turned her into a wanton woman, and Jane wanted to keep going.
Suddenly, Alexander eased out of the kiss and shifted further down her body, pushing her dress up around her waist. Jane was about to sit up and drag him back, and then she froze when he took hold of her petticoat. Jane gasped and rose up onto her elbows.
“What are you doing?”
“What does it look like?” Alexander gave her a sly smile, pushing her skirts up. “I’m getting my first taste of you.”
“I thought you had already done that.” Jane stared as Alexander shifted between her legs, nudging her thighs open wider. “What are…?”
“When I say my first taste of you, I meant my first proper taste.” A
lexander’s eyes were glinting. “Just relax. Let me do the work.”
He lowered his head, and Jane almost shrieked when she felt cool air brush over her curls before Alexander’s tongue flicked over her swollen flesh. She ended up flat on the blanket, the shock of her pleasure still making her shudder. Alexander did it again and then his tongue dipped inside her. Dear God, this should be made illegal.
Jane had never been taught anything about sex. She didn’t even know this was possible, and she wasn’t about to make Alexander stop.
She tried to stay still as he feasted on her, but her hips kept jerking and writhing. Alexander had to wrap his arm around her waist to pin her down, but that just made the pleasure increase and Jane found herself wanting to grab hold of it but run away from it at the same time.
