by Roddy Doyle
—Not yet. I’d say he’ll come though.
—I sure as hell hope so, Massa Jimmy, said James. —I’ll have to piss off righ’ after, okay. I’ve another oral tomorrow afternoon.
—Fair enough, said Jimmy. —Count tha’ for us.
Hot Press arrived, with someone else.
—He’s here, Jimmy told James. —Tell the others, will yeh.
—Goodie goodie, said James.
—Howyis, lads, said Jimmy.
—Hi there, said Hot Press. —The review’ll be in the next issue, okay. We were out of space. A big ad, you know.
—No problem, said Jimmy.
—This is Dave I was telling you about last week, remember?
—Oh, yeah, said Jimmy. —Howyeh, Dave. ——Jimmy——Rabbitte.
He shook Dave’s hand.
—Hi, Jimmy, said Dave. —Maurice tells me your guys are good, yeah?
—He’s righ’ too, said Jimmy. —They have it alrigh’. ——Go on ahead in, lads. I’ll be with yis in a minute. I’ll just rob a few more punters.
Jimmy was shaking.
The Commitments were great. Everything was right. They looked great too. Each one of them was worth watching.
They started with Knock on Wood. Mickah was cheered every time he loafed the drum. Then they did I Thank You. Then Chain Gang, Reach Out—I’ll Be There and then they slowed down with Tracks of My Tears. After that, What Becomes of the Broken Hearted. Then The Commitmentettes took over with Walking in the Rain, Stoned Love and Stop in the Name of Love.
Once the crowd knew that The Commitmentettes were finished they began to shout for Night Train.
They got it four songs later.
—ALL ABOARD, said Deco. —THE NIGH’ TRAIN.
There was pushing. Someone fell, but was up quickly. Nothing serious happened. They swayed and bopped as Deco did the roll call of American cities.
The crowd was waiting, getting ready.
—AN’ DON’T FORGET NEW ORLEANS —THE HOME O’ THE BLUES ——
OH YEAH ——
WE’RE COMIN’ HOME ——
All The Commitments could see now after the front rows was hands in the air, clapping, and a few women on boyfriends’ backs. Outspan grinned. Derek laughed. This was great.
—THE NIGH’ TRAIN —
CARRIES ME HOME ——
THE NIGH’ TRAIN —
CARRIES ME HOME —
SHO’ NUFF IT DOES ——
Jimmy looked at Dave from Eejit. He was smiling.
Deco and the girls chugged while The Commitments brought the train around for the home stretch.
Deco broke away from the girls.
He growled: —STARTIN’ OFF IN CONNOLLY —
Screams, roars and whistles.
—MOVIN’ ON OU’ TO KILLESTER —
Everyone jumped in time, including Dave from Eejit. And Jimmy.
—HARMONSTOWN RAHENY —
AN’ DON’T FORGET KILBARRACK —THE HOME O’ THE BLUES ——
HOWTH JUNCTION BAYSIDE —
GOIN’ HOME —
THEN ON OU’ TO SUTTON WHERE THE SNOBBY BASTARDS LIVE —
OH YEAH ——
OH YEAH ——
The crowd sang with Deco.
—NIGH’ TRAIN —
COMIN’ HOME FROM THE BOOZER —
NIGH’ TRAIN —
COMIN’ HOME FROM THE COMMITMENTS —
NIGH’ TRAIN —
GETTIN’ SICK ON THE BLOKE BESIDE YEH —
NIGH’ TRAIN —
BUT IT DOESN’T MATTER COS HE’S ASLEEP —
NIGH’ TRAIN —
CARRIES ME HOME —
NIGH’ TRAIN —
CARRIES ME HOME —
NIGH’ TRAIN —
TO ME GAFF —
NIGH’ TRAIN —
CARRIES ME HOME ——
OH YEAH ——
OH YEAH ——
Then The Commitments did it all over again. There wasn’t time for an encore but it didn’t matter.
The Commitments were delighted with themselves.
—You’re professionals, Brothers and Sisters, said Joey The Lips. —You ooze soul.
—That’s a lovely thing to say, Joey. You ooze soul too. —I blush.
Dave from Eejit came over to the platform.
—Great show, said Dave.
—Thanks, pal, said Mickah.
—Very visual, said Dave.
—Didn’t sound bad either, did it? said Mickah.
—It sounded great, said Dave. ——Ladies, wonderful. Amazing.
—Thanks very much, said Natalie.
—Yeah, said Bernie, —thanks.
—See now, said Natalie. —We’re wonderful.
—Amaaazing, said Imelda.
Dave went over to Jimmy.
—Can we talk, em?
—Jimmy.
—Jimmy, right. Can we talk? Over here, yeah?
They went into a far corner. Hot Press came with them.
—Did yeh like tha’, Dave? Jimmy asked.
—Great, terrific. ——Great.
—They’re not bad at all, sure they’re not, Dave? said Jimmy. —They need a bit o’ polishin’ maybe.
—No, no, said Dave. —That’d ruin them. Leave them as they are. Raw, you know.
—Fair enough. Wha’ever yeh say. You’re the expert.
—The senior citizen. The trumpet, yeah? He’s a terrific idea.
—That’s Joey The Lips Fagan.
—Yeah.
—He played with James Brown.
—Right.
—Among others.
—The ladies too. ——Great visuals.
Jimmy nearly laughed. He hid behind his glass. Then he asked Dave a question.
——Would yeh be interested in us, Dave?
—Yeah, right. Definitely.
Jimmy held his glass to his chest. He knew it would rattle if he put it on the table.
Dave continued.
—We release singles only. At the moment. We’re small, and happy that way, yeah? We’re not in it for the lucre, yeah? You heard the Reality Margins single? Trigger Married Silver and Now They’re Making Ponies? From the Fanning session?
Jimmy lied.
—Yeah. ——It was very good.
—That was Eejit. ——It didn’t get the airplay. They were scared of it, you know. ——We sign bands for one single, yeah? No fee, sorry. We pay for the studio time so long as it’s not more than a day, and the producer. We do the package. A good picture cover. You’ve seen the label
—Yeah, said Jimmy.
He wasn’t lying this time.
—It’s good ——very nice.
Hot Press spoke. —Dave set up Eejit as a springboard for new bands. The Eejit record is meant to be the first step on the ladder. The idea is that the major labels hear it and if they like you they sign you. The Eejit single is to help you get a proper contract. It gives you a voice.
—That’s right, said Dave.
—Tha’ sounds fair enough, said Jimmy. —That’d be great. Has it worked so far?
—Yes and no, yeah? said Dave. —Reality Margins are before their time.
Hot Press laughed.
Dave explained.
—My little brother plays percussion for Reality Margins, yeah? But you know The Baby Docs?
—Yeah. ——Bitin’ the Pillow. ——Yeah, it’s good, tha’.
—CBS and Rough Trade are sniffing there, said Dave.
—That’s good, said Jimmy. —I hope it works ou’ okay for them now.
—So, Jimmy, said Dave. —Tell me. ——Would The Commitments be interested in recording Night Train for us?
—I’d say they would, yeah, said Jimmy. (And to himself:—Yeh fuckin’ budgie, yeh!)
—You don’t know for sure?
—We’re a democratic group, Dave, said Jimmy. —Soul is democracy.
—Right, said Dave. —We could put that on the sleeve.
—G
ood thinkin’.
—I see a double A-side, said Dave. —Side A, the studio Night Train. The other side A, the live Night Train.
—I like it, said Hot Press.
—I’d buy tha’, said Jimmy.
—It’d get the airplay, said Dave. —It’d sell. It’d chart, yeah? It’s good, unspoilt roots stuff, you know. ——Pure. ——And very fuckin’ funny.
Jimmy washed his giggles back with the last of his pint.
——Would we have to pay you annythin’, Dave? he asked.
—No, said Dave. —It’s cool. ——We’re funded by the Department of Labour, yeah? Youth employment, yeah? They pay me. Any profit goes back into Eejit.
—Go ’way! said Jimmy. —That’s grand.
—I suppose I’m just a hippy, you know, said Dave. —And my parents are rich. ——Are The Commitments on the dole?
——Some o’ them.
—That’s good, said Dave. —The Department will like that.
Hot Press laughed.
—We’d have to sign somethin’, wouldn’t we? said Jimmy.
—Right, yeah. A simple, one-off contract, yeah?
—We could do tha’ annytime.
—Right.
—Yeh don’t have one on yeh, I suppose?
—Tomorrow.
—Okay, righ’. ——I’ll see if I can talk the group into it. Will we have to meet annyone?
—No.
—No one from Eejit?
—I’m Eejit.
Hot Press laughed again.
—Just yourself?
—Just myself, said Dave.
He pretended to type.
—I’m even the secretary, yeah?
—Fair play to yeh, Dave, said Jimmy.
Jimmy went to the door with them. They said their goodbyes and arranged to meet the next night in The Bailey.
Jimmy took some deep breaths.
That was perfect. The Commitments wouldn’t be tied to a little gobshite label run by hippies. Just the one single (Night Train would be a big hit in Dublin) and the big boys would be queuing up for The Commitments, readies in hand. Jimmy wondered if they should wait a bit before they gave up their jobs.
Jimmy took one more long breath, clapped his hands, rubbed them, and went back inside to tell The Commitments.
But they didn’t exist any more. Somewhere in the quarter of an hour Jimmy had been negotiating with Dave from Eejit, The Commitments had broken up.
Outspan and Derek were the only ones still at the platform. The rest were gone.
Jimmy leaned against the wall.
——Wha’?
—They all fucked off, said Outspan.
He was explaining how it had happened.
—Why?
—I’m not sure, said Outspan. —It was over before I copped on tha’ ann’thin, was happenin’. ——Do you know, Derek?
—I think it was when Deco seen Joey kissin’ ’melda.
—Imelda?
—Yeah.
—Wha’ abou’ Bernie?
—She didn’t seem to mind.
—For fuck sake! said Jimmy. ——Real kissin’, like?
—Oh yeah, said Derek. —They were warin’ alrigh’. Over where you are.
—I seen tha’ bit alrigh’ said Outspan.
He shook his head.
—Nearly puked me ring.
—Then Deco said he was sick o’ this, said Derek,—an’ he pulled Joey away from her, righ’. An’ he called ’melda a prick teaser. An’ tha’ wasn’t on cos she isn’t, so I went to give him a boot, righ’. But then Deco had a go at Joey. I think he fancied ’melda, d’yeh know tha’? ——He gave Joey a dig. Hurt him. Then Mickah went for Deco. He got him a few slaps an’ Deco ran ou’ an’ he said The Commitments could fuck off an’ Mickah went after him.
—How come I didn’t see annythin’? Jimmy asked.
—It happened very fuckin’ fast, said Outspan. —I didn’t see ann’thin’ either an’ I was here, sure.
—Where’s James?
—He had to go, remember?
—That’s righ’. ——Dean?
—Dean took it very badly, Jim, said Derek.
—I heard this bit, said Outspan. —He ——Listen to this now. ——He said he was fucked if he was goin’ to waste his time jammin’ —Jammin’! —jammin’ with a shower o’ wankers tha’ couldn’t play their instruments properly. ——Tha’ wasn’t on. ——I gave him a dig. An’ he fucked off. I think he was cryin’. ——Spa!
——Fuckin’ great, said Jimmy.
—D’yeh know wha’? said Derek. —I think Dean fancies ’melda too. It’s a gas really when yeh think abou’ it.
—It’s a fuckin’ scream, said Jimmy. —Where’s Joey?
—He went to the hospital. He thinks his nose is broke. The girls went with him but I don’t think he wanted them to. He was tryin’ to get away from them. They had to run after him.
Jimmy sat down on the platform.
Derek continued.
—It’s funny. ——I think Joey was the oney one of us tha’ didn’t fancy Imelda an’ he’s the oney one of us tha’ got off with her. Fuckin’ gas really, isn’t it?
Jimmy said nothing for a while. He looked at the ground. Outspan and Derek reckoned that he was thinking, thinking things out.
Then he spoke. —Fuck yis annyway. ——Fuck the lot o’ yis.
—We didn’t do ann’thin’! said Outspan.
——Fuck yis, said Jimmy, quietly. ——Yis bastards.
The head barman came out of the room behind the bar.
—Why aren’t yis gone? he shouted.
—Most of us are gone, pal, said Outspan.
—Fuck yis, said Jimmy to the floor. —Just ——
He swept his hand over his knee.
—Fuck yis.
—Come on, said the head barman.
—Hang on a sec, said Derek.
He bent down to Jimmy.
—Sorry ’bou’ tha’, Jimmy, he said.
He put his hand on Jimmy’s shoulder.
—Still. ——It was good while it lasted, wasn’t it?
—Ah fuck off! said Jimmy.
That sort of talk gave Jimmy the pip.
* * *
Jimmy phoned Joey The Lips about a week after The Commitments broke up.
He hadn’t tried to get them together again. He hadn’t wanted to. They were fuckin’ saps. He’d watched telly all week. It wasn’t too bad. He’d gone for a few scoops with the lads from work on the Friday. That was his week.
He hadn’t gone into The Bailey to meet Dave from Eejit.
He hadn’t played any soul.
Now, a week after, he thought he was over it. He’d nearly cried when he was in bed that night. He’d have loved to have seen that Commitments single, with them on the cover, and maybe a video for Anything Goes. But now he was okay. They were tossers. So was Dave from Eejit. He had better things to do with his life.
But he was phoning Joey The Lips, just to say cheerio, and good luck, because Joey The Lips wasn’t like the others. Joey The Lips was different. He’d taught them all a thing or two.
Joey The Lips answered.
—The Fagan household.
—Joey? ——Howyeh. This is Jimmy.
—Jimmy! My main man. How are you, Brother?
—Grand. How’s your nose?
—It’s still hanging on in there.
—Tha’ was a fuckin’ terrible thing for Deco to do.
—Forget it, forget it. ——When I was leaving the hospital they were bringing Brother Declan in.
—Wha’?
—On a stretcher.
—Go ’way! ——Funny. I haven’t seen him since. I’d forgot he works where I work.
—Have you seen the other Brothers and Sisters?
—No way. I don’t want to.
—Hmm. ——A pity.
——Wha’ are yeh goin’ to do now?
—America calls, Brother. I’m going back. Maybe soul
isn’t right for Ireland. So I’m not right. I’m going back to the soul.
—When?
—The day after tomorrow. Joe Tex called me. You’ve heard Joe Tex?
—I’ve heard the name alrigh’. ——Hang on. He had a hit there. Ain’t Gonna Bump No More with No Big Fat Woman.
—Correct. ——Joe wants me to tour with him again.
—Fair play to yeh. ——Annyway, Joey, I phoned yeh to thank yeh for everythin’, yeh know. ——So ——thanks.
—Oh, I blush. Thank The Lord, not me.
—You thank him for me, okay?
—I will do. ——Will you continue the good work, Jimmy?
—No way. I’ve learnt me lesson.
——Hang on one minute.
—Okay.
Joey The Lips was back.
—Howyeh, said Jimmy.
—Listen to this. ——O sing into the Lord, a new song, for he hath done marvellous things. Make a joyful noise unto the Lord, all the earth make a loud noise, and rejoice, and song praise. ——Psalm Number 98, Brother Jimmy.
—Fuck off, Joey. Good luck.
Jimmy was in the kitchen filling the kettle when he remembered something, something he’d read a while back. Joe Tex died in 1982.
* * *
Jimmy met Imelda about a week after that. She had her sister’s baby with her. Jimmy cutchie-cutchie-cooed it. It stared out at him.
—Is it a young one or a young fella?
—A young fella. ——Eddie. He’s a little fucker, so he is. He’s always cryin’. Aren’t yeh a little fucker, Eddie?
Eddie belched.
—No manners, he hasn’t. ——Wha’ have yeh been doin’ with yourself since an’annyway? Imelda asked Jimmy.
—Nothin’. ——Nothin’ much.
—Have yeh seen anny o’ the others?
—No.
—Have yeh seen Joey?
—Have YOU not? said Jimmy. —He’s gone back to America.
—Has he? The little fucker.
—Wha’?
—He never said bye bye or ann’thin’.
Jimmy had decided not to mention Joe Tex to anyone.
—He’s tourin’ again. With The Impressions, I think he said.
—That’s lovely, for some. ——D’yeh know wha’, Jimmy? ——Don’t tell annyone this now.
Jimmy said nothing.
—Promise not to tell.
—I promise, said Jimmy.
—I think Joey left because of us.
—Wha’ d’yeh mean?
—Me an’ Bernie an’ Nat’lie.
—Because yis all got off with him, d’yeh mean?
—Yeah. Sort of. ——He was scared of us.
—D’yeh reckon? ——D’yeh mind if I ask? said Jimmy. —How come yis all got off with him?
