by Love Belvin
When Raj was well into Lisa Stanfield’s “Been Around the World” I sang along with him. Now that was MaMa’s shit with her mean ass. She loved this cut by Lisa Stanfield but was the biggest Anita Baker fan. She still had all her albums in record, disco tape, and CD format. I’d been gifting them to her for years without a simple thank you. She played some and displayed them all at the house.
But when, out of nowhere, Raj began singing and playing the old school classic, “Partyman” by Prince, I jumped to my feet and became a part of his show. I shook my ass near the piano and invited the older woman up with me, and she obliged. Not too long after, all the women were up there, shaking our rumps for my talented husband. I laughed senselessly and it felt incredible.
“I think I’ve done enough to at least show you guys how blessed the year nineteen eighty-nine was musically. Hopefully, I can spend the night convincing my lady how good the year was to me personally when she made her introduction to the world.”
I grabbed my chest, coincidentally feeling my heart thunder at his sweet words. Geez, how much of sweet, considerate, and romantic Ragee could a girl from Garfield, New Jersey take?
The small crowd hooted when Raj went into Tina Marie’s “Ooh La La La.” Apparently, this one came out the year before I was born, but it resembled his feelings for me…and her work was timeless. That man! His talent was endless. He hit each note of it on his own terms and killed it. The way he rocked at the piano, his head pushed back, eyes squeezed closed and shoulders bobbing turned me on. So bad I wanted a “Pretty Woman” moment and let my husband fuck me right there on the baby grand. But tonight, another part of me—a tender part of me—wanted to hold him. To know all the talents embodied in this one human could be held in my arms.
When Raj was done, the whole room, including the staff that seemed to have tripled in size since we arrived, were on their feet whistling and hooting. He bowed as he rose from the piano. Then his sheepish eyes landed on me, and I swear my heart swelled to the point of my breath catching in my chest. I waved him over to me, needing to be near him, subdued by the light that clearly followed the man. In that moment, I recognized the anointing his grandmother swore was over him. I had no idea what the definition was, per se. But I could feel it similar to how I did when I saw him in Detroit, only then I was too self-guarded to be totally affected by it.
Raj approached me and pulled out a rather large and flat turquoise Tiffany box from the inside of his blazer—as this was a mandatory jacket dress code restaurant. Slowly, he removed the lid and revealed a delicate necklace with a teardrop diamond pendant. It was simple, classic, and dainty. With wide eyes and an open mouth, I peered up and caught the blank expression on his face. That’s when I noticed his hand trembling. People were gathering around us.
I sucked in a breath. “You weren’t this nervous when you gave me my wedding rings.”
I tried, but failed at laughing. Clearly those around, who ooh’ed and ahhh’ed felt differently as they chuckled.
Raj gently removed the necklace from the box and turned me to place it around my neck.
“That’s because I didn’t pick those out,” he whispered in my ear as he clasped the piece at the back of my neck. “This is the first romantic gift I’ve given a woman in my life.”
My hand went to the diamond pendant and I squeezed it. It was beautiful, fit nicely. I turned in his arms, lifted to my toes, and kissed Raj tenderly, deciding not to be raunchy…yet. I hugged him tightly around his neck.
“This is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me.” I choked back on a tear. I could feel him nod his acknowledgement of that.
When I pulled back, Raj took me by the hand and we headed out of the now spirited restaurant. I could only imagine trying to get out of there if it had been a full house.
The ocean cries could be heard once we were outside. My heart wouldn’t slow. I felt silly for the giddiness flowing in me.
“You played hits from the year I was born? You were a sure shot for the night anyway, my dude.”
“Huhn?” Raj’s eyes cast down on me.
“I was going to give you the good-good anyway. It was guaranteed from the moment you awakened and decided not to send my nasty ass back to Jersey for last night.”
His head tossed back and he hooted a laugh as we ambled down the beach toward the bungalows.
“You asked them to do this in advance?” I asked, intoxicated with joy.
“Yeah.”
“Is that why you left LeRoy and me last night?”
“Yup. To do that and ask that they clear the restaurant for only a few other people so I could at least please somebody in the room while I put myself out there.”
I gasped and slapped his arm. “You didn’t think I would’ve been pleased? Are you kidding me? You forget you’re Ragee?” I couldn’t believe him, but I did. Raj’s usual charming smile was not at play here. “You remember what you do for a living?” I grinned with wild eyes.
“Apparently, just being Ragee ain’t enough to impress you. ‘Wasn’t nobody checking for no Ragee!’” he declared in a feminine mocking tone. “‘Memba that?”
“Oh, baby!” I whined with a broken heart because mine felt wounded. His talent was a big deal. He did impress me…now that I paid attention. I threw myself in front of him as we walked. “Don’t do that. I’m really sorry about saying that.”
He grabbed me at the arms, slamming me into his chest. His lips brushed against mine. “Don’t sweat it. I deserved that and more. I was mean to you, too. Tonight, I wanna be good to you.”
I moaned as his tongue slipped in my mouth, swirling and lashing smoothly around mine. “You will. I swear it.”
His tongue slithered sinuously in my mouth. His lips sweet and plump like a peach, I could suck on them all day. But Raj wouldn’t allow it. This was his turn at seduction. He swiped it against the roof of my mouth, traced the line of my shaking lips. His weight on me was demanding, aggressive, and deliciously caging. I loved his aggression, loved him taking the lead. But I needed him inside me. I wanted his thickness rubbing against my swollenness below. I was ready for bruising from the Apa tomorrow. The ache I now craved.
“Raj,” I begged on a moan.
“Shhhhhhh,” he urged against my lips. “Give me a minute.”
I panted and mewled like a pained cat. He was torturing me. Taking things slow wasn’t something I was good at, especially when being with a man this hot, so incredibly sexy. I could live on his body to fuck, suck, eat from, and rest on.
We’d gotten in from the restaurant, engaged in kissing and heavy petting in the shower where we washed each other. Explored one another, probed pressure points. We dried off and immediately I was tossed on the bed. I thought that was odd. We’d never done it on the bed.
This should be fun…
His busy mouth left mine and grazed my chin with his teeth then his tongue rolled down my pulsing neck. He scraped his teeth there, teasing me, making my body tense and legs leap from the mattress. When he made it to my chest, my hands were at the back of his head and roved up to his small kinky twists. I moaned, my head rolling to the side. He kissed my nipple, traced it with his finger before sucking on it. My pelvis thrust in the air, grinding on his chest. He paid the same seductive treatment to my left breast, his calloused fingertips gently brushing the sides of them.
My belly began to contract and vibrate, I was so ready for him.
“Raj, please!” I begged. “Let me—”
“I wanna eat ya pussy,” dripped innocuously from those sea-deep chords.
My entire body steeled beneath him.
With eyes as big as saucers and a mouth hanging agape, I whispered, “I know. You told me.” I swallowed hard. “But I’m not rushing you.”
“Now.” There was a vibration in that one syllable. “I wanna do it now.”
“Okay…”
Raj lifted a margin, pulling my thighs apart and making room for his thick frame. He grabbed my arm, bringing my
hand down, between my legs. Then he arranged my fingers between my slickened folds.
“Tell me how to please you,” he droned hoarsely as though turned on by the prospect alone. He took my middle finger and brushed it across my clit, causing my belly to contract again. “Navigate for me.”
I thought for a minute, excitement blooming in my chest more and more by the second. Quickly, I scooted up the mattress until my back was to the pillows stacked against the headboard. I opened my thighs wide and waved him to me with my index finger. Raj wasted no time crawling up to me. He positioned himself center and so close, his cool breath hit my hot, soaked pussy. My head fell, eyes rolled back, and I moaned. When I felt his lips against me and heard him kiss me tenderly, I knew I had to get my head in the game.
My fingers brushed against his soft lips. His tongue darted and swiped the first two. I rolled them around my clit and Raj followed my movements studiously. Then we shifted further out to my labia and he lapped there with good pressure, so good I brought my fingers higher where he followed. His tongue felt like magic as I had him teasing me, swelling my clit even more. Everywhere my fingers glided, his tongue and sometimes lips followed. Then I pushed two fingers inside of me and rolled them as I bit my lip. When they left, his tongue replaced them and dipped inside, mimicking acts of his cock. I moaned softly, pushing my sex in his face. His tongue reached deep and moved fast. It made me question his expressed lack of experience. Raj’s pressure was on point.
As he explored my cave, my other hand busied with my right breast, strumming my nipple. Raj’s eyes opened for a flash and his right hand pushed up and massaged my left breast before moving up to my taut nipple. I was panting, sweating, and couldn’t keep still. It was time.
My fingers tapped his thick tongue thrusting inside of me to get his attention, and I watched as it pulled out of me. Raj stopped, eyes opened wide to focus on me. I moved them to the nucleus of my pleasure, pushing on my clit, opening for him. So excited, Raj sucked in a breath, licked his sodden lips and swiped his tongue over it.
“Harder,” I moaned, needing more weight of his tongue to make it to my peak.
Obediently, and with precise measure, Raj’s tongue widened over me and pressed into my pleasure button, lashing and licking. His tongue… Oh, gosh! It was built for pleasure and seduction. Its agility felt masterful. Why did he not think he could do this?
What the hell did LeRoy know?
My husband was pleasuring me with his mouth in the most intimate way. I knew I wouldn’t last long. My hand strummed my nipple. Raj’s other hand wonderfully handled the other. His touch everywhere stimulated me beyond capacity. My pelvis thrust against his movements, quickening them. I worked with him, feeling my groin lift. My moans grew more urgent and my movements were the same. I fell into delirium, mind whirling in heightened sensitivity.
And holy fuck…
When he groaned tortured-like, as sick as it was, it pushed me over the edge and I imploded. My hand snatched from my breast and flew to the back of his head, pulling him to me as to control the pleasure. Raj’s hands moved to my hips, feeding me to him. My groin rolled and rolled, hips lifted and pushed, fingers yanked his hairs until it felt like I emptied myself inside of his mouth.
My ass collapsed onto the bed as my heart pounded. Ragee ripped his face from my throbbing pussy and he threw himself on the mattress next to me, rolling away as though he’d just climaxed, too. I lay there, trying to breathe. Trying to clear my cloudy white eyesight. If that wasn’t fucking exotic, I didn’t know what was.
Now, if I could just come down from this, I can tell him…
“Why the fuck you scared?” she yells from over my head.
I can’t believe I’m here. We can’t do this. She got me doing some ill shit, but this is too much. I shake my head. My mouth is dry and my heart is beating so hard.
“Damn, Gee-Gee. Just lick it. It ain’t that hard to do!”
Her spotty skinny legs around my shoulders move as she yells. But I’m lost staring at it, wanting to get it over with so I can get back to sleep. It don’t smell right. Inside looks a weird pink color and some cloudy stuff is coming out the hole. It stinks. Ain’t none of the girls I know smelling like this. She always smell like this; burnt plastic. A sweet burning plastic smell. It’s weird. But I can usually ignore it. Not this time. She wants me to put my mouth on that.
My stomach feels funny now. Like something’s coming up. Oh, God, I’mma puke!
“Boy, hurry the fuck up! I need you,” she whines. “I’ll do you when you finish with me. I’mma make you feel real good.”
I shake my head, trying to breathe. Then my face is pushed into it.
“Do it, boy before ya sissy-boyfriend come in again.” I hear muffled. “Go, or I’m telling.”
I can’t breathe and try to move my head up. She got me with both hands though. Tears spill from my squeezed eyes as I’m trying to fight her. I don’t know how long we fight, but now the smell is all over my face, in my mouth. She talking, moaning, and I’m grabbing the blanket in my hands. My head’s hurting from her tight grip.
Times like this I wish my moms was still here. She would fight her. She wouldn’t never started this nasty stuff.
And it’s taking too long. I’m gonna throw up. It stinks and she’s way too nasty and rough. I need to hold out, though. I know how to do that now. Maybe somebody’ll come down like before. I just want it to stop.
It’s gonna have to.
Using all my might, I push up from my hands and break free. I make it to the edge of the bed before I throw up.
“You stupid, retarded motherfucker! I bet you don’t do that to them pissy-tail lil girls.” I don’t stop throwing up when I feel a whack on my back. “I ain’t even get off. You so fuckin’ weak. Can’t even please a real woman.” My head feels like it’s spinning and I’m choking and throwing up at the same time. I can’t breathe. “Maybe you should be sucking on a cock like your gay ass lil sissy friend!”
Feeling her hitting me on the back and head while I’m choking, I panic. Oh, God, I’mma die!
Maybe that’ll be a good thing. Maybe that’s how I’ll see my moms again. Things fade for me. My body goes loose, and as I see a cloud of blackness coming, I wait for it. I hope it takes me and never lets me come back here to this bed.
I woke up with a throbbing ache between my legs. The light beaconing from the post outside exposed the curve in his thick shoulder. I felt feverish with desire. We never finished. I never got Raj off after my cataclysmic orgasm. I, uncharacteristically, fell into a fast and restful sleep and apparently, he eventually did, too. We were due to leave today and I didn’t want to without having him again before we left this magical place.
Raj was on his side with his back to me. My hand brushed down his globular shoulder and onto his chest.
“Baby, wake up,” I whispered, pushing my hand lower. A devious smirk lifted on my face. “I need you. Let me make you feel good this time.”
I pulled my arm over his so my hand could catch the muscled lump of the side of his waist. My hand slowly moved down over the silky patch of his pubic hairs until I found his resting dick. I gathered it in my hand, edging closer to him, prepared to wake him up in the best—
The sudden movement didn’t register right away. But the ache in my wrist from his nasty grip and pushing of my arm away from him caught my brain up.
“DON’T FUCKIN’ TOUCH—”
Ragee lunged from the bed with incredible athleticism, tossing me from him as he did it. I shuffled up the bed, curled defensively into a ball, pulling the sheet to cover my nudity. He turned to the bed, muscles flexing, and expanded chest heaving with the intimidating posture of a superhero, or more appropriately a powerful villain. He was a sight: sweating out of nowhere, out of breath, and with eyes flashing from terror. It shrunk me. Frightened me. Why would Raj think I’d hurt him? How could I hurt him in a way he thought posturing himself like that would protect him?
On the verge o
f tears and with a lump the size of a golf ball in my throat, I asked, “What the entire fuck, Ragee?”
Slowly, through the stream of light from outside, I could see the violence in his darkened orbs receding. His eyes circled around as though he was coming down from whatever threatening place he thought he’d awakened to. His shoulders gradually lowered and his fists flattened at his sides.
“Raj!” I demanded.
I’d seen this before. Had experienced a man in the full throes of raging violence and toward me. The only difference was there were armed guards around each time to intervene before anything escalated. Here there were just two harmless souls, making the best of their curated circumstances. It was me. Just me. And there was Raj, one of the most romantic and sensitive men I’ve yet to know.
“Talk to me!”
He blinked a few times, his body totally relaxing before my eyes. It was almost as if he’d shrunk one size. He roughly scraped his palms down his face and yanked his beard as though to punish himself for this.
I eased in posture, too, moving an inch to plead with him. “Please,” my tone now softer. “Talk to me. I swear, whatever it is will stay between you and me. I’ll take it to my grave. I just need to know if I can help.”
“Help?” he barked with cynicism.
I nodded, hoping to convince him—admitting to myself I’d ignored all the signs. They were all there! Each red flag he raised, I willfully turned a blind eye to.
“I know post-trauma, Raj. I’ve had my fair share of experience with tortured souls.” He scoffed his denial. “I mean… Look at us!” I gestured to our naked bodies. What began last night with uncharted passion faded away and here in the dawn of the morning was haunted torment. “I have every right to know. We share a bed,” I reminded him through gritted teeth.
