by Love Belvin
“C’mon, babies. Let’s get some of this good stuff in ya,” Grandmother commanded cheerily. She came to my side of the bed while Earl went to Wynter’s. I didn’t like the idea of another man being so close to her while she was sick. It didn’t matter Earl wasn’t the least bit interested in her species: she wore only a slip. “It’s anointed and will help heal you. Restore you back to your healthy selves.” Grandmother was at my side, trying to feed me.
I took the bowl from her and fed myself. It was hard to eat with the bitter film in my mouth and when I couldn’t taste anything. I tried hard to listen for any words from Wynter, who seemed to be feeding herself, too. But I didn’t hear a peep, only Earl whispering to her. That vexed me a little. It had been four days since we’d been back from Saint Justin, and we still hadn’t spoken. As crazy as it sounds, I would have rather been sick with Wynter than alone. At least this way, she was with me day and night, and I had an idea of her mood. It was obvious we had the same bug. The only source I could think of was the crying baby on the beach. Maybe he’d zapped us with that snot/vomit combo.
After a few spoonfuls and painful chewing and swallowing, I was done. I handed the bowl over to my grandmother.
“Oh, no, baby,” she cried as she stood to take the bowl over to the cart. “You ain’t finished it up.”
I picked up the pills she’d laid out for when I was done eating, chugged juice back with them, and sank back under the cover. I was out before she could ask if I needed anything else.
“Come again?” I turned the knob on the mixing board to kill the music as I listened into my phone.
“Where the fuck she at?”
“Probably in bed.” My face went hard.
“Tell that broad to call me ASAP! I ain’t heard from her in over a fuckin’ week. This bitch think I’mma joke?”
“You think she ya employee or your daughter?”
“What?”
“Why the hell you talk to her like she owe you something?”
“Raj, man!” he sighed a warning. “This between me and that girl. She around ‘cause of me. Don’t fuckin’ get shit twisted ‘cause she in ya crib and you prolly done fucked her.”
I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath.
“If this between you and her then why you calling me?”
“Because the bitch won’t answer her phone. Jashon told me last week, you took her with you to record with Lord. Apparently, you in touch with her real well, my nigga.”
I snorted, sitting up, and swiped my nose. “Now, that’s where you get shit twisted. If you’re insinuated how well I’m in touch with her then you know not to tap my phone, asking about her.”
It was a light one, but Mike knew I’d taken a shot. Drew a line in the sand. I basically admitted to sleeping with Wynter. At this point, I didn’t give a damn. He needed to show some respect, to her and me when it came to Wynter.
There was a slight pause.
“She got the picture with Jade Bailey. I done seen mad ones posted everywhere. She got one with Mel and Eli Richardson. What more you want from the girl? She paying her dues, as shady as they are.”
“Fuck that! I run this show. There was other shit she coulda done after that. If she woulda got a replacement phone when y’all touched down in L.A., she woulda known. Yo, I ‘on’t give a fuck if you fuckin’ the bitch or not. I’m a business man at the end of the day. What she need to know is how I conduct my business when people fuck up—”
My blood ran hot.
“You keep that Brooklyn bullshit right over there. Don’t you ever threaten her with shit you can’t carry out. You want somebody to flex with, you relegate that rah-rah shit with niggas like True Blue. Don’t you ever bring that shit around her. I swear on my fuckin’ life, B. We got through some shit in the past, but you won’t survive a war with me.”
“Man, Raj,” he sang, unaffected. “I know you a man with them ones, my nigga. I may be a lil rusty with mine. But, playboy, I pop them thangs that move faster than your best jabs. You can’t protect her from me, my nigga. Facts!”
I cocked my head to the side. “You threatening me, Mike?” I knew he was a hot head. Over the past few years he’d turned more reckless. But never had he gone this far.
“You threatening me, my nigga?” he shouted into the phone.
I found myself laughing. “Nah, B. I’m no good with threats. In fact, maybe we should severe this right now. You in the middle of a war I’m too old to be attached to anyway. We’ve done some secret ops over the years.” Things I would never breathe a word of. There were rules to the game. When I needed to work out the stress that haunted me, my outlet was running with Mike and dudes way darker than him. What I believed earned my respect from Mike was what he saw I was capable of doing. The church boy could put in more work than just singing. “I’m done. I’ll have Chesney put together a nice severance package.”
“Bitch, you must’ve done lost your fuckin’ mind over that pussy!” he barked. “Ragee, don’t forget I know ya dirt—did ya dirt for you! I’mma give you some time before you fuck up ya whole world—nah. Fuck that. I’mma ‘bout to show you better than I can tell you!”
The line went dead.
I pulled the phone from my ear, staring at it as though it would make Mike appear in front of me now, so I could handle things in a way cats like him understood.
“That motherfucker…” Gary, sitting next to me hissed with high brows. “He wildin’ the fuck out. Know that!”
I sat back in my chair, taking a calming breath. I had bigger fish to fry. These feelings for this chick came on too strong and too damn fast. It had been a week since we’d been back from Saint Justin and Wynter and I hadn’t exchanged many words. The fact that it bothered me, bothered me. I was losing control. I hadn’t been praying or beseeching, wasn’t focused. Then getting sick last week didn’t help.
I spent three days in bed sick. She did four. That fourth day, when I thought I’d just take a leak and wash my face and mouth, I had enough energy to shower. Once I was clean, I felt better. So much that I decided to hit the studio, my place of escape. But before I did, I found myself staring at her sleeping face. All the apologies and words of explanation raced in my mind because she was sleep. I’d never have the heart to utter them if she were awake.
Feeling uneasy about leaving her alone, I went looking for her phone and found it on the island in the closet. It was dead from being there for days unattended, so I brought it out to the nightstand next to her and plugged it into the charger she had there. If she needed something, she’d at least have her phone right there to call for help. But I couldn’t stop staring at her. She was beautiful. Perfect.
The minute I decided to step away, her phone lit up with alerts and notifications. I’d never been a snooping man. Never cared about a woman to have an intense interest in what her life was like when she wasn’t with me.
That was until Wynter Haile McKinnon.
I opened my eyes, feeling drawn by a magnet. My vision was blurred, but I could feel that arresting heat emanating from somewhere nearby. I blinked a few times to clear the morning fuzz. What was at first an imposing silhouette turned out to be a bare-chested Raj, lying flat on his back, watching…me. I could immediately recognize that communicative laze in his eye. The thick hoods that almost closed them. My pulse raced and nipples tingled at that. The comforter started at his waist and because of that, I couldn’t confirm his temperament.
I wrinkled my nose, questioning what I’d hoped to be his mood. His desire. It had been close to two weeks since Saint Justin and our quickly blossoming friendship remained soured from the last morning of our romantic getaway. Since recovering from whatever bug that subjugated us, I resumed my workout regimen, went to see Van, and even checked on MaMa.
I tried falling back into my old routine, but that had been fucking hard after the incredible wonder I’d discovered in my fake husband. He’d been nothing short of amazing: mutual laughter, soft touches, bashful smirking, intimate sh
aring, and even ministering because no matter how many curse words Raj spewed, he couldn’t hide the church boy that secretly turned me on. Even looking at him now, I was reminded of his softer side. The one I’d been hoping hadn’t disappeared because of what I had—or may not have done that morning. I still didn’t know his triggers. I only vowed to tread cautiously if I ever got another chance at his trust.
He licked his lips, fortifying himself before addressing me.
“Can I touch you?” his thick vocals droned.
This was it. This had been my fantasy for close to two weeks. Raj didn’t need permission to touch me, but I understood my need to request his in his bed. Here was where sex was off limits and only safety and protection reigned. This was different. A landmark in his development. But just as my pulse raced hot in anticipation of feeling his thickness against me, it ran with anxiety of something going awfully wrong. Irrevocably wrong. Nonetheless, I wanted it. My body was now humming feverishly with need of him.
I nodded my head, my bottom lip lodged between my teeth. My voice stolen from this unexpected turn of events.
Slowly, he pushed up on one arm and covered me with his rigid frame. His soft lips meeting mine with more hesitance than just weeks ago. His tongue making immediate and deliberate strokes in my mouth, swiping the roof. He’d thought about this, had planned it out at some point in the night or early in the wee hours of the morning. Either way, my chest expanded with a befogged sensation. One that was aside from my unbearable arousal. It was something that enhanced the usual fever I experienced when this close to him, this open to him.
His busy mouth moved down to my chin, giving it a soft nibble on the way down. My hands balled into tight fists at my hips, I wanted to touch him so badly, but knew it could ruin everything. But when his pliant lips dragged against the beating pulse of my neck, sending prickles of sensations straight to my core, a helpless moan escaped.
He steeled over me. I understood this abrupt withdrawal, oddly. I didn’t want to trigger any disgusting memories for him.
“I—I’m sorry,” I breathed, my throat painfully thick and eyes closed. “It just feels so good. You feel so good.”
He didn’t move, remained suspended over me. I could only feel the imprint of his morning erection against my thigh. All other body parts were painful inches away. My eyes squeezed in supplication of sorts. I didn’t want to blow this. I held my breath with the desperation in my churning belly.
“Please, Raj,” I cried. “I’ll be quiet.”
Slowly, he lowered himself back onto me, his open mouth pressed into the burning skin of my chest. I could feel his heart beating feverishly. Air seized in my lungs. Painfully, I tried to measure the speed I dispelled it. He lowered and his tongue rolled around each nipple before he puckered his lips to gently suck them. That, with the combination of his misted hands on my hips, had me swallowing successively. By the time he made it to my belly button, I could no longer control my breathing.
I took a glance down my heavy body and saw the small, twisted kinks of the crown of his head. My eyelids almost gave out on me. I bit my lips together, quickly contemplating my next question. My desire.
“Can I touch you?” I whispered. “Your head?”
Surprisingly, Ragee didn’t stir. He nodded while working his tongue down my pelvis. His hands clasped at my inner thighs before pushing against the backs of them, prompting me to open wide for him. His head dipped and the warm slivery feel of his tongue shot bolts of pleasure up my shaky spine. His tongue spread wide and flat over my entire cleft, licking me everywhere. His fingertips pushed into the softness of my flesh and my palms pressed into his skull, keeping him close. So close, I could feel him breathe against the cheeks of my butt. My chest heaved and breaths expelled in short pants. I was so turned on by his initiative alone. His clearly expressed desire for me. But his skills at turning me on were a separate issue. I went from a sleeping warm to an aroused scorched temperature in no time. He lapped and sucked and beat my slit, working his way to my pulsing bulb, and concentrated there relentlessly. And now, my body was ready to explode.
“Raj…” I panted, pelvis vibrating as I held it suspended in the air. “I’m about to—” I licked my lips, quickly deciding another route. “Can I come?”
Against the palms of my hands, I could feel him nod.
Oh god!
He’d been so brave with all of this so far. Who was this man? I didn’t have time to consider it. I had to let go of the storm brewing in my core. I dropped my bottom to the mattress then began pelting his face with my wetness. I couldn’t help the ragged movements, and before long, I exploded. Afraid of scaring him with my cries, I rerouted them from my belly into my nostrils instead. They emitted like husky drags of air as I vibrated against him. My head spun and body shook violently over the mattress. His head stayed busy as I tried using it as an anchor while I rocketed into bliss.
I couldn’t believe we were here. Raj was taking the lead. He’d turned a corner…with me. My mind raced in celebration as did my body. As I came down, I let go of his head, my trunk slamming into the mattress, lungs working harshly to keep me alive. As he stood on his knees between my shuddering legs, I had to clear my vision to see him. But when I did, I saw the determined pinch between his brows and sensual slant under his low lids.
I slowly lifted one arm, my shaky hand reaching for his pierced swollenness that glistened at the head. I was more than ready to return the pleasure. I enjoyed orally pleasing this man. It was easy labor. I licked my lips, my eyes bouncing between his throbbing extension and his eyes. I believed Ragee had to see his lover, had to always know they were on one accord. That this sexual venture was a mutual journey. But he didn’t speak, never responded to my unspoken question.
The moment I lifted, prepared to take him into my hands to taste him, Raj reached for my waist, pulling my thin gown over my head then motioned for me to turn over.
I schooled my expression, totally shocked by his continued navigation. Obeying him on shaky limbs, I shuffled around, planting myself on all fours. He gently pushed at the small of my back. He wanted me flat on my stomach. I lowered until I was prone on the mattress, feeling the wetness of my essence against my shin. Even that turned me on.
In seconds, he was on top of me. Half of the weight of his hard body pinning me down. He used his knee to spread my thighs wider. With little ado, he plunged into me. I could hear his grunt and feel the rigid slide in. My lids fell and lips parted at his entry. I couldn’t even moan my pleasure, my chest too far into the mattress, my core too full of Ragee. The tips of my fingernails scraped against the sheet. He moved in and out with grace at first. I could tell he was savoring the feeling of being buried inside me, the root of his pelvis touching the clammy surface of my mounds.
This act of intimacy was more than just about being eased into the physical pleasure he created. It was about being one with a man who locked everyone else out. A man who didn’t want to bind or join with a woman from his core. As his thick ridges rocked in and out of me, all I could think about was the special moment we were bottled in where he opened himself in the most unique way. Raj was a thick man with a big tool. There was a pinch of discomfort with the delicious pace he was ensuing; it eased up with each thrust, the Apa becoming a welcome guest. But I didn’t mind the slight ache. I wanted the breakthrough. I wanted inside of him, to prove to him I’m safe. The world is safe for him now.
“Kiss me!” he demanded on a ragged breath.
Hardly able to turn my neck, I reached around to capture his mouth. Our tongues danced, and I understood his demand. Him having my mouth let him know I was with him and not feeling used by him or using him maliciously for my deviant pleasure. Although he hadn’t admitted it yet, sex for Ragee had to be mutually desired and absolutely deliberate for both parties. I knew this from the men I’d encountered professionally over the years. Their case files were littered with diagnoses and proposed treatments that had to be met.
How I m
issed the signs from my own husba—
“Mmmmm…” an unbridled groan exploded from my belly.
As our tongues danced, I felt a stirring in my core different from when I erupted earlier. He moved in and out so smoothly at this point that I arched my spine to offer myself to him more. That did me no good. He felt too amazing, was way too deep for me to breathe. And I…loved it. That’s when I recognized my next storm building within.
I panicked. I didn’t want to be greedy with orgasms with Ragee. And I was too afraid to warn him, he’d been so generous this morning. I didn’t know what to do other than to give in to it after a few more plunges into me. I held my breath while heaven brushed over me, kissing me deeper than the first orgasm. And Raj didn’t stop. The vein that ran his forehead looked to pop. He kept pounding away, his flesh smacking into mine. It was bliss like no other as I gave in to it all.
When I was finally able to open my eyes, I recognized his scowl. My heart dropped from my chest. I’d betrayed him. My teeth froze in a clasp on his lip. I felt my face fold. Then his thrusts fell out of rhythm, and he felt bigger inside of me. His eyes rolled back and a growl rumbled from his parted mouth.
God…
My eyes squeezed closed in relief and heightened sensitivity in my walls. Raj was coming himself. His hard muscles rolled over me until they fell into a shuddering cadence. That sent me over the moon. His release felt like my fortune. I held him at the neck, enduring his weight while he created a sea in me. I maintained my arched spine until he spilled and all that could be heard was our labored breaths.
Then I was rolled over on top of him where his big hand ran up and down my spine soothingly.
“You’re chilled.” I lay my head on his heaving chest and rubbed his goosebump-laden arms.
“You warm me.” He swallowed hard, out of breath. “Warm me all over, inside and out.” For a while, I only heard his laborious pants. “I—I’m… It’s like I’m addicted to your radiation.”
“Raj...”
