by Linda Conrad
"I can't … I don't want to hear any more." He pushed her back against the truck's seat, cranked it to life, jammed it into reverse and mashed the gas pedal.
Houston's nightmares came crashing back, causing him to slam on the brakes. Deep in his gut he believed what she'd said. He was a lawman, not the one who'd brought this pain down on himself. Then who? What evil had done this thing to him?
He raked his hand across his forehead and stepped on the gas again. The pickup skidded across the caliche parking lot, throwing dust and tiny rocks in its wake.
"You're going to have to give me more time. I need to digest all this information." He was concentrating on the road in front of him, but could feel Carley's stress as surely as if he witnessed it in her eyes.
"I want to help. Please, Houston, don't shut me out." She reached to touch his arm, but then hesitatingly withdrew her hand. "I won't hurt you, but maybe I could…"
"No." His reply reverberated in the closed cab. He glanced over at her hurt look, and his heart softened as he saw tears welling behind those long lashes once again.
Hell. He didn't want to hurt her. But he had to protect himself. Had to think.
"Look. I'm going to be real busy on the ranch for the next few days. The drought has hit us hard."
He took a breath and calmed his voice. "The cattle are starving because the grass has dried up. They'd be happy to eat the prickly pear cactus, but we can't let them near the stuff. It plays hell with their stomachs." He guided the truck onto the farm road leading to the ranch. "We're going out on the range to try burning the prickles off the cactus. Gives the cattle something to chew. Buys us a little time while we pray for spring rains."
"Can I help?"
"The work is hot and nasty, Carley. Some of the boys and I will camp out on the range, so we'll have more daylight. We'll have to work fast. The cattle are ready to drop." Houston pulled the pickup into the dirt yard of the main house and slammed on the brakes. "There's nothing you can do. I won't even have time to think, and, to be honest, that's just what I need to do right now. Will you still be here when we're done?"
"I'll be here."
"Well, then … maybe we can talk some more later."
Her face glowed with a hopeful expression. His gut told him not to let her set her sights on him going back to being her partner—or her lover. If he never remembered his past, he wouldn't be able to stand knowing she remembered who he'd been before. It would hurt too much.
"Or maybe there'll be nothing much to talk about," he mumbled. "We'll see."
* * *
The next morning dawned hot and humid, but Carley barely cared. Her night had been both warm and steamy as she tossed and turned, going over and over Houston's words … the kisses they'd shared.
She'd thought, when he told her he didn't want her around, that her world had stopped spinning. Her heart stuttered, and it was all she could do to make it beat normally once more. He wasn't going to let her help him. He wasn't even going to give her the time for a new start in their relationship. The worst thing of all was that he didn't trust her. Didn't trust her not to hurt him.
Carley went through the early-morning motions of getting Cami up and dressed, but her heart wasn't in it. Cami must have sensed her mother's unhappiness and, not knowing how to help or what was wrong, she did what all babies do when things aren't right. She cried. And whined. And generally made a complete irritant of herself.
"You're being a pill this morning, Cami. Please be good. Mama's on the verge of a good cry as it is. You're not helping things." Carley finally finished tying Cami's shoelace and set her down on the floor. "Want to walk to breakfast on your own two feet? Come on, you can do it."
Cami looked surprised at being upright. She'd been taking steps for weeks now, but she'd always held on to something or someone. The shock of standing alone caused her to find her balance the fastest way she knew how—she plopped smack on her bottom and let out a howl of fury.
Carley sighed and reached to pull Cami upright by her hands. "Nobody trusts me these days, I guess." Once Cami was steady on her feet, Carley let go of one hand, keeping a tight grip on the other. "All right. You can do this by yourself, but you don't believe me yet. We'll go together. I won't let go."
Nothing went right, of course. Cami fussed all through her breakfast. Carley dropped a full cup of coffee over herself and the kitchen floor. Finally, after all the catastrophes had been cleared up, Carley tried to leave Cami in the day room but the baby grabbed at her neck and screamed like she was mortally wounded.
None of the women caretakers or the other children could entice Cami to let go and stay with them. She fisted her hands in Carley's hair and wailed. Carley figured Cami was acting out all the pain and anxiety emanating from her mother, so she simply sat down on the linoleum tile with Cami in her arms and rocked her. Cami buried her head in her mother's shoulder and sobbed.
Pretty soon some of the other toddlers came to comfort their unhappy playmate. They wanted to help make things better for Cami, but they didn't know how any more than Cami knew why she was so unhappy.
One tender-hearted, dark-haired girl placed her hand on Cami's back and patted softly. "'Ta bueno. All better," she murmured.
Carley's emotions did a double flip. She'd been feeling so sorry for herself and her fatherless child that she'd forgotten about these other children who had no one at all to hold them. Yet here they were, trying to comfort Cami in her hour of need.
While she rocked Cami in her lap, Carley studied the toddler who still patted her daughter. The little girl's big brown eyes and dark skin clearly spoke of a Mexican-American heritage. How did this child, or any of the other babies, end up in an out-of-the-way foster home like Casa de Valle?
Curious, and determined to get answers to these children's origins as well as to Reid's questions on the legitimacy of their reasons for being here, Carley decided to make a concerted effort at organizing the files. She set Cami down in the middle of her friends and got to her feet. If these little waifs could be strong, so could Carley, by God.
She straightened her clothes and cleared her throat. "Cami, it's time for me to go to work." The stern tone she used was unmistakable. "You be a good girl and play with your friends. I'll see you later."
Carley walked to the door, heading for her office. When she glanced back, Cami didn't turn around.
* * *
A couple of days later Carley phoned Reid and managed to catch him in his office. He sounded rushed and irritated, but he took the time to listen to her problems.
"These files are impossible. I'm beginning to believe someone deliberately mishandled them," she began. "And Houston hasn't showed up since … well, since our date."
"I'm not happy about Davidson being off on his own with no memory of who he is," Reid said.
"The kids in my anger-management class tell me he's safer out with the cows than he is in a car on the Interstate. Apparently, he really knows his way around the open range."
"He'd better be back today. I want you protecting him. Is that clear?"
"Yes, sir." Carley hesitated to make her request, with her boss so obviously harried and overworked, but she needed his help. "Reid, can you get a hold of the state's microfilmed copies of Casa de Valle's placement records?"
"Uh. It might take a while. There are channels to go through, you know. We might even have to get a subpoena."
"Could you at least try? I've been trying to get the help of a local supervisor at Child Protective Services. I'm even taking her to lunch this week. But I'm afraid she'll end up being a stonewall."
"Right. I'll start the paperwork from this end. Maybe I can find one of my old buddies in the state records department to speed up the process. You need anything else?"
"More time. I don't think that a couple of weeks is going to be enough to give it a fair trial with Houston."
"No can do. Ten more days is all I can spare. Things are nearing a head as it is. I need you back here. We've even ha
d to pull Manny out of the valley to do some undercover work in Mexico.
"Oh, by the way, he put your folders in the United States Priority mail. Best way I could think of to guarantee you'd get them delivered into your hands."
"Manny's not here in the Rio Grande Valley anymore?" She'd been so sure he'd be around if something went wrong.
"No. And you need to keep watching your back. An informant claims a major baby exchange is going to take place sometime in the next ten days. We haven't been able to tie anything directly to your foster home, but I'm having one of my gut feelings about that place. I'm just positive you're sitting close to the heart of this ring."
"Should I move the children out of harm's way?"
"No. The kids should be fine. Besides, we don't want to spook the bad guys into running for cover. Just keep your eyes open and if you think you need backup, we'll be nearby."
By the time Carley clicked off her cell phone, the weight of the handset felt ten times heavier than it had a few minutes before. Her heart was heavier, too. She wouldn't have enough time to change Houston's mind and make him trust her. In fact, Carley had the distinct impression that within ten days their time would've totally run out.
* * *
Houston wiped the sweat off his brow with his kerchief and replaced his hat. Holding the mare's reins lightly, he'd stopped briefly while leading her through the 4-H barn toward the corral. The last few days had taken their toll on him and the horses.
He and the other men had done what they could for the cattle. A neighboring farm had even brought over a load of hay. Anything else was in the hands of Mother Nature.
Houston was glad for the time to let the horses and men rest for a while. But he needed to find more hard work for himself to do, and in a hurry.
The minute his work stopped, the images returned. Images he'd only dreamed about. Images of Carley lying under him, smiling that seductive way she had, with her arms raised, pleading with him to come to her. Once more his fingers tingled with the phantom feel of her skin, but this time he suspected the memories were real and not merely wishful thinking.
Fortunately, he hadn't seen her in person since the night he'd told her to give him some time. Hah! That was a joke if he ever heard one. Not seeing her in person didn't stop him from seeing her in his dreams, both at night and during the day. Instead of keeping his mind on business, every time he turned around, he smelled strawberries.
He couldn't concentrate on anything. The ranch's paperwork was backing up past the ridiculous point, and the new schedules for the kids still sat on his desk awaiting approval.
Today was the first day of summer vacation for the school-age children living at the foster home, and by tomorrow morning the barn would be full of rowdy preteens waiting for instructions about new chores.
Houston shook off the dreams and headed toward his office in the back of the children's barnyard. He stopped to check on the live 4-H projects as they calmly awaited their charges' attention. Pigs, chickens, calves, sheep—all quietly chewed on special feed.
He should be annoyed by the extra work the kids' projects caused him, but he wasn't. Actually, the baby animals were kinda cute, and the way each of the children pitched in to take care of their charges warmed his heart. It was good to see these cast-off kids give and receive love from the animals. And all the hard work made for strong and healthy bodies.
But he had to hurry and finish the instruction sheets before the first wave of kids hit the barn. He gently pulled the mare's reins and made a quick U-turn from the mangers where he'd been staring down at the animals.
All of a sudden, something hit his shin—hard.
At the same time he looked to see what hit him, a loud squeal came from the object now clinging to his jeans below the knees. It was one of the toddlers from the dayroom. The baby had turned and was about to take off in a path that would lead directly under the horse's hooves.
"Whoa. Hold on there, pint-size. Where you headed all by yourself?" Houston scooped up the child just in time to keep the kid from being trampled. "Whew. You nearly bought the farm, little one."
The toddler was all wiggles and giggles. Houston held on even though the kid was as slippery as one of those calves they greased at the fair. He figured this must be a little girl since she was dressed in pink ruffles, now completely smeared in mud. When she finally quieted some, he used his fingers to rub at the caked mud on her face.
"Well, I'll be … if it isn't Carley's little girl. What was your name, baby? Cami wasn't it?"
The baby looked up at him and her eyes widened. Houston had thought at first that the toddler's eyes were the same color as Carley's. But this close, he could see that they were shaped like Carley's with the color being more along the lines of blue green with a touch of gray. Interesting combination.
Cami's expression was so serious that for a minute Houston was afraid she'd burst out in tears. He turned his head to search for the adult who must be looking after this child. If she started crying, he had no idea what to do for her. Bad enough that he had to pick up the one kid guaranteed to make him nervous.
Cami placed a grubby little hand against Houston's cheek and got his attention. "Da-da."
Poor little fatherless tyke, he thought. She's so in need of a man in her life that she'll latch on to the first male who holds her.
And hold her he did—tightly to his chest. As he studied her a little closer, he realized how very alike her features were to his own. The longer he held his arms around her the less nervous he became—almost like she belonged right there. Could she be his? Was it possible?
Impossible. Carley would have told him. She wouldn't keep something this important from him.
He remembered her saying, "Besides being lovers once…" That sounded like a long time ago. His memories of the woman in his mind were stronger, fresher. He must have been in a relationship with that woman right before he'd disappeared.
And the way Carley had talked about the baby's father … nope, it just didn't add up. That Cami looked like him and felt so right in his arms was simply a coincidence.
Another sudden, unbidden thought crossed his mind. Why couldn't he be a surrogate father to Carley's daughter while they were here on the ranch? He'd love to have a hand in her raising, to step in where the jerk who'd left her behind should be.
After the last few days of thinking, Houston knew one thing for sure. He needed more time with Carley—desperately needed to find out if she felt what he'd been feeling, or if she could forget the past and forge a future with him.
This needy child was another good reason Houston wanted to renew his relationship with Carley. Maybe if…
"Cami! Oh, thank heaven you're all right." Carley raced into the barn and tugged her daughter from Houston's arms. "She pulled away from Rosie on the way out here."
Carley put a hand on Cami's hair, and Houston sensed she was reassuring herself of the baby's welfare by touching her. But Carley was gazing at him. Every dream he'd had of her for the past few days slammed against him hard enough to knock him down.
A beautiful and sexy woman, Carley was obviously intelligent and a loving mother to her child. His heart beat a little stronger in his chest. He looked at Cami and then into her mother's eyes. A powerful yearning for them both rose from deep inside, making his chest ache. He absently rubbed at the spot, and wondered what in hell the lady had ever seen in him before he'd lost his memory.
A dark and sinister thought struck him right between the eyes while he wasn't looking. If Cami wasn't his, then while he was off with the other woman, Carley had slept with someone else.
She'd claimed to have loved him before he vanished, but it sure looked like someone else had helped her get over the loneliness pretty quick.
Damn.
* * *
Chapter 7
« ^ »
"Thanks for catching Cami," Carley gasped, snuggling her daughter closer to her chest. "I was helping the girls bring the toddlers out to see your b
aby animals."
She gulped for air and nervously laughed at the same time. "My daughter picked a fine time to go from shaky steps to running foot races."
Houston stood close, scrutinizing them with an intensity that made her warm all over. He looked absolutely fabulous today, with sweat beading on his forehead and jeans riding low on his hips. Carley's fingers wriggled with the desire to touch him. Fighting the strong urge, she tightened her grip on Cami to keep her hands still.
He studied her and Cami with those pale-blue eyes, lost behind long, blond lashes. What thoughts did he have about the two of them? Could it be that the door to his memory was easing open?
Raucous squeals signaled that the other toddlers, led by older children and a few adults, were scampering into the barn. Their noisy chattering and little cries of delight broke the quiet stillness of animals chewing their feed.
The toddlers ran toward the various animal pens. A half dozen chubby little arms tried to reach between the bars and touch the now frightened creatures. Each of the children had a caretaker nearby, and they scrambled to keep the kids from harming themselves or the young animals. Tiny specks of hay rose in the air, mingling with the hazy sunlight streaming into the barn. Chaos reigned.
Carley figured, since Cami had been the first to see the animals, that she'd want to be down with the others to pet any young critter within range. But as Carley began to lower Cami back to the ground, she was stopped by her daughter's rapt expression. Cami was more intent on the tall, lanky cowboy than on anything happening around her.
Carley's attention shifted immediately to Houston, and she sensed the man and the child had reached some turning point. Cami grinned her famous, baby-toothed smile at her father. For his part, Houston didn't seem capable of keeping a scowl on his face, either. When Cami reached for him, Houston held out his arms and took the toddler into his embrace.
"Hey, little girl, don't you want to see the babies, too?" Houston crooned.
Cami stared at him for a minute, then wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him tight.
