Becoming Nicole
Page 25
Hi, Wayne & Kelly—
I just had to share this conversation that happened in one of my third grade classrooms today. It made me smile and when I had a moment, it brought a tear to my eye. I know you have been on this long hard journey, and at times schools have been a pain in your ass. But the struggles are worth it—not just for Nicole, but for the lives she has touched.
BOY: “I’m coloring my giraffe both teal and pink because he’s transgender.”
GIRL: “What’s that?”
BOY: “You know, when a person is a boy, but it really is a girl. You know, it’s having two genders.”
GIRL: “Oh, I think frogs can do that, have more than one gender.”
2ND BOY: “Yeah, you’re right. But how can a person have that?”
BOY: “I don’t really know, but we have a girl in our school who is transgender.”
GIRL: “Really? What’s her name?”
BOY: “Oh, man, I can’t remember! Well, maybe she’s in middle school now.”
GIRL: “That’s cool.”
2ND BOY: “I didn’t know that. How is she a boy and a girl?”
LISA ERHARDT: “Well, she has the brain of a girl, and her body is like a boy body. But she lives like a girl, and when she is grown up she will have surgery to change her body to match her brain.”
2ND BOY: “You mean like plastic surgery?”
LISA ERHARDT: “Exactly! Just like plastic surgery.”
BOY: “I remember her name. She’s Nicole.”
GIRL: “Oh, I know Nicole. She’s cool. I didn’t know she’s transgender.”
BOY: “Yeah, but it isn’t a big deal, you know.”
GIRL: “Oh, I know. It doesn’t really matter. As long as she’s happy.”
Young couple: Wayne and Kelly at a family wedding, circa 1995, before the twins were born.
The twins as infants, with Nicole on the left. The parents could tell them apart because Nicole’s face was slightly rounder than Jonas’s. Nicole went by the name Wyatt, and was referred to as “he” or “him,” until about the fifth grade. These captions reflect that.
The twins at one year old, with the Chicago Bulls caps Wayne gave them. Wyatt is on the left.
Wayne acting silly with two-year-old Wyatt at the farmhouse in Northville, 2000.
Illustrations by Kelly depicting Wayne in his many outdoor activities, date unknown.
Wyatt at age four, with Barbie dolls, May 2002.
Wyatt’s Secret Notebook, in which he depicted himself as a redheaded, long-haired girl on the About the Author page. Wyatt was seven at the time.
A drawing of a prince and princess by Wyatt, circa 2002.
Wyatt and Jonas on a camping trip, 2007.
Wyatt, age eight, with the family cat, Erma. This photograph was used to show the Maine Supreme Court justices that Wyatt was indeed a girl.
Jonas, age ten, poses in his football uniform in the front yard of the Maineses’ home in Orono, 2008. The following year, because of continued harassment at school, he and Nicole would move with their mother to Portland.
Jonas, Wayne, Nicole, and Kelly, sightseeing in Washington, D.C., in front of the U.S. Supreme Court building, June 2012.
Jonas and Nicole at a victory party at the Wilson Center on the campus of the University of Maine, several weeks after the family won its civil lawsuit in Maine’s highest court, 2014.
Wayne and Nicole at an April 2015 gala in Boston honoring Norman Spack, who co-founded America’s first clinic to treat transgender children. Nicole introduced Dr. Spack.
The family at Crescent Beach State Park, Cape Elizabeth, Maine, summer 2015.
For Kelly, Wayne, Jonas, and Nicole
Acknowledgments
It goes without saying that this book could not have been written without the extraordinary collaboration of the Maines family. I am grateful for their time, their honesty, and their friendship. Wayne’s detailed records of the lawsuit and Kelly’s collection of the twins’ artwork, journals, and school records were invaluable. This was never easy for any of them, but especially Nicole and Jonas, whom I watched grow up into kind, intelligent young adults. Lisa Erhardt at Asa C. Adams Elementary school also provided much insight, as did Dr. Norman Spack, and GLAD attorneys Jennifer Levi and Ben Klein, who helped me understand the nuances of the legal case. I especially want to thank Jennifer for acting as a liaison and bringing the story of the Maines family to my attention. Guidance and information from my very dear friend Dr. Jane McInerny was also key to helping me understand transgender issues. My sister Eva Nies provided an invaluable last look at the manuscript, and Cyndi Togans advised me on Papua New Guinea culture.
The privilege of being published by Random House is deep and abiding, as is my respect for, and immense gratitude to, my editor David Ebershoff. His talents as a mentor, editor, author, and intellect are bountiful, and without him this book would have been the poorer. My thanks also to the second and third Random House “eyes” on the manuscript, Caitlin McKenna (who also juggled multiple duties and guided me through many a computer malfunction) and Annie Chagnot, and to the extraordinary staff of Random House, who worked long hours under great time pressure, including Susan Kamil, publisher and editor in chief; Tom Perry, associate publisher of nonfiction; Benjamin Dreyer, managing editor; Sally Marvin, publicity director; Leigh Marchant, marketing director; Paolo Pepe, the art director for the jacket; Evan Camfield, production editor; Michelle Daniel, copy editor; Jennifer Backe, production manager; Carolyn Foley, associate general counsel; and cover photographer Kelly Campbell. Contributions were much appreciated from Nick Adams, director of transgender media at GLAAD; and especially Dr. Joshua Safer, endocrinologist and associate professor of molecular medicine at Boston University School of Medicine, and Dr. Curtis Crane, a reconstructive urologist and plastic surgeon in San Francisco.
Thank you also to Marty Baron, executive editor of The Washington Post, who allowed me a crucial two months of writing before I joined the newspaper in September 2014. Finally, thank you to my agent, Wendy Strothman, who always goes above and beyond, and to my parents and the rest of my large extended family and friends, but especially Jane Wulf, who started me out on this whole writing thing twenty-five years ago. Thanks, Bambi.
Sources
Much of the material for this book was drawn from hundreds of hours of interviews with the Maines family, doctors, lawyers, friends, Asa Adams school counselor Lisa Erhardt, and others. The research also included extensive personal papers, journals, medical records, court depositions, photographs and videos, and an unpublished memoir by Wayne Maines, all courtesy of the Maines family. Some of the events in this book also were witnessed firsthand by the author.
BIBLIOGRAPHY
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Bornstein, Kate, and S. Bear Bergman. Gender Outlaws: The Next Generation. Berkeley: Seal Press, 2010.
Boylan, Jennifer Finney. She’s Not There: A Life in Two Genders. New York: Broadway Books, 2003.
Brooks, Peter. Enigmas of Identity. Princeton, N.J.: Princeton University Press, 2011.
Burr, Chandler. A Separate Creation: The Search for the Biological Origins of Sexual Orientation. New York: Hyperion, 1996.
Burt, Stephen. Belmont. Minneapolis: Graywolf Press, 2013.
Colapinto, John. As Nature Made Him: The Boy Who Was Raised as a Girl. New York: Perennial, 2001.
Davis, Elizabeth Gould. The First Sex. New York: Putnam, 1971.
Dorsey, James Owen. A Study of Siouan Cults. Charleston, S.C.: Nabu Press, 2011.
Erickson-Schroth, Laura, ed. Trans Bodies, Trans Selves: A Resource for the Transgender Community. Oxford: Oxford University Press, 2014.
Fine, Cordelia. Delusions of Gender: How Our Minds, Society, and Neurosexism Create Difference. New York: W. W. Norton, 2010.
Garcia-Falgueras Alicia, and Dick F. Swaab. “A Sex Difference in the Hypothalamic Uncinate Nucleus: Relationship to Gender Identity,” Brain 131 (2008): 3132–46.
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Krieger, Irwin. Helping Your Transgender Teen: A Guide for Parents. New Haven, Conn.: Genderwise Press, 2011.
Kuklin, Susan. Beyond Magenta: Transgender Teens Speak Out. Somerville, Mass.: Candlewick Press, 2014.
Leger, Tom, and Riley MacLeod, eds. The Collection. New York: Topside, 2012.
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Meyerowitz, Joanne. How Sex Changed: A History of Transsexuality in the United States. Cambridge: Harvard University Press, 2002.
Morris, Jan. Conundrum. New York: New York Review of Books, 2005.
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Resources
SUICIDE PREVENTION
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THE TREVOR PROJECT
thetrevorproject.org
For transgender people in crisis, call the Trevor Lifeline, 866-4-U-TREVOR (866-488-7386), or ask for help through TrevorText (text “Trevor” to 1-202-304-1200), TrevorChat, the Trevor Project’s online messaging service, or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
EQUALITY ADVOCATES
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NATIONAL CENTER FOR TRANSGENDER EQUALITY
transequality.org
A social justice advocacy organization based in Washington, D.C.
GLAAD
glaad.org/transgender
Empowers LGBT people to tell their stories, and works with the media to shape the narrative about LGBT issues.
HUMAN RIGHTS CAMPAIGN
hrc.org/resources/category/transgender
A national civil rights organization.
TASK FORCE TRANSGENDER CIVIL RIGHTS PROJECT
thetaskforce.org/tcrp
Dedicated to the expansion of transgender rights in legislative and policy arenas.
THE AUDRE LORDE PROJECT—TRANSJUSTICE
alp.org/TransJustice
Political group created by and for trans and gender-nonconforming people of color, mobilizing community action on pressing political issues, including access to jobs, housing, and education.
TRANS PEOPLE OF COLOR COALITION
transpoc.org
Nonprofit social justice and advocacy organization based in Washington, D.C.
I AM: TRANS PEOPLE SPEAK
transpeoplespeak.org
A website dedicated to empowering transgender people by giving them a place to share their own stories and speak for themselves.
THE TRANS 100
thetrans100.com
An overview of the work being done in, by, and for the transgender community in the United States.
WE HAPPY TRANS
wehappytrans.com
A website devoted to sharing positive stories from trans people everywhere.
LEGAL HELP
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TRANSGENDER LAW CENTER
transgenderlawcenter.org
Organization dedicated to changing law, policy, and attitudes toward transgender people.
SYLVIA RIVERA LAW PROJECT
srlp.org
Legal advocacy organization based in New York City.
TRANSGENDER LEGAL DEFENSE AND EDUCATION FUND
tldef.org
Provides public education, test-case litigation, direct legal services, community organizing, and public policy efforts.
NATIONAL CENTER FOR LESBIAN RIGHTS—TRANSGENDER LAW
nclrights.org/explore-the-issues/transgender-law
Social justice and advocacy organization.
GAY AND LESBIAN ADVOCATES AND DEFENDERS
glad.org
GLAD is New England’s leading legal rights organization dedicated to ending discrimination based on sexual orientation, HIV status, and gender identity and expression.
LAMBDA LEGAL
lambdalegal.org
The oldest national organization pursuing high-impact litigation, public education, and advocacy on behalf of equality and civil rights for lesbians, gay men, bisexuals, transgender people, and people with HIV.
YOUTH AND FAMILIES
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PARENTS, FAMILIES AND FRIENDS OF LESBIANS AND GAYS
pflag.org
PFLAG is a national nonprofit organization for parents, family, friends, and allies of LGBTQ people that also provides resources and support for transgender children.
GAY, LESBIAN AND STRAIGHT EDUCATION NETWORK
glsen.org
GLSEN focuses on education support for K–12 schools.
GENDER SPECTRUM
genderspectrum.org
Gender Spectrum helps to create gender-sensitive and inclusive environments for all children and teens.
TRANS YOUTH FAMILY ALLIES
imatyfa.org
TYFA empowers young people and their families through support, education, and outreach about gender identity and expression
CAMP ARANU’TIQ
camparanutiq.org
Summer camp for transgender kids, teens, and families who might not fit in at other camps, or who want to be at camps with kids like them.
TRANSKIDS PURPLE RAINBOW FOUNDATION
transkidspurplerainbow.org
TKPRF is committed to enhancing the future lives of trans children by educating schools, peers, places of worship, the medical community, government bodies, and society in general in an effort to seek fair and equal treatment of all trans youth.
TRANS STUDENT EDUCATIONAL RESOURCES
transstudent.org