“I would never go back on my word, Margaret. But I must say that I have no liking for the ever-increasing time you spend there.”
“There is so much less for me here. And Genevieve understands.”
He knew her heart was broken without her son here. But an order from the queen could not be denied.
“I am here,” Orrick whispered, taking her hand in his and squeezing it. “And your duties to this household have not stopped or lessened with Alain’s departure.” She stared off at the wall and would not give him the agreement he wanted to hear from her.
“You are my strength in this, Orrick. Never think otherwise.” He felt her hand squeeze his in return. “I just cannot bear the thought of my son being under the queen’s scrutiny without me there to protect him.” She faced him now and her eyes were bleak. “I paid the high cost of my sins against her. Why does she still seek to punish me for the transgressions of my youth?”
He decided to turn her fears and make them work for her. “Do you say that you fear her? Marguerite the Fair of Alençon? You who stood boldly before her even when she knew the truth? Bah! I cannot believe you would buckle to her now.”
His words lit a spark in her, for she sat up straighter and took a deep breath. When she met his eyes again, he could see that her determination to be strong, even if only on her son’s account, was growing within her.
“You have no idea how much I love you.” Tears rolled down her cheeks and he reached out to wipe them.
“And you always have my love.” Mayhap something in the water was making everyone in the keep so maudlin? Or was it the emptiness he also felt for their son?
“Not always, husband.” Margaret tugged a square of linen from her sleeve and finished dabbing at her eyes.
“Ah, but forever after that day. As I promised.” Orrick leaned over and kissed her softly on the mouth.
Neither spoke for some minutes. He needed to regain his composure as much as his wife did. He decided to try to bring her attention back to the matter at hand—discord among his knights over this woman.
“What is your next step to bring Royce to his knees…to the realization that he needs this woman as much as she needs him?”
Orrick winked at her as he purposely stumbled over his words. She needed something to give her attention to and if it was two lovesick fools who knew no better, then so be it. At least it would keep her busy and here.
She cleared her throat. “I think that Royce should take the place he deserves as captain of your guards and commander of your defenses. Mayhap at your table tonight? What say you, my lord husband?”
He laughed out loud. Royce stood no chance now that his wife was on the march. No one, not even this man who had held himself apart from all, could withstand Marguerite of Alençon when she was determined. Henry Plantagenet had never been able to and this man was no Henry.
Chapter Thirteen
Devilment was in the air at Silloth Keep. Led by its lord and lady, they all turned against William, and the progress he’d made in these last years was for naught. Every bit of separation between him and them came crashing down in the next week.
First, his presence at meals was commanded. When this order was directed at all four of the other knights in residence, he thought that mayhap he was not the object of the lady’s scheming. Then, Orrick suggested, commanded rather, that William move into a chamber on the second floor across the corridor from the great hall. The worst was Lady Margaret’s grooming directives. Then he knew he was the true target, for Richard, Hugh and the others already met with Margaret’s approval.
All of the knights who attended meals must be dressed appropriately, she said. When he argued that he never claimed that title, the black look on her face truly scared him. She proclaimed that court style demanded no beards and shorter hair. His expression must have been suitably dark, for she softened that demand a bit. No chain mail at table, no filthy boots, no crude talk. When Lord Orrick did not gainsay her, William was convinced that the lord was indulging his lady too much.
William had planned on wearing the better of his surcoats the first night, but when he arrived in his newly assigned chambers, there were three new ones in his chest. The biggest surprise was a boy named Cadby. Even though the boy stuttered nervously, William understood his orders clearly—this was his new page. And in spite of his young appearance and stammering speech, Cadby stood his ground even when William yelled for him to be gone.
He had cornered Lord Orrick and demanded an explanation on the second day. One never-ending meal, filled with niceties and mindless chatter was more than any man could endure and he was determined to put a quick end to this. And since his chamber was in the midst of all the activity of the keep, never was there a moment of quiet, except in the deepest part of the night when all lay sleeping somewhere else.
“My lord? A word, please?” William had followed Lord Orrick to the roof of the keep. ’Twas a place they used often for consultations, since neither the height nor the wind bothered either of them.
“Royce. Come, have a look over here.” He walked to the edge of the northern side of the keep and looked where Orrick pointed. “I think we should fortify that section of wall next.”
After a few minutes of discussing the defenses, William broached the true matter at hand.
“My lord, I would speak of our agreement. Have I not lived up to my part of it, serving you as you require and swearing fealty to you?”
“You have been ever vigilant on my behalf, Royce. How have I failed you, for your words give rise to that accusation?”
“I did not mean an insult, my lord. I am simply saying that I am used to my privacy and find that moving into the keep, and the other changes instituted by your ladywife, are making that difficult.” Had he just insulted Lady Margaret? This was not going as he’d like it to go.
“Margaret felt that some conditions needed to change.”
“And I am one of those conditions? I need not her attentions.” William rubbed his hand over his face. He had slept little in this new chamber, with noises around him and the little snorer sleeping by his door.
“You would rather live in a hovel in the forest than here in some measure of comfort?”
“There is payment due for these comforts, my lord, and I fear I am unwilling to pay it.”
How could he make Orrick understand? He could not risk accepting these things, for soon he would be accustomed to them again and then he would begin to covet that which he did not have. Only deprivation and a solitary existence gave him the strength to control the miscreant who lived within him.
“I ask not for your soul, Royce. Only that you be clean of face and wear the garments I provide when you sit at my table. Is that too high a price to pay?”
William turned and began to walk away when Orrick spoke to him. “Damn me, but I love her, Royce. She is withering without Alain and I would do anything in my power to rouse her spirits. Can you not cooperate until Alain’s return? A short time, to be sure.”
He knew there was no time frame for Alain to return to Silloth and his parents. “My lord, if I could go to Chester and bring your son home, I would. But we know that is not going to happen until the queen decides otherwise.” William did not know the particulars but could recognize another Plantagenet plot when he saw it. And Eleanor had taught all of her sons the fine points of a good scheme.
“No. You are correct, Royce. ’Tis by the queen’s order that Alain was called and ’twill be her order to send him home.”
Orrick’s face clouded and he walked away from William after that admission. He was certain that the boy was safe. Oh, Eleanor was pulling strings and keeping the parents in line, but William did not think she would make the child suffer for something she blamed on his parents.
Now John was another story.
He followed Orrick once more. They stopped on the section of wall that overlooked the courtyard. In silence, the two men watched as Lady Margaret, Isabel and several other women
made their way back from the village to the keep.
“Once our guest comes back to herself or submits herself to the convent, Margaret will relent. For now she needs to believe she is helping.”
“Convent? Isabel would seek the convent?” This was new. He had never really considered her options if her memory did not return. Of course, even when it returned, she may need to seek the sanctuary of convent walls to protect her from those who would cause her harm.
“I do not claim to know how it will turn out for her, but I know that for the first time in months, Margaret is interested in something. I ask you to cooperate for this short time.”
William heard the plea of a friend, not the order of a liege lord, in Orrick’s words. Orrick had offered him a place to live and duties to fulfill and saved his life in so many other ways. In spite of the danger to his own soul, he would do this for the lord and lady. ’Twas the least he could do.
“I would have your permission to seek refuge from time to time in my hovel.” At Orrick’s nod, he joked, “And I fear that I have forgotten the manners of high tables.”
“Nay. Once bred into you, those never leave.” William startled at his words. What did Orrick know of him?
Orrick clapped William on the back and laughed. “I have never asked of your past and will not begin to do so now. You have nothing to fear from me.”
As they walked to the stairwell, William felt fear deep inside his soul. He would see her every day. Not only that, they would interact in many ways each and every day. He must tell himself that it was a temporary thing—as soon as her memory returned, he would have his life back again. Fear dragged an icy finger down his spine as, for the first time in three years, he was not certain which life he wanted back.
“Know that I would never keep you in my service should you desire to leave, Royce.” Orrick held his attention as he spoke. “You saved my life and I sought to reward your actions by offering you a place here. If you cannot stay, I will accept that.”
He knew he must choose at that moment and he knew how much the cost would be. But just as something had put his feet on that path one night over two months ago, something pushed him once more to agree. God help him if this did not work out.
“I will stay.”
That declaration had been made two days ago and he regretted ever letting the words leave his mouth. Due to being called away at times by his responsibilities, he was placed at the end of the table at meals. From his seat, he could see everything Isabel did and everyone she spoke to and even what foods she ate or was fed by the obliging male at her side. He could also see she was in distress.
At each meeting, her eyes seemed more haunted and the black smudges darkened each day. She was not sleeping. He overheard Edlyn telling Lady Margaret of the nightmares and screaming that woke her several times each night. Wenda was called and offered different brews, but none worked for her.
Isabel did her best to take part in the midday meal, but he watched as she began refusing the morsels offered to her. Her appetite was affected as well as her sleep. She needed rest. Remembering their encounter of a few days before, he knew what to do.
Rising from his seat, he explained his plan to Orrick, who nodded approval. Making his way down the dais, he stood at her side and held out his hand.
“Walk with me.” He knew it sounded more like an order than a request, but he could not soften everything about himself.
Isabel glanced at the lord and lady, waiting for their approval, and at their gestures, she looked back at him. “I am in the midst of a conversation with Sir Richard. I wish to stay.”
She was playing some game, for not even her refusal carried much conviction. He moved his hand closer and repeated his words, trying to ask this time.
“Walk with me, Isabel.”
This time she lifted the napkin from her lap and laid it on the table. Standing, she placed her hand on his arm and followed him as he guided her away. Soon they stood before the chapel.
“I thought you could use the quiet of the church for a short time.”
They had not spoken of their last visit here. He assumed she was too embarrassed or proud to admit her need to him or to acknowledge his care of her. She turned to face him before he could open the gate.
“You do not need to do this, Royce.”
“I think that I do.”
“I am in Lady Margaret’s care now. Your responsibility for me is finished.”
“This is not about responsibility, Isabel.”
He saw her chin go up and her eyes hardened. “You have washed your hands of me and I can accept that, Royce. But please do not play with me this way.”
Surprised by her words, he stood and watched her walk through the now-opened gate and into the chapel. Without him. Well, she would not have the last word in this. Especially when she was wrong.
She took refuge in the back corner of the church, far away from the altar and the windows behind it. Even with the midday sun shining outside, this room tended to remain darkened and it suited her mood right now. She’d discovered the truth about Royce and it was better if they not have anything to do with each other. She could not count on him to help her any longer.
He walked in and stood at the door. When he saw her, his long strides brought him there in only two paces. Confronted by well over six feet of angry male, she backed up against the wall until she could move no more. Isabel looked up from his chest, higher and higher until she met his eyes, his very angry eyes. She could not suppress the shiver of fear that pulsed through her for he could hurt her with just a blow of his hand.
At that moment, Royce reeled back as though struck himself. Turning away from her, he walked a short distance before facing her once more. “You believe I could strike you?”
“No!”
“Your look said differently, Isabel.” His voice softened. “I would never harm you.”
She swallowed once and then again, and tried to make him understand. “I felt overwhelmed. By your height, by your strength, by your nearness.”
“I will never harm you, Isabel.” He repeated his words and they sounded more like a vow to her.
She nodded and accepted them. But she’d heard so many other things. That it was his idea to move her to the keep. That he guarded his privacy almost to obsession and did not want her in his cottage, invading his place. That he only came to meals and only spoke to her when ordered by the lord.
“Is bringing me here simply another of your duties?”
“What are you talking about, Isabel?” He looked as confused as she felt. She wanted to be more than that to him and yet, at the same time, she had no right to be. No right to even think about those kinds of things.
“I have heard that your compunction to carry out your duties is the thing that guides your life. Is that true?”
“I have not thought on it in those terms, Isabel. But, yes, I feel a deep responsibility to fulfill my commitments.” She watched as he frowned. “Is that what you are asking?”
“Did you keep me in your cottage only on orders from Orrick? Did you bring me here on his orders? Do you stay at meals and live in the keep only on his word?”
“Aye. No. Both? Neither?” He let out a deep breath and walked over to her. “’Tis no secret that I live alone. I prefer to and chose to three years ago when Orrick took me into his service. Yes, your arrival was an upheaval for me. No, I have not dealt well with it.” He reached out and lifted her chin with his finger so that their gazes met. “This, however, I do in disregard of orders and for no one but myself.”
His mouth covered hers and all she could feel was the desire and heat pouring from him into her. His lips were firm on hers, pressing against hers, then she felt the tip of his tongue run over her bottom lip. When she chuckled at the tickling sensation, he took advantage and dipped inside to taste more of her mouth. She clutched at his surcoat to keep her balance as the kiss went on and on.
’Twas only when she realized that he was not, other than t
heir mouths, touching her, that she dragged her lips from his and leaned back against the wall and looked at him. In spite of what she knew was mutual enjoyment, he did not appear to be happy. The magical moment passed quickly. Royce stood back and walked away. Sitting on the bench they had shared the last time they visited here together, he looked at her with bleak eyes.
“That was wrong.”
“Was it? It did not feel wrong to me.”
She knew what he meant, but for that one moment when their mouths met, she knew it was him kissing her. Not a man in service carrying out an order or doing something as a favor to a friend. A man and a woman. And, as it had in the past weeks, that realization brought them both to their senses. He patted the bench beside him and she sat next to him.
“I do have some soft feelings for you, Isabel, but you must know that there can be nothing more between us. Can you admit that much?”
“I am not asking you to…”
“You ask more than I can give you. Even if not for the loss of your memories of the life you had before the attack, I cannot offer you more. I have wished on many occasions since finding you that it could be otherwise, but it cannot. It will not be.”
How had she allowed herself to care for him? Without her past or his, they had no hope for a future. But apparently love took no measure of suitability or other lives when it came into your heart. Or if it was free to be given or belonged to another. She swallowed to clear her tightening throat.
“How do we go on from here?”
He took her hand in his and lifted it to his mouth. Kissing her wrist as he had once before, he smiled sadly. “As friends? Know that I will do everything possible to aid your recovery. And I am here if you need me.”
She could only nod as he explained. “But if my memory returns, we may…”
“No matter what your life was before, I cannot make you part of mine now, Isabel. I knew that when I found you and I know that more with every passing day. You cannot be mine.”
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