“You haven’t heard a word I’ve said, have you?” he asked in an irritated tone, but his eyes gave him away.
“No. After a couple hours of hearing stories about Will and you when you were kids, I stopped,” I admitted, not trying to hide the smile tugging at the corner of my lips. “Plus, there’s something about walking through water that makes me not able to focus on other things.”
“Is that right?” he asked. He took a little step closer.
I looked out at the water again. I was getting the same feeling I had in the barn when there was a shift between us. It wasn’t unlike the one I had gotten around Mark when he told me he wanted to marry me, but it was still different. I had this weird connection with James that was unlike anything I’d ever had with anyone else. He treated me like no one else either. I knew if I kept telling myself this, I would believe it. But I just wasn’t used to it. It wasn’t as if it didn’t feel right, in fact it was nice, very nice. It was just new and different, and I wasn’t good with new and different.
He stepped back. He must have sensed that my silence was more out of me being uncomfortable than unsure of myself. He came back beside me and remained silent as we started walking again. After we had walked at least a mile, he reached over and took my hand. He rubbed his thumb over the skin. It felt so nice that I let him hold it, but still didn’t say anything. We headed toward the road since we were close to the town and went to the tailor. When we arrived, he told us to come back in a few days and he’d have them done. So we left the store and walked around town a little.
He started telling me another story about when Will and he spooked some horses attached to a carriage when I looked up and saw someone staring at me from down an alley. The person came out of the shadows, and it was Mark. Someone walked between us as I tried to keep my eyes on him, but he was gone.
“What’s the matter?” James stopped and followed my gaze. When he saw nothing, he turned back to me, “You’re turning white.”
I knew I had seen him. The question was why had he disappeared? I didn’t think James holding my hand would have stopped him from running over to me. It would have made him angry, but that wouldn’t have stopped him.
“It… it was Mark.” I turned to James. “I saw him down that alley.”
“Mark?” He looked back down the alley. “I didn’t see anyone.”
“You weren’t looking.” I glanced down the alley again. “But he was there! I know I saw him.”
We stared for a few more minutes, but nobody appeared. James sighed and turned back to me. “I don’t see anybody, Love.”
“But he was there.”
“Well, we better get back home soon because it’s starting to get dark and we’re walking.” He started to pull me. “Let’s walk along the beach again.”
I reluctantly followed, very confused about what had just happened. I knew that I had seen Mark, there was no doubt about that. But for whatever reason, he left. James stayed quiet as we walked along the beach. I didn’t walk in the water this time, my mind lost in thought. James started to swing our arms, and when I looked at him, he was smiling.
“Hey.”
“Hey.” I tried to smile back, but I couldn’t do it. I shifted my eyes back to the sand.
“Look, if you really want, we can go back tomorrow and ask around.”
I turned toward him. “What happened to me staying with you?”
He swallowed, and for the first time, he showed that he was nervous. “I want you to stay with us. You should stay with us.”
“What’s the matter? Would you stop me if I tried to leave?” I slowed my pace until I was standing still.
“Of course I would,” he said as he stopped beside me.
“How would you try to stop me?”
He ran his hand through his hair. “I think…”
“What?”
He turned toward me. “I don’t know how to say it.”
“Just try will you? What harm could it do? I just want to know how you’d try to stop me.”
He looked me in the eye. “If Mark is back to take you, and you were determined to leave, then I would ask you to marry me.”
I took a step back. “You’d what?”
“Look, it was only if he was back. I mean, I do have strong feelings for you, and I would honestly mean it. I do honestly mean it. And you’re starting to trust me. You said you don’t let people near you, and I’m the only exception. And, I mean, that wouldn’t mean you’d stay or say yes, but I’d do everything I could to try to keep you here.”
I looked at him closely. He meant every word of it. And the strange thing was I wasn’t shocked by it. I knew he was protective of me, and we hadn’t known each other long. His points were valid as well. James asking me to marry him didn’t bother me the way it did when Mark asked me. Mark seemed to always have a hidden agenda, whereas James kept everything out in front of me. He had no secrets from me. I did intend to go back to my father when he found me. But what would my life be like without James?
My silence made him very uneasy. “Well, it’s not like it would stop you. You’re going to do whatever you-“
“Yes,” I said quickly which made him stop in midsentence.
“Yes?” He looked bewildered and confused as if he couldn’t believe what I had just said.
I was shocked myself. I had just been thinking that I was going to go back to my father but I said I’d marry James? Wasn’t that a contradiction? How did I intend to marry James but go back to living with my father? I heard myself continue and say, “If it came down to it, then yes, I’ll marry you.”
“What about your father?” He looked at me closely. “I don’t understand. How are you giving up so easily?”
“I don’t see it as giving up. I mean, I want to see my father again, I will see my father again. I just…” My mouth was still going even though my mind hadn’t caught up. I looked down as everything hit me at once. Suddenly it all started to make sense. “I barely know you, but there’s something I can’t explain that draws me to you, something I haven’t felt before.”
“I um…” He was quiet, so I glanced up at him. He wasn’t looking at me, and he was running his hand through his hair again. “I honestly didn’t think you’d agree. I thought you’d scream and be angry at me.”
I looked down. “I don’t know. If you don’t want to…”
“No, I do, I really want to.”
“But not right now.” I paused. “You weren’t meaning right now.”
“Only if it came down to keeping you here. If we got married before your father came to take you. That’s what I meant.”
Now I understood why he thought I would get angry, and I could feel it start inside me. I glared at him. “You want me to marry you to keep me away from my father?”
“No, no. That’s not at all what I meant at all.” He turned back to me quickly. “I would never keep you from your father. But if we got married, then you’d have to live with me and not your father. I don’t know how else to put it. I would never keep you from seeing him. Never. But I just don’t want you leaving here and never coming back. I… I love you.”
This conversation was getting deeper with every passing minute. “You love me?”
“Yes. I really do.” He stepped closer to me. It made me nervous, especially after his confession. I couldn’t look at him. His voice was soft when he spoke again. “Just like you said, I feel myself drawn to you. I can’t imagine what it would be like without you in my life.”
I closed my eyes. I felt so confused, but at the same time, after what he just said, I felt something else. This felt more like what I needed to feel when a man asked me to marry him. Everything with Mark was wrong. And the fact that he was going to make me marry him, whether I wanted to or not, should have warned me right then and there. But with James, he wasn’t going to force me. He had expected I’d say no. That told me a lot.
“Look, I didn’t mean to do any of this the way I did. I really didn’t. It j
ust sort of… came out.”
I opened my eyes. I was suddenly very tired and I realized that it was dark. Only the moon and the stars were lighting the beach. I looked up at him and took his hand. He glanced down at it and then stared at my face. He squeezed my hand and said, “Let’s just go home. We can discuss this later.”
He walked me back to the house in silence. After holding the door open for me, he led me up the stairs. When we arrived at my room, he stopped. Not looking at me, he said, “Do you want to try sleeping on your own? Or do you want me to stay with you?”
“Stay with me,” I said immediately. I knew if I was alone, the nightmares would start again.
“Then would you mind if we went in my room tonight? I don’t know how you can sleep in there with how bright it gets when the sun rises.” He finally turned toward me.
“I don’t care.”
He took the few steps across the hall and opened his door. He grabbed one of the lit candles from the hallway and reached inside his room to light one on a table. He set the candle back where it belonged, then held the door open for me.
His room was a mirror image of mine. The fabrics were a deep red, almost a black color with gold accents, and the furniture was a dark brown wood. The room itself had a dark red paint on the walls to match the fabrics. Compared to my room, this looked like a dungeon. Mine was so light and airy, and this was so dark. But it was very elegant at the same time. It was beautiful, I yawned, unable to help myself.
He smirked. “Feel free to look around. I’ll be back in a minute.”
“Where are you going?” I turned around to face him.
“Well, I don’t know about you, but I missed dinner, so I’m pretty hungry.”
I nodded, but looked back at the bed. “I’m just tired.”
“Okay then. I’ll eat something quickly and come back up.
He left and quietly shut the door behind him. I walked around the bed so that I was closer to the window and looked out. The moon reflected off some of the trees which made them shine as the wind caught them. I went back to the bed and pulled back the large comforter I adjusted the pillows before crawling in. The bed wasn’t as soft as mine, but I was too tired to care.
I was adjusting the pillows a little more when James came back. He walked over to the chair at the end of the bed and pulled off a blanket before he came back to the bed. He sat on top of the comforter. Unaware that I was watching him, he leaned back against the pillows and adjusted the blanket over him. I continued to stare at him. I needed to do something to make up for our conversation on the beach so things wouldn’t be so awkward. I had to show him that I still trusted him and that I meant what I said. He raised his arms above his head to stretch, and I took this opportunity to lean into him. I placed my head on his chest and slid my arm across his stomach. I didn’t look up at him after I did this. I hoped that he understood why I’d just done it since I hadn’t fallen asleep yet and I’d only done it after I had been asleep. After what felt like a very long moment, he lowered his arms. He placed one of his hands on my waist, and the other he gently placed on the side of my face. He didn’t try to make me face him, but instead he leaned forward ever so slightly and pressed his lips into my hair. I looked up at him as he rubbed his thumb over my cheek. He smiled at me and then leaned back. He closed his eyes as he rested his head against the top of the pillows he had stacked against the headboard. He moved the hand on my cheek down to my arm, and kept it there the rest of the night.
I couldn’t sleep. My mind kept running over our conversation on the beach. I was very serious about what I had said, and I knew he was, too. The only thing was, what about my father? I couldn’t do this to him. He’d be devastated. But I knew that I didn’t want to be away from James either. I’d have to make him understand that I wasn’t betraying him. I just didn’t know how.
After several hours, James moaned and shifted. He moved the hand on top of my arm onto my hand and curled his fingers around it at first. After a few minutes, he yawned and moved his hand again so that he could rub the back of my hand with the tips of my fingers. I watched them. I wondered how hands so scratched and scarred could be so tender and soft. He started tracing a circle around the middle, which told me he was fully awake. I leaned my head back to look at his face.
“You’re awake?” he asked, clearly a little surprised.
“No. I’m just watching you in my sleep,” I said, trying to sound sarcastic.
The corner of his lip twitched as he fought a smile. “I mean, obviously you are. But why?”
I moved my head so that I wasn’t looking at him. “I’ve been thinking a lot about some things.”
“Yeah? Like what?”
I sighed. “Everything.”
“I thought you were tired.”
“I am. I’m exhausted. But, I don’t know. I can’t stop thinking about this stuff.”
“Can I do anything?”
I tilted my head back to see his face. “Being quiet could help.”
He smiled again. “If you want me to be.”
I nestled my head into his shirt. “Your voice is very soothing.”
Instead of replying, he started to hum. I could feel myself start to drift off to sleep. After awhile, he stopped and asked. “How’s that?”
“It was fine until you actually spoke,” I murmured.
“I’m sorry,” he said and I could tell there was still a smile on his lips as he started to hum, and I finally fell asleep.
Chapter VII
For the next couple of days, we waited for Captain Brown to return. He had said he would be back in only a few days, but it had been almost two weeks. James wasn’t concerned. He told me several times that this was common for Captain Brown. In the mean time, we went into town asking around if anyone had seen someone fitting Mark’s description. We were always answered with a no, but that they’d keep their eyes open for him. I started to feel very unsettled. I knew he was here somewhere and for his own reason, he was hiding. I didn’t take this as good thing. He was planning something, and since I didn’t know if it was good or bad, every time we received a no, I felt my stomach sink.
James asked me if he could start telling people we were going to get married, if only to get Meredith away from him. Every time we had gone into town, I could feel her eyes on us. Several times she even followed us from a distance. But only once did she come up and talk to us, well, James anyway. She ignored my existence as she tried to get James interested in her and get his eyes off me. I knew that was a pointless task because I knew just how often his eyes were on me. I didn’t feel uneasy, and I usually tried to meet his gaze. But sometimes, his gaze was so intense that I couldn’t do it. After the news got around though, she came up to us, not trying to hide the fact that she was glaring at me.
“Hello, Meredith,” James said politely. He removed his hand from mine and gently slid it around my waist.
“James.” She nodded in his direction, but her full attention was on me. I knew whatever she was going to say was going to be cruel and intended to offend me. She had no idea that I didn’t care what she said, and that if I wanted to I could do some damage to her pretty face.
Sensing what was coming, James slid his hand up to my neck, gently pressing his thumb into the heartbeat on the side of my throat. I knew he did it to remind me to stay calm and that I couldn’t hit her no matter what she said. So I just stared back at her with an innocent expression and waited for whatever it was she had to say to me. I didn’t have to wait long.
“You despicable, little rat. James was mine before you came here.”
“Actually I wasn’t,” James said. “I told you that several times, Meredith.”
“And I told you that you’d get over it very soon and would come crawling back to me, begging me to take you.” She glared back at him. Up close, she really wasn’t as pretty as I had originally thought. Then again, it could have just been the expression on her face.
“And look how that turned out,” I
said despite my knowing I should have kept quiet.
She turned her attention back to me, ready to throw something else at me when James leaned over and whispered just loud enough for her to hear, “Now, now, Love. We don’t want to flaunt it in front of someone who really wanted to be in your shoes right now.”
She turned back to him with a smile. It was clear that she thought the comment was meant more to scold me than to really boast it in front of her.
“Besides,” he gave me the smile that was only meant for me, “it isn’t fair to make her think she had any chance compared with you.”
Her eyes went wide as her jaw dropped. She snapped it shut, glared at us both, and then stomped back to the group of women waiting for her. By the way they greeted her, she had been strongly urged not to come over to us and was being lectured. I couldn’t hide the smile that crept onto my lips, so I buried my face in James’ shoulder. I’d been mean enough to her without having to rub it in any further.
“What’s wrong?” He put his hand on my cheek, and stepped back enough to see me clearly. When he saw the expression on my face, he rolled his eyes and gently pushed my face back against his shoulder. “Such a good girl for trying to hide your smugness.”
“She deserved it.”
“She did, but at least you acted on your best behavior. May we leave now?”
I lifted my head. “Lead the way.”
We started walking toward where we had left the horses when he asked, “Would you mind just walking back?”
“What about the horses?”
“They’ll walk behind us. But I need to talk to you about something.”
I looked at him. His eyes flicked to me, but then immediately went back to the road. That, and the way his other hand kept twitching, made me think that whatever it was he needed to tell me was not going to be easy for him to say, which also meant that it wasn’t going to be good for me. We arrived at the horses, untied them and started walking. I had gotten better at riding Buttercup around the stable in the past few weeks. I was able to ride her alone without any problem. She walked slowly behind me, and for the beginning of the trip the only sound was horse hooves on stones.
Forgotten Truths (The Forgotten Truths Series) Page 11
