“I know enough of earth’s history to know that a white man wouldn’t have married a woman who’d bore a child of my color, not during the time you were sent there.”
“I didn’t raise Adam. I left him on a good woman’s doorstep. I watched over him. I made sure he was always safe.”
Addix sank to his knees and buried his head in his hands. “You gave him away?”
“I had to.” Zaira inhaled deeply, strengthening herself. She wouldn’t allow the hot tears burning her eyes to fall. She’d done what she had to do. “Fairuza didn’t just give me a wolf’s spirit. She did some kind of binding spell with it. For one hundred years, my magic was very limited. I couldn’t travel to other realms. I had to live on earth and abide by the rules of the time. You know the history. What do you think would have happened to Adam if people knew he was mine? What do you think they’d have done to me? I watched over him. I knew he was safe.”
“But you had more children?”
“Yes. I had to marry, and as time passed and I did not age, I had to leave, go somewhere where I was not known. I had to remarry, and have more children.”
Addix looked up. “How many children did you have?”
“Twenty.”
“And you managed to watch over our son while having nineteen other children and a string of husbands?”
“I watched over our son and his offspring, and continue to do so. Mercury came from his lineage. It is no coincidence that I favor his pack over the others. I loved all of my children, but I couldn’t allow myself to get attached to them, to watch them die. I raised the ones I could, then sent them off into the world on their own. I always knew where they were, I had that much magic, at least, but it was Adam’s lineage I stayed closest to, even after the binding spell wore off and I could leave earth, escape to a realm where I didn’t need a man’s help getting shelter.”
“I’m supposed to believe this?”
“Only if you want to believe the truth.”
“Why would you favor our son out of twenty children, all of your blood?”
“Because, he was the only one created with a man I actually loved.” She looked away. “I thought you’d betrayed me, but I still loved you. That was what made Adam so precious to me. That, and like you, I couldn’t keep him.”
“Why didn’t you tell me about him as soon as I found you? Why didn’t you let me know I’d had a son? That some of the very wolves I and my people were mingling with were my own blood? I had to figure that much out on my own.”
“I did it to protect you. It was better you didn’t know. I wish I didn’t know, I wish I didn’t know any of them. I think you know that, too. It’s why you didn’t ask me any further questions when you confirmed that Mercury was your blood. You knew the details would hurt.” The tears broke free and she fell to her knees as the memory she’d fought so hard to erase flashed to the front of her mind. “I was there when Adam died. He was my firstborn child, my only child with you. I couldn’t raise him, I had to give him away, but I loved him. I loved him so much and I had to watch him die. I came to him, held his hand. He didn’t know me. I was nothing to him, but he was everything to me.”
She bent forward, her forehead to the cool ground as she sobbed for all that had been lost, for all she wished to forget.
Strong bands wrapped around her and she was pulled onto Addix’s lap, nestled against his chest.
“I thought you hated me,” she whispered. “Why comfort me?”
“You hate yourself enough for the both of us,” he replied, “and I could never hate you, no matter how hurt or angry. I still wish I’d known him. I regret not being there, for him or for you. I was greedy and selfish, my only concern being with you. I knew it was dangerous but put no thought to repercussions. At least he lived. Fairuza would have never allowed that had he been born in Imortia. I should have thought about that. I didn’t. Not knowing him is my price to pay.”
“I truly am sorry. I didn’t know until after I was banished. I had no way to contact you.”
“I know.” He held her tighter. “I wish I’d found a way to leave Imortia with you, to have done things right. You were not just a fling to me, Zaira.”
“Did you take a mate?” Zaira’s stomach turned at the thought, but she could not resent him if he did. She had married multiple times, not a single union made of love.
His chest rumbled with a sad mockery of a laugh. “I’ve been too busy.”
“Busy doing what?”
“Finding my way to you.”
She buried her face in his chest, letting his black T-shirt dry her tears. He’d been looking for her, all that time, and she’d been marrying other men, having babies. Never had she felt more ashamed. “I’m sorry I didn’t wait for you. I didn’t know you were trying to reach me. Fairuza said you were her consort.”
“You did what you had to do to survive, as you did what you had to do to make sure Adam survived, just as I did what I had to do to survive. You shouldn’t ever have to apologize for surviving or doing whatever it takes to keep a loved one safe. I’m sorry for my reaction. We’ve been apart too long of a time for me to behave this jealously. What you did was not a betrayal.”
“You’re not furious with me?”
“Furious? No. Not at you.”
“Fairuza?”
“It’s time to end her. She’s caused far too much pain. Once she’s gone, we can make everything right, if you still want to.”
“What do you mean?”
“Imortia won’t be under Fairuza’s rule any longer. Under your rule, they’ll —”
“My rule?” Zara straightened. “I don’t want more lives to be responsible for. I’ll help free them, but I will not rule them.”
“They need someone to protect them. Imortia is held together by the lifeblood of its queen. Once she is destroyed, the realm will be no more, unless a new queen takes the throne.”
“You expect me to be their queen?”
“Of course. You are an Imortian.”
“I was an Imortian.” Zaira stood and stepped away, crossing over to the cliff’s edge. “Now I am the White Wolf. My people are Weres. I have a responsibility to them, not to Imortia.”
“Imortians will lose their immortality.”
“Good. No one should be immortal.”
“You don’t mean that.” Addix rose and walked over to stand at her side. “You and I are immortal.”
“I should have never outlived my own children. No parent should suffer that fate.”
Addix watched Zaira walk away. He could feel her pain radiating from deep within her, but was helpless to heal it. He let her go, knowing words were useless. She thought he didn’t know loss like she knew loss, because he’d been spared the knowledge of who exactly his son was. If only it were that easy.
He knew loss all too well. After losing his parents to battle, he’d raised his younger sister. Fairuza had used her against him. Avery had been the leash that kept him even though he refused to take the vow and become Fairuza’s true consort. Avery had been the one to pay his fee for refusing the queen.
She would be the one to die if Zaira didn’t take the throne.
TWELVE
“This isn’t going to be an easy realm to get through,” Zaira cautioned her small party as they stood at the edge of the cliff. She searched their faces, not happy with what she found. She’d wanted them well rested and mentally prepared for what lay ahead in the dangerous realm, but the realization that they were blood had thrown Mercury for a loop and Addix had spent the night brooding. Neither had gotten much rest, but they couldn’t dawdle. The centaur had warned them about delaying too long.
“You need to stay focused and clearheaded. This realm will mess with your mind, turn you into your own enemy.”
“How?” Merta asked, gripping her daggers tightly in her hands.
Zaira glanced at the weapons, thankful Weres retained all that was on their person when shifting forms. They would need their weapons, both blades
and claws.
“We are about to enter the Realm of Nightmare. Dark witches created this realm as a way to punish their enemies, but we’re using it as a passageway to the next realm. Once you go in, the realm reads you, sifts through your memories, and tastes your emotions. It will then create mirages, hallucinations, of the worst things you could think of and use those things to torment you.”
“So our weapons are useless?” Merta looked down at the blades in her hands, lip curled in a snarl, as if the metal instruments had betrayed her.
“Not at all,” Zaira answered. “The things you fear manifest and take form, a form that can hurt you. For example, let’s say you see an enemy from your past. The person you see in front of you is not actually standing in front of you, but there is a creature there. It’s solid, and you need to kill it before it kills you.”
“What kind of creature?” Mercury asked.
“Shadow demons.” A chill crawled up Zaira’s spine, thinking of the vile monsters. “They are black, shapeless shadows until they take the form of what you fear, or any other dangerous form they choose to take on. They prefer to attack you with your own fears though so guard your mind the best you can. As powerful as they are, they inevitably creep in to some nook or cranny and pull from there. If they do, just remember what you are seeing isn’t real. It’s a shadow demon.”
“Will we be able to see what each other is seeing?” Merta asked.
“Yes, and be glad of it. Even if your fear is embarrassing, be glad that someone else can see it, because if you’re caught in the grip of fear those demons can kill you. Watch out for each other. The shadow demons are bad, but the real danger is if you turn on each other. Stay focused. Keep in mind what is real and what is not, and keep moving forward.”
Mercury and Merta glanced at each other briefly before turning back to her and nodded. Zaira turned to where Addix leaned against a tree, arms folded.
“You’ve been quiet. Any questions?”
Addix shook his head.
“None? You’re sure?”
“I’ve been in worse places than a realm of nightmares.” He pushed off the tree and joined them at the cliff’s edge. “Let’s get this over with. Time’s wasting.”
Zaira shook her head. With that attitude, she could see trouble brewing, but what could she do? She focused on Mercury. He was strong and brave, but the only magic he’d had any knowledge of before joining them was the were-magic that enabled him to shift form.
“How are you with this?”
He looked up, swallowed hard. “Honestly? I think I’m more scared of the thought that I’m about to walk off a cliff. Once I step through that arch and my feet hit solid ground, it’ll all be pie.”
Zaira smiled. “You’ll be fine. We all will be, just keep your guard up. The realm will start working on you as soon as you enter so we need to move north as fast as we can once we step through. The more ground we can clear before the realm figures out how to attack us, the better. Got it?”
They all nodded.
Zaira took a deep breath, turned and summoned the portal. The air swirled in a circular shape, elongated, and opened into an archway to the Realm of Nightmare.
“Don’t look back, keep moving, and move fast,” Zaira reminded them as she stepped through the arch.
The realm was one big white blob of nothing, just the way she liked it. The Realm of Nightmare was like a blank canvas, decorated by the monsters of its visitors’ minds. The blanker it stayed, the safer they were.
Zaira felt the others behind her, heard their footsteps, but did not look back. She walked quickly, just beneath a jog. She’d been through the realm before and knew that their surroundings could change in a nanosecond. It was better to walk quickly than to run and slam right into something that should be avoided.
The temperature suddenly dropped several degrees and the sky grew dark as a large moon rose to cast eerie shadows. Dark, spindly trees sprouted from the ground, gnarled roots stretching out to trip them.
“What’s happening?” Merta asked.
“The realm is attacking. Be alert, but don’t stop moving forward.” Zaira moved around a tree and came face to face with a wall of fire.
“Is it real?” Merta asked as she and Mercury reached her side. Mercury stood slightly before her, protective mode, taking the duty Jason had bestowed on him seriously.
Zaira studied the fire, the myriad of oranges and reds that flickered. No heat. “No, it’s an illusion. Who is scared of fire?”
Both of them shook their heads. She looked back at Addix. He shrugged, but she saw the fear flickering in his eyes as the dancing flames reflected there.
“Take a deep breath and walk through. It’s a mirage. It can’t hurt any of us.”
They quickly cut through the wall of fire, the flames wrapping around their bodies but not doing any harm. As they exited the wall, they realized it had been blocking the true nightmare.
The spirits of unicorns galloped among the twisting black trees, their eyes glowing red in anger. Blood pooled along the ground, splashing against their booted feet. Screams echoed all around them, coming from every direction.
“Keep going.” Addix prodded her forward. Zaira hadn’t even realized she’d stopped. The unicorns. The realm knew where to hit her.
“Thank you,” she whispered, not sure why she was whispering. The realm didn’t need to hear her to know how to hurt her. She continued forward, Addix at her back, Mercury and Merta on either side. The unicorns stopped galloping as they neared, and stared them down, steam coming from their nostrils.
She felt Addix’s fingers thread through hers and she squeezed them, knowing they shared this nightmare.
“Are they real?” Mercury asked.
“Yes,” Zaira answered as the unicorns charged. “They’re shadow demons.”
“Keep moving. We got you covered,” Merta said as she and Mercury moved ahead, blades raised.
Zaira averted her eyes and Addix pulled her forward as the sounds of blades ringing through the air let her know the unicorns were being cut down. She knew they weren’t really unicorns, they were just shadow demons in disguise, but each shriek caused the image of another unicorn being slayed to appear in her mind.
“Replace the image with one of Fairuza being stabbed. Turn the shrieks into her screams,” Addix advised as he continued leading her toward the other end of the realm, toward the portal that would take them away from the horrible place.
“You’re holding up well. You’ve been here before?”
“No.” He didn’t elaborate, just continued walking forward, his comforting hand in hers.
“Watch out!”
Mercury’s yell stopped them in their tracks. A foot ahead of them, the ground fell away.
“I just had to be scared of dropping over the cliff when we entered,” Mercury grumbled. “How do we get across now? It’s too far to jump.”
“We just go around,” Addix suggested.
“No.” Zaira jerked him back as he started to move toward the right. “No getting off track. We go forward. I’ll make a bridge.”
“Out of magic? What if it doesn’t work here and we fall?”
They glared at Mercury.
“Well, now it probably will,” she growled.
“Sorry.” Mercury’s cheeks reddened.
“You guys are forgetting the obvious.”
They turned toward Merta and watched as she shifted shape. Behind her, an army of shadowed forms approached.
“Hurry up, Merta.” Addix grabbed Zaira around the waist as Merta rose in the air.
The dragon shifter grabbed Mercury with one claw and Addix with the other, then they were flying over the canyon.
Shadows danced along the ground on the other side, waiting to twist into the shape of other nightmares once they landed. They continued flying, Merta no doubt thinking she could just fly over the shadow demons, but the realm was wise to her plan.
The sky itself curved in on them, forcing Merta t
o turn back and lower them to the ground. “Curl into a ball and roll,” Addix instructed Mercury just before Merta released them.
Safe in his arms, Zaira’s body curved with his as she and Addix rolled across the ground. Merta was shifting into her human form as they rose to a stand, Mercury at their side, daggers drawn. “What the hell is this?”
They turned to see shadow figures screaming, reaching out to them, but unable to move due to the thick chains weighing them down. Flames burned around them, climbing the scatter of trees. A large tree stood in the midst of them all, a slim figure chained to its trunk. The young mocha colored woman looked up, tears streaming down her ash-covered face.
“Addix, why did you allow this?” she cried.
Zaira looked over to see Addix standing stone still, mouth parted, eyes wide in terror.
“Who is she?”
“She’s not real,” Merta growled, lunging forward with her dagger raised.
Addix surged forward, grabbed the dragon shifter, and flung her to the side, right toward a group of shadow demons starting to take on the form of snarling hellhounds.
“Addix!” Zaira spun him around. “Merta’s real, that woman isn’t.”
“I won’t let her be hurt again.” Addix shook her off, running toward the woman chained to the tree as she screamed, gurgling on blood in the process.
Zaira took in the scene. Mercury fought against the hellhounds, protecting Merta as she again ran toward the woman chained to the tree, determined to kill the shadow demon currently tormenting Addix. Addix ran toward the shadow demon, believing he was protecting the woman it was impersonating from harm. Behind the tree she saw the exit portal swirling. All they had to do was get through it.
“Don’t touch her, Merta!” Addix grabbed the dragon shifter by the shoulder, wrenching her back before she could use her blade against the demon tormenting him. Merta snarled and shifted into dragon form as Addix shifted into his unicorn, but she quickly ended up on the ground, writhing in human form again.
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