by Hank Davis
“My memories are dear to me,” Richard Daniel told him. “They are all I have. After some six hundred years, they are my sole worthwhile possession. Can you imagine, counselor, what it means to spend six centuries with one family?”
“Yes, I think I can,” agreed the lawyer. “But now, with the family gone, isn’t it just possible the memories may prove painful?”
“They’re a comfort. A sustaining comfort. They make me feel important. They give me perspective and a niche.”
“But don’t you understand? You’ll need no comfort, no importance once you’re reoriented. You’ll be brand new. All that you’ll retain is a certain sense of basic identity—that they cannot take away from you even if they wished. There’ll be nothing to regret. There’ll be no leftover guilts, no frustrated aspirations, no old loyalties to hound you.”
“I must be myself,” Richard Daniel insisted stubbornly. “I’ve found a depth of living, a background against which my living has some meaning. I could not face being anybody else.”
“You’d be far better off,” the lawyer said wearily. “You’d have a better body. You’d have better mental tools. You’d be more intelligent.”
Richard Daniel got up from the chair. He saw it was no use.
“You’ll not inform on me?” he asked.
“Certainly not,” the lawyer said. “So far as I’m concerned, you aren’t even here.”
“Thank you,” said Richard Daniel. “How much do I owe you?”
“Not a thing,” the lawyer told him. “I never make a charge to anyone who is older than five hundred.”
He had meant it as a joke, but Richard Daniel did not smile. He had not felt like smiling.
At the door he turned around. “Why?” he was going to ask. “Why this silly law.” But he did not have to ask—it was not hard to see.
Human vanity, he knew. No human being lived much longer than a hundred years, so neither could a robot. But a robot, on the other hand, was too valuable simply to be junked at the end of a hundred years of service, so there was this law providing for the periodic breakup of the continuity of each robot’s life. And thus no human need undergo the psychological indignity of knowing that his faithful serving man might manage to outlive him by several thousand years.
It was illogical, but humans were illogical.
Illogical, but kind. Kind in many different ways.
Kind, sometimes, as the Barringtons had been kind, thought Richard Daniel. Six hundred years of kindness. It was a prideful thing to think about. They had even given him a double name. There weren’t many robots nowadays who had double names. It was a special mark of affection and respect.
The lawyer having failed him, Richard Daniel had sought another source of help. Now, thinking back on it, standing in the room where Hortense Barrington had died, he was sorry that he’d done it. For he had embarrassed the religico almost unendurably. It had been easy for the lawyer to tell him what he had. Lawyers had the statutes to determine their behavior, and thus suffered little from agonies of personal decision.
But a man of the cloth is kind if he is worth his salt. And this one had been kind instinctively as well as professionally, and that had made it worse.
“Under certain circumstances,” he had said somewhat awkwardly, “I could counsel patience and humility and prayer. Those are three great aids to anyone who is willing to put them to his use. But with you I am not certain.”
“You mean,” said Richard Daniel, “because I am a robot?”
“Well, now . . .” said the minister, considerably befuddled at this direct approach.
“Because I have no soul?”
“Really,” said the minister miserably, “you place me at a disadvantage. You are asking me a question that for centuries has puzzled and bedeviled the best minds in the church.”
“But one,” said Richard Daniel, “that each man in his secret heart must answer for himself.”
“I wish I could,” cried the distraught minister. “I truly wish I could.”
“If it is any help,” said Richard Daniel, “I can tell you that sometimes I suspect I have a soul.”
And that, he could see, had been most upsetting for this kindly human. It had been, Richard Daniel told himself, unkind of him to say it. For it must have been confusing, since coming from himself it was not opinion only, but expert evidence.
So he had gone away from the minister’s study and come back to the empty house to get on with his inventory work.
Now that the inventory was all finished and the papers stacked where Dancourt, the estate administrator, could find them when he showed up in the morning, Richard Daniel had done his final service for the Barringtons and now must begin doing for himself.
He left the bedroom and closed the door behind him and went quietly down the stairs and along the hallway to the little cubby, back of the kitchen, that was his very own.
And that, he reminded himself with a rush of pride, was of a piece with his double name and his six hundred years. There were not too many robots who had a room, however small, that they might call their own.
He went into the cubby and turned on the light and closed the door behind him.
And now, for the first time, he faced the grim reality of what he meant to do.
The cloak and hat and trousers hung upon a hook and the galoshes were placed precisely underneath them. His attachment kit lay in one corner of the cubby and the money was cached underneath the floor board he had loosened many years ago to provide a hiding place.
There was, he told himself, no point in waiting. Every minute counted. He had a long way to go and he must be at his destination before morning light.
He knelt on the floor and pried up the loosened board, shoved in a hand and brought out the stacks of bills, money hidden through the years against a day of need.
There were three stacks of bills, neatly held together by elastic bands—money given him throughout the years as tips and Christmas gifts, as birthday presents and rewards for little jobs well done.
He opened the storage compartment located in his chest and stowed away all the bills except for half a dozen which he stuffed into a pocket in one hip.
He took the trousers off the hook and it was an awkward business, for he’d never worn clothes before except when he’d tried on these very trousers several days before. It was a lucky thing, he thought, that long-dead Uncle Michael had been a portly man, for otherwise the trousers never would have fit.
He got them on and zippered and belted into place, then forced his feet into the overshoes. He was a little worried about the overshoes. No human went out in the summer wearing overshoes. But it was the best that he could do. None of the regular shoes he’d found in the house had been nearly large enough.
He hoped no one would notice, but there was no way out of it. Somehow or other, he had to cover up his feet, for if anyone should see them, they’d be a giveaway.
He put on the cloak and it was a little short. He put on the hat and it was slightly small, but he tugged it down until it gripped his metal skull and that was all to the good, he told himself; no wind could blow it off.
He picked up his attachments—a whole bag full of them that he’d almost never used. Maybe it was foolish to take them along, he thought, but they were a part of him and by rights they should go with him. There was so little that he really owned—just the money he had saved, a dollar at a time, and this kit of his.
With the bag of attachments clutched underneath his arm, he closed the cubby door and went down the hall.
At the big front door he hesitated and turned back toward the house, but it was, at the moment, a simple darkened cave, empty of all that it once had held. There was nothing here to stay for—nothing but the memories, and the memories he took with him.
He opened the door and stepped out on the stoop and closed the door behind him.
And now, he thought, with the door once shut behind him, he was on his own. He was running off. He was wearing
clothes. He was out at night, without the permission of a master. And all of these were against the law.
Any officer could stop him, or any citizen. He had no rights at all. And he had no one who would speak for him, now that the Barringtons were gone.
He moved quietly down the walk and opened the gate and went slowly down the street, and it seemed to him the house was calling for him to come back. He wanted to go back, his mind said that he should go back, but his feet kept going on, steadily down the street.
He was alone, he thought, and the aloneness now was real, no longer the mere intellectual abstract he’d held in his mind for days. Here he was, a vacant hulk, that for the moment had no purpose and no beginning and no end, but was just an entity that stood naked in an endless reach of space and time and held no meaning in itself.
But he walked on and with each block that he covered he slowly fumbled back to the thing he was, the old robot in old clothes, the robot running from a home that was a home no longer.
He wrapped the cloak about him tightly and moved on down the street and now he hurried, for he had to hurry.
He met several people and they paid no attention to him. A few cars passed, but no one bothered him.
He came to a shopping center that was brightly lighted and he stopped and looked in terror at the wide expanse of open, brilliant space that lay ahead of him. He could detour around it, but it would use up time and he stood there, undecided, trying to screw up his courage to walk into the light. Finally, he made up his mind and strode briskly out, with his cloak wrapped tight about him and his hat pulled low.
Some of the shoppers turned and looked at him and he felt agitated spiders running up and down his back. The galoshes suddenly seemed three times as big as they really were and they made a plopping, squashy sound that was most embarrassing.
He hurried on, with the end of the shopping area not more than a block away.
A police whistle shrilled and Richard Daniel jumped in sudden fright and ran. He ran in slobbering, mindless fright, with his cloak streaming out behind him and his feet slapping on the pavement.
He plunged out of the lighted strip into the welcome darkness of a residential section and he kept on running.
Far off, he heard the siren and he leaped a hedge and tore across the yard. He thundered down the driveway and across a garden in the back and a dog came roaring out and engaged in noisy chase.
Richard Daniel crashed into a picket fence and went through it to the accompaniment of snapping noises as the pickets and the rails gave way. The dog kept on behind him and other dogs joined in.
He crossed another yard and gained the street and pounded down it. He dodged into a driveway, crossed another yard, upset a birdbath and ran into a clothesline, snapping it in his headlong rush.
Behind him lights were snapping on in the windows of the houses and screen doors were banging as people hurried out to see what the ruckus was.
He ran on a few more blocks, crossed another yard and ducked into a lilac thicket, stood still and listened. Some dogs were still baying in the distance and there was some human shouting, but there was no siren.
He felt a thankfulness well up in him that there was no siren, and a sheepishness, as well. For he had been panicked by himself, he knew; he had run from shadows, he had fled from guilt.
But he’d thoroughly roused the neighborhood and even now, he knew, calls must be going out and in a little while the place would be swarming with police.
He’d raised a hornet’s nest and he needed distance, so he crept out of the lilac thicket and went swiftly down the street, heading for the edge of town,
He finally left the city and found the highway. He loped along its deserted stretches. When a car or truck appeared, he pulled off on the shoulder and walked along sedately. Then when the car or truck had passed, he broke into his lope again.
He saw the spaceport lights miles before he got there. When he reached the port, he circled off the road and came up outside a fence and stood there in the darkness, looking.
A gang of robots was loading one great starship and there were other ships standing darkly in their pits.
He studied the gang that was loading the ship, lugging the cargo from a warehouse and across the area lighted by the floods. This was just the setup he had planned on, although he had not hoped to find it immediately—he had been afraid that he might have to hide out for a day or two before he found a situation that he could put to use. And it was a good thing that he had stumbled on this opportunity, for an intensive hunt would be on by now for a fleeing robot, dressed in human clothes.
He stripped off the cloak and pulled off the trousers and the overshoes; he threw away the hat. From his attachments bag he took out the cutters, screwed off a hand and threaded the cutters into place. He cut the fence and wiggled through it, then replaced the hand and put the cutters back into the kit.
Moving cautiously in the darkness, he walked up to the warehouse, keeping in its shadow.
It would be simple, he told himself. All he had to do was step out and grab a piece of cargo, clamber up the ramp and down into the hold. Once inside, it should not be difficult to find a hiding place and stay there until the ship had reached first planet-fall.
He moved to the corner of the warehouse and peered around it and there were the toiling robots in what amounted to an endless chain, going up the ramp with the packages of cargo, coming down again to get another load.
But there were too many of them and the line was too tight. And the area too well-lighted. He’d never be able to break into that line.
And it would not help if he could, he realized despairingly—because he was different from those smooth and shining creatures. Compared to them, he was like a man in another century’s dress; he and his six-hundred-year-old body would stand out like a circus freak.
He stepped back into the shadow of the warehouse and he knew that he had lost. All his best-laid plans, thought out in sober, daring detail, as he had labored at the inventory, had suddenly come to naught.
It all came, he told himself, from never going out, from having no real contact with the world, from not keeping up with robot-body fashions, from not knowing what the score was. He’d imagined how it would be and he’d got it all worked out and when it came down to it, it was nothing like he thought.
Now he’d have to go back to the hole he’d cut in the fence and retrieve the clothing he had thrown away and hunt up a hiding place until he could think of something else.
Beyond the corner of the warehouse he heard the harsh, dull grate of metal, and he took another look.
The robots had broken up their line and were streaming back toward the warehouse and a dozen or so of them were wheeling the ramp away from the cargo port. Three humans, all dressed in uniform, were walking toward the ship, heading for the ladder, and one of them carried a batch of papers in his hand.
The loading was all done and the ship about to lift and here he was, not more than a thousand feet away, and all that he could do was stand and see it go.
There had to be a way, he told himself, to get in that ship. If he could only do it his troubles would be over—or at least the first of his troubles would be over.
Suddenly it struck him like a hand across the face. There was a way to do it! He’d stood here, blubbering, when all the time there had been a way to do it!
In the ship, he’d thought. And that was not necessary. He didn’t have to be in the ship.
He started running, out into the darkness, far out so he could circle round and come upon the ship from the other side, so that the ship would be between him and the flood lights on the warehouse. He hoped that there was time.
He thudded out across the port, running in an arc, and came up to the ship and there was no sign as yet that it was about to leave.
Frantically, he dug into his attachments bag and found the things he needed—the last things in that bag he’d ever thought he’d need. He found the suction discs and put them o
n, one for each knee, one for each elbow, one for each sole and wrist.
He strapped the kit about his waist and clambered up one of the mighty fins, using the discs to pull himself awkwardly along. It was not easy. He had never used the discs and there was a trick to using them, the trick of getting one clamped down and then working loose another so that he could climb.
But he had to do it. He had no choice but to do it.
He climbed the fin and there was the vast steel body of the craft rising far above him, like a metal wall climbing to the sky, broken by the narrow line of a row of anchor posts that ran lengthwise of the hull—and all that huge extent of metal painted by the faint, illusive shine of starlight that glittered in his eyes.
Foot by foot he worked his way up the metal wall. Like a humping caterpillar, he squirmed his way and with each foot he gained he was a bit more thankful.
Then he heard the faint beginning of a rumble and with the rumble came terror. His suction cups, he knew, might not long survive the booming vibration of the wakening rockets, certainly would not hold for a moment when the ship began to climb.
Six feet above him lay his only hope—the final anchor post in the long row of anchor posts.
Savagely, he drove himself up the barrel of the shuddering craft, hugging the steely surface like a desperate fly.
The rumble of the tubes built up to blot out all the world and he climbed in a haze of almost prayerful, brittle hope. He reached that anchor post or he was as good as dead. Should he slip and drop into that pit of flaming gases beneath the rocket mouths and he was done for.
Once a cup came loose and he almost fell, but the others held and he caught himself.
With a desperate, almost careless lunge, he hurled himself up the wall of metal and caught the rung in his fingertips and held on with a concentration of effort that wiped out all else.
The rumble was a screaming fury now that lanced through brain and body. Then the screaming ended and became a throaty roar of power and the vibration left the ship entirely. From one corner of his eye he saw the lights of the spaceport swinging over gently on their side.
