by Iceberg Slim
I glanced at Mama’s front window on the first floor. I saw the curtains flutter above a red and white sign, “Madame Miracle—Come In—Get the Golden Touch Blessing—Win and Hold Money and Friends—Discover How To Punish Your Enemies —Ward Off Evil Spirits—Enslave Sweethearts-Wives—Husbands—I am blessed with infinite wisdom and power.”
I went past several cursing pre-teeners shooting penny craps on the stoop. I opened the front door and stepped into the building’s musty vestibule.
A bandy legged old man in faded blue under-shorts was piling his ancient pocket watch wallet and small change on the rumpled heap of his puke stained trousers and shirt laying on the floor.
I paused beside him. I heard the door open leading to the first floor hallway. A tall elderly woman with a fierce face was standing with arms folded across her chest glaring down at the muttering old man.
She screamed in a shrill voice, “Nigger, this ain’t our apartment. This is the vestibule. You drunk sonuvabitch. Pick up your filthy rags and get your black simple ass upstairs before I knock the shit outta’ you.”
The old man blinked his sad eyes like a frightened puppy and mutely worked his thick lips. I felt a sharp pulsing of sorrow and anger looking at his eyes. They were whipped, hopeless, pitiful eyes, so much like poor Papa’s before he crawled off to die.
I went up the short stone stairway past the husky hag and opened the splintered glassed door. I walked scabrous tile to Mama’s door. I put my key in the lock and stepped inside. It was very dark except for cloudy rays of the street lamp that filtered through the living room curtains.
I said loudly, “Mama, it’s Sweet Pea. Mama, are you here?”
There was no answer. I went down the hallway toward Mama’s bedroom at the rear of the apartment. I thought about Mama’s heart condition that was all in her mind. Her doctor had told me confidentially there was no organic trouble at all, just that Mama had deep mental needs for her attacks.
Then I remembered the movement of the curtains when I came up the front walk. I shivered. Mama had made enemies with her witchcraft. I wondered if she was dead and the murderer was still in the apartment. I stopped and stood uneasily at Mama’s bedroom door, listening to the wild pumping of my heart.
I shouted, “Mama, are you here?”
No answer. The feeling was overpowering that something ghastly had happened to her. I almost knew somebody was behind that door. Perhaps the murderer was crimson with Mama’s blood, panting, trapped, waiting for me with a butcher knife or hatchet in the dark in the other side of that door.
I decided to go back to the car. I turned and walked quickly back toward the front door. Then I glanced at the murky mirror on the wall next to the front door.
I froze. My legs wouldn’t move any more. There was a kind of wavering shifting movement in the blackness behind me near Mama’s bedroom. I almost tinkled on myself as I stared in the mirror and saw a mass of the blackness split off and glide toward me.
I spun around and faced the thing. I opened my mouth to scream, but nothing came out. The thing came closer and giggled. Then I saw a slash of white in a familiar black face. It was Mama in a long black robe smiling at me. I started crying in relief.
I blubbered, “Mama darling, why did you do that to me? Why didn’t you answer when I called to you? OH! Mama, I thought something bad had happened to you.”
Mama held her long arms open and crooned in her racing voice, “Come here and kiss me and tell me you love me. Mama didn’t want to frighten her pretty baby, but I’ve been mad with you for neglecting me. Come on, Sweet Pea. Come to your Mama.”
I felt a tremor of rage, not toward Mama really, but just for those spidery arms reaching out for me. In my anger I got the weirdest thoughts standing there. A lot like the terrible thoughts I used to get when I helped Mama with the dishes.
I’d have to lock my trembling hands together so I couldn’t obey the terrifying impulse to stab a kitchen knife into her. It was awful because I love Mama and always will. But standing there in that hallway I thought how funny Mama would look without those arms. And what if I had found her not dead but with those clutching creatures chopped off cleanly with no pain, no blood, just open-mouthed surprise to see herself without them.
Then suddenly I was sorry for my mean thoughts. I rushed to her arms and buried my face in her bosom. She crushed me to her so hard I could hardly breathe. I raised my head and kissed her lips.
I sobbed, “Mama, I’ve missed you. I love you so much.”
We stood there hugging and kissing like we hadn’t seen each other in years. Mama led me into the living room and switched on a brass cherub lamp on a table at the end of the white sofa.
We sat on it close together. Mama scanned my face with bright black eyes. They were tiny unblinking eyes that I could never look into for long. When she was upset or angry they seemed to glow balefully.
But her eyes were warm and kind when she gently placed her hand on my thigh and said softly, “Sweet Pea, I see you and I just can’t understand how we could live apart for a whole year. How do we stand it, precious?”
I didn’t answer. I looked at her thinking how she’d changed; she’d been good looking and shapely down South. She’d even lost her thick southern accent with hard study and desire.
I moved my thigh away and said, “Now Mama, please don’t start. It’s not like I’m living out of town. I’m never going to stop calling you and visiting you. Think back, Mama, and remember what happened to Frank, Carol and Bessie. It makes me want to bawl to think about them.
“Mama, I’m the only kid you got left. I’m forty years old and this is my big chance to stand on my own and be a man. Try to understand. Help me, Mama. Only you know what I’ve gone through.”
The warmness deserted her eyes. A toil coarsened hand thoughtfully pulled at the tip of her wide flat nose. I sat there on the edge of the sofa, waiting for her to speak, afraid that I had said the wrong thing. I’d always tried very hard not to displease her. I suffered when I did.
Finally, she clasped her hands beneath her chin and murmured in an icy voice, “That stale slut is poisoning my baby’s mind against me. That’s what she’s doing. She’s trying to make you stop loving . . .”
I took Mama’s hands and pressed them against my face and cried out, “NO! NO! Stop it, Mama. You’re wrong about Dorcas. She’s a sweet person. She really is. She wouldn’t try anything like that. Visit us, Mama, or let her come to see you. You would find out that she’s a good woman.”
Mama jerked her hands away and spat out, “I wouldn’t go to that deceiving bitch’s funeral. Sweet Pea, you’re the biggest fool on God’s green earth to forget how she and her high falutin’ father treated you like dirt and hurt your heart.
“Sweet Pea, it’s bad enough that you’re sleeping with that treacherous slut. But before you leave me I want you to promise me that you’ll never marry her. I’m telling you, Sweet Pea, that woman is a snake waiting to destroy you. Now say it, baby. Say that you won’t break my heart and marry her.”
I felt like I was suffocating under Mama’s pressure. I could hardly breathe. I was so ill and angry. I really was.
I stood up and said sharply, “Mama, please! Give me a break, will you? I can’t promise you that. Dorcas has always loved me. Her father didn’t break us up. I did, with stupidity. She never really loved the two guys she married.
“Mama, I think I love her. I’m going to marry her as soon as I get my mind together. So don’t call her names. I love you but I’m not going to stay tied to your apron strings and play with myself until I’m a dried up old man. I’m sick in my head, Mama. With Dorcas I might get well. So give me a chance and stop putting pressure on me. I can’t stand it.”
Mama’s face was a tight black mask. I leaned over and kissed her forehead. I turned and walked to the front door. I glanced over my shoulder. Mama was coming toward me with her eyes almost closed and an odd smile on her face. Her silk robe rustled like a centipede snagging on autumn
leaves. I flinched when she took my face between her palms and stared into my eyes.
She crooned too sweetly. “Sweet Pea, you’re trembling. I know you’re sorry you hurt me. I forgive you. Now come to your senses and come home soon to stay. We’ll be so happy.”
I twisted my face away and opened the door.
I said, “Mama, you didn’t want me to make love to guys, and you don’t want me to have Dorcas. I’m human. I have to have somebody.”
She smiled broadly and said, “Precious, Mama will make a bargain with you. Come back home and I won’t mind who your friends are, just so you respect me and your home and don’t wear women’s clothes. Fair enough?”
I could feel tears filling my eyes. I shook my head slowly and said, “Mama, you’re really something, aren’t you? You never give up. Respect? You don’t give a damn about my self-respect. You wouldn’t care if I went down on every guy in Chicago, just so I don’t marry Dorcas. Right?”
Mama came toward me with those awful arms outstretched. I backed into the corridor and turned and walked toward the vestibule door.
I could hear Mama pleading, “Sweet Pea, don’t leave like this. Come back and kiss me. I’m your Mama. I’m the only one who loves you. Please come back and kiss me. You’re killing me, Sweet Pea. I feel an attack coming. You better come back here. Come back, Sweet Pea.”
I went through the vestibule to the sidewalk. I glanced back at Mama’s window. She had her head wedged between the white curtains, and her glittery little eyes were glaring at me. The street lamp shone through the telephone wires and imprinted a spidery web against the curtains.
Other Titles by Iceberg Slim
Pimp
Trick Baby
Long White Con
Death Wish
Mama Black Widow
The Naked Soul of Iceberg Slim
Airtight Willie & Me
Copyright © 2013 by Robert Beck Estate
www.SimonandSchuster.com
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First Trade Paperback Edition: March 2013
Book Layout: Peng Olaguera/ISPN
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Library of Congress Control Number: 22011931201
ISBN: 978-1-936399-15-4 pbk
ISBN: 978-1-936399-16-1 ebook
