“You didn’t say anything?”
“What was I supposed to say? Hey, Blue, sorry I thought you kissed like a frog?”
Blue shoved him hard enough for him to fall backward, landing on his sectional.
“Why are you mad at me? You let me think I’d kissed a frog for two years!”
“I . . . I . . .” Blue stood with a throw pillow above her head, ready to strike.
“You know who should’ve been madder than both of us? Jennifer. The whole time I was kissing her in that closet, I was thinking about you.”
Blue lowered the pillow. “Really? You were thinking about me?”
“Yeah.” He grinned in an almost charming way. “Well, and the frog . . .”
She groaned and bopped him on the head with the pillow.
Chapter Twenty-One
The snow doesn’t look like it’s letting up anytime soon,” Thomas said. He let the blinds fall back into place, then picked up another log and nestled it into his fireplace. He grabbed a pillow, tossed it on the floor next to Molly, and collapsed onto it.
On the far side of the konked-out dog, Blue cuddled the other pillow. She had a sleepy look on her face. If there wasn’t a break in the snowfall, she’d turn into a snowwoman on her walk across her yard or they’d be having a sleepover like they used to as kids. Probably not the wisest choice. That kiss was proof that their relationship wasn’t entirely platonic anymore.
He opened the coffee table chest and removed his grandmother’s quilt and shook it out. He spread it wide with a whipping motion, letting it fall into place across Blue’s legs.
“Thank you. Go on,” she said.
“That was the last of my embarrassing fire training stories.”
“Are you feeling better about your career change now?” Blue rustled the pillow beneath her head, then pulled the quilt up, making sure to cover Molly’s body with it.
The small gesture of trying to keep his lazy dog warm was enough to make him want to kiss her again. But no way. Once was more than enough for him to realize just how deep he was.
“I don’t know what I’d do otherwise.”
“You used to want to become an engineer. You could always return to that dream.”
Blue yawned. It took her longer to open her eyes this time.
Giving up that dream still hurt. But not because of the dream itself. More the girl he gave up along with that dream. The girl who had meant more to him than any other person in the world, except maybe Cassie. But she was his little sister, so that was a given. Only Cassie could have kept him from following Blue to California. How different might their world be if Cassie had had anyone else to to care for her during her high school years? He’d chosen to look after Cassie the same way Blue had looked after him when they were kids. Where would he be if that girl with the blond ponytail had never knocked on his door that day in preschool and asked him to play?
Thomas lay down and studied her beautiful face. “Hey, Blue?”
“Hmm?” Her eyes didn’t open. She just tugged Molly closer to her side.
“Thanks for being there for me. When we were kids. And last week, too.” Thomas had so many words he wanted to say, if only he could string them into the right kind of sentences. Blue was the one who was good at composing sentiments. Not him.
She smiled dreamily as her eyes opened but only gave the slightest peek at their sapphire color. A color he’d dreamed about too often. She sighed, and her lashes fluttered closed. “Always,” she breathed. Then, she surrendered to sleep.
Outside, the wind still howled. He would definitely not walk her home in this blustery weather. He watched her a few more minutes until he realized how completely creepy this would seem to an observer. But there was no one else here. Thomas rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling.
God could see. He’d been watching the two of them their entire lives. At times, he’d taken a hands-on approach, yet other times he seemed to be so distant. Too far away to lend a rescuing hand. Which one was he now? Close or far?
Thomas stood. Molly didn’t budge, and neither did Blue. He backed away, then turned down the hallway. He opened the door to the rarely used guest bedroom, the one that had been his throughout childhood and up until he’d remodeled. He flicked on the light to see Keira’s design. A new, comfortable full-size bed with way more pillows than necessary. Thomas hated decorative pillows. In fact, tonight was the first time he’d ever appreciated the ones that came with his couch. Seeing Blue’s face lying peacefully on one of them was enough to justify their presence the past year. And of course, getting hit with one after their kiss was fun, too. Not as much fun as the actual kiss, though. Thomas shoved the mound of pillows off the bed and pulled the covers back.
The room was chilly. He went to the closet where he kept the extra quilt. His hand paused on the knob. After a quick glance behind him, he opened the door. Inside, he found the spare quilt on the top shelf next to the bin of small yellow teddy bears. Ella’s bears. Just in case, he grabbed a spare sheet and covered the bin with it.
Once he’d fitted the bed with the quilt, he returned to the family room. He could easily wake Blue up with a nudge of his foot against her shoulder, but where was the fun in that? He was a fireman after all. A hero. That’s what they all said. Even Blue. He might as well play the part. Taking a knee, he scooped Blue into his arms, awkwardly at first, but she’d awakened enough to recognize what was happening and wrapped her arms around his neck. Had Hunter ever carried her like this? He did so in his superhero movies, so he should’ve in real life.
Thomas stood and carried her down the hall, relishing her breath against his neck. Inside the room, he laid her down on the bed and tucked her in. She smiled once again but seemed to fall right back to sleep. Thomas sat on the edge of the bed. He reached out a hand, then pulled it back, chiding himself. What was the harm? He extended his hand and brushed the hair off her face, once, twice. He allowed himself a slight caress of her cheek with his thumb before reeling his aching hand back in.
God, if you’re close, help me know what’s right. The only thing I want more than her, is for her to be healthy and happy.
He stood, resisting the urge to place a kiss on her head, and left her side. After he did his best to tamp down the fire in the hearth and closed down the house, he retired to his room. The clock read two a.m., but Thomas’s mind raced through every memory labeled Blue, beginning with tonight’s kiss and moving backward through time, until it stalled on the one on which their friendship, their relationship, their entire future had hinged.
* * *
* * *
I’m telling you,” Robbie had said in West Yellowstone High’s guys’ bathroom. “Blue likes you. Everyone sees it. So kiss her already.” He adjusted his crown in the mirror. After he was named prom king, it was a wonder it still fit on his big head.
“Is that why you forced me to follow you in here? I thought only girls went to the bathroom together,” Thomas said, smoothing back his long hair behind his ears.
“Keira made me.”
“Do you do everything your girlfriend tells you to?”
His friend thought a moment. “Yes.”
Of course he did. The guy was like a puppy dog when it came to Keira Knudsen.
“Beck, look. Kissing is fun. You should try it with Blue. Maybe that will get you out of the funk you’ve been in for, I don’t know, your whole life.”
“It’s not that easy with us.”
“Yes, it is. She wants you to kiss her tonight. She told Keira.”
Thomas pulled his shoulders up as high as he could. He’d figured as much. Over the past few weeks, Blue’s eyes always seemed kind of glazed over when she looked at him, especially at night when they sat out on her porch roof. Until now, he’d always chickened out. But after the decision he’d made earlier that day, kissing her seemed unfair, selfish even. �
�We should get back out there.”
“Yeah, we should. Keira’s for sure wondering where her prom king is. And Blue is probably putting on her ChapStick and waiting for you to return to her.” He ruffled Thomas’s hair, narrowly escaping when Thomas swung a fist at his arm.
Blue, in her long dress that matched her eyes, stood by the water fountain whispering with Keira. Robbie, who’d found great success with his brutish behavior, ran at Keira, lifting her up and away. Once Keira’s feet found their place on the ground several yards away, they resumed their near-constant kissing. Blue twisted her hands as she watched them. She didn’t often wear her hair down, but tonight she did. She looked like one of the actresses in the black-and-white movies she always made him watch, but Blue was way prettier. And more fun. More adventurous. Smarter. Wittier. Yeah, he could go on and on about all the things he loved about her. But mostly, it was the way she looked at him. Like he could lasso the moon.
“Hi,” she said.
“Hi.” If only he were one of those guys that could say the right thing or do the right thing so Blue would know how much he loved her. But maybe it was better this way, knowing what he had to do.
“There’s something I need to tell you,” he said.
She smiled. “Tell me while we’re dancing.” After linking her pinkie with his, she led him back into the gymnasium.
They found a spot away from the rest of their classmates. He wasn’t sure how she’d react to what he had to say. And when Blue got emotional, she couldn’t hide it.
This time when they danced, Blue removed all distance between them. A swaying hug. That’s what this was. And it was messing with Thomas’s head. Was he making a big mistake?
Her cheek brushed against his chin. It wouldn’t take much to kiss her now. Man, did he want to. He couldn’t think of much else.
“Thomas?” Blue’s fingers traced a line up and down the back of Thomas’s shoulder. “When we’re at USC, it may be hard to keep pretending we’re just friends, don’t you think?”
“Blue.”
“I don’t think anyone would believe it anyway.” She tilted her chin up to him. “You can kiss me if you want.”
Oh, I want. Thomas squeezed the silky fabric of her dress in his fists. “Blue, I can’t go to college.”
“What?” Her glazed eyes popped open, and her muscles stiffened.
“I can’t go with you.”
“Yes, you can. We’ve already figured it out. My parents are paying your way. You’ll get a job, and that will help pay for room and board—”
“My mom is moving to Louisiana. To be with her boyfriend.”
“Okay. What does that have to do with you?”
“I can’t let her take Cassie away. She’s been through too much. I can’t make her move right at the start of her freshman year.”
“I don’t understand.”
“My mom—I don’t think she wants Cassie to come with her. She wants a fresh start with her jerkface boyfriend. She said I could stay in the house if I agree to be Cassie’s guardian.”
“That’s not fair. She can’t do this to you.” Blue’s voice began to rise.
“It was my choice. I talked to the human resources guy at the River Canyon Dam. He said I could get a job there and work my way up. After four years, I could probably afford to send Cassie to college. She wants to be a lawyer and help kids like us.”
“What about me?” Her chest rose and fell quickly. She blinked several times. “I don’t want to go to USC without you. Please don’t do this.”
“I’ve already decided.” Thomas shuffled his feet back, but she allowed no distance between them.
“Well, if you won’t go, I won’t go. I can write screenplays without a college degree. I can get a job at, at River’s Edge as a waitress. We can still be together.”
“Blue, I can’t let you do that. USC has been your dream since forever.”
“You’ve been my dream forever,” she said in a near-yell. “I love you, Thomas.”
The words cut straight through him. Love wasn’t something his family had ever said. If what his family showed was love, then love meant pain and always looking out for yourself. Thomas didn’t want anything to do with that. He stepped back.
Blue followed, reaching for him. “Don’t walk away from me.”
Around them, students stopped dancing and gawked.
“I love you, and I’m staying with you. That’s it.” She got that bossy look on her face. The one that always bent his will to hers. He couldn’t let that happen this time. “I’ll stay, and we’ll be together because that’s what people do when they love each other.”
Thomas pushed her hands down off his neck. “Blue, stop saying that.”
“Why not? I know you love me. I see it in your eyes. You’re mine, and I’m yours.”
“Blue. I can’t. Not now. Maybe one day.”
The tears fell then. Big tears. They landed on her dress, marring it with dark splotches. “What do you mean? One day?”
The pain was too much. It hurt too much, these big feelings. They made him want to punch a fist through the wall. Thomas turned and walked as fast as he could out of the gym. His curse was to hurt the people closest to him. He’d never be rid of it. The sooner Blue left Montana—and him—the better.
Chapter Twenty-Two
The darkness crushed Blue, pressing on her chest until her lungs ceased to work. There was no sunlight above the water. Nothing filtering through. She thrashed to the other side, searching for the light. Again, she saw nothing. She opened her mouth to cry out, but could anyone hear her with the river water blocking her sound? Blue kicked, hitting her head against a stone. The shuddering pain traveled down her spine.
Soon, river grasses surrounded her, tethering her arms and torso. But this time was different. They whispered to her, but she wouldn’t be calmed. Not when she couldn’t breathe or see the light. The whispers grew louder, and the grass pulled her tighter, but not painfully so.
“Blue, wake up.”
As if God had yanked the chain on the Madison River, all the water drained away. Blue opened her eyes and saw shadows of a face. Thomas’s face. He held her, not river grasses. Those were his calming whispers. Reality ransomed her mind from the familiar nightmare. They’d been in his house, and he’d carried her to the guest room.
It was strange accepting this comfort from her friend. But she needed it in this moment. She knew it, and he knew it. Tomorrow she’d deal with the consequences of this intimate moment. Right now, she relished every stroke of her hair, every wipe of her tears, and every word he breathed over her. Words that for once, he had no trouble finding. As he promised her she was safe, she eased back into a weighty slumber. Some time later, her body chilled as Thomas released her until his presence was replaced by something soft, furry, and wiggly.
She awakened the next morning to a cold nose nuzzling her neck. She forced open her eyelids to see two brown eyes next to her. Then an even bigger pink tongue.
“Molly, ew!” She squealed into the pillow while Molly pounced about on the bed excitedly. Blue curled herself into a ball, protecting herself from the clumsy dog’s antics and belly laughing. She sat up, and the dog flipped on her back on the mattress for a belly rub. “Sweet girl. Where’s your daddy?”
Blue’s face ached from yesterday’s smiles. What would today bring? She wouldn’t mind another kiss or twenty if that’s what Thomas wanted. It would complicate her plans for sure, but she could cross that bridge later. She crawled out of a bed she barely remembered entering and stretched. She looked around for her phone. It had been plugged in and lay propped against the wall. She checked the time: 9:38 a.m. Half the morning was gone, but it felt good to sleep soundly. The nightmare hadn’t returned.
She padded her way out of the room. His bedroom door was wide open. She peeked in. His bed was made, the floor perf
ectly clean. But the man was not there. She moved into the family room. It had been put back together since last night. The throw pillows positioned back on the chaise part of the sectional. She looked out the back door at the winter wonderland. Footprints in the snow led away from the house, but where had he gone? To the falls? Or the church? Molly whined at the door, and Blue let her out. While she watched Molly race to the back of Thomas’s property, Blue let her mind wander back to that kiss. As if she could recreate the feeling, she pressed her fingertips to her lips.
Blue went to the kitchen and found a pot of coffee and a mug awaiting her. She poured herself some, and after adding cream and sugar, she nosily peeked into the sunroom. What used to hold boxes of his parents’ hoard now held exercise equipment. Not just a treadmill. No wonder Thomas was in such good shape. The air was humid, and the windows fogged enough that she couldn’t see outside. The treadmill flashed red numbers: 6.01 miles. Had he run that morning while she slept? The belt darkened in the center with what must be sweat, judging by the white towel draped over a laundry bin. The time read only forty-three minutes. Goodness. That was a fast six miles. Like he was being chased by something.
A door shut in the main part of the house. Blue climbed the steps, but instead of Thomas, she found Robbie, Keira, and Anabelle. While the little girl’s face lit up, Robbie’s and Keira’s showed only shock. The sliding glass door opened. Thomas trailed Molly inside, pulling off his ski cap. When he spied the family, his mouth fell open. No one spoke except Anabelle, who jumped around with the dog in a fit of giggles.
“Robbie. Keira. I wasn’t expecting you,” Thomas said, unzipping his coat.
“We weren’t expecting . . . Blue . . . and in the same clothes she wore last night.” Robbie raised his eyebrows at Thomas.
Thomas growled, kicked off his boots, and stepped past Robbie, who followed Thomas into the bedroom hallway.
Meanwhile, Keira clapped her hands together. “Tell me everything.”
Glory Falls Page 18
