by Hart, Hanna
Walker felt like someone had knocked the air out of him. His body felt otherworldly.
“Are we breaking up?” he asked, craning his neck back in surprise.
Ava’s eyes found the ground, sending a wave of sickness through his body.
“Look at me,” he pleaded, but she wouldn’t. "Say the words, Ava. If this is what you want, I want to hear you say it.”
"I need to be alone,” she said evenly, still staring at the ground.
"What does that mean? You need to be alone for a while?” he asked in a panic, leaning down to try and meet her eyes. “A week? A month?”
She looked up, searching him. "Which month?”
He winced, and it was the only time during their conversation that Ava looked remotely hurt.
"I can't be around you anymore,” she said.
"Why?” he begged. “What happened?”
"I'm not,” she breathed, searching for the right words. “I’m not good around you. I feel like you bring out the worst in me.”
He slammed a hand on the half wall, feeling the vibrations sting through his palm. “What changed from two months ago until now?” he demanded. “We were happy, Ava.”
"You were happy,” she corrected. “I've been miserable.”
"Why? What did I do?”
"I want to be alone,” she repeated. Her tone was so calm and collected and her expression so void of love that he became enraged.
“You’re taking it way too easy on yourself!” he exclaimed, feeling like an idiot for being the only one who seemed to care.
“I don’t want to be with you, Walker,” she said as formally as if she were signing a contract.
He clenched his teeth. He’d never cried in front of anyone before. Not since he was a little kid. But that moment pushed him close.
“Why?” he asked, but he never got an answer.
He and Ava didn’t speak after that. It was what she wanted, after all.
These were memories Walker had worked hard not to dwell on.
Rejection was painful if you’d been dating someone for three weeks. Now try three years and feel the heartbreak. Experience the host of insecurities that come from being blindsided by the one you loved more than any other.
It was hard to get over Ava.
Coming back together now may have seemed crazy to anyone else, but Walker saw it as a second chance: an opportunity to undo the pain of the past and fall in love all over again.
Chapter Fourteen
Walker
If this had been a year ago, thinking about his breakup with Ava would have been completely depressing. But this wasn’t a year ago. This was now, and he felt more determined than ever to be a good man to her and get the happy ending they deserved together.
They’d made it back from the ranch with only a handful of days to spare before Dahlia’s big Christmas dinner.
His mother had called him repeatedly while he was at the ranch to make sure he was going to be home in time for the blessed event, considering, as she’d reminded him, he’d already missed family game night and the snowman building competition the extended family put on.
He arrived at his childhood home around four in the afternoon with Ava by his side. They had already done a family dinner since reuniting, but now they were officially together, and he knew that being around his extended family would have them both under a microscope.
This wasn’t a bad thing. Walker was close with his family and liked big gatherings. He never grew up rolling his eyes at Christmas dinners or ducking out of them in his teenage years.
"It looks amazing in here," Ava said as she marveled at the many string lights the hung in doorways and around greenery in the home. When his mother sought to make the house look magical, she went all out.
"You look amazing in here," he said with a smile.
"You're so cheesy," she said, leaning up and stealing a kiss. "But I love it."
The two of them walked into the living room and shared eggnog with some of his aunts, uncles, and of course, Rhys and Kendall while his parents worked hard in the kitchen preparing dinner.
Walker couldn't wrap his mind around eggnog. He didn't know who first thought to drink eggs, butter, and cream in the same mixture. It sounded more like a cake batter than a drink, but he liked it just the same.
The family exchanged pleasantries and talked about work, kids, winter travel, and the beautiful light festival they had attended earlier that day before migrating into the dining room.
Dinner looked amazing. It featured all the classics. There was turkey with dressing, homemade cranberry sauce, green bean casserole, mashed potatoes, brown-sugared carrots, buttermilk biscuits, apple pie, and the list went on and on.
"Do you remember that when we were kids?" Kendall piped up, looking around the table as she passed a bowl of sweet potatoes to Shane. "And every Christmas, Mom would cook for an army?"
"Have you seen the size of our family?" Uncle Peter said with a belly-laugh. "We are an army!"
"Yeah, she'd make enough for fifty even if it was just the five of us," Walker added.
Kendall nodded. "And then we would go around the table and ask all sorts of questions?"
"I remember that!" Ava said brightly.
His mother perked up at that. "You do?"
Ava nodded, and her eyes found Walker's, recalling happily, "And I remember that everyone would have to come up with their own question, no matter what."
"Yeah," Rhys scoffed. "Even if someone else's question had turned into a forty-minute discussion, you'd better be ready with a new one!"
Despite the light teasing, Dahlia looked pleased with herself. She raised her chin and looked around the table. She pointed to Kendall and sweetly said, "Now that you've brought up, why don't we play?"
This resulted in a table-wide laugh. Everyone groaned and pretended to be put out by the game, but Walker knew that everyone loved sharing questions and answers just as much as he did. It was a fun way to continue getting to know family members over the years.
"Uncle Pete, you start," Rhys said, nodding towards the man.
"Oh, I've been waiting for this!" Pete said, rubbing his hands together gamely. "Now don't you worry; I'm going to start you off with an easy one. Would you rather skydive or scuba dive?"
The group answer was obvious. All around the table a communal, 'Scuba dive!' could be heard, except for Rhys, who had to be the daring one. "Skydive, for sure!" he announced, much to the dismay of their mother.
The next question came from his father, who narrowed his eyes playfully at his children and some of their younger cousins as he asked, "Would you cheat on a test if you knew you wouldn't get caught? Why or why not?"
"No way!" Walker's nine-year-old cousin Miles said, shaking his head.
"Good," Kendall added, "because it's morally bankrupt."
"It's just school," Rhys snorted.
"Are you listening to yourself right now?" she said, fluttering her eyes in disbelief. "It's just school? Clearly Mom and Dad haven't taught you a thing about working hard for what you get."
Rhys' girlfriend Becca piped up then. "Rhys does work hard."
The effort to defend her boyfriend made Walker smile. Despite being in a relationship with someone who had zero filter, Becca was usually sweet and timid, especially at intimidating family dinners.
"Doing what?" Kendall asked with a playful eye roll. "Tanning on his boat?"
"Alright, alright," Walker's Aunt Gina said, waving her hands. "Which family member has been your greatest life coach?"
"Mom," Rhys said.
"Mom," Walker said, almost at the same time.
"Ouch!" Ava giggled, giving his father sympathetic eyes. "Poor Richard," she teased. "Hey! You can be my greatest life coach since I didn't exactly have the best example growing up."
It was true. Gloria had her share of problems, but Walker's parents never treated Ava like she was damaged or different. They welcomed her in with open arms. Ava was especially fond of his
father, probably since she never had one growing up.
"You were always like one of the brood, Ava," his father said. "I remember teaching you how to mow the lawn, change a car battery, and—"
"Make poached eggs!" she said with a smile.
"Make poached eggs," he nodded fondly. "The key is you add—"
Before his father could finish his sentence, Kendall piped up, "I would say both Mom and Dad are my greatest life coaches because they have the perfect marriage, and it's something that I aspire to."
This elicited 'aww's' all around the table, and Ava and Walker exchanged a silent smile with one another. This was typical Kendall. She had to make the whole dinner about herself.
"Which one of your kids was the most difficult as a teenager?" his cousin Len asked.
"Rhys," both of his parents said at the same time, causing everyone to laugh.
When the laughter died down, his mother asked, "What are your best memories of holidays or family gatherings? Walker, let's hear from you."
"I remember the first time Ava came here for Christmas, and it was after a really bad snowstorm, so it was a much smaller group, which honestly I think was a little safer for her initiation into the Edwards clan," he chuckled.
"Oh my goodness, this is seriously your favorite memory?" his mother said, pre-embarrassed.
"Why?" Uncle Pete asked, brows narrowed curiously. "What happened?"
Walker smirked. "Mom made a turkey, but remember there was a storm that kept cutting off the power? By the time Ava got here, the food smelled amazing, but it wasn't cooked! She bit into this rubbery, plastic-looking meat, and Mom was watching her like a hawk!"
"Was it raw?" Pete asked.
"It was raw!" Walker exclaimed. "And she ate it to please Mom, I guess. Then I remember Rhys took one bite and said, 'Let's get Chinese!'"
Even Kendall couldn't help but giggle at the anecdote. "So doesn't Walker trudge out in the snow to find the one restaurant that was still open in the blizzard. By the time he got back, the power had gone out, and we were all sitting in the dining room, by candlelight, eating sesame chicken, chow Mein, and Mu Shu vegetables.
"That's right!" Walker said, snapping his fingers.
Dahlia raised her brows with an amused expression. "So, your favorite memory of a family meal is when I undercooked it? If you had told me that maybe I wouldn't have spent six hours preparing this turkey today. I only would have spent three."
The table laughed.
Ava turned to Walker and slid a hand over the top of his. She looked at him with love in her eyes, and he felt his whole body go warm.
"Why was that your favorite memory, Walker?" she asked.
"Because there were no distractions," he said, looking deep into her eyes. "It was just all of my favorite people sitting together, asking questions and really getting to know each other."
"I don't think I left until around midnight that evening," Ava nodded. "It really was fun."
"But it's nice she gets to experience this meal properly now," he added, looking around the table. "Now, everyone can pepper us with questions about the ranch and whether or not we're together." He winked. "And by the way? We are together. Very together."
The evening was perfect.
Coming back home to Denver, Walker had dreaded Christmas dinner. He dreaded the questions about his ex-wife and the loneliness that he was sure was going to fill his body like a wave. But in the end, this was the best family event Walker had ever been to. The conversation flowed like apple cider, the food was amazing, and he had Ava by his side, which was the best gift he ever could have asked for
Chapter Fifteen
Ava
Ava would never admit it out loud, but Walker was making her feel like a kid again. But she wasn’t a kid, and everything felt different this time.
After the family dinner, Ava knew she was falling in love with Walker. Again.
She opened her closet doors and knelt in front of the mess of clothes that had spilled out of her hamper. She moved some old storage boxes full of tax returns, jewelry she no longer wore, and clothes she had been meaning to donate and pulled out an old hatbox that had been her grandmothers. It was covered by a floral paper, and the lid was so warped from damage that it barely closed anymore. She pulled off the lid and began to rifle through the box.
Ava wasn't an especially sentimental person, but there were some old trinkets she kept from over the years. A stuffed hippo she'd been given by her first crush, pictures from high school, prom, letters, and old thumb drives. What was on them was anybody's guess, but she didn't have the heart to throw them out.
She pulled a silky piece of paper out of a white envelope, her first sonogram, and moved her thumb across the velvety black ink. She stared down at the teeny-tiny baby that was once inside her womb and felt a wave of nausea wash across her stomach.
Ava could distinctly remember the smell of the doctor's waiting room, stale air and lavender. She was twenty-one and had been feeling fatigued for weeks. She'd scheduled a checkup to get to the root of the problem but figured it was probably stress from looking at ranch properties and talking about moving out of state with Walker.
"Well, I think we know why you've been feeling so dizzy," her doctor said with a smile as she came back into the tiny room. She took a brief look at the chart in front of her and announced, "Your blood test came back. You're pregnant!"
"I'm...what?" she said, completely stunned. When Dr. Geraldine ordered a blood test, pregnancy was the last thing on her mind. She hadn't missed a period until this month, and even then, it was only one or two days late, which wasn't exactly unusual. That had to count for something, didn't it?
"Can it be wrong?" she asked, still trying to register her doctor's information.
"No," Dr. Geraldine explained, showing her the test. "Judging by your last proper period, I'm going to say you're about five weeks along?"
"Five weeks?" she repeated in disbelief, feeling her stomach churn with anxiety. "How can I be five weeks pregnant?"
"It's early," her doctor said with a gentle smile, and Ava shook her head in disbelief.
"Five weeks," she said with a hollow breath.
"At this point, I would like you to start taking prenatal vitamins if you weren't already," the doctor said. "We can also schedule a prenatal exam for you and the father if he's in the picture. If not, you can always bring your friends, your mom, sister, cousin, whoever you're comfortable with."
"He's in the picture," she said, her brows creasing together.
"Wonderful! Are there any questions you want to ask me, Ava? I know this can feel a little overwhelming, especially when you weren't planning to start a family yet."
Her eyes must have been as wide as saucers. Not planning on starting a family yet was an absolute understatement. She and Walker had only ever talked about children long enough to say they weren't interested in having them. Not now, not ever.
Dr. Geraldine must have sensed that she was in shock because she'd written down a list of all the things she'd already told Ava and asked her to go over them when she was feeling a little better. Ava skimmed the list in her car before folding the paper as small as she could and slipping it into her wallet.
She knew she should stop at the drug store on the way home and pick up the prenatal vitamins. She knew there was a list of foods she should probably go over to see what was and was not safe to eat for her. Weren't pregnant women supposed to avoid fish? Or cheese? She couldn't think. The only thing that kept running through her mind was: How am I going to tell Walker?
They were serious about each other, they loved each other, and they were already planning a future together—so what was the problem?
The problem was, as happy as they were, things between them had been bumpy lately. Walker was set on moving to Texas, and while Ava was happy to go with him, she certainly had her reservations. As much as she hated to admit it, she didn't want to leave her mother. Gloria had been clean for three months and was relying
heavily on Ava for stability, mentally and financially. What if she left and her mother started using again?
This had caused friction in her relationship with Walker. He didn't understand why she would want to stay in Colorado for someone who had been so dismissive and outright negligent of her in the past.
Now, if she was going to have a baby, did she really want to leave the only family she had?
Beyond this, she and Walker had never planned to start a family. He had big dreams of owning a ranch and seemed almost repelled by children. She didn't know how he would react.
Ava pulled into Walker's driveway and gripped her shaking hands against her steering wheel. "You have to calm down," she said aloud.
She wouldn't tell him, she decided. Not now.
She would wait for the right moment. A soft, still, sweet moment. And until she found this perfect moment, she would keep the news to herself and pray that he would be excited when she told him. Pray that he wouldn't leave.
Deep down, Ava couldn't imagine him abandoning her, but her demons with her own father had planted a seed of doubt about men and responsibility.
Over the next few weeks, she would try desperately to find or create this perfect moment. The first time was just three days after she found out. She'd taken three at-home pregnancy tests in the restroom at a fast-food restaurant, and they all came back positive. When she went to Walker's that night, the two of them were cuddled up on his couch watching television, and she scooted up close to him and whispered, "You love me, right?"
"What kind of a question is that to ask?" he asked sweetly, running a thumb across the dimple in her left cheek. "Of course, I love you. You're the best thing that ever happened to me. That's why I'm working so hard to get us out of here."
She smiled, suddenly feeling warm and safe. "What do you see in our future?"
Walker grinned, too, and stretched his hand out in front of them as though he were painting a picture. "A wooden ranch with a big, big barn and a white fence that stretches across the whole property," he said excitedly. "I see three horses and a whole lot of cattle."
