“I will.” Envy waited until Layla made it to her front door before she drove off. Turning outside of the driveway and pulling on to the street, Envy stopped at the red light. She looked around when she heard what sounded like firecrackers popping one after another. “Bad tail kids. Their parents need to have ‘em in the house this time of night. There’s no reason to have firecrackers in the middle of September.” Envy shook her head in disgust and drove off toward home as soon as the light turned green.
Layla barely had time to step inside her apartment when Mike ran up behind her. She was startled out of her wits.
“What is wrong with you?” She grabbed hold to her heart. “Why would you come up on me like that, fool?” she said furiously. “And it’s nighttime too. So get on away from here. You are not coming inside my apartment. Not tonight and not ever.”
“Shut up. You don’t tell me what to do,” he yelled back.
“I’m not going to shut up until you leave here. I told you, Mike. Leave me alone. I don’t want anything to do with your useless, good for nothing tail. You don’t mean me any good, and anyone who has the nerve to call me terrible names the way you do definitely doesn’t have a place anywhere in my life.” Layla was practically screaming. “And look at you. You’re pathetic. A pathetic loser. I don’t know why I didn’t see you for who you were in the first place.”
Mike eased up closer and Layla noticed that his eyes appeared glassy looking like he had been using drugs, and she smelled a strong odor of liquor on his breath. She started feeling somewhat uneasy when she saw him like this. She proceeded to take a step inside and turned to close the door, but Mike used his hand to stop her from closing it up all the way.
For the first time since meeting Mike, she had become extremely frightened. Frightened of what Mike was planning, but she tried to remain calm. “Look, get your hands off of my door and get away from here.”
“You don’t tell me what to do, you fat wench.” He reached out for her hand and locked on to her wrist. Her packages dropped to the floor. “You think you’re someone who can just brush me off like I’m nothing. Have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately? You’re a buffalo.” He started laughing.
She tried to twist out of his grip, but it was of no use. “If I’m such a buffalo, then why are you trying to force yourself in the house with this buffalo? I’m warning you, turn me loose and get away from me and get away from my house. I should have known you were psychotic as they come. And maybe I am fat, but you’re sorry, Mike. You’re a sorry excuse for a man,” Layla hollered back. That’s when she saw the flowing silver piece in his hands as he raised it up out of nowhere.
“Layla pushed the door even harder with the one free hand. “Help,” she cried and looked around outside but there was no one outside to hear her. She pushed harder against the door, but still with one hand and now his foot inside the door, Layla was no match for Mike’s brute strength. She backed up in the house.
“What are you doing with that gun? You’re really crazy. Mike, get away from here and go home and sleep off that high you’re on,” she said in a calmer voice. She hoped if she started to talk more calmly that she could convince him to leave, and she could call the police.
“I’m not going anywhere but inside the house with you. You’re going to give me everything that’s due to me,” he snarled with slob coming from his mouth.
He barged inside, and Layla finally broke free from his grasp and took off running toward the back of the apartment. Pop! Layla went into slow motion. Her body jerked, and she turned and stared at Mike. Pop! Pop! Pop! Her body fell limp in the middle of the floor between the den and the hallway. Mike stood still for a second with the gun still pointed at Layla like he was daring her to move. She didn’t. He kicked her. No movement or sign of life from Layla.
Mike turned away and saw Layla’s purse. He started rummaging through it and found the $300 that Layla’s brother had just sent her earlier that day. He started slinging her belongings all over the house like a madman. He stepped over her still body and went into her bedroom. Pulling out all of her drawers, he searched until he found a couple of pieces of jewelry that might be worth something and some more money, not more than fifty bucks. He stepped back over Layla’s body and looked at her one more time before he rushed out of the house and into the night where he disappeared.
Chapter Six
Only in relation to our imagination can things be called beautiful or ugly,
well-ordered or confused. Baruch Spinoza
Sunday morning, the youth choir sang like there would be no tomorrow. Song after song roused the congregation to a shout. People stood on their feet and gave praises to God. The church was on fire, as the pastor called it every time he walked in and saw the members and choir in such an uproar.
Pastor Betts walked up to the pulpit. “Let’s sing praises to God. Let’s thank Him for all of His goodness, grace, and mercy.” When they finished singing, he instructed the congregation to turn to Romans chapter eight for the morning. Envy and Kacie obeyed. “Today I’m going to speak from the topic of: You Can’t Make Yourself Look Good Before God.”
Of short stature with a giant spirit, Pastor Betts preached with the power of an anointed man of God. “Making yourself feel bad for what you do wrong or have done wrong is not going to make you look good before God. It will only increase your pain and heartache. It’s a form of self righteousness. God promises if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us. But when we go around holding on to our sins, wearing them on our hearts and in our minds like a hero’s battle scars, then we’re doing nothing but practicing a form of self righteous indignation.” No amount of pain that you hold on to for what you’ve done wrong will justify that wrong.”
Kacie barely listened to the sermon when she didn’t see Deacon. She searched around the congregation for him. “I wonder where Deacon is?” she leaned over and whispered to Envy.
“Probably in the back somewhere. I don’t know.” Envy’s reply was sporadic. Trying to listen to Pastor Betts and Kacie was not going to work. “Shhh, listen. Worry about Deacon after church.”
Envy concentrated back on Pastor Betts. She felt the stab of conviction piercing her spirit with each word he spoke. It felt like he was looking directly at her, talking to her and her only.
“Why do some people go around holding on to self-condemning thoughts and sins when the Word of God says, If God is for us, who can be against us? Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us.”
Envy’s mind yielded to a thousand thoughts of the wrongs she’d committed. When church ended, she wanted so badly to go up for prayer. Her feet were heavy as steel beams. She couldn’t move from the pew.
Like they did every Sunday after church, they went to the fellowship hall for refreshments.
“I can’t believe Deacon isn’t here.” Concern moved past Kacie’s lips. “I talked to him last night, and he said he would be here this morning. And where is Layla? I don’t see here around anywhere either.”
“Maybe he woke up late and just didn’t feel like coming today. You know how that goes,” Envy suggested. “And Layla went to church with her parents today.”
“But he would have told me that he wasn’t coming,” countered Kacie.
“Okay, just call him then,” Envy told her as two of Kacie’s kids ran up and positioned themselves beside her with molly faces and hands.
“Go get some napkins and clean y’all’s hands,” Kacie angrily ordered the kids between clenched teeth.
“Don’t get mad at the children,” Envy told her.
Kacie gave Envy a mean look. “I’m leaving. I’ll talk to you later.”
Envy watched with a frown on her face as Kacie grabbed hold of Kevin and Keith while screaming at Kali and Kassandra. She shoved Keshena into Kevin’s arms and yanked Kendra by the hand before she stormed out of the fellowship hall.
Oh, well. There’s going to be a high price to pay today in the Mayweather household. Those kids are going to catch it if she can’t get a hold of Deacon,” Envy thought. Envy went to her car. On her way out of the church lot, she pulled her cell phone form her small clutch purse and dialed Layla’s number to see if she had made it home from church with her parents. No answer except for Layla’s answering machine. Envy left a message. “Call me when you get home, girl. Church was great. The youth choir showed out. Bye now.” Envy hung up the phone and proceeded in the direction of home.
Kacie couldn’t wait to get home from church and in the house. As soon as she pulled into her garage, she jumped out of the car.
“Get inside, get your clothes off, and go to your rooms,” she yelled at the kids. “Kassandra, change Keshena’s diaper. I’ll call you when dinner is ready.” She barked orders while she entered the house through the garage. The kids hurried inside and dashed to the back of the house to carry out their mother’s stern orders while Kacie called Deacon and got his voicemail. She left him a worried message. “Deacon, where are you? You weren’t at church. Are you all right? Call me. Love you; bye.” Anxiety loomed in her voice when she couldn’t reach him. Becoming frustrated, she strode up the hallway and into the kitchen to start preparing a dinner of baked chicken with mushroom sauce, sweet peas, and dinner rolls. For dessert she made a pan of brownies.
Kacie called the kids to the kitchen to eat, but she barely ate a drop of the food she prepared. Deacon still had not called. She was frantic with worry. She didn’t know if something had happened to him. Maybe he had been in an accident. She realized that she didn’t even know where Deacon lived, so she couldn’t go to check on him. Her head began to pound, and the smell of the food she’d just fixed started to make her sick to her stomach. So sick that she rushed to the bathroom to throw up the charcoal lining in her stomach. She dialed Deacon’s cell phone at least twelve times for the next two hours before she gave up and took a hot bath. She left the kids orders to clean the kitchen, take their baths and get to bed before she disappeared behind the closed door to her bedroom.
Envy kicked off her pumps as soon as she stepped inside her apartment from church, while Fischer jumped up and down begging for attention. “Calm down, boy. Momma’s here, Momma’s here.” She kissed him on the top of his head, then pulled off the rest of her Sunday attire and left it in the living room draped over the sofa. Envy focused her attention back toward Fischer who was following her every move with his thick tail swishing back and forth.
“Fischer…come on, boy. Let’s go for a walk.” Fischer jumped up and turned around and around like he was trying to keep up with his wagging tail. Envy went to the front door, removed Fischer’s leash off the hanger, placed it around his neck, and girl and best friend went outside.
Envy’s hand flew up to her forehead when she spied Mrs. Rawlings in the front yard, checking out her small garden. It was too late to turn around; plus Fischer wouldn’t let her anyway.
“Good afternoon, Mrs. Rawlings.”
“Hello, Envy. Hi, Fischer.” Fischer took the lead and carried Envy to where Mrs. Rawlings was stooped over, tending hiathas. She paused long enough to hug Fischer.
“We’re going on our afternoon walk,” Envy explained, though Mrs. Rawlings had not asked.
“How was church?” asked Mrs. Rawlings who stood up right and wiped her hands on her garden apron.
“Good. Very good.”
“Glad to hear that. I don’t go as often as I used to. Church, I mean. But I got the Word right here.” Mrs. Rawlings laid her hand against her heart. “I’ve been going to church since way before you were ever born, child. I know the Lord. Me and Him have a deep, personal relationship. You know that?”
“Yes, ma’am.” Envy allowed Fischer’s tug to pull her away from Mrs. Rawlings. Her neighbor’s past was not something she cared to hear about this afternoon. “I’ll talk to you later. Fischer’s ready to relieve himself,” Envy said and followed Fischer.
“Yeah, you go on,” said Mrs. Rawlings. But let me ask you one thing before you leave.”
Here it comes, Envy thought.”Yes?”
Mrs. Rawlings had one hand on her thin hip and the other hand held a small garden tool. “You got company coming this evening?”
Envy pursed her lips. “No, ma’am. Why do you ask?”
“You know why. Look here, girl. Don’t try to exchange one sin for another. It ain’t right. Listen to me, child. You can’t run up in church, then come away with the same attitude. You can’t run from God and you can’t hide from your past. He already knows all about you.”
Ignoring her words, Envy tugged lightly on Fischer’s leash. “We’ll be back shortly.”
“Have a good walk,” Mrs. Rawlings replied.
Envy mumbled under her breath and left. Fischer sniffed in the bushes and barked at every cat he saw, like he was king of the jungle. “Fischer, that woman needs some children of her own or a husband or something. Maybe then she’ll stop trying to stay up in my business. She must think she’s clairvoyant or something. But she doesn’t know a thing about me. Ooooh, she makes me so darn mad.” Envy seethed. Fischer barked.
Envy and Fischer traveled their usual path through the neighborhood, out to the main highway where they turned left and walked half a mile until they turned left again off Elvis Presley Boulevard and on to Whitaker. Fischer did his usual barking and sniffing as they walked through the neighborhood, and forty-five minutes later, they were back at their humble abode. Much to Envy’s relief, when they returned from their walk, Mrs. Rawlings and her car were gone. “Fischer, we can go in the house in peace.” Envy released a sigh of satisfaction.
Chapter Seven
It's hard to look in the mirror these days when everyone else is everything you'd rather be. Unknown
“I’m going to put Momma in a nursing home.”
“May I ask when you came to this decision?” Envy asked her sister while she paced in her second story office overlooking the Mighty Mississippi. Envy detected the anger in her sister’s voice through the phone, but then again, Nikkei always had an attitude.
“When me and T’juan had to scour the neighborhood for almost four hours looking for her. She left out of the back door while I was upstairs cleaning. She’s never tried to unlock the dead bolt on any of the doors before. But she did today. That means she’s getting worse, and I will not have her wandering around in this city for God knows who to attack her or for her to get herself hurt out there. ”
“Is she all right?” Envy’s eyebrows drew together.
“Yes. We found her near the main intersection. She said she was going to meet Charles. I tell you, Envy, I can’t do this anymore. Daddy’s been out of her life since we were kids. Why she’s all of a sudden talking and asking about him is beyond me. And for God’s sake, to add flame to the fire, he has his own life with somebody else. I don’t understand. But the stress is unbearable, and though T’juan is a good husband, I know it’s putting a strain on our marriage.”
“Maybe you’re making the right decision by putting her in a home. I really hate to say that I agree with you, but...hold on a minute, Nikkei. I have another call coming in. Don’t hang up,” Envy urged. When she returned to the phone, Nikkei immediately blasted into Envy.
“Look, if you think that for some reason I was calling to get your approval, you’re wrong. I was just letting you know my decision. I’ve taken care of Momma all this time without your help. Unless you want to call your sporadic penny donations help.”
Envy was fuming. “Look, I’m sick of you and your cynicism, Nikkei. If it wasn’t for my money,” Envy added emphasis, then you wouldn’t be able to provide for Momma in the manner you have. You always have to call me with a bunch of attitude. You and Momma have always been just alike. Jealous, and yes, envious of me. How crazy is that? The woman who named me Envy grew to be angry and envious of me; her own flesh and blood.”
“Envious? Of you? Girl
, you must be sitting on stupid or something. You have nothing I want. As for Momma, she always did the best she could for you and for me. But you worshipped the ground our no good daddy walked on. You think your money can make up for you not spending time with Momma? You think it can make up for all the times I’ve had to deal with her asking about you and your whereabouts when you were nowhere to be found?” Nikkei’s voice rose higher and higher over the phone.
“First, let’s get something straight. It’s my daddy for sure,” taunted Envy. “As for you, it’s momma’s baby, daddy’s maybe,” she scoffed. “You know what? I don’t have time for your tantrums, Nikkei. Not today, not tomorrow, not ever. The good thing about putting Momma in a nursing home will be that I won’t have to come to see her at your so-called perfect little castle. Let me know where she’s going to be and how much it’s going to cost. I’m sure you won’t turn down my checks. You never have. Now, I have a meeting to attend. Goodbye.” Envy pushed the button on the multi-line phone. She inhaled and exhaled, then smoothed out the wrinkles of her cadmium orange linen skirt before she strolled out of her office to the manager’s meeting.
×
Terrified and uncertain about what had just transpired, the young girl threw up her blood soaked hands against her face and screamed. Easing up from the toilet in horror, she looked down at the strange object in the toilet. Surely, this couldn’t have come out of me. No, God. Not here, not now. Looking at the ceramic walls of the stall, a sense of claustrophobia set in, and fear consumed her very being. She tried with all of her might to gather her senses. She paused and waited seconds to see if there was anyone else in the bathroom with her. She was alone. Hurriedly, she ran out of the stall, locked the main door to the bathroom, and returned to the sink to clean up the bathroom stall, her clothes and her body. Nausea filled the pit of her belly, and saliva formed in her mouth. Clenching her belly, she looked around to make sure she had removed all signs of the bloody mess. Unable to look at the thing in the toilet, she rushed outside, down the side stairways, so no one could see her.
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