Mrs. Rawlings turned her head slowly until her sunken eyes stilled on Envy. “Baby, don’t you worry ‘bout me. I’ve told you time and time again that the good Lord has me in His hands. I’m going to be just fine.”
“They’re going to put you in a room as soon as one becomes available. It shouldn’t be too much longer.”
“You go on home now, child,” she whispered weakly. “You need to see about your baby.”
Envy gasped. Baby? What is she talking about? She’s feverish, incoherent. She obviously doesn’t know what she’s saying. “No, I’m going to stay right here until you get in a room. Is there anyone you want me to call? Church member? Pastor? Anyone?” asked Envy, still reeling from what Mrs. Rawlings had said about a baby.
“No, dahlin. I want to wait to see how long I’m going to be in here first. Since you’re set on staying, sit down over there.” Mrs. Rawlings pointed at the chair in the corner of the room. This time, Mrs. Rawlings sounded just like herself. She acted liked she knew exactly who Envy was. Envy sat down. An hour passed before an attendant came in and rolled Mrs. Rawlings to her room. Envy stayed with her until her eyes grew droopy and sleep claimed her.
On the drive home, Envy tried to make reason of what Mrs. Rawlings had talked about. “Why did she say that about a baby?” Envy decided to let it go. There was no sense in getting uptight about the words of an old, sickly woman who was confused and almost in a diabetic coma. Envy shrugged her shoulders and thought about who she should call to keep her company for the night.
Mrs. Rawlings had been in the hospital for three days so far. Every evening after work, Envy stopped by her apartment to let Fischer outside to relieve himself, and then she headed to the hospital to sit with Mrs. Rawlings. She spent as much time with the old lady as she could; really more than she had ever spent with her own mother. Envy began to genuinely care about Mrs. Rawlings. Not that she didn’t before Mrs. Rawlings became sick, but Envy started to see her as more than just a nosy old neighbor. She slowly began to see her as a friend.
Early Saturday morning, day four of Mrs. Rawlings’s hospital stay, Envy got up and fed Fischer. Afterward, they jogged through the quiet, serene neighborhood inhabited by mostly retired senior residents. Tree lined streets, leaves falling, and the kind of neighbors who lived their lives without trying to get all up in her business. It was what she loved most about her neighborhood. There was only one exception: Mrs. Rawlings.
Mrs. Rawlings was one of those people who didn’t hesitate saying what she thought. Fiercely independent, the widow often gave glory to God for being in sound mind, still able to drive and do for herself at the age of eighty-two, and in fairly good health – until now. She’d been married sixty years before her husband died in his sleep from natural causes four years ago. She didn’t have any living relatives, nor did her husband because both of them came from very small families who were now deceased. Envy slowly began to understand that Mrs. Rawlings was quite a wise, God-fearing woman. Her intentions were good, but for Envy, she looked out for her a little too much; especially when she got on Envy about the flow of men coming and going from her apartment.
Whose business was it to dictate to her how to live her life? Envy was a private person when it came to her personal life; her comings and goings. But like a magnetic radar screen, it seemed that Mrs. Rawlings could tell every time a man rang her doorbell. She didn’t mind lecturing Envy about her lifestyle either. The opposite side of the spectrum was that when needed, Mrs. Rawlings was there for Envy. Even when she needed someone to care of Fischer when she had to go out of town or had to be away from home for an extended period of time, Mrs. Rawlings never batted an eye. She would gladly step in to help Envy. There were times Envy came home and found that Mrs. Rawlings, despite her age, had mowed both of their lawns and planted flowers on her side of the duplex. She was an amazing woman. If only she would stop being judgmental about Envy’s chosen lifestyle.
After her walk with Fischer, Envy bathed and dressed casually so she could go to see Mrs. Rawlings. The wind kicked at her curls when she stepped out of the car and walked toward the hospital entrance. Envy walked down the hospital corridor with calm confidence. She slowed her pace when she arrived in front of the hospital gift shop where she purchased a colorful bouquet of flowers for her neighbor. Catching the elevator to the eighth floor, she stepped out and headed to room 826. Lightly knocking, she heard the mild-mannered voice whisper for her to come in.
“Good afternoon, Mrs. Rawlings.” She walked over to her bedside and sat the bouquet of flowers on the table next to the bed.
Mrs. Rawlings’s smile seemed to light up her entire face when she saw the bouquet. “Oh, Envy, these are so beautiful,” she remarked and turned to smell the flower arrangement.
“I’m glad you like them. Has the doctor been in today?”
“Yes. My sugar is down to 110. If it maintains at this level, I’ll be going home tomorrow. How’s my house? What about my garden?” Mrs. Rawlings sounded worried.
“I told you, Mrs. Rawlings. I’m taking care of everything. Your house, the garden, even the leaves have been raked. If you get to come home tomorrow, I’ll be here to get you. I’m going to check with your doctor’s nurse and see what you should be eating. Then I’m going to go to the grocery store and get it and go back home and stock your pantry and fridge.” Envy sat down in the chair next to Mrs. Rawlings’s bed. She grasped her hand and lightly squeezed it. “You’re going to be fine. I’m going to see to that.”
“You’re such a sweet girl. That’s why I don’t understand why you do the things you do. You’re pretty as a Georgia peach, smart as a whip, and you have so much going for yourself. But baby, you have to learn how to put your faith and trust in God. Can’t no man, and no sex give you what you need.”
Envy squirmed uncomfortably in her chair. Why did Mrs. Rawlings always have to go there? Seemed like no matter what, Mrs. Rawlings made her way to talking about Envy’s personal business. Enough was enough. She had to tell her how she felt.
“Mrs. Rawlings, I don’t mean to sound disrespectful, but I have to say this. You cannot run my personal life. I care about you, and I believe you care about me. But I can no more dictate to you about who you allow in and out of your home than you can mine. And you seem to assume that the friends who come to visit are coming to have sex with me. Why do you assume that? I’m a single, successful woman with my own. So let me do me, Mrs. Rawlings. Let me do me.”
“Honey, you might believe that you can fool me and other folks for that matter, but God’s eyes are watching you. Every step you make, every breath you take, and every man you bed knowing you are not married, God sees it. One day you’ll realize that I’m telling you the truth. Mark my words; something you’re hiding from is going to come to the light. Believe me, child. God is not one to lie, and He’s shown me that you’ve got something you’re hiding. But you can’t hide from Him, baby. You can’t hide from Him.” Mrs. Rawlings spoke boldly. “The eyes of the Lord are in every place, beholding the evil and the good."
Envy didn’t respond, but the look on her face spoke volumes. She tried to force a smile of thanks for the so called words of wisdom Mrs. Rawlings spoke, but found it impossible to do so.
“You don’t have to say a thing. You know what I’m saying is coming from God. When you get ready, you can always come to me. Let me change that. When you get ready, God is waiting to hear you tell Him what He already knows. After that, if you need a servant of God to talk to, remember that I’m here for you.” This time Mrs. Rawlings caressed Envy’s trembling hand.
The nurse came in, and Envy quickly regained her composure. She welcomed the interruption. The nurse looked at Envy. “Hello, are you Mrs. Rawlings’s granddaughter?” she asked with a smile plastered on her starched white face.
“No, I’m her neighbor.”
“She’s a character, you know. A delightful patient. We’re going to miss her when she’s discharged.” The nurse patted Mrs. Rawlings on her arm
. “Mrs. Rawlings, it’s time for me to check your insulin level.” She poked Mrs. Rawlings’s finger with the diabetic meter. “Ninety-eight. That’s good. You’re doing really well,” the nurse said.
“I’m not surprised. God has me in the palm of His hands,” Mrs. Rawlings replied.
“Lunch will be here soon. I’ll check back on you later on this afternoon.” She turned again toward Envy. “It’s nice to meet you.”
“Nice to meet you too,” Envy responded.
“The nurse nodded her head, smiled, and walked off. “Buzz me if you need me, Mrs. Rawlings.”
Mrs. Rawlings’s white as the driven snow skin seemed to make her beguiling green eyes sparkle like emeralds. Her wrinkled skin looked like ripples of brushing ocean waves crashing against the beach. Envy felt like the secrets she’d hidden all of these years had somehow been revealed to Mrs. Rawlings. But that was impossible. There was no way Mrs. Rawlings, or anyone else, could know what she’d kept protected and sealed in her heart. She swallowed hard before she stood. “Since you’re doing fine, I’m going to get ready to leave. I’m going to stop at the nurses’ station and see if I can get a diet plan for you. I should have asked that nurse when she came in, but it slipped my mind. I’ll call you later, but in the meantime, if you need anything, you know how to get in touch with me.” Awkwardly, Envy leaned over the bedrail. Her eyeglasses slid down, but she still managed to kiss Mrs. Rawlings lightly on the forehead.
“Thank you, baby for coming to see me.”
“Bye, Mrs. Rawlings.” With each step she took up the corridor, Envy’s stomach clenched tighter. Her mind filled with fear, panic, and the stark reality of what she’d done. Without forewarning, a scripture came to her mind. Be sure your sin will find you out.
In her car, Envy swallowed hard again. Mrs. Rawlings had struck a nerve. Without thinking, she picked up the phone and called her estranged father’s house. It had been over a year since she’d last spoken to Charles. When his wife, Carol, answered the phone, Envy started to hang up, but decided otherwise. “Hello…this is Envy Wilson. Is my father there?”
“Envy, my goodness, young lady. It’s been a long time since I’ve heard your voice. How are you?” the woman asked in a polite manner.
“I’m fine, thank you.” No matter how nice and polite her father’s wife sounded, Envy wouldn’t allow herself to get close to her. She felt that the woman was the reason her father left them. Her mother didn’t tell her that, it was just something Envy believed. She had to be the reason he left. No father could leave his children unless some other woman out in the streets made him.
“Envy, it’s good to hear from you. I wish you wouldn’t wait so long to call. You know your father’s getting older and he misses you. He talks about you all of the time; you and Nikkei.”
“Is he there?” Envy asked without responding to anything her stepmother had said.
“Yes, he’s here. I’ll go get him.”
Silence.
“Envy, baby. How are you?” her father asked after getting on the phone. He sounded like he was glad to hear from her. “I haven’t heard from you in a while. Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, Daddy. I was just thinking about you.” She spoke somberly. “Daddy, Nikkei is putting Momma in a nursing home next week up in Murfreesboro, Tennessee.”
“Yes, I know. She came by and brought the grandchildren to see us. They’re growing like wild weeds, aren’t they?” Envy could hear the sound of joy in the tone of his voice.
“Yes, sir. They sure are.”
“I can’t wait until a man snags you. You’re such a talented and gorgeous girl. I’m proud of you, Envy. I know I don’t get a chance to tell you that as much as I should, but I am, you know. I wish you’d come around. I miss seeing you, baby.”
“Thanks, Daddy, but I hate to disappoint you. You see, I don’t plan on getting married or having children. Not ever.” She spoke with emphasis and a mild harshness in her voice.
Charles didn’t return his thoughts about what she’d said. He shifted the conversation back to Envy’s mother. “I hated to hear that about your mother. From what Nikkei has told me, your mother has gotten worse. I know you don’t like the idea of her being in a nursing home, but it’s too hard on your sister. She has a family, you know.”
Envy grew angrier with each word spewing from her father’s mouth. It was just like Nikkei to call and tell him her sob story. Nikkei was always vying for their father’s attention. Every time Envy looked at Nikkei, she saw something of their jealous mother in her. Now here she was, beating her to the punch by calling him and making herself sound like an angel.
“Daddy, when am I going to see you?” Envy sounded like a young child.
“Honey, you know you’re welcome to come to our home any time that you want to. Your stepmother and I would love to have you. Your sisters and brother would love to see their big sister too,” Charles said and chuckled.
It wasn’t the answer she wanted to hear. She didn’t want to see her stepmother or her little sisters and brother. She wanted to see him. It had been like this since her father left. How could she dare go around that woman and his children? No way, no how. “I’ll see, Daddy. So much is going on at work that I barely have any free time. Anyway, I’ll talk to you later. I have another call coming in.”
“I love you too, baby. I hope we see you real soon.”
Envy hung up the phone. Tears trickled from her eyes. She turned the ignition, shifted the gear in reverse, turned, and drove off the hospital property.
Chapter Nine
Truth is beautiful, without a doubt. But so are lies. Emerson
For the fifth time in a week, Kacie couldn’t muster up an appetite, not even for Coco Puffs, which had been her all time favorite cereal since she was a little girl. The very thought of milk and cereal sent her to the bathroom heaving. Having given birth to six children, she didn’t have to go to a doctor, or run to the drugstore for a pregnancy test. There was no doubt about it. She was pregnant. Kacie freshened up, and when her stomach settled, she drank an ice cold glass of orange pineapple juice. Sitting alone at the kitchen table, Kacie stared outside at the orange and gold leaves as they fell to the ground. The sight was beautiful to her. The leaves fell gently, one by one; some two by two. Kacie folded her arms inside each other and hugged herself like she was warding off the cool wind blowing through the trees in the front yard.
Standing, she retreated to the living room and started picking up behind the kids. Kacie paused a moment and massaged her belly. Looking down, she smiled at the idea of giving birth to the child of the man she loved – the man God had finally sent her way. “You’re going to have a wonderful daddy,” she whispered. “And unlike the rest of the bums I’ve had in my life, this time, everything is going to be different. I wouldn’t be surprised if your daddy asks me to marry him.” She drew back into the living room and leaned against the spotless wall. She turned with a start when the phone rang.
“Speak of the devil,” she said when she looked at the caller ID, then down at her tummy. It was Deacon. Kacie beamed with joy.
“Good morning, beautiful.” The voice on the other end of the phone forced her to smile.
She loved Deacon. The four and a half months they had been seeing each other seemed like a lifetime to Kacie. It was like she’d known him all of her life. Except for the times like yesterday, when Deacon seemed like he’d fallen off the face of the earth, their relationship was good. Maybe he didn’t tell her he loved her like she told him, but Kacie believed he did. “Actions speak louder than words,” Layla reminded her from time to time. Kacie retained Layla’s words in her mind to retrieve whenever Deacon didn’t call or when she wanted to hear him say those three special words.
“Deacon, honey. I’ve been so worried. You weren’t at church yesterday, and you didn’t answer my calls. Are you okay?” Kacie asked with grave concern.
“What have I told you about getting yourself all in a tizzy when you don’t hear
from me everyday? I got called out of town at the last minute late Saturday evening after we talked. You know how those trips can be. Quick, exhausting, and definitely spur of the moment. I’m sorry. I wanted to call you, but I was up half the night with a client trying to kiss up to him so he would sign a contract with our company. It was late by the time I convinced him to sign on the dotted line, and I was exhausted. I didn’t make it back to Memphis until after midnight. I wasn’t about to wake you up then, knowing you had to get up early yourself to get your kids off to school.”
Kacie exhaled. “I was so worried. When I talked to you Saturday, you said you were going to see me at church. I just started going out of my mind thinking all kind of crazy thoughts when I didn’t see you. I forgot how your job keeps you on call twenty-four-seven.”
“Well, now that that’s settled, how’s my favorite girl doing?” he asked.
“Perfect now that I’m talking to my favorite guy,” she answered. Kacie walked around the sofa where she spotted one of the boys’ wrestling figures on the floor.
“I was thinking about coming by before going to the office this morning. You up to seeing me?”
“Do you have to ask?” Kacie sat on the back of the sofa.
“Do you want me to stop somewhere and grab you a sandwich?” Little thoughtful things like that is what made Kacie adore Deacon. He was such a considerate man.
“No, I’m not hungry this morning. I just want you. You’ll be my breakfast,” she crooned into the phone.
“Hey, hey, I like that. I’ll see you in about ten minutes, love.”
Kacie hurried through the house, making haste to pick up around her already clean home. Except for the wrestling figure she’d found, everything else remained in perfect place. From the crisp, freshly washed and ironed window treatments in each room, to the dust free blinds plantation blinds and shining waxed and hardwood floors. Next, she took a bird bath, just to make sure her body was fresh. It didn’t matter that she’d already taken a morning shower right after the kids left for school. Like usual, Keshena was still asleep and would be for at least another hour.
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