by Unknown
My lips quivered. I started breathing heavily. Evan stopped rubbing my back and instead took my hands, and pulled me close. He kissed me on my cheek, then my forehead. He looked into my eyes. “You are an amazing person, Sydney. I don't know what I've done to deserve you, but I mean it when I say... you are the strongest person I know.” He kissed me on the lips, and said, “I mean, really. Fuck alcohol. Who needs it?”
I smiled, and hugged him tight. “Thank you, Evan. I don't know what I'd do without you.”
“Same here,” he said.
I leaned back, and wiped my tears away. “Okay. Now I'm the one who's thirsty.” We both laughed, as I scooted to the edge of the bed. “Be right back.”
“Don't be gone too long,” Evan said, and rolled over on my cozy bed.
I walked into the kitchen. Grabbed two cups from the cabinet. The Brita filter didn’t seem to be working, so I just poured some tap water. I turned toward my bedroom door, when I heard the low but noticeable creaking of a mattress coming from Lukas’s bedroom. I stopped in my tracks. I should have kept walking, but I set the glasses down, and headed down the hall.
The closer I got to his bedroom, the louder the creaking became. I felt like the worst friend in the world, but I had to do it; I pressed my ear up against the door.
“Oh Lukas… oh God…” a voice said from the other side.
My jaw dropped. I had heard them making out before, but never anything like this.
“Lukas…” Robert continued. “Oh yeah… oh, right there… yeah, oh that feels so good...”
I pushed my hands against my cheeks. I was too mortified to listen and way too curious to walk away. “Lukas is a top?” I whispered. “Really?”
When Robert let out a high-pitched squeal, I almost slipped on the slick hardwood. I raced back to the counter, grabbed the waters, and returned to my bedroom.
Evan was still in bed, and he wasn't moving. Had he fallen asleep already?
“Hey, get up,” I said. I threw a pillow at his butt.
He stretched his arms out. “I’m awake, I’m awake,” he said, as he rolled toward me. He had clearly been asleep. “Oh. Thanks.” He took his glass and chugged most of the water.
When he set the glass on the nightstand, I asked, “Do you hear that?”
“Hear what?” He loudly yawned.
I pushed my door open, just a smidge. Robert was shouting all sorts of wild expletives from across the apartment. Evan sat up, listened. He didn't understand at first. But then, when a loud “oh fuck yeah!” practically shook the ground beneath us, his eyes grew to the size of grapefruits.
“Oh my God, is that…”
I nodded. “Lukas and Robert. Can you believe it?”
He listened for a few more seconds, and quickly shook his head. “Jesus, they’re really going at it.”
“I know!”
I pulled off my underwear, pushed Evan back against the bed, and straddled him. He got hard in a matter of seconds.
“Do you think we can take them?” I asked, with a wanting smile.
At first he looked at me like I was kidding. I had just cried my eyes out to him, and now I was begging for sex. “Are you... are you sure?”
My tears were gone. I was back in the present. I leaned down, and whispered, into his ear, “Fuck. Yeah.”
He slapped his hands against my legs. “Well, all right then.”
Evan entered me with an impressive thrust. He pushed himself up, kissed me hard and fierce on the lips. I wrapped my arms over his shoulders, as I started riding him.
“Sydney…”
“Oh Evan…”
I didn’t have to fake it. And I wasn’t distracted this time, not at all.
The summer might have been coming to a close, and I might have been scared about what lay ahead.
But as I stared into Evan's eyes, I realized the simple truth.
There was nothing to be afraid of.
Only good things were headed my way.
Chapter 26
As I stepped out of my car and started wading through the crowded parking lot, I let out a long sigh. And not the good kind.
“What?” Lukas said. He slammed the passenger door and pulled his large black backpack over his shoulders.
“Nothing. I just wish summer could have lasted another few weeks. It went by so damn fast.”
“I know, right? But at least we have three-day weekends to look forward to. How cool is that going to be?”
Some joy returned to my face. “Damn right,” I said. I had almost forgotten. The first two years at LMU I always got stuck with at least one Monday-Wednesday-Friday class. For junior year, though, I vowed to do everything possible to go to school four days a week instead of five, especially since I now lived off campus. It took some effort, but I made it work. Barely.
We headed up the hill and walked by three of the freshman dorms. The new students were all so adorably terrified, like they were walking not into English 101, but some kind of military camp.
“Oh my God, it kills me,” Lukas said, with a wanting smile.
“What?”
“The freshman boys. They’re all so freakin' cute.” He pointed to a gaggle of five guys walking toward the Lair. “Look, Sydney, it's One Direction.”
I slapped him in the chest, hard.
“Oww!” Lukas said, taking a step back. “What was that for?”
“You’re not allowed to do that. You have a boyfriend. Or did you forget?”
He snickered. “Oh, come on. I can still look.”
“Yeah? Would Robert approve?”
“He’s probably doing the same thing. As long as he's not sticking his dick anywhere he's not supposed to, we're good.”
“As long as you are not sticking your dick anywhere.”
He opened his mouth so wide it was almost comical. “What? Don't you trust me?”
“Of course I do. I just want to make sure you don't ruin this great thing you have, that's all.” I popped a piece of cinnamon gum in my mouth. The pack had been sitting in my car all summer, so it was dry and tasteless. “I can’t believe we have a class in U-Hall.”
Lukas shrugged. “It’s the only Monday-Wednesday theology class that was left.”
“I know, but it’s just…”
“A long walk?”
“No.” I pointed past the library, at the sophomore dorms.
“Oh. Right.” He scratched his chin, and briefly looked away from me.
“It’s like a goddamned crime scene,” I said. “Can you believe the room’s being occupied again this year? Some boy or girl’s waking up this morning in the exact same spot Melanie died in not even four months ago.”
Lukas shook his shoulders in disgust, like the mere mention of Melanie still made his skin crawl. “They scrubbed the room, though, didn’t they? And I'm sure whoever's in there didn't wake up in the exact same bed.”
“No, I know. But still. She rotted in that room. For three days. It just seems wrong.”
He pulled against his straps. “So you’re not gonna go up there and introduce yourself to the new residents?”
I shook my head a resounding no. “You couldn’t pay me a million dollars to look in that room again. I can still smell her, Lukas.”
He took a step in front of me. “Eww. That's so gross!”
“Tell me about it.”
We approached the sophomore dorms, Rains Hall on the left and McCarthy Hall on the right. The sensation that came over me was expected but still troubling; I got sick to my stomach almost instantly.
I kept my eyes on Lukas, and immediately changed the subject. “So you and Robert sure had fun on Saturday.”
“What do you mean, we had fun? Saturday was your birthday.”
“I mean, later that night. Like after midnight.” I winked at him, and he noticeably blushed.
“Uhh, were you spying on us, Sydney?”
“Of course not. I might have... you know... walked by your door, and my ear might have brushed up against
—”
He shoved his arm against my shoulder and dropped his jaw again. “You little pervert!”
“Oh, I’m a pervert? You were fucking that boy like there was no tomorrow!”
He gripped my shirt and pulled me close. He darted his eyes every which way. “Shh. Jesus. Tell the entire school, why don't you.”
“What, you don't want the school knowing you got laid this weekend? Maybe it’ll turn on the freshman boys you love and adore. The cute, virginal ones who want someone a little older to rock their world.”
Lukas bit down on his tongue, and smiled. “You know what? You may be right.” He turned around, started walking backward. Smiled at all the students walking toward us. “I had sex on Saturday!” he screamed. “With a boy, thank you very much!”
I grabbed his hand and pulled him toward me; now I was the one blushing. “What the hell are you doing?”
“Yes, it was a lot of fun!” Lukas continued. “And I’m not afraid to admit it!”
“Shh! Lukas! What are you, crazy?”
“Maybe a little,” he said, and turned around.
I burst out laughing. Partly because what he did was so insane, but also because I was so happy for him. The Lukas from six months ago never would have dreamed of doing something like that. Robert had changed him. For the better.
I locked my arm with his, and we continued toward U-Hall—but I stopped when we reached the bridge.
“Oh, wow,” I said.
“What?”
“I did it. I got past McCarthy. I didn't throw up or anything.”
Lukas pulled me out of the way of oncoming students. “Yeah, I didn't think you would. You're strong, Sydney. You can overcome anything.”
Evan had called me strong, and now Lukas was saying the same thing. But I didn't buy it. I was a survivor, but I wasn't strong, nowhere near it.
“You obviously don’t know me as well as you think you do,” I said. I stepped out in front of him and walked across the bridge. “Come on, class starts in five minutes.”
We walked inside the mall-like structure, raced down the two escalators and found room 1556 to the right of the food court. The teacher looked our age. She flashed me a sweet smile and said, “Good morning.”
“Morning,” I said. I sat next to Lukas at the back of the room.
I took my notebook out of my bag and set it on the rickety desk. Wrote down today’s date, then tapped my pen against my cheek. It was time to focus. School was officially in session.
After our Age of Reformation class, Lukas and I grabbed a quick lunch, then I hurried to the center of campus, to the Film building. I had tried all sophomore year to get into Art of the Cinema, which was noted on campus for being one of the easiest, and most fun, classes at LMU, but it was always full when I went to enroll. In May I finally nabbed it at the last second.
With only a minute to spare, I entered the screening room and sat next to Robert in the second row.
“Hey you,” I said. “Thanks for saving me a seat.”
“Hi Sydney! Of course, no problem.” The redhead tapped his fingers against his notebook and stared at me for a second. “So. From one boyfriend to the other, huh?”
I put my bag down and shot him a confused look. “What?”
“Weren't you just with Lukas?”
“Oh! Right, exactly. I get to gossip about you with Lukas for a bit, then I get to hear all the details about him from you. It's like a double scoop of ice cream.”
“Mmm. You know who reminds me of ice cream right now?” He brought his mouth to my ear, and whispered, “Our new professor.”
I glanced to my left. The Art of the Cinema teacher was tall, latino—and irrefutably handsome. But I just snickered. “What is up with you and Lukas checking out other guys? You’re not in an open relationship, right?”
“Of course not, no. Why? Did he say something?”
I shook my head. “No, no. Forget it.” I sat back, and looked up at the giant movie theater screen. All we were missing was the popcorn. This wasn’t the kind of film class that was held in some dinky classroom with a little pull down screen; Art of the Cinema was the real deal.
I looked over my shoulder. The room was packed. I surveyed the rows of students—there were at least eighty young faces in the room—but I didn’t see anyone familiar.
“All right, everyone settle down,” the teacher said, and approached the front of the room. “My name is Mr. Mahaffey. Jen and Andrea, my two trusty TAs, are handing out the syllabus. We’re going to go over it in detail in a moment, but for now I wanted to run down the list of films we'll be watching.”
The TA on the right handed me the syllabus. It was six pages long, with a whole section on the last page dedicated to the midterm and final.
“We have tests?” I asked, louder than I expected.
“Yes, there are tests,” the teacher said, and clapped his eyes on me. “For those of you who are looking for an easy A, I suggest you grab your things, and go. For those of you who actually want to learn about cinema, and look at the very best films our finest directors have ever constructed, this is where you want to be. Now…”
When he looked away, I sneered at him. He was cute, all right, but I could already tell he was a pompous prick.
“The school requires that I show you Citizen Kane at our first session, but after that, I have free reign. And this semester, I’ve decided to focus on… wait for it… thrillers.”
Robert clapped his hands together, and said, “Excellent.”
“We’re going to start in the Golden Era of the 1950s, and examine the work of Alfred Hitchcock.”
“Oh, I love Alfred Hitchcock,” Robert said, as he starred a few titles at the bottom of the first page.
“Who’s Alfred Hitchcock?” I whispered.
Robert shook his head, and pointed forward.
“Is he a director?” I added.
“You’re going to find out soon enough,” the teacher said, and he leaned over the leather chair in the front row to face me. “Excuse me. What’s your name?”
I hesitated. “Who, me?”
He nodded.
“Uhh, Sydney. Sydney Baker.”
“Nice to meet you, Sydney,” he said, and smiled. But then: “The next time you talk when I’m talking, I’m gonna kick you right out of my classroom. Is that understood?”
I sunk down in my seat. Why did Robert have to pick the second row?
The teacher turned around and grabbed his remote control. “All right. So. Citizen Kane.”
A PowerPoint presentation flashed on the giant screen. The teacher started talking about Orson Welles and William Randolph Hearst, and something called an L-cut—and my mind began to wander. Robert was taking notes word for word, but I hadn’t even taken out my notebook yet. I crossed my arms, and looked at all the eager faces behind me. I glanced at the right side of the room, then the left. I narrowed my eyes a little. Someone was waving at the teacher.
I turned back around, grabbed my notebook from my bag. I opened it to page one.
I looked over my shoulder again. The girl was still waving. But she wasn’t waving at Mr. Mahaffey.
She was waving at me.
“Oh God,” I said.
It was Michelle.
Chapter 27
Robert and I walked out of the theater at a quarter past five—and Michelle followed right behind us, talking just as much with Robert as she did me. The campus was less crowded than earlier today, when it seemed like every student enrolled at Loyola Marymount was headed to his or her class at the same time, but it was still pretty packed. I hoped that Robert would stick around for a bit and act as a buffer between me and the already clingy Michelle, but he started walking away almost immediately.
“I’ll see you later, Sydney,” Robert said, and waved at me. “I have to run a couple errands before my date with Lukas.” He smiled at Michelle. “Oh, and nice to meet you.”
“You too,” she said.
I took a step toward
him. “What’s with your Monday night dates with Lukas?” I asked. “Do you guys go out every Monday?”
Robert grinned. “Yep! It's our stupid little tradition. And I love it. Bye!” And with that, he marched toward the parking lot, leaving me all alone with Melanie’s little sister.
“He’s so stinkin' cute,” Michelle said. She stopped to the right of me, her notebook pushed up against her chest, her sunglasses covering most of her face. “Lukas is your roommate, right?”
“Yes, that's right.”
“Cool. Gay couples are so adorable.” She nudged her shoulder against mine, and said, “So what about you, missy? Do you have a boyfriend?”
As a matter of fact, I did. And she wasn’t going to be happy when she found out who it was. She was going to learn about Evan sooner or later, but I hoped I had at least until the end of the day. I knew it was possible she would react apathetically to the news—hell, maybe she would even be happy for the two of us— but I assumed it more probable she would throw some kind of tantrum.
So I ignored her question, and asked, “Did you know the girls on campus outnumber the boys four to one?”
She laughed. “Really?”
“Yes. Snatch one up, they’re going fast!”
She looked down, put her arms behind her head. “Thanks, but... I’m not really looking to date anyone right now.” She pointed at the Lair, perked up, and said, “You want to get dinner? I haven't eaten anything all day.”
If I hadn’t been starving, I probably would have passed. I didn't want to become besties with Michelle; her strong resemblance to Melanie still made it difficult for me to even look at her. But the Lair was the only eatery on this side of campus, and I really needed to eat something. A quick dinner with her wouldn't kill me.
“Uhh, yeah. Why not?”
As we walked past Foley Fountain, I marveled at Michelle’s bubbly demeanor. If one of my two older sisters ever died unexpectedly, I would be crushed—and I barely knew my sisters. Melanie had died in the saddest, most gruesome, most inexplicable kind of way, and four months later her younger sister was bouncing around campus like nothing bad had ever happened.
