"Oh, God, oh, God...!" he choked, shaking. "Never like this... never...never!"
She held him to her, cradled him, comforted him while he shook helplessly in her arms. A long time later, he convulsed and then collapsed on her in a damp, spent tangle.
She savored the feel of his big body completely on hers, her arms holding him there in the intimacy of satiation.
Her mouth touched his shoulder, his throat. She ran her hands over his wet back, feeling the muscles ripple, feeling him shiver as each little movement of her body kindled new jolts of pleasure in the aftermath.
She felt his mouth at her ear, husky and warm as he nuzzled his face against hers.
It was the most tender interlude she could ever have imagined, after such mad, ardent lovemaking. She clung to him, trying to breathe normally, her body still intimately joined to his, their legs tangled, their bodies all but boneless with exhaustion.
He lifted his head and looked down into her eyes. He studied her as if he hadn't seen her for a very long time. His hand brushed back her damp, disheveled hair, and then traced her swollen mouth intently.
"I'm part of you," he whispered, and he sounded dazed. "I can feel you, all around me, like soft, warm silk."
She flushed and her face did an embarrassed nosedive into his damp throat.
His fingers tangled gently in her hair. He rolled over onto his side, taking her with him. His chest rose and fell heavily. "Did I hurt you?"
"Of course not."
His hand slid down her side to where the wound had been, to the slight ridge that had formed there. "Are you sure?"
"The doctor said I could resume normal, routine activities," she mused. "I guess that meant...any...activities."
He laughed huskily at her temple. "This isn't normal," he murmured, kissing her eyelids. "Or routine."
Her hands slid around his neck and she lay her head on his damp shoulder with a shaky sigh. "It's scary to feel like that."
"Yes." He didn't have to ask what she meant. He smoothed her hair down her bare back absently while his eyes found the wall beyond the bed. He scowled, thinking how close he'd come to losing her forever. He'd been a fool. But maybe, just maybe, he still had a chance.
"You haven't said any more about the divorce," she whispered, hating to even bring it up. But she felt frightfully vulnerable and uncertain of him.
"I told your friend Cash that hell would freeze over before you got one," he said quietly.
She stiffened against him slightly. "Wh...what?"
His lean hand smoothed down her back, over the faint scars, to her hips and drew her even closer. He shivered at the delicious intimate contact, and his body began to move involuntarily.
"If you're sore, you'd better tell me right now," he said in a barely controlled tone. "Before I lose it again."
She could feel his instant response to the intimacy they were sharing. It was delicious, to feel her own body opening to him, responding to him without reserve. She lifted one leg slowly to deepen his possession, and heard him catch his breath.
"I wouldn't tell you even if I was sore," she whispered huskily. "I want it again. I want you again. I want...to be...part of you."
He made an odd noise, deep in his throat. Seconds later, his mouth bit into hers and his body moved helplessly against her, pressing her hungrily down into the mattress. He'd never known that it was possible for a man and woman to share a body, but they were certainly doing it. And that was the last sane thought he was able to snatch before he went down into the flames again.
He drew her into the shower with him, somber and quiet, bathing her as naturally as if he'd done it all their lives.
She was shell-shocked by the sudden intimacy of their relationship. They'd barely touched each other since Christmas, and now they were lovers. Really lovers.
He kissed her tenderly in between soaping and rinsing her smooth body. He traced her breasts with breathless appreciation and kissed them before he gave her the washcloth and coaxed her into using it.
They were like children, exploring each other in a silence throbbing with joy.
He dried her, wrapped her in a towel, and did the same for himself. Then he led her to the built-in hair dryer and used it on her long hair.
It was as if time had stopped still for them. She couldn't remember ever feeling so close to another human being in her whole life. Her eyes searched his hungrily, hoping for something more than the exquisite pleasure she'd seen in them earlier.
"What are you looking for, Christabel?" he asked gently.
She averted her gaze with a quick smile. "Nothing."
He put the hair dryer down and tilted her chin upward. His scrutiny was intent, and his black eyes were solemn. "There's no tomorrow. Only now. We live one day at a time, until we go home. Okay?"
She swallowed, meeting his eyes. "Okay, Judd," she whispered.
He bent, brushing his mouth slowly over hers. Then he led her back into the bedroom and dressed her himself, with a new tenderness that made her heart ache.
After that, there was no going back. They held hands going places. Judd smiled at Christabel as if he'd never looked at another woman. He held doors open for her, walked on the street side of her, pulled out chairs for her. He presented her with the sexiest red negligee set she'd ever seen and coaxed her into modeling it for him. The result was predictable. Every night, she slept close in his arms, loved to sleep with a tender passion that grew more exciting with each passing day. She dreaded the very thought of going home. But of course, the trip ended. They boarded a plane for Dallas, and fears of losing what she had with Judd kept her silent and remote the whole way home.
Judd noticed, and his conclusion was that she was having second thoughts about continuing their relationship. He backed off, to give her space. And that, of course, led her to the certainty that he had regrets of his own and she was just now seeing them.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Not too long after they returned from Japan, Crissy started losing her breakfast. The first time it happened, Maude wasn't home. The second, she pretended to have forgotten something in her room and barely made it to the bathroom in time. She slipped into town, bought a home pregnancy test, and waited until Maude was away at her sister's on the weekend to use it.
She was staggered by the results. It was all her fault. She'd let Judd believe she was on the Pill, and then he'd continued to believe it when they were intimate in Japan. Now she was pregnant and he was avoiding her. He denied it, but she knew he was going to marry Tippy. The film company was back for a reshoot and he was always around to drive the model back and forth to her hotel. He couldn't apparently bear to look at Christabel since they'd come back from Japan, and after so many exquisite, wonderful nights in his arms. But what if he found out about the baby? He'd feel obliged to stay married, of course he would. She'd ruin his life, Tippy's life, her own life...
She sat down hard on the edge of the bathtub and wished she could go back to Christmas Eve and tell the truth. It was weeks too late now. Besides that, there was no privacy with the film company around, even if it was just for a few days, to reshoot one scene that someone had accidentally destroyed.
Maude found out, of course. It was impossible to hide anything from her. When Crissy lost her breakfast the following week and had to lie down, Maude confessed that she knew. She didn't confess that she'd confided her fears to Cash.
She glared at Crissy with her arms crossed. "He's down at the barn with the film crew," she said. "You march right down there and tell him, or I will."
"You will not!" Crissy said furiously, wiping her face with a wet cloth. "I have decisions to make."
"So does he," came the blunt reply. "It's his baby as well. He'll want it,"
Crissy wasn't sure what Judd would want. He'd avoided her since the trip to Japan. In fact, he only came around now when the acting company was here. When he did, he was around Tippy coming and going. He still drove her to and from the hotel. He m
ade sure that Crissy knew it, which hurt even more. It never occurred to her that Cash was hanging around, too, and Judd might be jealous.
"He spends most of his time with Tippy," she said heavily. "Besides, he'll file for divorce any day. It's not fair to rob him of the little chance of happiness he has."
"Little is right," Maude scoffed. "I don't have anything against Tippy, she's been kind to both of us. But she'll ruin his life. He could never fit in her world. Any more than you could fit in Cash's," she added pointedly.
"That's Judd's decision, not mine."
Maude sighed. "I can't argue with you, can I?"
"It doesn't do much good." Crissy had to agree. She smiled gently. "But I suppose you're right. It isn't something I can hide from him."
"You got that right." She glanced out the window. "He's standing outside the barn with Gary and Tippy. You can catch him before he leaves."
"I'd have better luck catching a cold," Crissy muttered. "Okay, okay, I'm going!" She got off the bed and followed Maude down the hall.
Maude opened the back door for her with a wicked twinkle in her eyes.
"Don't get your hopes up too high," Crissy said as she passed onto the back stoop. "Judd told me that he doesn't ever see himself as a family man."
"You wait until he holds that baby and tell me that again."
Crissy hoped she was right. But she had a bad feeling about the whole situation, and it got worse the closer she went to the barn. What if he thought she was lying? Worse, what if he thought it was Grier's child? He'd seen her birth control pills at Christmas, he'd even remarked that he wouldn't have touched her if he hadn't known about them. But he still didn't know that they were old and unused.
Nevertheless, she wasn't going to be able to hide a pregnancy in Jacobsville, Texas, where everybody knew her and Judd. She might as well get it over with. After all, there wasn't much he could do...
Her mind stopped dead at the sight that met her eyes when she rounded the corner. Gary, the assistant director, was back-talking to his camera- and soundmen. He glared toward the barn and turned away in disgust. Crissy wondered why until she could see inside. The barn was deserted except for two people. Judd was leaning against one of the high stalls, and Tippy was leaning against him, her beautiful body almost part of his in the posture as they kissed with something akin to desperation.
Crissy felt sick to her stomach. There was no way she could march in there and tell Judd he couldn't divorce her because she was pregnant—not when it was patently obvious now that he was physically involved with Tippy. It was impossible to shrug off a kiss like that one. He'd told her he didn't want Tippy!
She turned and went back the way she'd come without making a sound. Tears almost blinded her as she walked numbly to her old truck and got in behind the wheel. She pulled out the spare key she kept under the mat and started the engine. She drove away with no thought for her license or her insurance card, or even her purse.
Slowly, feeling returned. The pain was overwhelming. She saw that hungry kiss over and over again. It wasn't Tippy kissing him, either. It was mutual. Apparently, he was so certain of the divorce that he was already making plans with the supermodel. It was difficult to see Tippy trying to live on a Texas Ranger's salary, even with the dividends the ranch paid Judd as well as Crissy. The woman was beautiful and much in demand. She traveled the world to appear in fashion shows with the most famous designers. She must really love Judd if she was willing to give up all that money and fame. It shouldn't have been surprising. Judd was a handsome, sexy, very masculine man. Tippy wouldn't be the first woman who'd found him irresistible.
There wasn't much traffic on the roads. It was too late for lunch and too early for the school buses to run. School. Her hands tightened on the steering wheel. She would have a child in school in just a few years. Judd would have to know. There wasn't any way she could keep it secret from him. The baby he didn't want would ruin his life, his hopes for the future. He would hate it, and Crissy.
She turned off the main road toward the high banks of the river on a narrow dirt road. Her mind was whirling. She couldn't decide what to do. She could go away. But he'd find out, someday. It wasn't as if she could go to a clinic; she couldn't live with that, no matter what the cost. Blindly, she pressed down hard on the accelerator. She could see Judd kissing Tippy, she could feel the agony the sight had caused, like a fresh wound. Judd loved Tippy. He loved Tippy...!
She moaned out loud. She couldn't tell him. She couldn't! It was all her fault. She hadn't been careful. She hadn't taken precautions. The responsibility was hers. She should have to pay the consequences, not Judd.
She clenched her teeth and closed her eyes as she saw that kiss again. She wasn't paying attention to the road. There was a narrow little bridge over the river—it didn't even have guardrails. The river wasn't so deep, but the bank was easily ten feet above it. When she opened her eyes, she was out of the ruts and headed straight for the bank...!
She gasped and jerked the wheel. Her foot hit the brake, hard, within inches of certain death. The truck slid to a stop with its front tires barely a foot from the edge of the embankment.
She leaned her head onto the steering wheel, shaking with relief. She felt hot tears wash over her hands at the close call she'd had. So much for driving when you were upset, which Judd had always told her not to do. If she hadn't opened her eyes at that exact instant, she'd have gone right into the river. She might have been killed, to say nothing of her baby. Her hand went protectively to her slightly rounded stomach.
She fumbled her way out of the cab and went to the dented front bumper, propping against the side of the headlights while she looked down into the fast current of the river. She pulled a paper towel from her pocket, one she'd used to blot her lipstick that morning, and wiped her sweaty face. Her hands were shaking. She'd never had such a close call. Well, she wasn't getting back into that truck until she was calm enough to drive safely.
The sound of a car going by on the state road that paralleled this dirt one caught her attention. It was a police car. It slowed just for a few seconds before it shot ahead. The policeman probably wondered what she was doing out here all alone with the front end of her truck hanging over a bank. Well, he could just wonder. She wasn't going home, not yet. She'd give Judd plenty of time to get away first. She couldn't bear to see him again right now, with the memory of that kiss eating her alive.
Judd was walking back to his SUV when he saw Maude standing on the back stoop, looking concerned.
He turned and went within earshot, smiling gently. "Something wrong?" he asked.
"Did Crissy tell you?" she asked abruptly.
He scowled. "Tell me what?"
Maude hesitated. "Have you seen her?"
"No. Should I have?" he demanded impatiently.
"She was on her way to talk to you," Maude amended. "I don't see her truck."
He felt his body tense. If Christabel had come to the barn, she must have seen him with Tippy. He'd kissed her to keep the assistant director, Gary, from trying to put the make on her again. The man was becoming a pest. It had been completely innocent, a stage kiss. But if Christabel had seen them...
"What was she going to talk to me about?" he asked, thinking about how often he tripped over Grier when he came here. It had gotten to the point that he hardly spoke to Christabel. He was so jealous he couldn't even hide it anymore.
Maude cleared her throat. "I don't know, she didn't say," she hedged. She drew in a long breath. "I suppose she went to get the mail or something. Never mind."
Maude went back into the house. Judd hesitated. Maude was acting strangely. He wondered why Christabel hadn't made her presence known. It wasn't like her to ignore what she'd think of as betrayal. The old Christabel would have raised hell and he and Tippy would have had a royal battle on their hands. It bothered him that Christabel had walked away without saying anything.
He got into his truck and decided to ru
n into town and see if she was at the post office. But even as he put it in gear, he heard a call on the police band.
"Is Cash around?" a young man asked.
"He's in conference with Chief Blake and the city manager. Why?"
"When he comes out, tell him that his lady is standing on the banks of the river next to her truck out on J. Davis Road, would you?"
"Why does he need to know?" the dispatcher queried.
"Because the front wheels of the truck are barely on the bank, and so is she," the young man replied. "If I were him, I'd get out there quick."
"I'll tell him the minute he comes out. It shouldn't be long."
"Thanks." The young man gave his vehicle's call sign and left the air.
Judd burned rubber getting out onto the road.
Christabel heard the approach of a vehicle and she tensed. It was a lonely place, and she could find herself in trouble. Maybe it was just that policeman who'd gone by earlier, wondering why she was here. She hoped it wasn't someone looking for trouble.
The big black SUV came into view and her body tensed. The last person on earth she wanted to see right now was Judd Dunn. Her dark eyes glared daggers as he stopped behind her truck and got out with an economy of motion.
She was wearing her sneakers, which robbed her of height. He looked very big in his leather boots and cream-colored Stetson, with that big .45 caliber Colt automatic in its hand-tooled leather holster on his hip. The silver Ranger badge glittered in the sun, like his black eyes as he approached her.
"You're too close to the bank," he said without preamble.
She folded her arms tight over her chest and averted her gaze back to the current. "I'm not," she argued.
He stopped just behind her, waiting for her to speak, to accuse him, to explain. But she didn't.
"What are you doing out here alone?" he persisted.
"I had some things to work out," she said in a strange tone.
He hesitated. He didn't know how to ask if she'd seen him with Tippy in the barn.
Books By Diana Palmer Page 355
