I felt my panties being dragged down my legs, leaving me exposed to his eyes, to his touch. Dan moved me onto my back and rolled slightly, pinning my leg beneath his. I could feel his thick erection against my thigh and wanted to touch him, make him feel the sensations I was feeling, hoping I could make him feel them, but his chest blocked my access.
Again, Dan moved his hand down between my thighs and slid not one, but two, fingers inside. Pumping into me, his hand settled into a rhythm that nearly drove me insane. My once languid body was tense with a need I couldn’t define. When Dan moved his thumb over and stroked the tiny nub of nerves, I came unglued. All the tension within me seemed to concentrate and twist into a tight knot at my very center before unraveling and exploding into sparks of sensation throughout my body. When I came back to my senses, Dan was watching me, a sweet, gentle smile on his lips.
He leaned down and kissed me softly. “I love you,” he whispered.
He ran his hand up my stomach to my breast. I could smell myself on his hand and was shocked when he ran his still slick fingers over my nipple, then proceeded to suckle that area with his mouth. I felt his groan as his tongue curled around the distended peak.
“So sweet,” he muttered against my swollen flesh.
He seemed to be slowing down, which I couldn’t understand. I wasn’t half as naïve as all that. I knew what should happen next, even if I’ve never actually done it before. And while what I had just experienced was amazing, I was sure it would be even more incredible experiencing it with Dan inside me.
I shifted so I could reach down and unbutton his pants. I needed to touch him. I couldn’t believe my compulsion to do so, but it was there.
The button of his pants popped free and I slowly ran the zipper down its track. Dan held his breath as I reached inside and ran my hand up and down his length through his underwear. He felt so big, I wondered if he was going to fit inside me then laughed out loud at the thought. Of course he’d fit.
Feeling bold, I reached inside his waistband and touched him for the first time. Skin to skin. Dan sucked in a breath and let it out in short choppy moans. I moved my hand up and down his hard length, fascinated by the various textures…the softness of the skin, the steel beneath. How something could be so hard, yet so soft was beyond me, but I was enthralled.
I grasped him in my fist and allowed my thumb to reach up and explore the plump head. Softer than the rest of his penis, I was amazed to find a warm bead of moisture at the tip. I slowly rubbed it into his skin and was surprised when it was quickly replaced by another.
I moved my hand in a rhythmic up and down motion, hoping he liked it, hoping I was doing it right. Dan’s hand closed over mine and I waited for him to tutor me, to show me how to pleasure him. Imagine my surprise when he unlocked my fingers from around him and removed my hand completely. He placed my palm flat on his chest and I could feel his heart pounding. His eyes were unfocused as he pulled in a long breath through his nose and let it out slowly through his mouth. Eventually his breath steadied and his eyes focused on mine once again.
“Why?” I croaked, not trying to hide my confusion. Tears were burning at the back of my eyes.
Dan cupped my cheek with his large hand and brushed his lips over mine. “I love you honey, and I want you so much it literally hurts,” he said around a wry smile.
A tear escaped and rolled down my face. “I don’t understand. Why did you stop?”
He stroked the stray tear from my cheek. “Because when we make love for the first time, I want us to be married.”
“Married?” It was both the sweetest and most ridiculous thing I had ever heard. “But why?” I felt like a broken record, but I truly didn’t understand.
“I just think it would make it special.”
“But,” I felt my lips tremble, “don’t you think it would be special anyway?”
He wrapped me into his embrace, tucking my head beneath his chin. “Oh God honey, I think it would be amazing.”
I pulled back so I could look at his face. “Dan, I love you. I want to be with you. I want to make love with you.”
He shook his head. “I…”
Before he could say another word, I ran my hand down his chest to his still erect penis. “Come on, Dan. We’ve been together for two years. I love you. Please make love to me.”
For a moment I thought he was going to crumble, but instead he said, “I can’t, Bri. I just can’t.” He sprang from the bed and adjusted his pants. “I’m sorry. It’s just how I feel. It’ll be worth the wait. You’ll see.”
My blood ran cold. He should have been the one trying to get me to say yes, not the other way around. I felt like an idiot…a totally humiliated idiot.
“I better go,” Dan said, his voice laced with regret.
“But…”
He gave me a quick peck on the cheek, careful not to touch me anywhere else, or allow me to touch him. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
He left without looking back.
Two days later, I learned about his various indiscretions. Ever since then, I’ve wondered who finished what I had started that night.
Chapter Thirteen
“Where are you going?” Lexi asked.
“Home.” Before I could explain, my cell phone rang. “Just a minute,” I told her as I answered it.
My mother was on the other end of the line wanting to know what time I planned to arrive. And, since it was my mother, the call lasted slightly longer than I’d intended. When I turned back to Lexi, I found her father standing where she had been, looking gorgeous, out of breath, and furious.
“You’re going home?” he accused more than asked.
“I…” I started to explain, but stopped as my temper flared. Suddenly my anger started to rise. How dare he be furious with me? How dare he make this all about him. He’s the one who screwed up. He’s the jerk. I don’t have to explain anything. Instead of answering, I went back to packing.
“So that’s it.” I peered over to find him, as I knew he would be, his hands on his hips, looking dangerous. Not that I would think for a minute he’d physically hurt me, but mentally, emotionally…that’s another story. “You’re just leaving? Quitting?”
I turned and fully faced him. The look on his face almost made me laugh. Disbelief, anger, and what I could only describe as panic molded his normally perfect features into a comical mask. As much as part of me wanted to keep him in the dark, I decided to confess my plans.
“I’m going to my mother’s for the weekend,” I explained in a patient tone.
“But Lexi said you were going home.”
“Don’t you call your mother’s house home?” My brow arched in question. He nodded and some of the tension seemed to drain from his body. “I didn’t get a chance to explain it to her because my cell phone rang. I didn’t mean to upset her.”
Dan walked to the bed and sat on the edge, right next to my suitcase. “Well, she was upset.” He rubbed his eyes. “Dammit, I didn’t mean for this to happen.”
“What?”
“I didn’t think she’d get so attached to you. Obviously she has.” He pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger.
I didn’t know what to say to that, so I returned my attention to packing.
“I’ll have to talk with her while you’re gone,” Dan said, more to himself than to me.
“You know the routine well enough to attempt it on your own tomorrow.” I looked at him to make sure he was listening. “But don’t push yourself too hard. If it hurts above a five, don’t do it.” He looked distracted, but he nodded. I rethought my plan of action. “On second thought, give yourself a break tomorrow. I’ll be back Sunday. We’ll fit in a session then.”
That seemed to catch his attention. “When are you coming back?”
“Sunday evening. I’m not exactly sure what time. If you have plans…”
“No. No plans.”
“Okay, I’ll see you then.” I zipped my duffel bag.
I know it’s just an expression, but the words still upset me. “No, it definitely is not a date.”
Dan almost smiled, but must have thought twice when he saw the aggravated look on my face. “Okay then, it’s an appointment.”
I could live with that and told him so. Tossing my bag over my shoulder, I asked where Lexi was. “I want to say good-bye.”
“She’s in the kitchen with Mrs. Evans.”
Dan followed on my heels as I started out of my room.
I found Lexi perched on a stool at the island, eating a bowl of cereal. “Hey, Lex.” When she turned to face me, it was obvious she’d been crying. I felt awful, but quickly reasoned with myself that I have nothing to feel bad about. Not really. She simply misunderstood. And even if I was leaving for good, it boggles my mind that she’d be so upset. After all, I’ve only been here a couple weeks. What’s going to happen when I am leaving for good? It makes me wonder what Dan’s women treat her like if she’s gotten so attached to me in so short a time.
“You’re really going?” she asked, her face sullen. Her big green eyes shifted to my duffel bag.
“I’m going to visit my parents, but I’ll see you Sunday night.”
Her eyes brightened. “You’re coming back?”
I nodded then nearly fell as she launched herself off the stool and threw herself at me, wrapping her arms around my waist. “I’m so happy,” she mumbled against my stomach.
I might normally have been annoyed, or at least slightly embarrassed, but Lexi is so sweet, I can’t help but find it endearing.
Somehow I managed to pry her arms from around my body and step back. “Take care of your dad, okay?” She nodded. “Make sure he doesn’t work too hard.”
“I will.”
“I’ll see you Sunday.”
“Okay.”
“Have a safe trip,” Dan added.
“I will,” I said around the lump in my throat.
I took one last glance at Lexi my chest tightened. I closed the door behind me and headed to my car.
I wish I had a daughter like her.
Whoa! Where did that come from?
I slammed the car door with more force than was necessary. Don’t get me wrong, I like kids. I love holding little babies and breathing in their sweet scent, love talking with toddlers and just hanging out with older kids, but what I love most is handing them back to their parents when I’m done. I don’t consider myself very maternal. Sure I can take care of children for short periods of time, but that’s vastly different from being responsible for their every need, their very life for that matter. Never, in all the years of friends and relatives having children, have I wanted one of my own. So, why now?
That question occupied my mind all the way home.
Chapter Fourteen
I love my family, but right now they’re driving me crazy. If anyone asks me another question about Dan, I think I’ll scream.
Coming home seemed like a great alternative to staying cooped up with Dan, but now I’m not so sure. In honor of my coming home—like I never travel the whopping thirty miles to visit—my mother invited some people over for a barbecue. Within half an hour, everyone knew about my working with Dan, and within an hour, they were aware of our past relationship.
Of course, my family and close friends had already known, but my mother’s neighbors were awestruck by the fact. The funny thing is that some of them had met Dan back then, they just hadn’t taken notice of him. I wasn’t going to tell them that, though. My mother, however, had no qualms about doing just that.
“You remember John, he was here for Kevin’s graduation party. You yelled at him for parking in you spot.”
John Roberts, my parent’s neighbor of umpteen years, and possibly the most tactless and annoying man I’ve ever met, perked up at that piece of information. “Oh yeah,” he said as he nodded slowly. “Now I remember. He was a great kid. Really down to earth.” John turned his attention to me. “Don’t take it personally that he didn’t stick with ya, Sabrina. With so many babes throwing themselves at him, you can’t expect a guy to stick with just one. Especially someone like you.”
See what I mean? No tact.
I forced a smile, excused myself to freshen my drink, and took the opportunity to sneak into the house. I didn’t realize I’d been followed until my brother, Kevin, put his two cents into the conversation I’d been having with myself.
“What the hell was I thinking?” I asked myself, out loud.
“You were probably thinking that you could run away from Dan again.” Kevin’s voice startled me so much I actually jumped. My heart threatened to pound out of my chest.
“Kevin!” I screeched. “You scared the crap out of me.”
“Did I intrude on a private conversation?” His eyes twinkled in amusement.
“As a matter of fact, you did.”
“Sorry,” he said, looking anything but.
He sat at the kitchen table and pushed the chair across from him out with his foot, inviting me to sit. I looked at him for the space of several heartbeats before obliging.
“You okay?” he asked, his brow furrowed with concern.
I attempted to swallow the lump that had formed in my throat so I could give him a verbal answer. It wasn’t working, so I simply nodded.
“Sure?”
My shrug said all that I couldn’t. Kevin is the only person who knows the whole ugly story. Being two years older, he has always been my confidante and protector. He even offered to “pound the shit out of the bastard” ten years ago, which I found really touching, because they had become good friends while Dan and I were together. Although the offer was greatly appreciated, I declined.
“You know, my offer still stands,” he said, only half-teasing.
“I don’t know, Kevin, he’s bigger than he used to be.”
Dan tops off at six foot one and Kevin stands half a head taller. Physically, their bodies are similar, broad shoulders, narrow hips, powerful arms and legs; and if anyone could “pound the shit” out of Dan, it would be Kevin. But for some reason, I don’t want Dan hurt. Sometimes it kills me to watch him work through the pain in therapy, a reality I don’t want to explore.
“Yeah, but I have rage on my side.”
“Rage?” I laughed. “I like that.”
Kevin ran a hand through his blond hair and sighed. “Talk to me, Sabrina. You’re obviously upset.”
“It’s just all the questions, the comments. I had to get away from them.” I looked toward the door.
Kevin wasn’t buying it. “What’s going on with Dan?”
“Nothing,” I answered, perhaps a bit too quickly.
“Are you two back together?”
“God no!”
“Then what’s wrong?” His blue eyes, a shade lighter than my own, cast me a warning glare. “And don’t tell me nothing, because I know it’s something.”
Sometimes it really stinks when people know you so well.
“He kissed me.” I cast him an are-you-satisfied-now look, hoping he’d drop the whole subject.
“Anything else?” I shook my head. “Just a kiss?”
“Just a kiss.” I didn’t feel the need to tell him about the heavy petting that had been going on, nor the fact that I don’t know how far things would have gone if Lexi didn’t appear.
“So what’s the problem?”
I wanted to tell him that there wasn’t a problem, but (a) he wouldn’t believe me and (b) I really need to talk to someone. I sucked in a deep breath and let it out slowly.
“I just don’t want to go there.” I averted my gaze from his. “I wouldn’t be able to survive it again.”
“You never got over him, did you?”
Tears burned at the back of my eyes. I didn’t answer, couldn’t answer, but Kevin knew. “Talk to me, Sabrina.”
“Did you know he has a daughter?” Kevin shook his head, but remained silent. “She’s adorable and Dan is absolutely wo
nderful with her. I’ve been watching them together and sometimes I’m almost convinced…” I couldn’t continue.
“Convinced of what?”
“That he’s changed,” I confessed.
“Maybe he has.”
“Do you really think that’s possible?”
“I’m not the one who has to believe it. You are.” He stared into my eyes, driving his point home. “Do you think he’s capable of change?”
I thought about that for a minute. “We all change to some extent. We grow up, our thoughts and ideas change, but I think that fundamentally we remain the same.” Kevin arched a brow, silently asking where I was going with my little speech. “Kevin, he screwed around on me during our entire relationship and thought nothing of it. I mean, that line he threw at me when I confronted him still pisses me off.”
The last time Kevin and I had discussed this was ten years ago, just after the fact. I was too busy being consoled to ask questions, to ask Kevin’s opinion. Better late than never. “Do you believe that?”
“Believe what?” Kevin asked, warily. I could tell he knew what I was talking about; he was just hoping he was wrong.
“That there are girls you fuck and girls you marry,” I answered, matter-of-factly.
Kevin flinched, but I’m not sure if it was because I dropped the F-bomb or that he dreaded answering the question. He stared at the tablecloth, seemingly fascinated with its pattern. It was taking him forever to speak, and I started to wonder if he was going to answer at all. Finally, he lifted his head and looked me in the eye.
“To a point, yes, I believe that.” I couldn’t hide my shock at his words. He raised his hand in a “slow down” gesture. “Hold on, Sabrina. Hear me out before you freak out.” I sat back in my chair and crossed by arms across my chest. My toe tapped a rapid tattoo against the tile floor as I awaited his explanation.
“Of course there are girls out there a guy would fool around with but not marry, but generally they’re the girls who wouldn’t want to get married anyway. I’m sure it’s the same for women. Haven’t you ever dated someone who you would never think of getting serious about?”
Girls You Marry Page 8
