“And you live where, exactly?” I had to ask. With a staff that size, it had to be somewhere glamorous.
“Hidden Hills,” he said as he glanced at me, catching my mouth hanging open.
“No! Did you know that Kim Kardashian lives there?” I was flabbergasted.
“Well, yeah, she and Kanye only live two houses from mine.” He shrugged to accent how typical that was.
“Get out! No way!” My mind could only form two words at a time. Then I had to ask again, “So, what is it that you do, August?”
“Well, at the moment, I’m working with a couple of other men to open an incredibly exclusive nightclub, catering to only the wealthiest of people. We’ve named it Swank—it’s due to open on New Year’s Eve. I haven’t asked you yet, but I can now. Will you please be my date for that, Tawny?”
“So, you’re some kind of a nightclub mogul? And my answer is yes, I’d love to be your date for that.” I wondered how the hell a former marine had gotten into that.
“Yeah, on top of other things. My fingers are in a lot of pies, so to speak.” Traffic slowed to a stop, and I found August looking out the window at the passengers in the car next to him.
“You’ll have to fill me in on all the pies eventually,” I said as I watched him.
I realized that he hadn’t heard a word I said, transfixed as he was by the people in the car beside us. Too many seconds ticked by with him motionless, then I finally heard him whisper, “John?”
Everything seemed to happen in slow motion, like the calm before an explosion. One second August was fine, and the next, the name ‘John’ pealed out of his mouth in short bursts that changed to high pitched screams.
To make matters worse, his screaming woke up Calum, who began to cry, “What’s wrong with him, Momma?”
Taking off my seatbelt, I got on my knees in my seat and reached over, jerking on August’s shoulders to draw him out of the episode. “It’s okay, honey,” I said calmly, trying to get things under control. “August, it’s okay, babe. It’s not real.”
“Momma!” Calum shouted as he cried hysterically. “Momma, make him stop!”
Looking at my son, I said firmly, “I need you to stop crying, Calum. August is having a hard time. You have to be quiet now. Right now.” Being so strict with my frightened son wasn’t an easy thing to do, but it was done, and thankfully, Calum’s loud cries became soft whimpers.
Turning my attention back to August, I climbed over the console that separated us, landing sideways on his lap and putting the car into park. “August, it’s okay. It’s me, Tawny. Everything is okay. What you’re seeing isn’t really happening right now. You’re fine. Everyone is fine.”
With a loud gasp, August’s eyes finally blinked, and his screaming stopped. “Oh, God!” he grabbed my wrists as I held his face between my hands. “God…” He took deep, heaving breaths as he slowly came back to reality. “Tawny, I’m so sorry!”
“It’s okay now.” I stroked his face and his hair for a few moments as he continued to calm down. “I’ll drive.”
He nodded, and we both got out of the car as the people in the traffic all around us watched with gaping jaws. I saw my son’s red-rimmed eyes as he watched August walk around the front of the car, getting in the passenger side—the side Calum had been sitting behind.
My son took off his seat belt with frightened eyes, sliding to the seat behind the driver’s side. My heart broke at the sight. All of the trust that August had built with Calum had just been destroyed in a matter of minutes.
Who knew how long it would take to get that back?
Chapter 11
August
My episode had spoiled the rest of that night. After stopping at Tawny’s place to drop them off, I drove myself home. A smell of smoke hung in the air even though no flames were in sight. It troubled me as I headed into my home.
Joel, the groundskeeper, was inside talking to Tara, my chef. I was pretty sure the two liked one another, but they seemed to be taking things slow—maybe due to the fact they were both approaching sixty. But their progress was really slow, like hurry-up-before-one-of-you-guys-dies slow. But I kept that to myself. It wasn’t my business, after all.
I did ask them about the smoke though, “Did you guys smell that smoke out there? Is there a fire near here that I don’t know about?”
“No, boss. I guess the winds have picked up around the current fires out in Angeles National Forest. They’re calling them the Creek Fires. Nothing to worry about here, sir,” Joel answered.
“Cool,” I said with relief. “I’m heading to bed. It’s been a long day.”
Sleep proved hard to achieve that night. After an hour of trying, I called Tawny. “Hi, August. You get home okay?”
“I did. Are you and Calum okay?” I put my hand over my eyes, wishing that the incident had never happened.
“I’m fine. I told you I could handle that,” she said, then paused.
“Calum’s not, is he?” I asked, but I didn’t have to—I knew I’d upset the boy.
“Well, he’s young, August. You’ve got to understand.” She sighed, and I hated to hear that.
“I do understand. Believe me, I do. I just keep wishing I could go back in time and figure out what the hell triggered that episode.” As hard as I could, I tried to figure out what had caused it, but like many times before, I couldn’t.
It was crazy; I had determined that loud noises could trigger one type of episode, one where I saw myself in battle with my fellow marines and where people I’d worked with for years were killed. Once I realized that specific catalyst, those kinds of episodes came less frequently until they finally stopped. But I still hadn’t been able to figure out what the trigger was for the episodes reliving those moments with John Black.
“I think it might’ve been because I was asking you about your job and how you got your money,” Tawny offered. “When I asked you about that at the zoo, you told me that you’d tell me later, that that wasn’t the place. Since you’re home now and safe, why don’t you tell me about it now? It might help.”
She might’ve been on the right track. So, I began my tale, “I told you about the accident with John Black, but I didn’t tell you that I sued the manufacturer of that gun and won millions. The first thing I did was look for an investment firm to help me grow that money. All I wanted to do was keep John’s name alive. I wanted to make as much money as I could from the settlement money so that I could make donations to charities in his name.”
“So, you found a firm that helped you reach that goal?” she asked.
“I did. I met Gannon Forester at the first firm I went to. He’s one of my business partners now. He put the whole settlement into the same investments and ventures he’d had a ton of his money in. He made me a billionaire and helped me see my dream come true. And now I live off part of that money and invest other parts of it, all the while giving chunks to different charities each month.” I felt better about telling Tawny about this. A weight lifted off my shoulders once I realized that it must have been the line of conversation that triggered that particular episode.
For a while Tawny was quiet, and then she said, “What a weight you must carry around, August. My God.”
Did I carry a lot of weight around? I hadn’t realized that. “I don’t feel burdened by it, Tawny.”
“You may not feel it, but you hold yourself solely responsible for making sure that man’s name is kept alive. And you’ve gone to such lengths to do that, too. Going to court, suing a huge weapons-manufacturing company, winning, and then turning that money into an even bigger fortune—that’s not nothing. And you’re still not done—finding the right charities every month, that’s got to be difficult. That’s a lot to do for someone who isn’t even walking the earth anymore.”
“But he’s not here because of me,” I reminded her.
“No, he’s not here because of the malfunction of the weapon, not because of you, August.” She tapped her nails on something, and I co
uld hear it through the phone. “If it had been your fault, then you would’ve never won that case against the manufacturer. You are not to blame for what happened to John Black, and you need to let go of that guilt. You’ve devoted your entire life to him since the accident—how do you expect to move on from that horror when it’s always lurking there at the edge of everything you do? I’m not saying stop what you’re doing—giving money to charities is a wonderful thing to do. But let the guilt go.”
Her words were making my heart do flips inside my chest. Tears welled up in my eyes. In the year that I’d been seeing Dr. Schmidt, he’d told me a number of times that I needed to reconcile my guilt with the event, but he’d never hit on that as a trigger for my episodes. And he’d never quite gotten to the core of the issue as Tawny had—never gotten me to realize the immensity of the burden I carried, however subconsciously.
Tawny had done that in record time. “You’re an amazing woman, Tawny Matthews.”
“And you’re an amazing man, August Harlow. I think we make a pretty great couple, don’t you?” she asked with a sexy lilt to her voice.
Pushing my hand through my hair, I had another thought. If I’d frightened her son, then why would she want anything else to do with me? Tawny wasn’t acting like the mother my sister said she’d be. She wasn’t taking her son and running in the opposite direction.
“A couple, huh?” I had to ask. “You’re not going to stop seeing me now that Calum’s afraid of me?”
“He’ll come around, eventually. I can talk to him, get him to understand things better,” she told me. “I don’t want to stop seeing you just because this happened. As a matter of fact, if I did stop seeing you over this, then that might adversely affect your PTSD, making it worse. I’d never want to do that to you.”
But what about her son? What about him and how he felt about me?
“Tawny, I want you to know that I’d never fault you for ending things with me. I know that your son is the most important thing to you, as he should be. And he’s afraid of me now. I would never say one harsh word against you if you ended this.” I waited to see what she’d say to that. I’d given her a pass to end it all and walk away without a fight.
“Listen to me, August,” she began. “Calum is my life. He has been for six years now, and he always will be. But you have a place in my heart that no one else has been able to take. I know we weren’t close in any real way back then, but what we did that night made us close, closer than a lot of couples are after years together. I’ve told you this before—I feel a bond with you. I don’t know if you feel it, too.”
I jumped in. “I do feel it. But why do you think two people who barely know one another have such an important bond, Tawny?”
Please, tell me Calum is mine!
My fingers crossed and I waited for her next words, which I prayed would be the ones I wanted to hear.
“That night, you took more than just my virginity. You took a piece of my heart,” she said, her voice but a whisper. “I fell a little bit in love with you that night, and spending time with you these last few days has made me realize that it was more than just some girlish infatuation.”
“You love me?” I asked, as that hadn’t even entered my mind. But I had to admit, this girl had a hold on me that no one else had ever managed.
“I have since that night, August. And I think I always will,” she said softly.
Her words echoed in my mind, and I couldn’t hold back my own confession. “I thought about you over and over these past years. I replayed that night in my head so many damn times I’ve lost count. And when you brushed my arm as you walked past me at the Science Center, I felt an electric charge. Is that love, Tawny? Because I’ve never felt that with anyone else—not before our night together, and certainly not after.”
“I can’t tell you if that’s love, August, but I’d like to explore the idea with you.” She paused for a moment, as if thinking if there was anything else to say on the matter. “We had a long day, and it’s late—I should get some sleep.”
The phone seemed glued to my hand; I couldn’t put it down. “Wait.”
“Yes?” she asked.
“Tell me, Tawny. Say the words to me.”
“I love you, August Harlow,” she said sweetly. “Now you have a good night, babe. Call me in the morning.”
My head started spinning at those words, and I was overtly aware that I hadn’t said any words of love back to her. But I couldn’t make the words come out of my mouth. “’Night, Tawny.”
Lying in my bed, alone, I ran my hand over the empty space beside me. Had Tawny’s feelings about me grown into love because she’d had a constant reminder of me?
Had all those fantasies and thoughts I’d had through the years made me fall in love with her?
God knew I never gave any female half a chance to win my heart. Hell, I hadn’t slept with any woman more than a handful of times, and each and every time was purely fucking—no emotions involved. Not the way I’d been with Tawny that night. Not the way I’d been with her on our dinner date, either.
Shit, do I love the woman?
Chapter 12
Tawny
My feelings for August were out in the open now, to him at least. But my son was unaware of them. Any time I brought up the man’s name, Calum made a face. He’d cross his arms in front of his chest, puffing it out and telling me he didn’t like August so much anymore, and he didn’t think he wanted to see him again.
August and I had let a few days pass, talking on the phone each day, making suggestions to each other about what the best way to handle this situation would be. All the while, August never confessed any love for me, but asked, each and every time our calls came to an end, to hear the words I’d told him. So, each conversation ended with an ‘I love you’ from me, and a goodbye from him.
Lopsided, I knew.
I also knew it was early to be throwing around the L-word, but I’d pushed those feelings deep inside myself for so many years already. It was hard saying goodbye to August all those years ago, having to let go of the incredible spark between us, no matter how important I knew his leaving to be. But seeing him again and us spending time together had only made me realize that I’d been holding onto those feelings for seven long years—it was no wonder they came blooming to the surface so quickly.
I chalked my ease with expressing my love to August up to the fact that I’d been telling my son that I loved him at least once a day since the day he was born. Being honest about my feelings helped me accept the fact that August just wasn’t ready yet.
He might not have been ready to tell me that he loved me, but he sure as hell was ready to see me again. So ready, in fact, that he’d devised a plan. He’d decided he would show up at my apartment for dinner and talk to Calum directly about why he’d had the attack.
When a knock came to the door, I casually asked Calum to see who was there. “’Kay, Momma.” I watched him look out the window beside the door as I stirred the pot of beef stew I’d prepared for dinner.
When he turned around, heading out of the living room at top speed, the slam of his bedroom door punctuating the moment, I knew he wasn’t about to listen to a word August had to say.
So, I opened the door for August, a frown on my face. “He saw you and took off. He’s in his bedroom.”
Arms came around my body, pulling me close. Our bodies were flush against the other, and heat filled mine. “I’ll fix this. Just watch.” His lips touched mine. “I’ve missed seeing you, baby.”
I couldn’t even respond as his mouth took mine in a hungry kiss. His hands went to my ass, picking me up. Knowing Calum wouldn’t be coming out of his room without assistance any time soon, I wrapped my legs around August. I kissed him back, wishing like hell we could just drop to the floor right there and make love, which we’d yet to do since our reunion.
But August had another agenda in coming here, so he let me down and smacked my ass, sending me back to the kitchen. “I’ve
got bigger fish to fry right now, Momma. I’ll get back to you soon, don’t worry. But first, I want to hear you say those words to my face.”
A blush heated my cheeks as I smiled shyly. “August!”
One finger traced my lips as he gazed at me. “Please. For courage, if nothing else.”
Though almost inaudible, the words came out, “I love you, August Harlow.”
A slow smile spread across his handsome face. “Oh, yeah. That’s what I thought would happen when you said those words to my face.” Suddenly I was pulled back into his strong arms, his mouth on mine again. The bulge in his pants pressed against my core, and he didn’t have to say a word—I knew what my words had done to him. When our mouths parted, he whispered in my ear, “I love you too, Tawny Matthews.”
“August?” I asked, surprised. “You don’t have to…”
His mouth came back to mine, making me shut up as he kissed me in a way he hadn’t before.
He loved me, and he’d finally told me so!
When he ended the kiss, he nuzzled his nose to mine. “It felt good telling you that, baby. Better than having you tell me those three little words that have such an effect on me.”
“They have a pretty amazing effect on me as well,” I admitted.
With a groan, he let me go. “Okay, off to fix things.”
He headed down the short hallway and stood just outside the closed door my son had slammed. “Hi, Calum. It’s me, August. I know I scared you the other day, but I wanted to tell you a little story about why I zone out sometimes and end up screaming like that.”
Listening to him try to make peace with my son, I went on cooking dinner and wondering how Calum would take August’s little story. All the while, I wondered how August would clean it up, so he didn’t scare Calum any further.
August went on, “You see, I was in the war.” He paused for a moment, giving Calum time to try to understand what he meant. “You remember that game we played in the arcade, the one where we were soldiers, and we had to shoot all the bad guys? Well, I did that in real life. When you do that in real life, it can make you have bad dreams, even while you’re awake. That’s what happened that day in the car.” He stopped again for a few seconds, likely knowing that this next part would be the hardest to tell. “You probably heard me say the name John the other day in the car. John was a very good friend of mine, and something bad happened to him by accident, and I was there for the whole thing. Sometimes my brain plays tricks on me—like a very bad and mean prank—and the memory of what happened to John comes back to me, even though I know it’s not real. It’s like I have a nightmare even though I’m awake, and sometimes I scream until someone helps me and tells me it’s not real—like your momma did that day in the car. You probably have bad dreams, too, sometimes, right? Mine don’t happen very often, but I know they can be scary. I’m sorry I scared you that day, Calum, and I hope we can be friends again like we were before that happened.”
Nightclub Sins: A Billionaire Romance Series Page 37
