by Portia Moore
“Holy shit,” Harland breathes, looking at me wide-eyed. “Fucking bitches, man. So you divorced her?”
I nod. “Took off to Miami for a while. Ran a bar there.” I motion to the bartender for a shot of whiskey, and down it as I shake my head ruefully. “That’s where I met the next one, Madison. Absolutely gorgeous. She was there with someone, though. Never thought I’d see her again, only to run into her out of nowhere here in the city a couple months later. She needed a job and I pointed her to the catering company. She needed a place to stay and I let her move in with me. I fell hard, man. Harder than I did for Holly. It took a while for her to come around, but we started dating after a while.”
“Damn, well that sounds like fate, not that I believe in that shit.” Harland takes another gulp of his drink. “So, you guys still together?”
I laugh bitterly, slugging back the Manhattan. “Nope. Got engaged, whole nine yards. I was more in love than I’ve ever been. Only to find out at my sister’s fucking wedding that the guy she was seeing in Miami was Jackson. My fucking father. She was sleeping with him. Found out when my bitch of an ex-wife showed the whole fucking reception a video of them screwing in an elevator.”
Harland blinks at me, clearly at a loss for words. “Shit, man,” he says, setting down his drink and running a hand through his hair. “That’s some heavy stuff. So she was cheating on you?”
I shake my head. “They both swear it was over before she ever met me in New York, and that she had no idea he was my father until they met at my sister’s engagement party. And then they kept it a secret so it wouldn’t hurt me.” I laugh, a short, harsh sound as I finish my drink. “I don’t know if I believe it or not.”
“Well, I can’t say I’m surprised exactly—about Jackson anyway. He always was a chick magnet,” Harland says, laughing. He quiets down then for a moment, glancing over at me. “So, is it really over then? If she wasn’t cheating, I mean?”
I set the glass down, realizing that I’m more than a little drunk. “Yeah, he was always good at getting attention from women. I always wondered if he was faithful to Cassandra.” I swallow hard, the realization that not only was Jackson cheating—this man that I looked up to—but that it was with Madison, hitting me all over again.
“I miss her,” I confess, looking down at the bar and then over at Harland. “Shit, I wake up every morning thinking she’s still there. It’s been rough.”
“Man, I know she banged your dad,” Harland says playfully, his voice slurring just enough that I know he’s drunk too. “But shit, we all have skeletons in our closet. Do you think you could forgive her and move on if she honestly didn’t know? I mean, that’s not her fault, right?”
I can feel my jaw clench as I think about it. “I love her enough that I probably could,” I say quietly. “But I just don’t know how that works, how I look at her every day and don’t think about it. So I think in the end, I’d probably rather just start over…or be alone. I don’t see how we ever really move past this.”
I think of never seeing Madison’s face beside mine in bed, and then think of the slim white card in my wallet with Jade’s number written on it.
Maybe Alyssa, and John, and Harland are right. Maybe I could forgive.
But I don’t know how I would ever forget.
Chapter 6
Present day
Madison
My plan is to get to the restaurant early, so I can have a moment to collect myself before meeting Kate. I make sure to dress super conservatively, feeling self-conscious about everything I try on. A pencil skirt and blouse that I would’ve worn to the office seems too formal and awkward, jeans and a t-shirt seem too casual, some of my more casual dresses seem too sexy. I finally settle on a pair of high-waisted jeans, a lavender silk camisole, and a short-sleeved linen jacket over that. And then I remember that I’d worn that top out for Alex and I’s anniversary when he’d proposed, and very nearly break down into tears.
But I pull myself together quickly. I can’t be late for lunch with Kate, and I really, really want to be the first one there. So I grab my purse and run out to meet my Uber, my heart already in my throat as I check my phone over and over during the short ride, hoping against hope that maybe she’ll cancel. Something will come up.
She doesn’t call and cancel. And my heart sinks to my toes when I walk into the restaurant and see that she’s already sitting there, her face perfectly blank as she catches sight of me. I can’t read anything about her mood; the woman has a perfect poker face. I feel like I might throw up as I walk hesitantly towards the table to meet her, and I wish more than ever that I could have a drink. What a time to have to stop.
Kate doesn’t get up to greet me or even smile as I approach the table, just meets my eyes without emotion and says, “Thank you for coming, Madison.” Nothing else. Not a word.
Oh god, I think as I sit down. This is going to be even worse than I thought, unbearably awkward. What am I supposed to say to the mother of my ex-fiancé, who knows that I slept with her ex, his father?
Nothing. You say nothing.
“How are you doing, Madison?” Kate asks, and I freeze, looking at her with surprise. Why would she ask me that, if she knows what happened? Why would she care? “I’m okay,” I say hesitantly, still unsure if she actually knows what happened between Alex and me or not. But I’d bet money that she does, because she’s colder than I’ve ever seen her, frigid enough to practically lower the temperature in the room. Which still doesn’t explain why she gives a shit how I’m doing, then.
Before Kate can say anything else, the waitress comes over and saves me for just a second. “Are you ladies ready to order?” she asks, and Kate’s cold expression changes immediately, giving the waitress a warm smile as she orders baked ziti and a side salad. I can barely hide my surprise. I assumed that “lunch” was just an excuse to get me someplace where she could berate me for what happened. But it looks as if we’re actually having lunch.
“I’ll just have a plain salad, dressing on the side,” I tell the waitress. “And water, please.” My stomach is already flip-flopping so hard that I can’t imagine how I’m going to even stomach that, but salad seems innocuous enough to try.
“Don’t you think you should order something a little more substantial since you’re carrying my grandchild?”
Kate’s tone is sharp and pointed, her gaze fixed on me as my stomach drops at her words, my whole body going cold. I stare at her, unable to say a single word as the waitress lingers expectantly next to us, probably wondering what the hell is going on here. I can’t think past the questions in my mind.
Fuck! Does Alex know then, if she knows? If he knows, why hasn’t he called me? Does he give so few fucks about me now that he doesn’t even care about our baby? What if he thinks it’s Jackson’s? That would mean he’d believe that I cheated on him, oh my god…fuck. Fuck, this is terrible.
“She’ll have the chicken pasta,” Kate says finally to the waitress, her tone more than a little exasperated. The waitress nods and scurries off. She looks at me then, still sitting there stunned, and presses her lips together tightly. “Well, you are, aren’t you?” she asks flatly. “Carrying my grandchild?”
I finally manage to shake myself loose of the shock enough to speak. “Y…yes,” I say quietly. “I’m pregnant.” I feel as if I can’t breathe as I ask her the next question. “Does Alex know?”
“No, he does not,” Kate says firmly. “In fact, I had to pull it out of Alyssa, after she kept defending you repeatedly to Alex.” She narrows her eyes. “My daughter is very protective of her brother, Madison. She would never have advocated that he get back together with someone who slept with his father unless there was something else going on. Something big enough to warrant it.”
I feel my face flush with embarrassment as shame washes over me. I’d expected Kate to yell at me, attack me, but this is somehow worse—her flat statement of the facts, of what I’ve done. I don’t say a word as she speaks—I can’t
think of anything to say. There’s nothing to defend myself with.
“Are you going to have the baby?” she asks finally, and I nod, trying not to let tears come to my eyes. “I am,” I tell her. “I was always going to. I just hadn’t had a chance to tell Alex before—”
“Tell me the truth,” Kate says sharply, cutting me off. “Is it Alex’s? You need to swear to me that this is Alex’s baby before we keep talking.”
I stare at her, and I want to snap back at her that I would never cheat on Alex, and never have, and how could she ask me such a thing? It hurts that she would even think it, but I’m knocked off my high horse, remembering everything that’s happened. And she’s Alex’s mom, of course she’s protective of him. “I swear,” I say quietly. “It’s Alex’s baby. I didn’t cheat on him. I didn’t sleep with anyone else while we were together. This is Alex’s child.”
“Have you had any doctor’s appointments yet?” she asks brusquely, shaking out her napkin and putting it in her lap.
“Not yet,” I tell her. “I have one next week. The first one.”
“What are you planning to do for work? Where are you going to stay?” The questions are rapid-fire, Kate’s voice going from remonstrating to interrogating in a flash, now that she’s assured that the baby is, in fact, Alex’s.
I don’t know what to do other than to be honest with her. “I’m starting from scratch,” I tell her. “But I plan to stay in New York, near Alex, so he can be a part of this baby’s life. I’m staying with my best friend right now, but I’m looking for jobs I can do remotely, that have benefits, and then I’ll find an apartment. I’m going to make sure I can take care of us both—me and the baby.”
Kate pauses, looking at me carefully as if she’s trying to decide something. “Do you love Alex?” she asks suddenly, her eyes fixed on mine. “Tell me the truth.”
The words spill out of my mouth in a rush, faster than I can think of what to say. “Yes,” I breathe, nodding fiercely. “More than my own life. More than anything. He’s the love of my life, and I never wanted to hurt him…”
My words trail off as I see Kate look over my shoulder, and I turn my head to see Jackson walking into the room. I freeze in my seat, my heart pounding as I wonder what the hell he’s doing here. Out of all the restaurants in New York, he just happened to be having lunch in this one at the same time?
And then it registers with me that Kate doesn’t look shocked at all, and she’s waving at him, gesturing for him to come over to the table.
Now I really am going to be sick.
Jackson looks just as uncomfortable as I feel as he sits down at the table, carefully avoiding my eyes as Kate looks frostily at Jackson. “I want you to tell me exactly what happened between you and Madison,” she says to Jackson without preamble, not even so much as a hello. “Exactly.”
The waitress picks this exact second to drop off our food, and she starts to ask Jackson what he would like, but Kate waves her quickly away. “Explain,” she says sharply, and Jackson clears his throat. I’ve never seen any man look so miserable.
“I met Madison at a charity dinner,” he says tonelessly. “It was a year and a half ago, maybe more. I came up to her at the end of the evening, and we flirted.”
Kate’s face fills with contempt as she glares at him. “And it didn’t occur to you that you were married? That Madison was your daughter’s age?” Her voice is disdainful as she sits back in her seat.
“Cassandra and I were having issues, I…”
“Just tell me what happened,” Kate says disgustedly.
“Well, I’m sure you can guess what happened,” Jackson says flatly, regaining a little of his poise. “We went to Miami…I was planning on divorcing Cassandra. I still was, before the wedding. I just didn’t want to ruin Tiffany’s day…” His voice trails off, his expression sagging as he remembers exactly how Tiffany’s wedding day was ruined, after all.
“And what happened in Miami?” Kate prompts.
“Madison didn’t know I was married,” Jackson says tiredly. “She found out and…”
I can’t help but shrink down in my seat as Jackson talks, feeling more and more humiliated as Kate learns all the details about my affair with Jackson—but there’s some hope there, too. At least she’s listening, hearing the truth. Maybe it will help.
“And it was over then?”
“Not for me,” Jackson says, his jaw tightening at the memory. “I tried to convince her to come back to me, showed her the divorce papers, everything. I even had dinner with her several months later, trying to convince her to come back to me, but she wouldn’t. She said she was in love with someone else, that she’d moved on, that she didn’t want to be part of breaking up someone’s home. She didn’t tell me who that someone was; I had no idea it was my son. We never talked about it. The next time I saw her was at Tiffany’s engagement party, and that’s when all the pieces came together.”
Kate’s frosty gaze switches to me. “Madison, is that true?”
“Yes,” I confirm softly. “Yes, that’s about how things happened.”
“I can’t believe you,” Kate says, looking sharply at Jackson. “You don’t even have the balls to divorce your wife before taking up with someone half your age, acting like any other wealthy guy with a midlife crisis, wining and dining her all over Miami like you’re in your freaking twenties. Who do you think you are, Leonardo DiCaprio?” She sounds like she’s lecturing a child, and Jackson looks more and more irritated the longer she speaks, but he clearly can’t think of anything to defend himself. It’s all true—there’s nothing he can say.
“And you didn’t even tell Madison you were married? There’s just no excuse for this. You let her believe you were single, and then after she left, you kept at it. Jackson, Cassandra is a wonderful woman, and whatever happened in your marriage, she didn’t deserve this. I’m so glad I never married you,” she declares. “And, speaking of Cassandra, have you talked to your wife?”
“No, I haven’t,” Jackson says, his voice tired. “She won’t speak to me or answer any of my calls. Neither will Tiffany. And before you say it”—he holds up a hand—“I don’t blame them.”
“Do you know about the baby?” Kate asks. “Your grandchild?”
“Yes,” Jackson admits. “I know Madison’s pregnant. And that it’s Alex’s,” he adds, glancing at me.
Kate looks between the two of us. “So is it over?” she demands, looking intently first at me and then at Jackson. “Whatever this was between the two of you, is it really done? Dead and over, for good?”
“Yes,” Jackson and I say in unison, and I see a hint of amusement on Kate’s face for the first time, but she quickly tamps it down. “I love Alex,” I say softly, almost pleadingly. “I never meant to hurt him. I shouldn’t have lied or kept it a secret once I realized, but it was only ever because I wanted to keep him from being hurt by something that happened without my realizing it, before we were ever together. I wanted to marry him…” I choke back a small sob. “I would never have been unfaithful to him.”
“You know I love Alex, Kate,” Jackson says firmly. “I would never have tried to get Madison back if I’d known he was who she was seeing. This was all a case of miscommunication and mistakes, and like Madison said, we were wrong to hide it, but it was only because it didn’t matter by that point. It was over.”
“Well then,” Kate says decisively, looking at us as if she’s a judge and we’re the defendants, which isn’t so far from the truth. “Jackson, we need to support Madison right now until it’s the right time for Alex to be told about the baby. I’ll do my best to work on Alex and convince him to listen to your side of the story, to get him on the good side of both of you. But it will take time. Until then, Madison needs a place to stay.” She looks pointedly at Jackson. “You have plenty of properties.”
Oh. Oh, no. “I don’t want charity, Kate,” I start to say, picking up immediately on what she’s suggesting, but she waves a hand as if what I want doe
sn’t matter. “This isn’t about you, Madison,” she says sharply. “It’s about your baby and what’s best for him or her. Also, Jackson and I will both go to the appointment with you. You shouldn’t be alone, the baby’s family should be there, and Alex can’t be yet.”
Before Jackson or I can say anything, Kate stands abruptly and reaches for her purse. “Jackson, you’re covering lunch. Make sure you eat that pasta, Madison, but you’ll walk me out, first.”
I’m completely tongue-tied, but as I follow Kate out to the curb, I look over at her curiously. “Why are you leaving me alone with Jackson? After everything that happened…”
Kate stops and turns to face me. “Jackson is your child’s grandfather,” she says curtly. “He’s a part of this child’s life as much as any of us. And I need to make sure it really is over between the two of you, and that that’s all he’ll ever be. Because if you hurt my son again”—she leans closer to me, her eyes narrowing—“I’ll kill you.” She straightens as her Uber approaches the curb. “I’ll be in touch, Madison.”
I know I’m supposed to go back inside and finish my lunch, but I’m frozen to the spot. Everything has happened too fast. A minute later, I hear the doors open, and I turn around to see Jackson approaching me, a to-go box in his hand. “Your lunch,” he says, handing it to me.
I take it dazedly. “I can’t believe what just happened,” I whisper. “All of that…”
Jackson laughs. “I can,” he says, his mouth twitching into a smile. “Goddamn, if that wasn’t the Kate I fell in love with all those years ago, the one who told my parents to go straight to hell.” He shakes his head.
I don’t say anything, and quiet falls over us as it starts to sink in—how tangled and awkward all of this is, and how sad it is, too. I wonder if he would’ve been unfaithful if he’d married Kate, or if this is just who he is, and it would’ve been a repeat of the same situation. I wonder what it’s going to be like going forward, if Alex really will forgive us, or if I’m going to spend the next eighteen years raising a child in this soap opera of a family, with a man I desperately love but who hates the sight of me.
