Now he wondered if he’d get sent home. A thrill of anticipation ran through him. It would be the happiest exit moment the show had ever seen. Not that he could celebrate yet. He had damaged his reputation and his witness and no doubt embarrassed his family. And what about Reese? Wherever she was, packing for Europe, she must think him the most insensitive jerk alive. He had so much damage to undo. If that were even possible.
Zack stood and filled his lungs. God, I give You this day . . . I’m sorry. I’ve made a fool of myself. He thought about the first kiss with Zoey in the hallway. That never would’ve happened if he’d stood by his convictions, to bring glory to God. I fell in love with the attention, Lord, with being popular to the world. Everyone’s right. Being on the show changed me.
The change hadn’t happened all at once, of course. But it had absolutely happened. He had started the show defined by his faith. The Christian guy in love with his girlfriend back home. Not anymore. Now the world saw him as some hunky heartthrob dating his fellow contestant. How did everything get so bad, God? I let the show define me.
Defeat threatened to consume him. Help me find my way back. I’m sick of this life. I want to be Yours again. Completely. He gritted his teeth and felt a resolve he’d never known, not in all his life. Before the show his faith was easy. Untested. Now he’d been through the fire. And even though he’d failed, he knew this much—Jesus loved him. Even now. Please . . . please take me back. Forgive me.
A picture of Christ’s outstretched arms filled his soul. The Lord was here. He hadn’t abandoned Zack and He never would. His grace was sufficient, even now. God had been with him all along. Using Chandra and Zoey and even Twitter to show Zack what would happen if the madness didn’t stop. Because that’s how the Lord was. He never forced Himself on anyone. Rather, He simply remained, leaving signs and clues so His people might find their way back.
Where He would always wait with open arms.
Zack picked up his phone and gathered his nerve. Before he could report for breakfast and a packed day of rehearsals and interviews, he had to take care of something more important. He clicked his phone a few times and did what he hadn’t done in far too long.
He called home.
MINUTES BEFORE THEY were set to take the stage for the kickoff show, Zack was praying in the empty hallway behind the stage when Zoey found him. She looked beautiful, ready to move ahead. The way she’d been promised.
“Hey . . .” She approached him slowly. The two of them hadn’t talked since she ran out of Gaines’s dressing room. “Can I say something?”
“Sure.” He was no longer angry with her. None of this was her fault. Why wouldn’t she take the producers’ deal? Besides, he was well aware of her feelings for him. She couldn’t fake that, even for a spot in the final.
She came up beside him and pressed her shoulder to the wall, facing him. “I’m sorry. About last night. The kiss.”
Her apology surprised him. He figured she’d be sorry for her deal with the producers. “Thank you.” He nodded and slid his hands in his pockets.
“I mean it. The whole time I never respected the fact that . . . that you had a girlfriend.”
He could feel the walls rise around his heart. He shrugged. “You had your reasons.”
“No.” She shook her head, her eyes damp. “Never mind the producers. What we have between us—what we had—it was real.”
He smiled, though his eyes felt flat. “Sure.” He took a deep breath. “We better go. Call’s in a minute.”
She looked awkward, like she wanted to hug him. But it was too late for that. “I’m just sorry. That’s all.”
“Thanks.” He gave her a long look. As he did he remembered his own prayer from earlier. “Forgiven.”
She hesitated. “You never taught me how to pray. Remember? You said you were going to.”
“Yeah, well . . . I might be the wrong guy for that.”
“You’re not.” She held her ground. “You’re everything good and right and true, Zack Dylan. I messed it all up for you, but it was never your fault.”
“It was.” He allowed a sad, quiet laugh. “I didn’t fight for what I believed in. That was all my fault. My faith should’ve been stronger.”
“You’ll find your way out of this. I believe that.” Her expression said she knew she’d lost, that nothing between them would ever be what it had been. Still, she seemed compelled to finish her thought. “When you do, when you land on your feet on the other side, somewhere in Kentucky, there’s going to be one very lucky girl waiting.”
“Maybe.” He shrugged. All he could do was try. Reese hadn’t responded to a single text. “Come on.” He motioned to her and they walked together to the stage door. “It’s showtime.” Even as they walked toward the crowds and lights and cameras, Zack could only hope one thing.
That he was taking this walk for the last time.
chapter 28
The hour-long show was nearly over. They’d performed several group numbers and hung around onstage while new features were aired on each of the remaining six contestants. Kip Barker was in fine form, using dramatic sweeping statements to keep viewers glued to their seats. “What will happen when we take a look at the votes? Will your favorite sweethearts be separated? Or will they go through? And what about the greatest gospel singer to grace the Fifteen Minutes stage? Will you give him another week?” He paused and pointed at the camera. “All this and more . . . when we return to Fifteen Minutes.”
Zack felt strangely calm. Whatever was about to happen, he was ready. Contestants kicked off this evening would fly home tonight. It was part of the process. Like everyone remaining on the show, Zack had his bags ready.
As for the mess he’d made of his reputation and his life, God held his future. It might lie in a ball of tangled knots and consequences for his compromises. But one day soon he would have his second chance. When he did, he would never look at love or life, faith or family the same way again. Tonight only one thing terrified Zack.
The idea of winning.
Chandra had said it best. She would be Chandra Olson until the day she died. Even after. History would talk about her and compare other singers to her and if she ever married and had a family, her kids would forever be defined first as the sons and daughters of the famous singer. They would be objects of scrutiny with bodyguards of their own. There was no escaping it. If Zack won season ten, there would be no way back to Reese Weatherly. She would find her life in the freedom of anonymity—maybe in London for good—and every sunrise would create more distance between them. If he won, he would be a slave forever to the fame of Fifteen Minutes. Even making the final four would mean being recognized and placed on a pedestal for all time.
Not so for those who went home today. History would leave them alone.
You’re in charge, Lord . . . I’ll go where You lead.
Before the break was over, Zack made eye contact with Chandra. She looked intently at him, as if she had something she wanted to tell him. Instead she only gave him the slightest smile and then turned her attention back to the other judges. The production assistant counted them in to the live show and on cue the audience erupted in applause.
“We’re back with the news you’ve been waiting for.” Kip looked at the contestants. “If I can have all six of you here next to me on the stage.”
Zack could feel Zoey shaking beside him, breathing fast the way she had in Gaines’s dressing room. When she caught his eye, her fear was almost tangible. He smiled, as if to tell her not to worry, she was going to be okay. She seemed to relax a little and Zack was glad. He held nothing against her. What had happened between them was his fault.
Kip talked about their performances, heightening the drama as much as possible and referring to Zack’s cutoff T-shirt. “But was it too much for the guy who got his start singing at church?”
Zack felt the blow to the center of his soul. But all he could do was take the heat. His decisions had led to this. He had no one to bl
ame but himself.
Like always, Kip started with the two contestants who had the most votes. Zack had been in this group every week. Not this time. Zoey and Kent, his married roommate, were ushered onto the Winning Sofa, as it was called. Next, one of the singers was let go, and his exit video was played.
That left just two of them. A woman whose marriage was falling apart back home, and Zack. The buildup seemed to last forever before Kip delivered the verdict. “I can’t believe this, America. But . . . the singer going home tonight . . . is Zack Dylan.”
A chorus of boos came from the audience as Zack and Kip congratulated the woman. She joined the others on the sofa, clearly overjoyed at going through. At this point Kip was supposed to talk about Zack, his run at the title or his family’s horse farm or his “romance” with Zoey. Instead, Kip looked straight into the camera and said something that caused Zack’s heart to skip a beat.
“Coming up next . . . a dramatic surprise . . .” He paused. “Something never done on a Fifteen Minutes stage . . . until tonight. After the break.”
When the cameras cut, Kip came up beside Zack. “You ready?”
“For what?”
“To sing. The surprise involves singing.”
Zack felt dizzy. They’d been told often to always have a song ready. But so far the kickoff shows hadn’t involved anyone performing. Just the exit videos.
The break was over before Zack understood what was going on. Kip launched into the big surprise. They had created a “judges’ save” that would last for the rest of the tenth-season run. “And tonight”—Kip stared into the camera—“the judges have decided to possibly use that save on one of your favorites—Zack Dylan.”
Across Carnegie Hall, the crowd went wild. They might’ve been disappointed by Zack’s choices, but they didn’t want him to leave. Certainly the fans here tonight didn’t want that. Kip was still explaining the situation. “Before the judges vote, Zack’s going to sing for his life. Right after the break.”
When the cameras were off, Kip turned to Zack. “What are you singing for us?”
“Uhh.” The question caught Zack completely off guard. He had given the production team a few choices of what he might sing if called on. That conversation had been weeks ago. Now . . . in light of his pending departure, there was only one song he wanted to sing. “Can someone get my guitar?”
“Of course.” Kip shot the order to one of the grips. He didn’t look flustered, but this was off script. The task proved harder than it sounded. The guitar was across the street in the rehearsal room. One of the production assistants ran for it and had it in Zack’s hands ten seconds before cameras rolled.
“We’re back with one of the most exciting moments in Fifteen Minutes history.” Kip’s expression remained dramatic as he stared into the camera. Then he turned to Zack. “Okay, it’s up to you.” Kip paused. “What are you going to sing for us?”
“A song I wrote. It’s called ‘Her Blue Eyes.’ ”
“Okay, then.” Kip turned to the camera. “You sure that’s not called ‘Zoey’s Eyes’?”
Zack smiled, the way he was supposed to. “No.” He could feel the eyes on him, those of Samuel Meier and William Gaines and Zoey Davis. All of them were waiting. “I wrote it for my girlfriend, Reese.”
Zack was breaking the rules one after another. He’d been told never to mention God or his girlfriend again. Tonight he was finished taking orders. “Ladies and gentlemen, Zack Dylan singing ‘Her Blue Eyes.’ While he’s singing, our judges will make their final decision. Will they save your favorite heartthrob? Or will Zack leave Fifteen Minutes tonight?” He pointed to Zack. “Here we go.”
Someone had brought a barstool to the stage and Zack sat down with his guitar. He missed the way it felt in his arms. Zack closed his eyes as he began. Despite the tens of millions of viewers and the packed house at Carnegie Hall, he was back on Reese’s front porch steps, singing this song the morning he left for Atlanta.
As the words came, he felt himself becoming the old Zack again. The guy he had forgotten somewhere along his Fifteen Minutes ride. A few seconds into the first verse he opened his eyes and looked into the camera. She might not be watching, but he had to sing as if she were. As if he still had a chance. In what felt like the performance of his life, Zack sang with everything he had. The audience was on its feet as he sang out the final lines of the last chorus.
I always want to see me there
Under a Kentucky sky
There in her blue eyes.
Lost in her blue eyes.
The response wasn’t the thunderous applause that had come to define Zack’s previous songs. As he looked out at the crowd he understood why. They were on their feet and many people had tears on their faces. They understood that this song was different, and the sense throughout the building was that everyone had witnessed something they would never forget. Zack had found his way back.
Zack set his guitar down against the barstool and pointed up. Something he hadn’t done since his audition in Atlanta. Then he turned to Kip. “Thank you.”
“Well.” Kip blinked back tears as he looked to the camera. “If that didn’t get you, check your pulse.” He turned to Zack. “Obviously your motivation for that one is very personal. What was going through your head as you sang?”
Zack couldn’t have rehearsed his response. The words simply spilled from his heart. “Over the last few weeks I sort of forgot who I was. My faith . . . the people who are important to me.” Regret weighed heavy in his tone. “I’m sorry for that.” He hoped Reese was watching. “I get lost in that song.” He hesitated, almost unaware of the cameras. “I sang it because it helps me remember what really matters.”
“You heard him. Zack Dylan . . . finding his way back.” He pointed at the camera. “The judges’ vote coming up . . . after the break.”
During the commercial someone took Zack’s guitar, and he was directed to the spot beside Kip. Once he was set, he looked at each of the contestants on the sofa. When he reached Zoey, their eyes held a few seconds longer. He could see in her now what he’d felt earlier in the hallway before the show. What he still felt. They would always share the journey they took together on Fifteen Minutes.
But the charade was over.
In the final seconds before cameras rolled again, Zack studied the judges. They were deep in what seemed to be a quietly heated conversation. As the production assistant counted them back to live action, the conversation stopped abruptly. The tension could be felt to the top level of Carnegie Hall.
“The judges have voted,” Kip told the camera. “It’s time for the moment of truth. Will Zack Dylan stay? Will Romeo and Juliet go on together? Or is this the end for our boy from Kentucky?” He turned to the judges’ table. “Cullen, have you reached a decision?”
“We have.” Cullen scowled. “I have to say, our choice was not unanimous.” He looked from Kelly to Chandra and back at Kip. “My fellow judges did not see what the rest of us saw in that unforgettable performance.”
Zack’s heart began to soar. He stood a little straighter and tried to look concerned. He could feel the jet engines beneath his feet.
Cullen shook his head. “Unfortunately, we’ve decided to send Zack home tonight.”
The audience sent up a collective and drawn-out “Boo!” Several of them shouted, “Nooo! Don’t do it!”
“Wow.” Clearly Kip was shocked. “Let’s hear some feedback. Kelly? You didn’t like Zack’s song choice with ‘Her Blue Eyes’?”
Kelly looked at Zack. “The song was beautiful.” She cleared her throat, as if she were struggling to find the critical voice she had become known for. “A lot goes into a vote like this.” She shifted her look to Kip. “I had to think about Zack’s past performances along with this one. I also had to consider whether Zack had a chance at being the next Fifteen Minutes winner.”
“You didn’t think so?” Kip still sounded stunned.
“No.” She looked at Zack. “He . . . do
esn’t have that star quality we’re looking for.” She smiled, and something in her eyes told him she was talking in code. Like there was much more involved in her decision. “You might have a songwriting career ahead, though. That last number was truly beautiful.”
“I don’t think anyone at home could’ve seen this coming.” Kip shook his head and frowned into the camera. Then he turned to the judges again. “Chandra? Your vote?”
She stared at Zack, straight through him. The look was for him alone, a look that recalled their intense conversation just yesterday. Chandra cared enough to share her own heart, her own misery at being forever famous. Now her look told him she was silently celebrating. Instead of smiling, she shook her head and gave a sad shrug in Kip’s direction. “I have to agree with Kelly. Zack’s a good guy, a decent singer. But he’s not cut out to win the whole thing.” She looked back at Zack. “My vote came down to that.”
“Well.” Kip turned dazed eyes to the camera. “You heard it. The decision is made. Zack Dylan will leave us tonight.” He paused, milking the drama. “Let’s take a look at Zack’s journey on Fifteen Minutes.”
The segment cut Zack to the heart. His eyes and attitude at the beginning—humble and looking to bring glory to God, hope to his family’s horse farm. The change from that to his performance yesterday. The shots of him and Zoey played again, including the kiss. The piece ended with Zack’s interview and his words, “All good things end eventually. I don’t want to go home, but if I do, this will always be the highlight of my life.”
He felt sick. Had he actually said that? Kip gave him one more chance to say something before the show ended. This time the words came from his heart. The heart that remembered who he was before the show, who he wanted to be long after it was over. “I want to thank everyone at Fifteen Minutes and the audience back home.” He looked at Kelly and then at Chandra. “And I want to thank the judges. A few months ago my grandpa told me it’s easy to lose yourself on a stage this big.” He smiled. “Tonight I feel like the winner.” He held Chandra’s eyes for a few seconds and then looked at Kip again. He shrugged, a grin playing on his face. “I get to go home to the people I love.”
Fifteen Minutes: A Novel Page 28
