“Thank you,” I murmured into her hair.
“For what?” she asked, clearly bemused.
“For being you.”
She smiled and dropped her head onto my shoulder.
After enjoying the hold for a moment, I clapped my hands. “Let’s get this show on the road.”
We walked through the entry gates, and I watched as Phoebe’s face lit up in excitement when she saw the fountain in the middle of the entrance. I didn’t get what the big deal was, it was just a fucking fountain, but the way her face exploded into a smile was just perfect. My own enthusiasm took over in response to the sight.
I crouched down in front of her. “Where would you like to go first, Phoebe? ABC Kids World or to see the animals?”
“Umm . . .” She looked around at the signs; the pure choice was obviously overwhelming.
“You’ve got tigers or the Wiggles and Giggle and Hoot.”
“Wiggles and Hoot.” She jumped a little as she spoke.
“Wiggles it is, because today, little miss, you are in charge.”
I stood and looked around to figure out which way we needed to go. I pointed in the right direction. “Thataway.”
Phoebe ran off excitedly. Linking hands with Alyssa, we followed closely behind. I wondered if Alyssa understood just how nervous I still was. She seemed to be letting me take charge and control the situation though, and for that I was thankful. I felt like I was being given the opportunity to bond with my little princess. Or maybe I was being monitored to see whether telling Phoebe was a bad idea.
When Phoebe came to a dead stop upon seeing the entry into ABC Kids World, I couldn’t help but chuckle. She turned to Alyssa, with eyes as wide as saucers. She was just too fucking cute.
Alyssa nodded but hung back, as if waiting for me to step up. When she caught my glance, she nodded slightly in Phoebe’s direction. My heart was in my throat as I crouched in front of Phoebe again.
“What do you think?” I asked her.
“Hoy there, hearty,” she said, moving her arm across her chest. Alyssa laughed, and I looked at them both like they’d gone nuts. In fact, I was sure they both had.
“It’s what Captain Feathersword says,” Alyssa explained. It still meant shit to me, but they both seemed to be enjoying the laugh they were having. I wasn’t about to spoil it by asking who the fuck Captain Feathersword was supposed to be. “That’s his boat behind you.”
I turned and there was a bright green-and-red cartoon-like pirate ship. Phoebe danced around, hopping from one leg to the other.
“Did you want to go look?” I asked.
She smiled brightly and nodded. “Yes, please.”
I held out my hand, and she took hold of my pinky without question before running off in the direction of the boat. Walking quickly to keep up with her, I let her drag me along everywhere she wanted to go.
Even though there wasn’t much for me to see in the area I didn’t care. Phoebe bounded from one end of the ship to the other before stopping at a porthole. Even standing on tiptoe, she was just a little too short to look out of it. I knelt next to her and let her stand on my leg to get the extra height. I saw a flash out of the corner of my eye and glanced in that direction. Alyssa was standing with a smile on her face and a camera in her hand.
“Sorry,” she said. “I couldn’t resist a photo op like that.”
I just smirked at her. The day would be full of shit I wouldn’t dream of doing on my own—kiddie rides and boring animals—but I knew I would endure every minute of it to keep the smiles fixed firmly on my girls’ faces.
“Declan—look.” Phoebe tugged on my shirt collar and pointed in the direction of a man in an over-the-top pirate costume. He had black pants and boots, a puffy white pirate shirt, and a red-and-gold vest. In his hand he clutched a massive purple-and-pink feather. On his head he wore a pirate hat with a matching feather. I couldn’t stifle the chuckle this time. Phoebe raced off toward him, dragging me along behind her.
Alyssa skipped up to my side. “That’s Captain Feathersword,” she whispered with a chuckle.
“Ahoy there, me hearties!” he exclaimed as we closed in on him. He crossed his hand, and “feathersword,” in front of his chest. Phoebe’s little action suddenly made perfect sense; obviously it was some sort of catchphrase.
As I drew closer, I saw a gleam of recognition in his eye. He knew who I was so I figured he couldn’t have been all bad. Kneeling down, he started talking to Phoebe and in an instant had her eating out of the palm of his hand. He was damned good at his job.
I saw the camera flash a couple of times before Alyssa called, “Group photo.”
Fuck me dead. I could only imagine the damage photos of me next to a children’s entertainer might do to my career. When I saw how excited Phoebe was though, I sighed and manned up. I crouched on one side of Phoebe, while the good Captain took the other.
Alyssa took five or six damn photos before finally declaring she had a perfect one. To his credit, the poor sucker in the costume didn’t complain about the time Alyssa had taken, even though he had other kids practically clamouring to talk to him. Once she had the photo, he stood and whispered something to Alyssa; she giggled and nodded. Then she passed him a pen and paper. He handed it back a second later. Alyssa smiled at him again. I was beginning to wonder if I needed to kick some pirate booty.
Alyssa was back with us less than a second later.
“What was that about?” I asked, unable to completely remove the suspicious edge to my voice.
“He wants a copy of the photo.” She giggled again. “Apparently he’s a fan.”
I watched as he was mobbed by another family.
Two hours later, after going on every slow and child-friendly ride in the area, we headed on to the animals. I managed to convince Alyssa and Phoebe to go to the tigers at Tiger Island first. At least they were proper animals. Their strength and agility made for more interesting viewing than some damn ball of fluff stuck to a tree. When we got in front of the glass overlooking the enclosure, I lifted Phoebe on my shoulders for a better view. We watched as the keepers played with the tigers. I could have paid a little extra to get us in there with them, but there was no way in hell I was going to let my daughter near something that dangerous and I didn’t want to spend time away from them either.
Over the next few hours, we covered most of the park, except the extreme rides that I would have done if I’d been there with anyone else. Listening to the screams and shouts of amusement coming from them, I actually felt a pang of jealousy. The Tower of Terror was a near-constant rush of noise during the day as it zipped back and forth along its track, while we puttered underneath it on the steam train or walked alongside it on our way back to the kids’ rides. Alyssa took photos at every possible opportunity. It was almost as if she thought she’d never get the opportunity again. Perhaps she did. It was clear that at least some part of her still didn’t believe me when I said I wasn’t going.
At least once an hour, someone new hounded me for an autograph. Each time Alyssa just patiently waited off to the side for me to finish up, and then she and Phoebe would come back to my side. When Phoebe complained of being hungry, we found somewhere that served chicken nuggets for her.
During the day we had our photos taken with an array of people in odd-looking costumes and took up every photo opportunity on every ride. We finally got to go on something halfway decent by going on the log ride. Phoebe giggled the whole time, and in the official photo, snapped on the way down, she wore a smile I would treasure forever.
It was barely two o’clock, still hours before the park closed, when Alyssa told me it was time to head home. Phoebe was getting tired, or so Alyssa said. All I knew was Phoebe was getting louder, crankier, and clumsier. She’d tripped over her own feet no less than ten times in fifteen minutes. Each time, she’d been able to collect herself relatively quickly and with no tears.
While we prepared to leave, Alyssa ducked into the ladies’ room, leav
ing Phoebe outside with me. I watched as Phoebe ran loops around one of the direction signs. On one loop, she tripped and went sprawling across the ground. She landed in a heap with a scream ready on her lips.
I didn’t know if she’d done any major damage, but my first instinct was to run over to her and scoop her into my arms. Even as I comforted her, she screamed for Alyssa.
“Shh,” I whispered as I rocked her gently against my chest. “Daddy’s got you. You’re all right.”
It was only when I heard a soft gasp behind me that I realised what I’d said. Spinning on the spot, I passed Phoebe to Alyssa. I paced away from them, running my fingers through my hair. It wasn’t how I’d wanted to do the big reveal. Blowing out a breath, I turned back toward the pair.
Phoebe had her face buried against Alyssa’s neck and nothing more was mentioned about the D word. Either she hadn’t heard what I’d let slip, or hadn’t understood the significance of it. I wasn’t sure if I was relieved or not. Alyssa smiled at me, reassuring me that she wasn’t upset. I was over beside them both in a flash, my hand resting on the base of Alyssa’s spine. I pressed my lips to her hair. “Let’s go home, hey?”
“Sounds good,” she responded.
“But first . . . we have to get an ice cream.”
Phoebe lifted her head off Alyssa’s shoulder and grinned at me through her tears. We headed back to the main gate, stopping to pick up a copy of every official photo we’d had taken throughout the day. It cost a fuckload of money, but was worth every single cent for the permanent reminders of the log ride, the river rapids, and the big red car. Once we’d finished there, I led the two of them to the ice-cream parlour near the exit.
“What’s your favourite flavour?” I asked Phoebe.
“Umm, pink.”
I raised an eyebrow and Alyssa smirked.
“Pinks not a flavour,” I whispered conspiratorially to Phoebe.
“Pink! See,” Phoebe said, pointing to the strawberry ice cream with a victorious grin.
I sighed in defeat. “Fine. Pink it is.”
“I’ll have the usual,” Alyssa said, and I wondered if it was a test to see if I remembered.
As if I’d forget her favourite ice cream. I ordered two strawberry ice creams and one hokey pokey, all smothered in chocolate fudge but no cream.
“You remembered,” Alyssa said as I handed her the hokey pokey. Despite her words, her voice was clear of surprise and brimming with confidence. It felt like she trusted my promises more with every passing hour. I wasn’t going anywhere, and she was finally starting to understand that.
I twisted a loose strand of hair back into her ponytail. “How could I forget?” I asked.
Alyssa chuckled, no doubt as the memories returned. When we were twelve, she’d gone on a skiing holiday to Queenstown in New Zealand with her parents and Josh. When they’d arrived back in Australia, Alyssa had raved non-stop for three months about hokey pokey ice cream, chocolate fish, and some drink called L&P. For Christmas, I’d forced Mum to hunt around so many different stores trying to find that shit just for Alyssa. In the end, we’d paid a small fortune to get them from a specialty ice-cream parlour in the city. Now, just ten years later, it was everywhere.
“You’ll have to come to New Zealand with the team when we race in Hamilton next year,” I said to her. “You’ll be able to get the proper stuff, direct from the source.”
She nodded but didn’t say anything. Her confidence from moments earlier seemed to falter. The hesitation was still there. I wondered what I could possibly do to try to convince her I wasn’t ever leaving. A ringing on my mobile pulled me back to the present. Because I didn’t recognise the number, I answered it hesitantly. As soon as the caller spoke though, I recognised Ben’s chipper tones. I walked from the table so that Alyssa and Phoebe didn’t have to listen to my conversation.
“Hey, man,” I said enthusiastically. “It’s great to hear from you.”
He chuckled. “To be honest, I wasn’t sure whether or not you were serious about me calling you. Jade pushed me to do it.”
“I’m glad you called, we have to arrange that catch-up. Maybe you can bring Jade and the kids ’round one day. I’ll have to double-check when’s good with Alyssa though.”
“No problem. Just let me know the details.”
“Cool, man.” I wanted to hang on the line and talk to him some more, but I was growing desperate to get back to Phoebe and Alyssa. As I hung up I heard a bit of a whispered conversation. Alyssa was smiling, but looked nervous as hell. I wondered what had changed in the last few minutes.
“Really?” Phoebe asked Alyssa in a whisper. Then she looked over to me—her eyes were as wide as they had been when she’d seen the Wiggles sign. It was like all her fucking Christmases had come at once.
“What’s up?” I asked, but neither of them would answer. “Fine . . . keep your secrets,” I said, then instantly regretted it as Alyssa’s face fell.
“Declan, I—”
I cut her off. “Don’t worry. It was a stupid thing for me to say.” Something I seriously needed to wipe from my lexicon. “Are you guys ready to go?”
Alyssa and Phoebe both nodded.
Scooping Phoebe up onto my shoulders, I carried her out to the car that way. Alyssa walked beside me with her hand resting on my back. We felt like a family, even if we hadn’t yet told Phoebe exactly who I was. Instead of handing the task over to Alyssa, I put Phoebe in her car seat. I’d watched Alyssa enough that I finally had it worked out . . . mostly.
“Did you have a good day today?” I asked Phoebe.
She nodded and beamed. Her smile was so wide it had to have hurt.
“Declan,” she said, before pausing to regard me for a second. Finally, she learned forward and whispered, “You’re a good daddy.”
My heart skipped a beat.
CHAPTER TWENTY: INNOCENT TRUTH
“YOU’RE A GOOD daddy.” The four words ran on repeat through my mind. Seconds had passed since Phoebe had uttered them, and yet it felt like centuries as I tried to figure out how to react. When my brain didn’t respond fast enough, my body took over. My face had broken into a smile to match hers. Then I leaned forward and planted a tender kiss on her forehead. “I’m glad you had a good day.”
I backed out of the car and saw Alyssa watching our interaction intently. She had the ends of her hair twirled around her fingers. I reached out to still her actions.
“Well . . .,” I started, my heart still hammering in my chest, my smile cemented on my face. “That was unexpected.”
Even though I’d said the words when she’d fallen, the delay in her response had thrown me.
“She’s very observant.”
“She takes after her mother then,” I whispered.
When I climbed behind the wheel, the silence in the car was absolute. My own thoughts were centred on Phoebe’s words. Alyssa stared out the window, her mouth smiling, but her eyes filled with concern. I wondered whether she still doubted whether I’d stay. In the backseat, Phoebe passed out before we even hit the highway.
“Is she all right?” I asked, concerned, as I glanced in the rear-view mirror, watching her little head resting against the side of the car seat. Her head rested at such an odd angle it looked like it must hurt.
“She’s fine. It’s just been a long day for her,” Alyssa replied.
“And for you?” I asked, hoping desperately that I hadn’t fucked anything up with my slip or with my choice of destination.
Alyssa continued to look out the window for a few more seconds before turning back to me. “It’s been a long weekend.”
“And?”
“And I’m ready to go home and climb into bed.”
I wondered if it was an invitation. If so, I would be there with bells on.
Or nothing on.
“But I think we need to talk to Phoebe first,” she continued. “I want to make sure she really understands.”
I nodded. “What do we say?”
; “I think we tell her the truth.”
“Which is?” I asked, terrified of what Alyssa would have me say—and whether it might change Phoebe’s opinion of me.
“That her daddy made a mistake and wants to make up for it. That’s about right isn’t it?”
“It’s an oversimplification, but it just about sums it up, I guess.”
Alyssa laughed. “Declan, she’s three. She doesn’t need complicated. All she needs to know is whether you will be there for her.”
“Always,” I said without hesitation.
“Then there’s nothing to worry about, is there?”
I shook my head. “I guess not, it’s just . . . I worry about, when she gets older, you know.”
She gazed at me questioningly.
“Well, if she finds out more about what happened when she’s older . . . will she hate me?”
“I don’t think she’ll hate you.”
“How do you know?” I asked, my stomach twisting into knots at the thought.
“How did you feel when you found out about Phoebe? Specifically about the fact Kelly knew?”
I couldn’t figure out the best way to answer her. Mostly because I didn’t know what she wanted to hear. In the end, I settled for the truth. “I was fucking pissed off,” I whispered.
“Did you hate her?”
“What?” I was thrown by the question. “No, of course not. I was annoyed, but I could never hate her . . . she’s my Mum.”
Alyssa quirked her eyebrow at me. “Exactly. It’s hard to hate your parents. The love is unconditional.”
“I hate my father,” I seethed.
Alyssa suddenly found her hands very interesting. “You might be angry with him, but I doubt that you hate him . . .”
“But?” I asked. I could sense the ‘but’ a mile off.
Deceive (Declan Reede: The Untold Story #2) Page 23
