by Karen Kelley
I had never opened up about my life as much as I did today. Sure, the foster families knew what had been in my files, but we never talked about it aloud. Even Ginny and Keith never questioned me. It was as if that chapter had closed.
The only thing that was left was going to the prison.
I closed my eyes tightly. I’d never been afraid to face my past. Except for this time.
I was determined not to think about it. I changed into my gown and robe after taking a hot bubble bath. I tried watching television, but nothing kept my attention. Finally, when ten o’clock rolled around, I went to bed.
For some odd reason, I’d halfway expected Layne to knock on my door. He probably knew we were moving too fast. I totally agreed with that. If that was what he was thinking. I needed my privacy. Except now, my privacy made me feel so alone.
I crawled into bed and pulled the extra pillow against my chest. It didn’t take me as long as I’d thought to fall asleep.
I dreamed of my father. He would pull me onto his lap and tell me about his Irish mother and how she would sing him a lullaby, and then he would sing that same lullaby to me.
Sleep little angel, and I won’t let the fairies carry you away. When you wake, I’ll be here…
I woke up with tears in my eyes and my mind screaming, he hadn’t been there like he’d promised.
Dammit, it was too soon to let go of his memory. I wasn’t ready.
Chapter 9
Layne
I’d known the minute Fiera closed herself off from me, and everything around her. It was right after we left the winery. I didn’t know what was going on with her, but I suspected it was something having to do with how much she’d told me about her past. I had a feeling she didn’t share too often, if at all.
By the time we’d gotten back to the apartment complex, I sensed she needed to be alone. It was hard walking away. Maybe the captain was right when he said I was always trying to fix someone. So I’d let her go—for now, and went into my apartment.
Dammit. It just wasn’t fucking right what she’d been through. I scraped my finger through my hair. No kid should have to suffer parents like the ones Fiera had.
I couldn’t imagine what her life had been like growing up with a father who was sent to prison and a mother who didn’t care much about her daughter. Apparently, the only one who she thought really cared was her father, then he’d betrayed her trust.
I understood her need to close that chapter of her life, and she had to choose when to do it. There was no way in hell I would let her go alone, though.
There was only a wall between her apartment and mine, and when I went to bed, I realized even more how little separated us.
I didn’t sleep well. It was almost as though I could feel her tossing and turning. I dragged myself out of bed before the alarm went off, then took a hot shower and shaved before putting on my uniform. I automatically fixed two cups of coffee, then went next door.
Yes, I wanted to make sure she was okay, and this was as good of an excuse as any. The door opened. She was already dressed in her uniform.
“Coffee?” I held up both cups.
She smiled. “I’d never turn down a cup of coffee. Especially yours. Come on in,” she said as she took the cup and turned. “I just have to grab my bag, then I’ll be ready to go. We can walk down together.”
Anyone would think what she’d divulged yesterday hadn’t bothered her and she hadn’t given it another thought, but I had a feeling she was good at hiding her feelings. I didn’t think she would appreciate me bringing any of it up, so I kept my thoughts to myself.
“Yeah, that sounds good. If you’d like, we can go in one vehicle.”
Her hesitation was brief as she grabbed her bag and came back to the door. “Actually, I plan to run a few errands in the morning when our shift ends, but thanks for offering.”
Again, I knew she was putting some distance between us. She was like a young deer, skittish of the circumstances she found herself in. Hopefully, in time, she would learn to trust me.
We parted ways at our respective vehicles. I was amazed when hers started. It didn’t look as if it would last much longer. I followed her to the fire station, then smiled. She did have this thing for wanting to be first.
We stored our bags in our lockers, and then got report from the other shift. They’d had a slow night. We did a drug count and signed off on the narcotic sheet before checking out our truck. When we went back inside, Fiera started talking with Zoey, and I went into the captain’s office.
The captain looked up as I came in. “So, how’s she working out?”
I sat in the chair across from his desk. “She’s a good paramedic. I think she’s going to do just fine.”
He nodded. “A new paramedic class will be coming through doing their rotations. I told the instructor we had a new employee, so we could only take one rider at a time on this shift for a while. Since Ray Cannon rode out for his intermediate classes, they’re sending him over for the first twelve hours and Cathy Timbrow for the second half.”
I grimaced. “I’ve never been overly fond of him,” I said. “He doesn’t work well with patients.”
The captain’s eyebrows shot upward. “Has he done something I should know about?”
I shook my head. “Not when he’s riding out. I don’t think he has what it takes to be a paramedic, though. I know he’s book smart, but I don’t think he’s people smart.”
“If he does anything, let me know. I won’t put up with a bad attitude, especially from a student.”
“That’s the problem. When he’s riding out, it’s as if he holds back what he’s really thinking. It’s a fine line he hasn’t crossed—yet. My gut says he’s trouble.”
“Tell Zoey and her partner to watch him. If he does anything they don’t like, send him home.”
“I’ll pass it on.”
We talked a few more minutes, and then I joined the others in the day room. I noticed Ray was already there. My gaze skimmed over him. Impeccable, as always. I had a feeling he had his uniform starched. A couple of times, I’d almost called him Dr. Ray, because he always acted as if he knew everything.
That was the thing about being a paramedic. You never knew what was around the next corner. No two calls were alike. If you started getting comfortable or cocky, it was probably time you walked away from this line of work, because that’s when you would probably fuck up.
“I’m acing the class work,” Ray said. “I figure it won’t be long before I’ll be working on an ambulance, and I can get out of that shithole nursing home. I mean really, why should I care about them when their own families don’t?”
“Sometimes families are unable to take care of the needs of their loved ones,” Fiera quickly spoke up. “They have no choice a lot of times. Besides, a lot of the residents we visited with on Saturday seemed quite happy with their situation.”
Ray rolled his eyes. “Spare me the bleeding heart. They go there to die.”
“Tell me again why you’re in this line of work?” I asked before Fiera could say anything. From the expression on her face, I was pretty sure she was about to get all up in his shit. I already knew his answer, even if he wouldn’t admit it. He liked the power that went with the job. He thought he would get to play God. We’d had a few paramedics who’d had the God syndrome. They hadn’t lasted long. I didn’t think Ray would either.
Before he could answer, we were dispatched on a call. It turned out to be a false alarm, but we stayed busy for the rest of the day. When I did happen to see Zoey and Cliff, it seemed they were getting more grim as the day wore on. I was finally able to pull Zoey to the side and ask her what was going on.
“Nothing.” She frowned. “Yes, there is something. Ray is getting on my last nerve. Swear to God, I’m going to knock his lights out if he opens his mouth one more time.”
“What’s he been doing?”
She blew out a frustrated sigh. “That’s the problem. I can’t put my finger on
one single thing. It’s little stuff that’s starting to build.”
I think I had a feeling I knew what she was talking about. “I’ll move Fiera to your truck and Ray to mine.”
“I can handle him. If he gets too irritating, I’ll deck the little bastard.”
I chuckled. “And that’s why I’m shuffling everyone. We don’t need a lawsuit. Besides, I want Fiera to work with another female, too. She knows her stuff, so you don’t have to worry about her.”
She glanced at her watch. “At least he’ll only be here a few more hours.”
I found Ray and told him that he’d be coming to my truck, that I was moving Fiera to the other.
“It’ll be good working with just men,” Ray said. “I’ve always been surprised they even let women work as paramedics.”
My jaw clenched. “Excuse me?”
He shrugged. “I can understand them being nurses. This is men’s work, though.”
“You’re an idiot, Ray. Zoey is one of the best paramedics around. You didn’t use your time with her very wisely if that’s all you got from riding out on her truck.”
“Oh yeah, I know they’re breaking ground getting into this field, but don’t you ever worry about their safety? I mean, when you’re on a call. Like a shooting or something. Aren’t you worried they’ll be in harm’s way?”
Now I knew what Zoey was talking about. I’d been around men like him before. They’d cut you with their words, then slap a Band-Aid on the wound so you’d think they were trying to make it better, but the damage was already done. They’d gotten their point across.
“No, I’m not worried because I know Zoey will do her job. She knows the risks that are involved. She’s damn good at what she does. I’d be more concerned about you being in the field.
His eyes narrowed. “What do you mean?”
“Because I don’t think you know what you’re doing. You think you do, but you don’t have a clue. And your bedside manner sucks. You’d better learn to find some compassion, or you’ll never make it as a paramedic. We’re out there to treat patients. Not build up our egos.”
His face turned red, as if he was about to explode. Before he could say anything, I continued.
“You might want to think about your next words. I’m in charge of this shift. You’ll go by our rules. If you don’t like it, there’s the door. If you don’t change your attitude, then I’ll show you out.”
He nodded his head toward me. “I apologize if I came off the wrong way. It wasn’t my intention. I’ll do better in the future.”
I heard the words, but I didn’t believe them. I could almost feel the anger coming from him. I decided right then, when Ray was riding out, I’d put him on my truck. I didn’t like the guy, and I didn’t trust him.
Zoey, Fiera, and Cliff were on a call when we were dispatched to a woman in labor. Ray gave a disgusted grunt as we started to the truck.
“Just have her push, and the baby will come out,” Ray said as he climbed in the back of the ambulance. “No big deal. I was hoping for at least one shooting or stabbing this shift. Real trauma.”
As he was starting to close the door, our gazes met. He quickly looked away. My gut said to send him home, but I wanted to see how he handled the woman in labor. Besides, it was starting to get dark. This would be Ray’s last call of the shift. Jake got behind the steering wheel, while I called in route, then hit the lights and sirens.
My mind began to play possible scenarios inside my head. Mostly the worst ones, then how to deal with them. I always liked to be prepared.
I watched the traffic on my side, constantly keeping an eye out as we eased through a red light. People in the other vehicles moved out of the way, giving us the space we needed. Our overhead lights bounced off the nearby trees, as if they were decorated for Christmas.
As soon as we turned the corner on the street where we were headed, I saw a young woman wildly waving her arms in the air. “Over there,” I motioned to Jake.
Jake pulled to the curb, turning off the siren. I called on scene before opening my door. “What’s going on?” I asked the young woman.
“My sister’s in labor. She called me, and I came over to take her to the hospital, but I don’t think I can get her out to my car. She’s bleeding. I’m so scared that something’s not right.”
I went to the back of the ambulance and opened the door. Ray was still sitting in the jump seat, looking unconcerned. He came to his feet when the door opened, though.
“Hand me the jump bag,” I told him. I grabbed it from him and followed the woman inside the house as Jake and Ray began unloading the cot. I began to fire off questions. “How old is she?”
“Twenty-two. Her husband is out of town on business. I figured it was probably false labor because she’s not due for another four weeks, and this is her first baby. First babies are usually late, aren’t they?”
“Sometimes. Has she had any trouble with the pregnancy?” I asked as we went inside.
“No, not at all.”
She hurried through the living room and into a bedroom. The pregnant woman was in bed. Her face was twisted in pain, and she was breathing hard. I set my jump bag on the floor and quickly pulled on a pair of gloves.
The woman seemed to calm down just a little bit when she saw me. “I think my baby is coming. But it’s not due yet. Please, don’t let anything happen to my baby.” She began to cry.
“I’ll do my best to take care of you both.”
Jake and Ray left the cot outside the room and hurried inside.
“Ray, get a blood pressure.” I turned back to the woman. “I’m going to do a quick check to see if we have time to get you to the hospital before your baby is born. Is that okay?”
When she nodded, I raised the sheet that was covering her. As soon as I checked her, I knew we wouldn’t have time.
“Her blood pressure is high, one eighty over ninety,” Ray said.
“Let’s set up for delivery. She’s crowning.”
Ray quickly moved to position himself so he could watch while I opened the OB kit. “Ray, get her on some oxygen while Jake starts an IV.” I knew putting her on oxygen was the least important job, and if I hadn’t known, the look on Ray’s face would’ve told me. Not that I really gave a crap what he thought. Oxygen was still important.
“Is my baby okay?” The young soon-to-be mother asked.
“I think your baby is ready to be born.”
She looked toward her sister, who knelt beside the bed and took her hand. “It’ll be okay,” she told her.
“Is it a boy or a girl?” I asked to try to keep her mind off what was happening.
“A girl. My husband’s out of town on business. We thought we had four weeks. I told him I’d be fine.”
“You will be fine,” I told her.
“Have you done this before?”
I smiled. “More times than I’d like to count.”
She suddenly groaned as another contraction started, her face screwed up in pain.
“I want you to push for me,” I told her.
She nodded as Ray placed the oxygen mask over her nose and mouth. The baby’s head slowly emerged. I quickly suctioned the mouth, then the nose.
“One more push.”
She bore down, and a scream tore from her.
The baby was out. “The doctor was right. It’s a girl.” I quickly stimulated the baby until the little girl gave a weak cry, then I sighed with relief. I quickly tied off the umbilical cord, then made the cut. Jake bundled the baby in a small blanket the sister had provided, then he quickly checked the baby out.
“She’s tiny, but everything looks good,” Jake said as he laid the baby beside the mother. “Say hello to your mommy.”
The mother and sister began to laugh and cry.
I delivered the placenta, placing it in a sterile bag to take to the hospital, then Jake and I got the mother and baby ready for transport.
After we got them to the hospital, Ray turned to me. “Like
I said. One big grunt, and it’s over. No big deal. I don’t know why women think it is.”
“Go help Jake clean the unit,” I told him. He didn’t look happy, but I had a feeling he knew he’d pushed me too far again. He turned on his heel and left. I gave a quick report to the nurse in the ER, then finished the paperwork.
Ray didn’t waste any time grabbing his things and going to his car when we got back. The next rider was already there. I liked Cathy. She’d gone through the EMT course and had taken ride outs before. She was bubbly and a lot of fun to be around, but when she was on a call, she was all business.
“I see you were stuck with Dr. Ray today,” she told us. “There’s something about that guy I just don’t like.”
“Maybe he’ll get his stuff together before he finishes paramedic class.” Even though I silently agreed with Cathy, one of the worst things I could let happen was gossip, especially about another student. Even if it was true.
“Maybe,” she said with a grimace.
I was pretty sure she didn’t believe what I’d said any more than I did.
Chapter 10
Fiera
We’d been running pretty steady most of our shift. I’d switched ambulances after Ray left and was back with Layne and Jake. The weather had turned ugly as we hurried inside the nursing home on another call. Miss Abigail was hurting.
“Abigail, what seems to be the problem?” I asked as I knelt down in front of her. Layne moved to her other side and began checking her vitals.
Ray had mentioned that he was working a half shift at the nursing home. I’d hoped he would be busy elsewhere, but no such luck. He’d met us at the door, and then led us to the day room.
“My hip. I think it’s broken.” She grimaced.
I palpated her right hip, then her left, but didn’t feel anything out of place. “Did you fall?” I asked.
“No, but I moved too fast. I heard something snap.”
“She’s faking it,” Ray said.
I didn’t turn, but I felt a strong urge to pick up the chair next to Abigail and throw it at him. What made it worse was that I was pretty sure he was right. Usually, if someone had fractured a hip, they would feel pain when I pushed in that area. Abigail hadn’t even flinched.
