That evening, after leaving his parents to talk in the den, he stripped down to his boxers and lay down on his bed, wrapping himself up in his comforter. He hoped sleep would come and bring some peace. He was about to drift off when his cell phone buzzed. It was Cody.
You up?
Liam wasn’t sure if he wanted to talk to Cody right now.
Please answer. Skype?
Liam rubbed his hand over his face. Oh what the hell, he thought to himself. He plopped down in his desk chair and booted up his laptop. As soon as Skype opened, Cody was there.
“I wasn’t sure you’d answer.”
Liam winced as he noticed the huge black eye on Cody. “Sorry for the shiner.”
“I deserved it.”
“No, you didn’t. No one deserves to be hit.”
“Well, looks like I did give back.”
Liam rubbed his lip. “I’ll live.”
“You okay? Your parents—”
“Everything is… unnervingly normal. Raked leaves, ate lunch. Oh, and they said I chose the wrong lifestyle.”
“Seriously?”
“I tried to tell them it wasn’t a choice. I don’t think they believed me.” Liam let out an audible breath. “Your parents cool?”
“Well, yeah, since they already knew. But they were concerned about the fight.”
“Yeah, again, sorry about that. I lost it when I saw Hannah maul you.”
“She was a bit over-the-top. She kept hinting that she wanted much more and that night was going to be the night.”
“Damn.”
“Yeah. I thought she was cute and all, but no way was I doing the nasty with her.”
“What the hell we gonna do on Monday?”
“Go to school, study, get good grades.”
“You know what I mean, smartass.” Liam tossed one of his pencils at the screen.
Cody pursed his lips. “Take it moment by moment. Not sure what to expect. I mean, not everyone can hate us, right?”
“You’d be surprised. You know this town by now.”
“Well, we’ll deal with it together.”
“And what happens when you leave next semester?”
“I’m sure it’ll blow over by then. Some new scandal will happen. Isn’t it about time a girl got pregnant or something?”
Liam snorted. “We can only hope.”
“You know, it’s kinda a relief it’s out in the open now.”
“At least we can go out now and not sneak around.” Liam gave a little laugh, then a yawn broke out.
The yawn was contagious. “That’s one positive out of all this. It’s been quite an eventful thirty-six hours or so. See you later?”
“Later.”
“I’m not going to say ‘tonight.’ I’m saying it… I love you.”
Liam’s heart warmed. “I love you too.”
“I think we can say that out loud from now on.”
“It may take me a while before I’m comfortable saying it in front of my parents.”
“I get that. Just know, I love you.”
“Same.”
“Night.”
“Night.” Liam kissed his fingers and held them up to the screen. Cody did the same thing. He closed the program.
ALL EYES seemed to be on Liam at church that Sunday. He could hear whispers behind him as they sat down near the front. The entire town probably knew about his fight and the aftermath by now. His parents hadn’t said a word about it since yesterday at breakfast. He kept waiting for the other shoe to drop, for his parents to tell him to get the hell out. They were all just too polite.
He had to be thankful that the pastor didn’t harp on same-sex marriage, or homosexuals, or anything pertaining to the “gay lifestyle.” Perhaps Liam’s public outburst had come too late for him to change his sermon, but Liam knew it wouldn’t be long before the pastor addressed the issue of a homosexual in their midst. He sank down into his pew, thankful most people were too polite to address his “issue” directly in the church.
No one spoke to any of his family as they left the church. The drive home was silent, Liam definitely feeling the cold shoulder. They arrived home, and after everyone had changed out of their Sunday clothes, his mother headed to the kitchen, his father to the living room, and Liam… Liam stood in the middle of the upstairs hallway, not having a clue as to what to do. His decision was made for him when he heard his mother call.
“Liam, can you come to the kitchen please?”
Liam walked down the stairs, not exactly knowing how to feel.
Sarah was pacing in the kitchen when he arrived. “Have a seat, please.”
Liam sat down, placing his hands in his lap.
“Your father and I are very concerned about you.”
Liam didn’t know how to answer that.
“How long have you had these feelings?”
Liam looked up at her. “Toward Cody?”
“No, these feelings toward other boys.”
Liam shrugged. “I knew I didn’t like girls early on. It kinda went beyond the ‘ew, they have cooties’ thing. Like I didn’t see them as someone I’d even want to hold hands with. I kinda noticed the way guys, you know, look and stuff a couple of years ago.”
Sarah stopped pacing and grabbed the back of the chair. “And you can’t feel that way toward girls?”
“No.”
“Can you pretend? Maybe you haven’t tried hard enough.”
Liam stared at his mom. “Don’t you think that’s what I’ve tried to do? Tried to fit in, be what everyone considers ‘normal.’ But I met Cody. He makes me feel good about myself.”
“I’m certain his parents are as bewildered as we are.”
“Actually, they already knew and accepted it.”
Sarah sat down. “Then I don’t think you should see him anymore.”
“What?” Liam’s heart started to race.
“If Cody is the one that led you down this path—”
“Cody didn’t lead me anywhere. I went where my heart led me.”
“I think you need to reexamine your feelings.”
Liam wanted to get up and rant, but he knew that would get him nowhere. He took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Mom, I know what love is. I know you and Dad love me, even though you’re probably very disappointed in me. I’ve been loved my entire life. I know what it feels like and I love Cody. He loves me. I can’t change the way I feel. This is who I am. Can you and Dad accept that?”
Sarah stood up and pushed her chair in. “We do love you, Liam. As for accepting this part of you—I just don’t know.” She turned to face the stove. “Give us some time, okay?”
Liam stood up. “I’m going to go study.”
“I’ll have lunch ready in about thirty minutes.”
“Thanks.” Liam headed back up the stairs and to his books.
MONDAY CAME way too soon. Liam walked as slowly as he could, but eventually made it to the building. Several people were hanging out just outside the main doors. No one said anything to him, and he heard quite a few whispers.
He found his locker, not making eye contact with anyone. He nearly jumped out of his skin when a hand landed on his shoulder.
“Hey, relax.”
Liam turned around, relieved to see Cody standing there. “Hey.”
“Getting the brush-off like I am?”
“Pretty much.”
“At least there’s no overt hostility.”
“The day’s young.”
Other than stares and whispers, Liam made it through his morning classes. He met up with Cody at lunch and they sat down at their usual table. Unlike before, however, no one joined them or said hello.
“Well, it could be worse.” Cody opened his milk and guzzled it down.
“So being ignored is good?”
“It’s better than not being ignored but being called names.”
“They’re doing that, just not to our faces.”
Cody shrugged. “They’ll get ove
r it.”
“I just hope the next scandal comes along real quick.”
They turned their lunch talk to more lighthearted conversation, talking up next summer’s superhero blockbuster until the bell rang.
Liam made it through that first day and back home without any face-to-face confrontations. It did hurt to be shunned by those he considered “friends” but as long as he had Cody, he’d survive.
It wasn’t until that following Friday that he dared ask about seeing Cody again. His parents couldn’t keep him from talking to Cody at school, but obviously nothing was going to happen there.
He approached the subject at dinner. “I was wondering if I could go over to Cody’s house to watch a movie tomorrow.”
Steven put his fork down. “You really think you should be associating with those types of people?”
Liam furrowed his brow. “What type? Parents who love their children? The one person I happen to love?”
“You don’t have any idea what love is. What you feel is a perversion.”
The words stung. “I know what love is. I told Mom this, I’ll tell you too. I’ve felt love my entire life from both of you. I know what it feels like to love and be loved. What I feel for Cody isn’t a perversion. It’s love, pure and simple love. The type of love God would want me to have.”
Steven abruptly stood up and tossed his napkin on the table. “I’ve lost my appetite.”
“Steven.”
“It’s okay, Sarah. I need… I need to go think.” Steven walked off toward his den.
Liam stared at his food, suddenly not hungry himself.
“Liam?”
Liam turned to his mother. “Yeah?”
“Give him some time. We’re all still dealing with this.”
“Can I see Cody tomorrow?”
“I’m not sure.”
“I do love him, Mom. The kind of love you’ve been wanting me to find.” Liam picked at his food. “Besides, it’s just a movie with him and his family.”
“The entire family?”
“Yes, it’s going to be the entire family. So the movie is probably going to be a Disney princess movie or Pixar animated one.”
Sarah nodded. “Okay, but just for the movie.”
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. Please, finish your dinner.”
Even though he had absolutely no appetite, he finished everything on his plate, just to please his mother. He had no idea if his words were getting through to her, but at least she was willing to listen, unlike his father.
“SO YEAH, I can come over tomorrow.” Liam flicked through his textbook while skyping with Cody.
“Cool.”
“Can’t stay beyond the movie, though.”
“It’s okay. Just being close to you will be enough after this week.”
“Yeah, not having anyone talk to you and not being able to touch you has been a bitch.” Liam shut his textbook.
“You think your parents will come around?”
“Dad, no. Mom, maybe.”
“Don’t give up on them.”
“I’m not. But not sure what I’m going to do after you leave. The monastery is looking like a good option.”
“You’re not Catholic.”
“I could convert.”
“You do know they have absolutely no sex, not even self-pleasuring.”
Liam sighed. “Okay, no monastery.”
“It won’t be long until you go to college. We still have our plans, right?”
“Yeah.”
“We’ll think of something. Maybe you could save up for a car, come visit me. I know I’m going to try to come visit you when I can.”
“And where exactly will you stay?”
Cody’s face fell. “Oh yeah, right. Don’t think your parents will be that accommodating.”
“Unless you’re bringing money for a hotel, and it better be one way out of town.”
“Any way for you to get a car?”
“I’d need a job for that, beyond the little I get for jobs around here.” Liam twiddled a pencil between his fingers. “And no one would hire me anyway, you know, being the town gay.”
“Don’t talk like that. There’s bound to be a few forward-thinking businesses around here.”
“Not going to count on it. Hell, can’t count on anything right now. No football next season, that’s for sure.”
“Why?”
Liam sat straight up and moved in closer to the laptop. “Are you kidding me?”
“You don’t think this whole thing will blow over by summer?”
“Oh hell no. No guy is going to want to be within fifty feet of me if he has to undress.”
“Oh come on, it’s not like you’re going to jump any of them.”
“They think I will.”
“Don’t give up on football yet. They know about me, and yet look at what I accomplished.”
“One, you’re an exceptional player, at least in these parts. And two, you did those things before you were outed.”
“But they are still accomplishments that can’t be erased. Everyone knows now that a gay guy can play football and play it well.”
Liam shook his head. “Not sure if that’s going to be enough.”
“Don’t worry. As I said, I’m sure things will settle down. In fact, I’m sure of it.”
“I wish I had your optimism.”
“I’ve got it in spades.” Cody leaned in closer and shrugged his t-shirt off. “Come on, show off some of those hard-earned muscles.”
Liam smiled. At least he still had his video sessions with Cody. And his knife.
THE MOVIE night was just what Liam needed. Cody’s parents didn’t treat him any different, the usual teasing he was used to, the attention from Kelly—it was like nothing had changed. Liam had to admit, in Cody’s family, nothing really had. He wished he could find that acceptance with his own parents. He could feel his mother coming around, but he doubted he’d ever get that from his father. That was more than evident when he got home.
“Liam?” His father called out from the living room.
“Yeah?” Liam hung his coat up in the closet. He was about to head to the living room when his father approached him.
“You went out?”
“Mom said I could. Watched a movie at Cody’s.”
Steven nodded. “I’m still not sure you should be going over there.”
“Why?”
Steven put his hands in his pockets. “I would prefer you not see him.”
Liam kept his breathing even. “Again, why?”
“I don’t approve of your relationship.”
Liam collapsed on the staircase. “You prefer I don’t see anyone?”
“Of course not.”
“I just can’t see guys.”
Steven cleared his throat. “I guess so.”
“But I don’t like girls.”
“At all?”
“Dad, I have—well, had friends who were girls, but I don’t feel anything romantic around them. One tried to kiss me and I felt repulsed. I can’t describe it to you. I just don’t like girls in a relationship way. I guess it’s the same way you would feel if you tried to think of a guy in a romantic way. It just doesn’t compute. I’m sorry I’m broken.”
Steven sat down next to Liam. “I never meant to imply you were broken in any way. As I stated, I don’t understand this lifestyle. I knew gay people in college, and I didn’t understand it then, and certainly not now with my own son.”
“It’s not something I actively sought out.” Liam looked at his dad. “If I could be normal, I would, I swear.”
Steven gave one short nod. “I guess I’m working on the new normal.” He stood up and headed back to the living room.
“Dad?”
Steven turned back around.
“What about Cody? Are you really telling me I can’t see him?” Liam’s heart was threatening to jump out of his chest.
“His parents seem nice. I-I won’t pr
etend to like it, and I do feel a bit of betrayal after all these weeks, but perhaps I was a little hasty. I’d prefer if you cut back a little, but I won’t banish him from your life.”
Liam let out a breath. “Thank you. I mean it.”
Steven nodded again and went back to the living room.
Liam wondered if his father was coming around. Piece by piece, talk by talk, his parents might just be understanding who their son was.
SCHOOL WAS winding down to the end, finals were coming up. Liam got used to being ignored and brushed it off, letting the whispers behind his back go unnoticed. It was Friday once again. After no incidents for a second week, Liam let his guard down, wanting to see Cody more than between classes and lunch. He agreed to meet Cody outside the gym to walk home together. He wasn’t expecting to see Cody slammed up against the wall with three guys surrounding him. He ran over to them. “Put him down!”
“Why look, it’s the other town fag.”
Liam recognized the ringleader as Mark, one of the basketball stars. “Call me what you want, but take your paws off him.”
“It’s okay, Liam, we were just having a conversation, right guys?” Cody put his hands up, trying to defuse the situation.
“Right, conversation.” Another guy, Brian, spoke up.
Liam went over and pushed Mark away from Cody. “Hands off.”
Mark raised his hands in mock surrender. “Oooo, he defends his butt fuck. How sweet.”
Liam didn’t even think twice, he drew back and slammed his fist into Mark’s face. Brian and the other member of the gang, Nick, jumped Liam, fists flying. Liam felt one of them being lifted off him as he tried to turn around to fight. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Cody giving as good as he got. A fist slammed into Liam’s lip, breaking open the newly healed wound. He brought his arm up to block the next blow. Fast footsteps could be heard coming closer.
“Break it up!” Coach’s voice came through the ruckus. “I said, break it up!”
Liam felt the remaining body being lifted off him, and he scrambled back and sat up. He wiped the blood from his lip.
Coach stood over him, his hands on his hips. “You okay?”
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