by K E Osborn
“Is everything a fucking joke to you two?” I call out.
They stop and turn furrowing their brows as I turn around to storm out, too angry to stay in here.
“Danger!” Lunar’s voice calls out from inside the green room as I step out into the hall and start walking. Where I’m going I have no idea as she continues to call my name. Her light footsteps don’t go unnoticed as she catches up to me. Lunar reaches out grabbing my arm, pulling me to stop and turning me to face her. “Hey, talk to me! What’s wrong?”
“What’s wrong is I feel like shit and no one seems to care!”
She screws up her face. “We care, Danger. But you’re not really giving me the opportunity to talk to you. You keep storming off.”
Slumping, I look at her and frown. “Sorry, I just hate that we’re finally getting somewhere, and I might fuck this up… yet again.”
She raises her eyebrow. “What? How?”
“My throat, Lunar, it’s my instrument. I can’t let anything be wrong with it.”
“Okay, but it’s just a cold, right?”
I slump my shoulders. “Hopefully,” I say.
She chews on her bottom lip and wraps her arm around my waist. “C’mon, let’s get you back to the penthouse?”
I can’t think of anything better.
Nodding, I slide my arm around her shoulders pulling her to me and kissing her hair as we walk toward the exit where Ryan, Nate, and Matt are already heading. Kane is by the door with the new security guys and we all walk out to the car and get in without any hassles. The car trip is silent, and my throat is still begging for a soothant of some sort. I’m hoping that by tomorrow, with some rest overnight, it will be much better.
We arrive at the hotel and up to our room in the penthouse, and upon walking inside Lunar and I notice a basket on the cabinet. She steps up to it and smiles.
“It’s all remedies and shit for your throat, babe.”
I walk up behind her to see cough medicine, throat lozenges, and a steam inhalation kit. Reaching forward, I grab the packet of lozenges and pop one out to help numb my throat. Lunar pulls out the steam kit and goes about setting it up for me. She really is good to me, and I treated her like crap tonight because I was worried about myself.
“Thank you,” I say as I sit on the bed.
She turns to me. “What for?”
“For being here for me, no matter what or how much of an asshole I am to you.”
She smiles walking over to me, placing her hands on my shoulders and looking down into my eyes. “I’m your girl. I knew something was wrong, but I also knew you’d come to me when you were ready. I’m just glad I can be here to help you now. Just know, I’m on your side. Always.”
Nodding, I move my head to the side and kiss her hand on my shoulder. She continues with the steam kit. “Don’t worry, Danger, this cold won’t even have time to come to the surface. We’re going to annihilate it before it even starts.”
Nodding, I think how lucky I truly am to have her.
After using the steam kit and consuming lozenges like they’re going out of fashion, Lunar and I went to bed to rest. And I have to say it wasn’t the best night’s sleep I’ve had. I was restless, uncomfortable and my mind wouldn’t shut down.
Now I’m lying in bed with Lunar in my arms. She is my saving grace. If she wasn’t here I think I would have gone stir crazy last night. My fingers trail lightly up and down her arm as she wakes slightly, her hand shifting up my torso coming to rest on my left pec. She takes in a deep breath and looks up at me with her beautiful sleepy eyes. My hand comes across and gently caresses her cheek as she smiles at me and rests her chin on my chest looking up at me.
“Morning rock star.”
“Morning,” I say, but we both furrow our brows when my voice comes out cracked, breathy, and definitely worse than last night.
She winces as I tense my body at the sound.
This is not the voice of a lead singer.
This is the voice of a man in trouble.
“Shit, sounds like the steam kit didn’t work.” She puts her hand up to my forehead as if to feel my temperature, but it’s okay I know I don’t have one.
“I don’t think anything will work,” I murmur, as anger seeps through me and my free hand slams against the mattress in annoyance. “Dammit,” I grunt out.
Lunar sits up slightly taking in my bad mood. “It’s okay, just don’t talk and you’ll be fine for tonight, right?”
I nod and tense as I notice I don’t feel sick, not at all. It’s just my throat that hurts, and that’s not a good sign. I know that if this is a cold, I should at least have a runny nose or a headache but I don’t, just a weirdly sore throat.
Getting up out of the bed, I grab my cell and send off a text to Luke telling him to come to the room. That I’m worried about my voice and I need to talk. I turn back to Lunar, who’s sitting on the bed assessing me as I turn and sit back down taking a deep breath. She rubs my back for comfort, but it gives me none. We sit in a silence, she doesn’t want me to strain my voice so she doesn’t talk, which effectively stops me from talking. I know that’s what she’s doing. I know her too well.
Soon a knock at the hotel door makes my heart race as I stand up, and Lunar chews on her bottom lip as I move to the door, open it, and don’t bother to say anything as I let Luke in and walk off waiting for him to follow me in.
He exhales as he follows me into the bedroom. “Okay, so your silence is deafening, Danger,” Luke declares.
Lunar looks to me as I flare my nostrils.
“His voice is really hoarse this morning, I told him not to talk if possible.”
I look at Luke, and he shakes his head. “Okay, so you have a virus. We take you to a doctor and—”
I grab a pen and paper which causes Luke to stop mid-sentence. I write one simple word and hold it up for Luke to see.
His eyes open wide and he exhales rubbing the back of his neck as his chest starts heaving like he might be starting to panic.
“What? What’s it say?” Lunar asks.
“Nodes,” Luke tells her. “Shit! No! You have cold symptoms, right?”
Shaking my head as I think that what I’ve written is the most likely scenario.
Lunar looks from me to Luke. “What’s happening right now?”
Slumping my body, I look to Luke as he glances at her and runs his fingers through his hair. “Danger thinks there’s a problem with his vocal chords. Could be nodes, polyps… could be a burst vocal cord. Either way, we need to go to the doctor… now.”
Lunar looks at me opening her eyes wide as I slump down onto the bed in defeat. “So what does this mean?” she asks.
“My career is over,” I rasp out, and she gasps as Luke huffs.
“Not necessarily. Let’s get a diagnosis, and we’ll go from there. Get dressed. I’ll find the best ENT in Tokyo.” Luke stands up and walks out of the room, the sound of the door closing behind him soon follows. Lunar rushes over the bedsheets to get to me, throwing herself at me in a tight embrace. She leans in kissing my cheek, and I can’t do anything, I’m numb. The realization that everything is crashing down around me is too much.
Right now I just need to sit here and detach from it all.
We’ve been sitting in an awkward silence for a little over fifteen minutes. Finally I manage to turn and look at Lunar, I can’t help but feel there’s a sense of fear in my eyes as they pull tight together and I frown dramatically.
“What… what if I can’t sing again?” I whisper and even that’s breathy.
She smothers her hands down my arms in a move to comfort me.
It doesn’t work.
“Hey, that’s not gonna happen. Let’s just wait for Luke to come back with the doctor’s appointment and we’ll take this one step at a time. We need a diagnosis first.”
“It’s not a fucking sobriety test, Lunar. It’s not a step by step process. Either I’m going to lose my voice or I won’t.”
“Okay, just try not to use it too much and calm down.”
My anger bubbles, and I can’t hold it in. “Calm down? Calm down! This is my life. My livelihood, Lunar. If you don’t get that then you’re dumber than you look.”
She jolts back and scoffs. “Excuse me?” she scolds as she stands up, her brows furrowed and creased together.
“Just don’t make this out to not be like it’s a big deal. This is huge, Lunar.”
“Obviously! I’m just not smart enough to know that, am I? God, I know you’re a scared little man right now, but you don’t have to be a fucking cunt about it.”
I wince and shake my head. “Don’t say that word, Lunar, it’s not pleasant to hear coming from a woman.”
She raises her eyebrows and stands taller. “What! Just ‘cause I’m a woman I’m not allowed to say cunt now? Well… cunt, cunt, cunt! You Danger are a cunt, and I’ll top it off with a side of cunt. How’d you like that?”
Groaning, I stand up and pace the floor. “I don’t want to argue with you. I don’t have the voice for it or the will right now.”
“Fine then, I’ll leave, let you sulk on your own. Have a good time at the doctors. Just so you know I would’ve been there for you, holding your hand, but now you can find out on your own, you selfish prick.” She turns storming toward the door grabbing her bag on the way out. The door slams with the force of a herd of elephants, and I cringe at the sound as I blow out a puff of air in annoyance.
I didn’t need to treat her like that.
Saying she looked dumb was fucking low, and completely not true. Sometimes I really am a prick. Lashing out at her because I’m hurting is a dick move. One I’ll need to rectify when I get back. Once I know my outlook and future.
Moving back over to the edge of the bed, I sit down just as my cell alerts me to a message.
Luke: Come downstairs, a car is waiting to take you to the doctor.
Exhaling, I stand up and get dressed properly, then slowly make my way down to the foyer. I see the car is already there and I step up to it as Kane opens the door, and I slide in to see Luke and Lunar in the car. Freezing, I tense slightly looking at Lunar and then I sigh, sliding over to her. She turns away from me slightly, which I expected and as she turns her nose goes up into the air in a sign of stubborn aggravation.
“Thank you for coming,” I rasp out through a hoarse sounding breath.
She turns further from me and sniffs like she’s trying not to cry. “I’m only here ‘cause Luke asked me to be.”
Exhaling at the sight of her and how much I’ve obviously hurt her, I feel like an ass. I need to fix this. “I’m glad he did because I’m a dick.”
She turns and looks at me with a half-smile. “Yes, you are.”
“I am, you’re not dumb. I’m scared, and you lash out at those you care about the most. It was a dick move. I’m sorry. Please forgive me?”
She smiles, placing her hand on mine sending a wave of warmth through my very soul. “I know this is scary, but talk to me. I’m your support through this, don’t push me away.”
I lean in to kiss her and she presses her lips to mine carefully. It’s like she’s scared she’ll hurt me, so I strengthen the kiss a little more and let her know it’s okay to kiss me as Luke groans to himself on the other side of the car.
We arrive at the doctor’s surgery not long after, and as we pile out of the car I remember we’re in Tokyo. I turn to Luke and furrow my brows. “Luke, will the doctor speak English?”
Luke sighs. “Yes Danger, they’re not idiots.”
“No, I know they’re not idiots, it’s just I don’t know how to speak Asian.”
“It’s Japanese, Danger,” Luke says and Lunar laughs as I shrug and we step toward the doctor’s surgery and enter. My heart is racing completely out of my chest as we wait in the waiting room.
We’ve been here for near on half an hour when a man in a white waistcoat comes out.
“Mister Pipe,” he calls out. He sounds fluent, his English is very good.
We walk into the room and we all take a seat in front of the doctor. He seems nice and has a friendly demeanor.
“So Dwayne, tell me your symptoms.”
“Please, call me Danger. As you can hear, my voice is breathy and hoarse, it’s been fading for about a week that I’ve been noticing, but it really only went completely last night at a concert. That’s when it really started to fail.”
“Okay, well first I think I need to take a look at your throat and vocal chords to see if there’s anything I can put down to being the cause. Do you consent to me using a small tube-like instrument and a mirror to look down inside your throat?”
“No problem, do whatever you need to.”
He nods and stands up pulling some instruments together and placing on some rubber gloves. A light is brought over and placed over my head, then he goes about his procedure. The tube tickles my throat even though he used a numbing agent and it makes me want to cough, but I let him do what he needs to without causing a fuss. This is too important to be a baby about it.
“Mm-hmm,” the doctor murmurs, and then pulls the tube out of my throat and switches off the light. He walks back behind his desk as I sit with my heart racing and my breathing coming so hard and fast I feel faint.
“So doc?” I ask impatiently as he scribbles something down on his notepad.
He looks up at me and exhales with a frown. “I’m sorry, Danger, but you have a polyp on your right vocal cord.”
A wave of nausea washes over me and I want to be sick. My body flames red hot and I sink into my chair as Luke exhales and Lunar looks around the room at all the grim faces.
“So how long will recovery take after the surgery, doc?” Luke asks the questions I should be.
I sink even further into my chair as Lunar’s eyes open wide and she gasps.
“Surgery? It’s that bad?” she asks.
I scrub my face with my hands knowing I’ve blown this tour for Recoil, and our shot at fame is coming to a grinding halt all because of me—yet again.
“It’s different with everyone, but with singers we say you can usually sing again after six weeks from surgery without complications. If however, there is a complication during surgery or your speech therapy needs extra work, it can take longer. We generally like to say six months is the full beneficial time period.”
“Six months!” I try to yell, but it comes out as a rasp and Luke glares at me.
“Okay, thanks, doc. We need to make plans and talk to the rest of the band. Let’s go and make some decisions,” Luke suggests.
I stand up in defeat knowing my career is over. Even with the surgery my voice might not return to what it was.
I know that.
Luke knows that.
This is shit.
Fuck my life.
We leave thanking the doctor and head down to the car. Luke gets on the phone straight away calling Ryan and tells him to get Matt and Nate into the penthouse for an emergency meeting when we get back.
Lunar holds my hand but I still feel numb, like everything I do I fail at. I can’t do anything right, and all the way back to the hotel I’m inwardly berating myself for letting this happen.
We get to the penthouse and everyone’s in the main living area when we arrive. They all look up as we walk in.
Ryan looks at me then frowns. “What’s going on?” he asks as they all sit up taller.
Luke exhales as we take our seat on the couches next to them, and Lunar continues to hold my hand.
“Danger has a polyp on his vocal cord. So tonight’s concert is canceled, and therefore the remainder of the tour is canceled until he’s better.”
“Holy shit!” Ryan blurts out snapping his head around to face me, his eyebrows creased together in a show of sympathy as I grit my teeth and nod.
“Fucking hell! Just when we start to make it big, Danger goes and fucks us over again. Well, I vote we get a replacement singer until he’s better and continue on,” Nate
suggests grabbing everyone’s attention, especially mine.
“Nate, be real! People love Recoil for Danger’s voice, it’s unique, one of a kind. It can’t be replaced. He needs to rest his instrument, and once it’s fixed we’ll pick back up. How long will this take?” Ryan asks.
With a shrug I look to Luke. He licks his lips and slumps. “Okay, here’s the plan. We go back to Australia, Danger has the surgery there and recovers while you three continue promo and interviews… keep the interest alive. The thing is, this could take a minimum of six weeks or up to six months… we just don’t know yet.”
“Six months?” Nate yells standing up running his fingers through his hair.
“Calm down, bro. That’s the worst case scenario, yeah?” Matt asks.
“Yes, worst case is six months. But you three can keep the buzz going while Danger recovers.”
“Great, this is just fucking great! I should have known you would ruin this for us again. If not with Lunar then some other way.” Nate storms off out of the room, to I’m assuming his room, and I moan sinking back into my chair knowing he’s right. Ryan looks to me, and the guilt weighs heavy on me as I scrub at my face.
“Okay, we get back on a plane ASAP. Danger gets his surgery, and we go into damage control. We tell the fans about his operation and that will give us some sympathy. We release the album we had planned to release half way through the tour. We can bring that forward. We have a plan of action. I guess all we can do is ride it out and see how fast Danger heals. But have actions in place for a six-month sideline,” Luke announces.
Ryan looks at Danger and shakes his head. “I’m so sorry, bro. This is not your fault. So don’t go blaming yourself. We will bounce back, and the brothers and me will keep the hype up while you recover. This doesn’t have to be a big deal, Danger. So don’t make it one. Okay?”
