Jess was probably reconsidering. She had to be. There was no way she’d ever compromise her job, and dating a teacher (or someone she thought was a teacher) couldn’t possibly happen. No way. She had to think this was a mistake too.
It was a mistake. It could never happen again.
She bypassed the office—and that issue—and headed straight for her own space, three boxes of Tim Horton’s donuts in tow. What the hell was she doing? This was going to end in disaster—no doubt. She was stupid and irresponsible. She should never have let herself get involved with a woman she was supposed to be investigating, no matter how beautiful or intelligent or captivating or sexy…
Even if she had found a loophole that excused Jess for now. If she was asked to reinvestigate, then turning in her report would end Jess’s career—and not turning it in would compromise her own.
“Good Christ,” Jil muttered to herself as she flicked on the lights and closed the door, leaning against the frame. Why did she always get herself into these situations? She couldn’t tell Jess the truth. She couldn’t lie to her anymore. She couldn’t make good on her promise to investigate this school, and she couldn’t get out of it.
What options did that leave?
Compile the facts, write the report, and duck out of there without ever looking Jess in the eye again? Pretend the feelings weren’t there? Pretend she hadn’t already fallen for the perfect woman? The perfect woman who was the principal of a Catholic school and who wouldn’t abandon that belief system, even if it crushed her? Only to have Giovanni DiTullio pay her a visit and present her with a damning report Jil herself had created? No.
Could she just tell Padraig she wanted off the case and live with his disappointment? The knowledge that she’d single-handedly bankrupted the agency?
God, what a fucking mess.
And on top of that, they were starting a new unit today in World Religions. She was screwing Buck and scrapping the extra unit in Christianity. Instead, they were studying Paganism. Wicca, specifically. There—that was something she could teach. If she hadn’t completely self-destructed already, she was certainly going to today.
She opened her bag to take out the folder she’d prepared over the weekend—mostly in an effort to keep her thoughts from straying to Jess. Her hair, her perfume, her touch. Everything about her. The way she giggled a little when she laughed out loud. Her delicate, soft hands. Everything.
It was almost the end of November. She had successfully rooted out information on eighty-two of the ninety-five staff members (including Jess). Of those eighty-two, forty were living in a situation that ran counter to their job descriptions. The infractions ran from divorce (eighteen); to cohabitation without the benefit of marriage (twenty-six); or both of those (ten); having children out of wedlock (three); same-sex relationships (three). Sixty had engaged in more minor infractions such as failing to report to church on Sundays. The only two with a perfect record so far were Buck—because she could not drag up any dirt on him no matter what she looked for—and Jess, because she’d filed her assessment before dragging her into a life of sin.
She had just under a month to scout out the remaining staff. That shouldn’t be hard. Rosie McMonahan was a willing talker, and she seemed to have the information on everybody.
Jil set the kettle on and prepared to make a nice cup of tea. That’s the only thing she’d been able to stomach all weekend. Not calling Jess made her feel terrible, but calling her would mean more lies, and she just couldn’t do that. Not anymore. Again and again, she went over the ways to make this situation all right, but there just weren’t any options. She just couldn’t see a way out of this.
Someone knocked on the door.
Jil stood. “Come in,” she called.
Bex opened the door and quickly shut it behind herself.
“What’s the matter?”
Bex’s face was flushed, and she was panting. She looked like she was going to pass out. “I ran to school,” she said. “They followed me all the way from the dorm across the football fields.”
“Who?”
“I don’t know. They never get close enough so I can see their faces.”
“They’ve done this before?”
Bex nodded. “Sometimes I see them hanging around outside the school—down the block. Sometimes they’re in the mall, or waiting for me after practice. They never come near me. And they’re always just out of range, you know?”
“You’ve never approached them, have you?”
“No,” Bex said. “There’s like seven or eight of them and only one of me, Miss. I’m not crazy. No matter who they are.”
“Do you think they’re students?”
“Yeah. One of them’s Theo, I’m sure of it. But I don’t know who the others are.”
“Bex? Why did you run to school today?”
“Because, Miss. They were coming after me. They were walking toward me, real slow. They’ve never done that before. But then this morning, while I was waiting for Gideon outside the dorm, I saw them by the forest. They started coming. I waited a few seconds to see if they would shove off, but they didn’t. They got closer and closer. So I ran.”
“Have you told anyone?” Jil asked.
Bex shook her head. “No one to tell, Miss.”
“Still. I’d like to get to the bottom of this. You think these are the same people who might have threatened Alyssa?”
“I don’t know. But I got another note.”
“Did you keep it?”
“No. I flushed it down the toilet.”
Jil exhaled slowly, sinking into her armchair. She indicated her office chair, and Bex collapsed into it gladly.
“Are they all boys?”
“I don’t think so. Mostly, but there are some girls. Seniors. Maybe some juniors. They’re all pretty big. I saw them up closer this morning than I’ve ever seen them. They were all in white clothes. And jeans, I think.”
Jil sighed inwardly. That described half the population of St. Marguerite’s. The school colors were white and burgundy, and all the athletic teams wore school colors on game days. The tuck shop also sold long-sleeved white T-shirts to anyone who wanted them, and in the absence of a uniform, a lot of the students actually did purchase school clothes.
“All of them? Could they be members of a team?”
“I don’t know, Miss. I didn’t really let them get that close, if you know what I mean.”
“Probably wise. Okay, listen, Bex. I want you to leave school on time today, with everybody else. Get to your dorm and stay put, okay? Do any of your friends live in residence?”
“Yeah. Joey and Kyle both do.”
“Okay. Well, I want you to make plans with those two tonight. Maybe work on your group assignment. Okay?”
“We don’t have a group assignment.”
“You will by the end of class,” Jil said grimly.
That solved two problems. One, how to keep Bex safe. Two, how to evaluate her students on a topic she hadn’t thought to cover until this weekend. With Theo out of her class, she could get away with a little more diversity. But she hadn’t run this new course direction by Jess yet. Which meant she would have to go and see her.
Which was probably for the best.
Bex stood to leave. “I’m going to grab some breakfast,” she said.
“Good idea. See you in class.”
“Thanks, Miss.”
Jil watched the door close and waited for a few moments to make sure Bex was gone before picking up her phone. She dialed Jess’s office.
“I need to talk to you,” she said.
Jess’s voice sounded a little guarded. “All right. Come on over.”
Jil went around to the side door of Jess’s office and knocked. She was already waiting, because the door creaked open immediately. The blinds on the windows were already drawn.
“Hi,” she said, trying to smile.
Jil shut the door. “Hi.”
They stood there for a minute, suspended in
time. Jess turned and led Jil to the desk, sitting stiffly in her chair. Jil perched on the side of the desk, as usual.
“I’m sorry I didn’t call,” Jess said quietly.
Jil just nodded. “I understand why you didn’t.”
“You do?” Jess seemed surprised. “I thought maybe you’d be…”
“Offended?”
“Yeah.”
“No. It’s complicated, Jess. This whole thing is…”
Jess looked away, biting her lip. “A bad idea?”
“Yeah.”
“I thought you might think that. It was unprofessional of me to go home with you, Julia. Not to mention completely against the rules. All the rules. I shouldn’t have done it. I’m sorry. I’ll understand if you don’t want to talk to me anymore. I’ve violated your trust as a first-year teacher. You’re my staff member—”
“Hey, slow down,” Jil said. “I’m not a wandering sheep you’ve led astray. I’m the one who should apologize.”
“For what?”
Jil kicked herself mentally. Shit. Why did she always have to open her big mouth? She should have kept quiet—just let Jess break it off before anyone got hurt any more. But she couldn’t. She couldn’t stand the idea of Jess beating herself up for something that wasn’t her fault.
“Jess, we’re two consenting adults. I wanted you to come home with me as much as you wanted to be there.”
Was that a blush on Jess Blake’s face? Was she embarrassed? God. She was new at this. Still practically a virgin to the women’s world. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I wish I could make this easier.”
“It’s not your fault either,” Jess said. “I think we just got a little carried away. If you want to stop, that’s fine with me.”
Yes. Yes, that’s what they should do. Stop right now and go their separate ways. Forget they ever saw each other. Before they ended up creating a complete mess.
“No,” she said. “I don’t want that at all.”
Back in her office, Jil logged on to her FaithConnects account. She had three more messages from new friends—all of them from the same online group. Clarisse had written: Nice to meet you, Ally. Join our Bible study!
Jil wrote back. Thanks. I’ll think about it! Could this be the same girl who’d sent messages to Alyssa?
The good-looking boy had sent her another message. Hey AlleyCat. I’ve added you to our online TeenFaith group. Lots of kids from Rockford Catholic schools are in it. Welcome! What are you into? Music? Fishing? Hope we can be friends. :-)
This time she responded. Hey yourself. Would I see you around the halls?
In a second, a message bleeped back at her.
You might. Would my charm and good looks be enough to hold your full attention? ;-)
So she’d been right to check the “interested in both” box. It had obviously triggered his attention. Some guys just couldn’t resist the challenge of turning a wayward girl straight.
She clicked on the button to take her into the TeenFaith chat room. There were hundreds of past topics of conversation. She’d have to come back and investigate later. But Gunslinger seemed to be the leader of many of the forums. Maybe he was the Youth Leader Bex had talked about.
After a few more exchanges, Jil noticed the time. Gtg. Class.
Later, wrote GunSlinger.
Jil cursed herself as she gathered up her folders for World Religion. She had been so busy with the relationship conversation that she’d completely forgotten to run her course plan by Jess. Too late. It was time for class. In fact, most of the students had already arrived.
“Hi, guys.” Jil dropped her stuff on her desk.
Bex gave her a little wave. She smiled back. Joey and Kyle were having a contest to see who could make the rudest noises. So far, Joey was winning. She flapped her cheeks in and out, creating a noise like wet fish hitting the docks.
“That’s pretty good, for a girl.” Kyle grinned. Joey stuck out her tongue at him.
“Good morning,” Jil said. They looked up and saw the boxes of donuts on the desk, then erupted into cheers.
“We did it, yo!” Kyle shouted.
“What was our average?” Bex asked.
Jil smiled and popped open the first box. “Seventy-two.”
“Two points over!” Joey crowed.
“Come and get your rewards, and let’s settle down for today. We have a lot to get through.”
“Yo, Miss. There’s nothing on the syllabus for today. It says TBA. What is that, like Total Body Aerobics?” Jordan grinned at his own joke as he licked powdered sugar off his fingers.
“It means To Be Announced.”
“So what’s the announcement?” Kyle asked.
“Today we are starting a unit on Paganism.”
The class looked at her in awe. “You mean, like heathens?” Jordan bellowed.
“No, scumbag,” Brianna said scathingly. “She means Pagans. Like pre-Christian Goddess-worshipping. You know?”
“They think God’s a woman?” Kyle said, sitting up. “Yo, that’s sick.”
“Why not?” Brianna demanded. “Why couldn’t God be a woman? Women are responsible for bringing life into the world. Why would anyone assume God was a man?”
“God is not a woman,” said Jordan, laughing.
“Yeah, you’re right,” Joey retorted. “The world’s way too screwed up for any woman to have created it. It’s gotta have been made by a man.”
Jil listened to them bantering for a few more minutes before cutting in. “I thought that since we’ve studied four major religions this year, all of which focused on the male aspects of the divine, that it was time to look at the female aspects.”
A lot of the girls were nodding, faces full of pastry. “All right!” Bex said.
Since Theo had dropped the course, Bex had become much more lively and engaged. It was really nice to see.
“Any of the boys have a problem with that?” Jil asked.
Most of them shook their heads. “Yo, as long as you don’t ask us to start praying to God, the Mother, we’re fine.”
“This class isn’t about teaching a belief system. It’s about opening your eyes to the way other people view things. I think it’s important that you get a good look at what the world thinks.”
“Okay, Miss.” And nobody made another smart-assed comment for the rest of the period. Not even when she assigned them a group project and read out the pre-assigned groups.
At the bell, she watched Bex approach Joey and Kyle.
“Hey, guys?” she said, not smiling. Her uncertainty made her come off as harsh.
“Hey, Bex,” said Joey a little nervously. Bex had a reputation for being a bit tough. Jil knew they weren’t friends, but she’d hoped they could maybe start to be friendly.
“So, do you guys want to get together tonight and start?” Her tone indicated “or else.”
Kyle looked at Joey.
“Yeah, sure. Might as well get going,” Joey said.
Kyle groaned. “Yo, I hate projects. I’m no good at this research shit.”
“Yeah, but you sure are good at talking,” Bex retorted. “You can do the presentation to the class.”
Kyle actually cracked a smile. “You’re on. You know I can run my mouth pretty good.”
Jil smiled as she watched the three of them leave together for lunch.
Chapter Nineteen
“It’s here,” Jess said when Jil walked past her in the atrium.
“What’s here?”
“The lockdown system.”
Jil realized it wasn’t delight she saw in Jess’s face. It was disbelief. Fear that she actually needed this equipment in her school.
“Are they installing it now?” Jil took note of two men in navy coveralls busily circling the atrium.
“It’ll be in by the end of the day,” said Jess.
Jil exhaled. “I’m sorry.”
“Me too. I can’t believe it’s come to this.”
“Better safe.”
Jil oriented herself so she could watch the students at the same time. She scanned the crowd for GunSlinger, but the students’ faces blended into one another as they passed, crammed into the overstuffed corridors. Maybe this student didn’t exist. Maybe he was a catfish too.
“Listen, Jess, there was something about my lesson plan I wanted to run by you yesterday, but didn’t get the chance.”
“Oh. What was it?”
Just then, Buck Weekly approached. “Julia, good,” he said. “Good morning, Ms. Blake.”
Jess smiled.
“I wondered if I could have a word with you?” His steely eyes pierced their conversation, even more than his tense tone.
“What is it, Buck?” asked Jil politely.
“I have heard some rumors and I was hoping to dispel them,” said Buck, his eyes boring into her. Why did Jess not seem to notice this?
“Rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated,” she quipped.
He didn’t smile. “Is it true you’re teaching Paganism in World Religions?” he barked.
Jil met his gaze unflinchingly. “I am teaching a unit in pre-Christian faiths, yes.”
“Why?”
“Because I feel that it is important for the students in the class to experience a balanced view.”
“Paganism is not a World Religion.”
“It was before Christianity swept it out.”
“You’re teaching witchcraft.”
“I most certainly am not,” Jil snapped. “I am providing the students with information on a widespread religion that existed before Christianity, and still exists. They’ve studied four patriarchal religions, and I’m introducing the idea of God as a female.”
“They burned people at the stake for this,” Buck thundered.
“And you’d like to do it again, wouldn’t you?” Jil retorted.
“Both of you, in my office,” Jessica said quietly. She turned without another word and strode through the main office to her own lair. When the door was shut, she gestured toward the round table.
“Have a seat.”
Buck slowly lowered himself into a chair, his jaw clenched. Jil sat opposite him, on Jess’s right side.
UnCatholic Conduct Page 21
