“Your problem being what?” Vinessa asked quietly. Marika chanced a look at her to find intense blue eyes eating her alive. She felt as if she was being branded from her soul outward.
Her breath stalled and she looked away quickly. Fresh guilt rolled over her in a wave brought on by the intense desire for an emotional connection with Vinessa.
What the hell was going on with her? She loved Lucas. He was the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. So, why was she so damn enthralled with Vinessa?
“Look at me, Marika.” Vinessa’s voice was soft, but the command was a whip across her skin.
Marika met her gaze, and blue eyes met green ones in a stare that made her wet. She looked away again as raw need and helpless hunger whipped through her. Vinessa gripped her jaw.
“I said, look at me,” Vinessa commanded, her tone harder. “Now, Marika.”
Marika obeyed, and the dominance was like a caress that took her breath away. She swallowed tightly.
“I want to see you again,” she said softly and Marika’s stomach clenched.
Yes! “No.” She shook her head. “I’m with Lucas.” Vinessa’s eyes hardened and for a moment Marika thought she was going to verbally slap her.
Vinessa frowned. “Why? You obviously want me, and I damn sure want you, baby.”
Her skin tingled at the admission, but Lucas. He was her man. “I do. I mean, I did, but—damn it.”
“I can see you’re torn,” Vinessa said with a mocking little smile. “I don’t want any part of that, sweet thing. Now go home to your boyfriend, and if you feel guilty about being with me, live with it.”
“I don’t want to hurt him,” she said, shaking her head, sending blonde strands shimmering around her face. Anger at herself for her betrayal stabbed her as the full weight of what was happening settled over her.
“Then, don’t,” Vinessa said firmly. “Forget about tonight, Marika, for all of our sakes. I know how it feels to cut someone’s heart out in the name of honesty. But this will be about your guilt, not your feelings for him. He’ll never hear from me that we had this night.” Vinessa released her. “At the same time, I swear if you ever come to my bed again, I won’t hesitate to pursue you.”
Chapter Five
Lucas took a sip of his scotch as he lounged on the blue-and-black plaid of the sofa in Marika’s condo. She’d told him she was staying in tonight, but clearly she’d lied to him. After this morning, he suspected she had gone to Vinessa.
He thought their relationship was strong, but how did he even begin to compete with her interest in another woman?
If Marika was as drawn to some other man as she was to Vinessa, what would he do? He’d fight for her, try to convince her she belonged with him. That was what he had to do, but what if she’d been with Vinessa tonight? He drew in a fortifying breath as he heard the lock of her apartment click over the softly playing music on the stereo situated on the wooden shelf he’d painstakingly built. The CDs and DVDs were neatly lined up on the smaller shelves on either side of the player in the cabinet with the flat screen he’d bought her hung above it on the plain white wall she hated.
The wood floor allowed him to easily track her approach, and his heart did a little flutter as it always did when he so much as thought about her. His entire body heated in a happy dance that made him breathless as his pulse raced.
She stopped short, and he knew she was taken aback by him on her couch in the room dimly lit by a single candle. She’d left the lamp on the end table on, but he’d turned it off as he quietly seethed and imagined her out with Vinessa.
“Lucas, what are you doing here?” The surprise in her voice prompted him to turn.
In the shadows cast by the candle’s flickering flame, he saw her in that dress with the criss-cross back that she said belonged to Dallas. It was short, showing off too much of her perfectly waxed legs. On top of that, she was wearing heels that added at least two inches to her five foot six, making her even more dangerous-looking.
“Hey, darlin’,” Lucas greeted her tiredly and watched her remove the heels before she strode toward him. “I thought you were staying in.”
She dropped onto the edge of the sofa and leaned in to kiss him softly. “Dallas asked me to go out with her when I got off.”
“Did she?” he asked, and rubbed his nose against hers. She was everything to him, and the long hours were for the future he was trying to build for them. “Why didn’t you call me? I could have met you.” He rubbed her arm, savoring the softness of her skin even as she leaned back.
“Well, I thought you’d be too busy working,” she said and got to her feet.
“You still should have called and let me know about your change of plans,” he said, his gaze devouring her shapely thighs down to her slim calves.
His gaze slid up her body, loving the firm roundness of her ass, the softly roundedness of her hips, and her small waist as much as he enjoyed her pert little breasts. Desire flared through him as she pushed her blonde hair over her shoulder, bringing his attention to her throat. Arousal quickly turned to anger at the faint mark on her neck already turning blue and black.
“What?” she demanded.
She didn’t even have the gall to be concerned about what he might be seeing, or maybe she just didn’t know her lover had marked his woman as if she had rights to her, the bitch. And she was such a slut for allowing it. She should have had the decency to tell Vinessa not to mark her.
“I know I work long hours, Marika, but it’s for our future,” he said, forcing his voice to stay calm, although he was anything but. “I want the best for us.”
“Lucas, I’m too tired to fight about this,” she said. “So, why don’t you sleep in the guestroom? You’ve obviously had one too many.”
“Is that what you think?” he asked softly as he climbed off the couch, tension running through his body. “I want to know how long you’ve been cheating on me.”
Her jaw dropped and her green eyes were the epitome of shock. He laughed bitterly.
“What!” she exclaimed.
“How long?” he demanded as he closed the distance between them.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Lucas,” she demurred. “Why would you even accuse me?”
He laughed, and it was rife with anger. “I saw the way you were with Vinessa.”
“Lucas—”
“We’ve been seeing each other for three years now,” Lucas said quietly as he shoved his hands into the pockets of his pants. “Yet we still have separate apartments. Why? I am madly in love with you. I’m dedicated to you. I want to be with you!”
She shook her head, and he watched emotion play across her face.
“What if I wanted to try something new, Lucas? Would you indulge me?”
Lucas didn’t like the look in her eyes. Her stare was too bright, too hungry. “What do you have in mind, Marika?” Dread slithered through him.
“Remember when I brought up the ménage?”
Pain sliced through him. She had been with Vinessa. He had known he wouldn’t be able to stop the need in her from erupting. He’d just hoped she’d stop herself. “Why would you even want someone else in our bed? Am I not giving you what you need?”
Marika frowned. “I just need something more, Lucas,” she said softly. “I liked the way it felt when she had her fingers inside me.”
He swallowed convulsively, turning his back on her as he shoved a hand through his short black hair. Pain sliced through him as he tried to digest her words.
He turned slowly. “You’ve been playing with Vinessa behind my back, haven’t you?” he demanded, a fresh wave of fear washing over him. “And she fucked you. That’s where you were tonight. You were in her bed!”
“I wasn’t in anyone’s bed, Lucas,” she answered softly. “I was with Dallas at a club. She left to go hang out with someone and I came home.”
“Why do you want to do this now, Marika?” Lucas demanded. “You never mentioned wan
ting to be with a woman before.” The look of surprise on her face told him she thought he’d missed the looks that had passed between the two over the last few months.
“It’s not just sexual.” She shook her head. “It’s—I want you and I want Vinessa.”
From the look on her face and the desperation in her voice, Marika didn’t want, she needed Vinessa as badly as he’d wanted her that night. He hadn’t forgotten about how turned-on he’d been watching the two of them. He’d even jerked off to the fantasy of fucking Vinessa himself. However, he didn’t think a ménage was what they needed.
“I want to see her, too,” she told him. “I want a relationship with you both.”
“I don’t know if I can do that,” he said. “It’s not the way I imagine my life being. I don’t want to share you with her.”
“I think you should leave, Lucas,” Marika said quietly. “And I don’t think you should come back.”
Chapter Six
Vinessa stared out the window of her office the next morning with a steaming mug of coffee in her hand. She watched the sun come up, feeling like the biggest piece of shit that ever lived.
She’d promised herself she wouldn’t have sex with Marika, but she’d just…she’d let her guard down last night. She’d been weak, and Marika had been so damned enticing in that dress. She didn’t blame Marika for her mistake, but Marika had made it impossible for her to walk away by being so hot.
She lifted the cup to her lips and took a sip. She sighed as the hot brew soothingly sank into her. She hadn’t slept much last night, but she wasn’t about to call up Lucas and confess to fucking his woman and wanting to do it again.
“Vinessa?” Her name followed the knock at the door.
“Come in, Leigh.” Connor’s fiancée. She turned to give the younger woman a smile. Leigh wasn’t glowing yet, but she imagined she would be in a few months when she started to show. She was pregnant and both Connor and Kal, Leigh’s dominants, were happy about it.
“Hey.”
“You shouldn’t be in so early,” Vinessa said. “Why aren’t you at home letting Kal or Connor fuss over you?”
She laughed and her eyes glowed with happiness. “They can do that after the baby comes,” she said. “I needed to talk to you about maternity leave.”
She frowned and then nodded. “Yeah, I’m going to hire someone to temp for about six months. That gives you the last two months of your pregnancy and the first four after the baby is born.”
“That’s going to be great.” She nodded. “Also I wanted to ask if you’d be present at our commitment ceremony. Me and Connor are getting married in two months and then the three of us are having a commitment ceremony. It’s nothing legal, but Kal and Connor are going to collar me in front of their friends.”
She smiled. “Yeah, I’d love to.”
“Great. I’m kind of worried. Connor’s Mom was a little cold last night. Do you think she hates me?”
“She likes you, Leigh.” Connor’s mother was bitter and heartbroken. Connor’s father spent very little time with her these days because she didn’t want to be part of his swinger’s life anymore. Her husband spent a great deal of time in another couple’s bed and Vinessa felt for her.
“I know his father does and your parents do. Your families seem so close.”
“They’re lovers,” Vinessa told her with a shrug. “Connor’s mother doesn’t like that dynamic anymore. She’s worried you’ll end up like her.”
“Oh. Well, if I ever stop wanting both Kal and Connor, I’ll just divorce them and move on.”
Vinessa smiled wanly. Sometimes love wasn’t that easy. “I hope so,” she said. “There’s no need to torture yourself when life will do it for you.”
* * * *
Marika got through the first few hours of the morning with only fleeting thoughts of Vinessa. She desperately ached to be able to confide in her, to be comforted by her. At the same time, she wanted to call Lucas and make sure he was okay. She wanted to tell him she was sorry for hurting him.
She wished there was some way she could make things better, but there was no way to go on pretending he was no longer giving her everything she needed. In her present state, there was no way she could give him what he needed either.
She clenched her hand as pain coursed through her, tightening around her heart.
“Marika.”
“I’m coming, Doctor.” She stepped out of the supply room and hurried down the hall, eager for her break.
Paul was standing in his favorite treatment room when she joined him. His mouth was drawn into a tight line bracketed by white lines and his eyes were arctic. His body was rigid with controlled fury.
“My next appointment was cancelled,” he told her coolly. “I have an emergency at home, but I’ll be back in time to take my afternoon appointments.”
“I hope everything is okay,” she said, tension increasing inside her. Dallas wouldn’t be in until the afternoon. She’d said she had a doctor’s appointment this morning which Marika knew she didn’t.
“I’m sure it is,” he said and breezed past her, face a stone mask.
She sighed and replaced the items in the supply room before heading out to her car for a break after making sure she wasn’t needed by either of the other two doctors. She drew in a deep breath of the fresh air, but it didn’t cleanse the tension from her any more than the warm hug from the sun did.
She walked past the evergreen shrubs in the cement islands ringed by pansies, barely noticing them. As she got closer to her car, her cell phone rang, slowing her footsteps. She reached into the deep pocket of her scrub pants and pulled her phone out. A glance at the display revealed an unfamiliar number. A wave of fear washed over her, but she quickly pushed it aside. It couldn’t be Rebecca calling to tell her Paul had attacked Dallas because he’d just left.
She connected quickly all the same. “Hello?”
“Hello, Marika.”
Relief washed over her. “Vinessa,” Marika said, and her heart skipped a beat.
“I know I shouldn’t be calling,” Vinessa said. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”
She started toward her again. “No. I broke up with Lucas last night,” she admitted. “I want to see you.”
“Why did you break up with him?” Vinessa demanded. “Baby—”
“I asked him if he thought we could try a ménage, and he said no. I can’t hurt him by sneaking around, and I can’t not see you again.” Her stomach tightened in apprehension now that the words were out. What if Vinessa didn’t want to see her again?
Vinessa sighed roughly. “I’m—I want to see you again, too, but I hate that Lucas got hurt. You didn’t tell him you’d been with me, did you?”
“No,” Marika answered. “Do you want to have dinner with me tonight? You can come over to my place.”
“What time?”
“Seven?” Marika asked.
“I’ll be there.”
“I’m looking forward to it,” she said softly. The sound of her name being called had her craning her neck. She spied the receptionist strolling toward her.
“Marika?”
“I’ll be there in a second. Vinessa I have to go. They need me inside.”
“Do you want me to bring something?”
“You can bring dessert,” Marika answered.
“Okay. Text me your address.”
“How’d you get my number, Vinessa?” she asked curiously.
“I have my ways,” Vinessa said. “Bye, Mari.”
“Bye.” Marika grinned as she turned off her phone and headed back inside. Her first date with Vinessa would be spectacular. If only Lucas was going to be there, too. He’d enjoy having two women, even if he didn’t want to admit it out of some twisted sense of shame and guilt.
* * * *
After work, Marika texted Vinessa her address as she strolled to her car. She considered cancelling, but the truth was, being alone wasn’t going to assuage her guilt or ease her p
ain. It would just remind her of the void inside her that she’d been trying so hard to ignore in the last few weeks.
There was an emotional chasm in her heart that Lucas had allowed to get even wider. She didn’t blame only him for the fact that they were growing apart. She blamed herself for not communicating her needs to him.
Her phone rang as she reached her car, and she answered it with a smile thinking it was Vinessa.
“Hi, Marika.”
“Lucas.” She wasn’t surprised that he’d called. He probably wanted to get his things from her condo.
“What are you doing tonight?” he asked. “We should go out and have dinner. We really need to talk about last night. We were both a little upset.”
There really wasn’t much to talk about. “Oh. You’ve changed your mind?”
There was a pregnant pause. “No.”
The sound of the hurt in Lucas’s voice sent pain shooting through her. Marika grimaced, wondering why she had to be such a screw-up. “Lucas, rehashing last night isn’t going to do neither of us any good,” she said softly. “It’ll just hurt even more.”
“I’m the one who’s hurting here,” he snapped. “The least you can do is give me a few minutes. What we had didn’t just die over night or maybe you fell out of love with me six months ago.”
“No—”
“So how can you just move on like we never mattered?” he demanded. “Marika, how can it be so easy for you to slam the door on us?”
She leaned against the side of her car and glanced up at the clear blue sky. Tears pricked the back of her eyes. “This isn’t easy for me either, Lucas,” she said softly. “I love you, and I’d rather you be a part of this.”
He sighed harshly in her ear. “So, why don’t we have dinner? We can talk about where to go from here. There is obviously something wrong in our relationship that we need to fix, and, believe me, bringing Vinessa into it isn’t going to fix anything.”
Marika wiped away a tear. The desperation in his voice cut across her heart and made her feel like shit.
Lighting a Flame [Sequel to Playing with Fire] (Siren Publishing Ménage and More) Page 4
