by Bella Emy
Almost fifteen minutes later, we’re sitting at Gage’s bar, throwing a few back.
“I guess this would usually work for clearing the mind, but not tonight, dude,” I say to Danny, draining my bottle of beer.
He chuckles. “Dude, you’ve got it so bad for her. Instead of calling, texting, and sending her materialistic shit, why don’t you just go see her?”
Yeah, why hadn’t I just gone to see her? Maybe if I just showed up to her place or her job, she’d finally talk to me.
But I know why. Because I’m a fucking chicken. Because what if when I show up, she turns away and doesn’t talk to me? At least this way, maybe she’s just busy and hasn’t had a moment to respond…
Yeah, right. I know the truth, and that’s not it. She hasn’t responded because she hates me. But having her ignore me in person is more than I can bear.
“I don’t know,” I say, nonchalantly. He doesn’t need to know that I realize I’m a coward.
I raise my finger to alert Gage that I need another drink, and he walks over.
“Rough night?” he asks with a smirk, slamming a new bottle on the counter. Fuck, he was there that night of my surprise party. He knew exactly what had taken place. I think the whole fuckin’ town knew what happened. That’s the problem when you live in a town that’s about a mile long… everyone and everybody was in everyone’s business. That’s just the way it was, the way it had always been. That would never change.
I shrug, taking the beer off the table and bringing it to my lips.
“You still hittin’ that?” Danny asks Gage, pointing over to the left.
I look over, and sure enough, there’s Natasha, sitting with Anthony Gonzalez, the owner of AG’s Auto Body Repair. Damn, she sure does get around.
She’s sitting, facing him. Her legs are spread open with his in between her. I don’t have to mention that her tits are basically pouring out of her low-cut white top. It’s so low, her red bra is showing. She keeps dragging a finger across her lips, occasionally twirling her tongue around it. She doesn’t look our way once. Guess she’s set on fucking this guy tonight.
“Still? I never touched her,” Gage says, putting his hands up. Both Danny and I look at Gage in shock. I was certain she had left with him the night of the party. I guess I was too out of it to realize he hadn’t. Just because she was on his dick, doesn’t mean he had gone for it. Guess the dude has higher morals than I did…
“What!” Danny exclaims.
Gage shakes his head. “Hell no, dude. As you can see, she gets around the block. I may look like you two, but I don’t do that shit. I choose to keep my dick from falling off.”
I let out a small chuckle.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Danny questions, smirking, raising an eyebrow.
Gage furrows his brows and says, “I’m just saying, dude. You keep messing with those type of chicks, and it’s bound to catch up with you two.”
“I’m done with that,” I admit.
Gage chuckles. “Yeah, okay. King D giving up his title?”
“I’m done spending my nights with one chick after the next. There’s only one woman I want. And right now, she can’t stand me,” I say, taking another sip.
“So, what are you gonna do?” Gage questions, wiping down the bar.
“Not a clue, dude,” I state, pushing up from my stool.
“Where you going?” Danny questions, still nursing his first beer. Pussy.
“I’m going home.”
“But you drove in with me.”
I nod. “Need to clear my mind. Walking will do me good. Not like I live far from here.”
“This was supposed to clear your mind,” Danny responds.
I smile and tilt my head. “Guess it didn’t work. Later, my dudes.” I spin around and make my way out of the bar.
30
Ellie
I always knew Derek was resilient, but this is just plain old ridiculous. It’s been weeks since our fight the night of his surprise party, yet he’s still trying to butter me up. He’s been calling and texting me left and right. I’ve been dodging every single call and every single one of his text messages to me. Not to mention all the flowers and gifts he’s been sending right to my job. I’d never pin D to be the type of guy to send flowers and teddy bears… but he had… and he’d done it more than once already.
Mr. Sanders had noticed it, too, said whoever was sending me all these gifts had it really bad for me. He also said that he used to do the same for his wife before they had started dating. Once they did, he’d personally deliver them to her himself and has kept the tradition alive throughout their marriage.
I handed him every single bouquet of flowers, every single box of chocolates, and every single stuffed animal that was delivered to me and told him to bring it to Mrs. Sanders. He didn’t want to take it at first, but once I assured him that I had no intention of keeping them and would more than likely trash them if he didn’t take them, he agreed.
I’ve been back at my apartment for about a week now. I’ve finally got it all cleared out, placing the remainder of Shaun’s things into a rectangular cardboard box and shipping it out first class mail. I can finally relax at home after work without any terrible reminders of the past. Thank God Derek had never been in my apartment. That would have been the last thing I needed: reminders of him.
I skim through the last two chapters of the romance novel I have been trying to finish for days, when the ringing of my phone brings me out of the fictional world. I look down to see Derek’s new name flashing across my screen: ASSHOLE. Yeah, that’s right, I had renamed him in my phone as well as purposely removed his picture from his contact card. I didn’t want to keep seeing his name and gorgeous face every time he called or texted. Fuck! Why did I still find him so damn attractive? I hate that about myself, but I can’t deny the fact that after all we’ve been through, I still wish it was me he was burying himself inside of in the middle of the night. And I know how bad that is considering the fact that he has absolutely no real interest in me, but then again, why is he trying so hard to get me to talk to him? Why send me all these gifts? Why does Mom think he has fallen for me? If there’s anything I’ve learned in this whole thing it’s how confused I can get.
Anyway, he’s lost his damn mind if he thinks I’m going to answer his call right now. Fuck him. Why would I pick up now if I hadn’t picked up the last million times he tried?
And just like every other time, a text message follows:
ASSHOLE: Baby, I’m so sorry. Please forgive me. I can’t live like this with you hating me. My heart is completely broken. Please… call me. D.
Yeah, okay. Nice try, D. Not happening. His heart is completely broken? What about mine? I’m kind of shocked that it continues to break every time I think about D or what happened between the two of us.
But hate him? I don’t hate him. Sure, I’m mad at him, furious. But hate? Ugh! I hate that I don’t or can’t hate him! Things would be so much easier if I could just hate him. I wouldn’t be all fucking conflicted in my feelings for him.
And again, just like every other time, tears inevitably follow right behind his message to me. Am I ever going to get over Derek Mykels?
I place my head into my hands and continue bawling my eyes out until my phone rings again. Damn, he’s persistent.
I look up, but instead of seeing the name ASSHOLE flash across the screen, it’s Lauren’s face.
I quickly suck in my tears and answer my best friend’s call. Thankfully, Lauren and I were fine. She only wished I had told her about Derek and I sooner. She said she would have supported us if she knew that was what we really wanted, but that of course would’ve come after warning us. She knew exactly what D was about, and she knew just what I was about.
And she would have been right.
He had managed to hurt me anyway.
But as Mom had mentioned, Lauren could never hate me, and she needed me more than ever now that her wedding was just a few we
eks away. I can’t believe how quickly time has passed… and everything that has happened since then.
“Hey, Laur,” I respond, wiping the last of my tears from my eyes. Fuck, I’ve been doing that a lot lately.
“Ells! How are you, girl? Work’s been okay?” She’s obviously in the car driving somewhere, I can make out the sounds.
I shrug. “Besides the million roses your brother has been sending me? Yeah, it’s fine.” I shake my head and roll my eyes at my obvious use of sarcasm.
She chuckles. “Damn, girl. He’s got it so bad for you. My brother has never been the type of guy to chase around any chick. They’re usually the one chasing him, causing his head to continue inflating.”
“D with a big head? I can’t imagine…”
She was right. Derek didn’t usually do the things he was doing with me. So why now? And why me? Why do everything he was doing when he had gone so far out of his way to mess things up with me in the first place?
“Trust me,” she says.
“Yeah,” is all I manage to say in response.
“You’re still ignoring his calls?”
“And his texts,” I confirm.
“Girl, are you sure you don’t want to hear him out? See what he has to say? Trust me, I know he fucked up. And I’m in no way condoning his behavior or how he treated you. I’ll be the first one to admit my brother is a dumbass, but I think he may truly be sorry for what he did. You may owe it to yourself to hear him out.”
I scoff. “No way. D doesn’t deserve my time. I’m done with him.”
“Ugh. Fine, girl. But you still gotta walk with him down the aisle on my day,” she says in a sing-song voice.
Yeah, after everything, I’m still partners with Derek for Lauren’s wedding. He’s the best man, and I’m the maid of honor. No matter how mad I am at him, there’s no way I’ll miss my best friend’s day or ruin it for her.
“Yeah, yeah. I know. Don’t worry, I’ll be there,” I reassure her.
“You’d better be!” she scolds.
“You know it.”
“Speaking of wedding, and walking down the aisle… I have my final dress fitting tonight, and I want you to come with me. My mom’s going to be there, but I can’t imagine my bestie not being there for it. Will you come?” she asks with hope in her voice.
“You know I will. What time is it?”
“Great! 6 p.m. tonight. Swing by my place, and then we’ll drive there together. Mom is going to meet us there.”
Swing by her apartment? That’s the last place I want to go. I don’t want to see Derek or run into him accidentally. Not yet, anyway. I know I’ll have to see him for the rehearsal dinner and the day of the wedding, but that’s not for another three weeks or so.
“Can’t I just meet you at the bridal shop, too?” I whine.
“Oh, God! Ells, he’s not going to be at home. He’s visiting my dad. He hasn’t been home for the past three days,” Lauren says, honking her horn. “Fucking douchebag dickhole! Watch where the fuck you’re going, assmuncher!”
I giggle. My bestie has road rage, and it’s hilarious. “Jesus, you alright?”
“Yeah, fucking prick cut me right off. Ugh! Anyway,” she says, taking a breath, “be at my place by five-thirty, and then we’ll drive to Beauty of the Bride together.”
I’m hesitant, but I give in. “Okay, I’ll be there.”
“Good! See you then!”
Lauren hangs up, and I look to see what time it is. Four-fifteen. I’d better start getting myself ready. I’m still in the same T-shirt and shorts that I slept in the night before. I hadn’t even showered yet. As soon as I had woken up, I headed right for a cup of coffee and then made my way to the couch. I’ve been here all day, trying to finish this book.
I’d better get my ass into the shower and get myself together. It’ll be time to leave before I know it.
The drive over to Lauren’s is spent in deep thought. I know she said Derek’s not going to be there, and I have nothing to worry about, but I still feel weird about the whole thing. I haven’t been there in the longest time. When I walk in through the door, am I going to be flooded with a dozen memories from that night when he had walked in with her?
Natasha Hussey… God, could he have picked a more intolerable person? I can’t fucking stand her… she’s a walking STD fest. Why does D not see this? Okay, so maybe I don’t really know if she does or does not have some type of sexually transmitted disease, but come on! The girl has been around the block more times than an eight-year-old riding his bike.
Well, I guess it doesn’t matter anyway. If it wasn’t her he had started sleeping with, it would have been someone else. That’s what Derek does. He’s so full of himself, oozing with arrogance and cockiness, and honestly, he knows he can get away with it. All the women around here have either slept with him or wanted him at one point or another. And now, I’ve been added to his NLF list… as in, No Longer Fucking list.
But is that all I really wanted? Just a couple of fuck sessions with Derek? Of course… that was the only way I could have him, and I knew that. He isn’t capable of anything more.
And where does this leave me? Wishing I’d never slept with him and waiting for the one? No way. I know I shouldn’t have ever fallen for him and let him place his hands and lips on me that night, but I don’t regret it. He made me feel… alive. After so long, he gave me life. Now I just have to deal with the consequences.
I’m destined to live alone. I’ll probably be single for the rest of my life. When I was growing up, I always dreamt of having a big wedding with my family and friends there to celebrate. I’d walk down the aisle in a big, poofy white Cinderella gown as my soon-to-be husband stood there waiting, watching me in tears.
But unlike Lauren, I’ll never be a bride. She has such a wonderful relationship with Kev… they’re so happy. But I know that I’ll never have that no matter how much I’ve always wanted it. It’s just not meant for me, it’s not in the cards.
I try to steady my fast-paced beating heart with each step I take. I had found a parking spot two doors down from Lauren’s apartment building, which I was thankful for on this excruciatingly hot day. There’s a group of kids out here playing with a basketball; the thudding of the ball as it hits the gravel pavement matches the sound of my pounding heart. Even though Derek is not here, I can’t help but feel this way as I step inside.
The elevator ride to Lauren’s floor lasts longer than I remember. As the elevator begins its ascend, I get a text from Lauren.
Lauren: Running late, but I’ll be there soon.
Me: OK. I just got to your place.
Lauren: You still have your key, right?
I reach into my pocket and fumble with the silver key back and forth in my hand.
Me: Yeah, I do.
Lauren: Great! Let yourself in, and I’ll be there shortly. On my way now.
Me: OK.
The elevator dings and the door slides open. Immediately, my heart stops. I’m speechless and my breathing turns erratic and chopped. But then coming back to my senses, I relax and take a breather before stepping out and letting Lauren’s neighbor, Chance, get in.
For a second there, I thought he was D. Granted, they don’t look much alike face-wise, but he had his head down and they are about the same height. Their physical build is almost the same, but D is just a bit more muscular. I guess it’s from all those years of weight training and working out at the gym, plus all the football training he’s done in his day.
“Hey, Ellie. Haven’t seen you in a while,” he says before getting into the elevator. “How’ve you been?”
I hold my hand up in front of the sensor so the door remains open for him.
“Doing okay. Thanks, Chance. Nice to see you again.”
He flashes me a sultry smile and then winks at me.
I nervously smile back and continue on my way. I’m in no mood to even begin to entertain the thought of giving another human being the power to break me like D
erek had.
I walk the few steps down the hall it takes to get in front of Lauren’s door and then insert the key in the hole. Once I unlock it and step inside, an old familiar feeling washes over me. Not that long ago I would have been coming home to find Derek waiting for me. He’d ravish my body, and I’d gladly and willingly give in to every single one of his demands. Willingly.
Thoughts of the way he would own my body like no one else ever had were enough to drench my panties. God, I missed his hands on me now.
Letting out a deep sigh, I close the door behind me and make my way into the living room.
And right as I step forward, something on the floor catches my eye. It’s a couple of empty bottles of liquor.
“What the hell?” I state. Lauren would never leave empty bottles or anything like that lying on the ground.
I step further into the living room, and as I bend down to pick it up, I see Derek lying next to it face down. The couch had been blocking him from view when I had first walked in.
Oh my God. He’s here, and somehow, he had managed to drink himself into a deep drunken slumber. God knows how long he’s been passed out.
A lump forms in the back of my throat because I know I need to wake him up, and I really don’t want to see him right now.
I swallow hard and gently tap him three times on his shoulder.
“Derek, wake up,” I say.
Derek doesn’t budge. Fuck, I really don’t want to be in this position right now. I consider just getting up and leaving. After all, he deserves to be left here alone after what he’d done to me.
But I can’t do that to him. I can’t do that to Lauren. She’s my best friend, and he’s her twin brother.
“Ugh,” I announce, resigning.
I try nudging him harder this time. “D… wake up. At least go lie in your bed. You can’t stay on the floor.”
