The Sheriff Wears Pants

by Kay, Joannie

  “But, Waldo’s editorials are upsetting Gram, and I am afraid she’ll have another heart attack. You all know that she is elderly and weak, I don’t want to lose her!”

  “We’ll go and speak to Eleanor,” Vivian said, looking to the other woman for support. “We’ll let her know how proud we are that you are running for Sheriff.”

  “Mr. Goode, what do you have to say about all of this?” Darcy was sure he would side with Will. In fact, she was shocked to realize that she had counted on all of the men in Cactus Hill to side with Will and vote for him! Now that she was hearing she actually had some support, Darcy found she didn’t want to be elected. This whole election was backfiring in her face! The only one who was supposed to be upset was Will.

  Barney Goode was no fool. He’d worked hard to make a success of his store, and he wasn’t going to lose customers because he took sides in an election. “Miss Darcy, I like you a lot, and I like Sheriff Will a lot. I’d be hard pressed to choose between the two of you. I will pray that the best candidate wins, and I’ll support whoever that is. Now, Miss Shelly, do you need anything else today? Does Ernie need any of that pipe tobacco he likes so well?”

  “Oh, Barney, thank you! Ernie told me before I left not to forget his tobacco! He threatened to use my hairbrush on my bottom if I forgot again and he had to make an extra trip to town to get it himself. Not that he meant it, of course.” Shelly blushed, realizing what she’d let slip. It was embarrassing to have Barney, Darcy, and Vivian know that her husband resorted to spanking when she forgot things, which was too often for comfort!

  No one was fooled for an instant. Ernie Long loved his wife and tried to please her in all things, but once he put his foot down, Shelly needed to pay attention. Darcy recalled one time that Shelly sat next to her at church, and squirmed constantly, even though Ernie kept giving her stern looks.

  After services were over, and she and Gram were home and eating the wonderful meal Greta prepared for them, she asked Gram if Shelly fell. Gram made her explain why she thought that, and then she frowned, and as gently as possible Eleanor explained some wives were soundly spanked when they failed to please their husbands. She also added that most men gave the spanking with lots of love, just as a parent would punish a child.

  Darcy nodded, and at twelve years of age, she made up her mind that no man was ever going to spank her. Will didn’t ask how she felt about it, however. He just turned her over his knee and started whacking away. She wasn’t too sore the next day, like Shelly was, and she had all of her petticoats to thank for that. It hurt while it was happening and right after, but within a short time, it was as though it never happened.

  While she was reminiscing, two men entered the store. Darcy didn’t like their looks, and she could tell that Mr. Goode wasn’t pleased, either. “What can I get for you two?” he asked, his voice sharp.

  “We didn’t come in here to buy anything, old man. We want money, and we want it fast, or we’ll take a couple of these females with us.”

  “You leave those women alone. They aren’t your type.” Barney wasn’t about to let them take any of the females with them, at least not without a good fight.

  “Now, how do you know what our type is?” one of the men asked sarcastically. “I’m sure that little redhead would like some company tonight, ain’t that right, honey?” He was addressing Darcy.

  “You would be wrong. Now get out of here and get out of town. We don’t tolerate thieves and drifters here.”

  “She sure is sassy, Nate!”

  “She sure is, Alex. She needs a good whipping.”

  “I wouldn’t try that if I were you,” Barney warned as Waldo Phares sauntered into the store.

  “I thought I saw you come in here, Miss Darcy. Would you like to give me another interview?” he asked, completely oblivious to his surroundings.

  “Of course I would. As I told you before, I am no longer running for office. And, I am going to encourage everyone I know to stop buying your newspaper. You are an unscrupulous jackass, worthless, and as annoying as a mosquito.”

  “Did you hear me, Mister? You empty that cash drawer into a bag right now, or I’m going to take one of these ladies and go for a hard ride.”

  Waldo suddenly realized he’d walked into the store in the middle of a robbery! He panicked and started for the door, only to have one of the gun toting men hit him over the head with the gun barrel. Waldo crumbled on the floor.

  “Totally worthless,” Darcy muttered, glaring at the robber. “Look, everyone knows that Mr. Goode doesn’t keep but a couple of dollars in the store. None of the storeowners do. You might as well get out of town while you can.”

  “Then I’m taking you with me for my trouble,” the man roared, reaching for her.

  Darcy grabbed his arm and pulled him forward, flipping him on his backside. He hit a table with his head, and passed out cold.

  The other man had his gun pointed at her. “That is going to cost you, bitch!” Nate aimed the gun at Waldo, who was now awake and watching in horror as he realized the man meant to kill him.

  Darcy could see the man was toying with Waldo, enjoying his fear. And Waldo was afraid. He was inching his way backwards, trying to beg the man for his life. Darcy knew it was up to her to do something. She spotted the first man’s gun lying on the floor, and without giving it a thought, she went for it. She got the gun in her hand, raised it, and fired. The other would-be thief dropped his gun in favor of grabbing his arm.

  “You shot me!” Nate screamed. “I need a doctor! I need a doctor!”

  Will heard the shot from his office across the street and he came on a dead run. “Darcy!” he called out when he saw the redhead standing there. “Are you alright, honey?” he asked, walking to her and taking the smoking gun from her hand, and attempting to hug her.

  “No thanks to you, Will Davies,” she replied, pushing him away. “Where were you when this was going on? Didn’t you see them ride into town?”

  “No, Darcy, I didn’t,” he admitted. “I was busy dealing with another situation and just got back from the Harper place.” He felt like spanking the sassy woman again! She could make him angrier in less time than anyone else he knew. “What happened?”

  “They was trying to rob me, Sheriff. Miss Darcy stopped them cold.”

  “She saved my life, Sheriff!” Waldo commented, and he was already planning the story he would write for the special edition of his paper.

  “He was going to drag Darcy off and abuse her!” Shelly told the Sheriff, putting her arm around Darcy’s slender shoulders in a protective manner. “Darcy reacted and saved all of us while I was trying to think of something I could do to help. I was so frightened!”

  Vivian tapped Will on the shoulder and then said, “You are no longer the right person to be wearing that badge,” Vivian declared. “I am going to tell everyone to vote for Darcy.”

  “No! I am no longer running for office,” Darcy insisted.

  “What? You finally came to your senses, little girl?” Will taunted, secretly thrilled she was giving up on the idiotic idea. He really should have spanked her sooner. The last one worked miracles, and he fully intended to warm her behind every time she started getting too sassy. Right now, he would overlook her sass because she had to be shaking from dealing with the two outlaws he recognized as Alex and Nate Murdoch, cousins from Arizona.

  “My grandmother asked me not to run, and I am withdrawing out of respect for her.” Darcy didn’t like his assumption.

  “I do believe you know you can’t win, and that is why you’re backing off.”

  “I need a doctor!” Nate screamed. “Why are you two just standing there talking? I need help and relief from this pain! And what about Alex? Is he still alive?” The man sounded like he was going to start crying at any second.

  “Sheriff, I want, no, I demand these men be charged with attempted murder!” Waldo emotionally declared. “If not for Miss Darcy, I would be dead. She is a real hero, and she is perfectly
capable of wearing a badge and keeping the town safe. I will report that in my newspaper, too.” He took Darcy’s hand in his and then said, “Miss Darcy, thank you from the bottom of my heart for saving my life. I have had no experience in dealing with bullies like those, and you knew exactly how to handle them. Thank you. I truly mean that! Thank you for my life!”

  Darcy wanted to scream!

  Chapter Three

  Editorial April 15, 1871

  I have felt no compelling or urgent need to print a special edition until today. Today, I was almost killed by a crazed outlaw, and Miss Darcy Hamilton saved my unworthy life. Our Sheriff was nowhere to be seen until Miss Hamilton finished dealing with the situation. I went into the General Store when I saw that Miss Hamilton was shopping in there, hoping for an interview. Two disreputable and unscrupulous men were in the store, holding everyone at gunpoint, and threatening the women with unspeakable acts, and I learned too late that I walked in on a robbery in progress.

  Miss Darcy was doing her best to talk the men down and send them on their way. One of the men was incensed, and said he was going to take her with him. He tried to grab her and she flipped him in some kind of Asian move she must have learned somewhere. That man’s name is Alex Murdoch, and he is wanted in three other states besides this one.

  His cousin, Nate Murdoch, was incensed by Miss Hamilton’s heroic act, and decided to kill me, to punish Miss Hamilton for some reason I cannot fathom. I was positive I was going to die, but she bravely grabbed Alex Murdoch’s gun from the floor and shot Nate Murdoch in the arm, disabling him. The Sheriff showed up then, and belittled Miss Hamilton for risking her safety and for dealing with the two criminals. I am convinced that I will vote for Miss Hamilton, in spite of her insistence that she doesn’t wish to be elected due to her grandmother’s health issues. I would be dead if not for Miss Hamilton’s quick thinking and her daring to be so brave. Think about that when it is time to vote next week.

  * * * * *

  “Darshana, you didn’t mention this to me! What did happen?” Eleanor felt sick to her stomach, and her heart was pounding furiously in her chest. She placed her hand there and closed her green eyes for a moment. She reminded herself that it was too soon to leave Darshana, and that her granddaughter still needed her counsel.

  “Gram, do you want me to get Louisa?” Darcy didn’t wait for an answer, but ran to find her grandmother’s nurse. She was in the kitchen eating her breakfast. “Louisa, could you please come and look at Gram? She’s very upset and having chest pains.”

  Louisa immediately jumped to her feet and ran to get to the elderly woman. “Miss Eleanor, try to slow your breathing. I’ll take your pulse. Darcy, run to your Gram’s bedroom and get my stethoscope… and your Gram’s medicine.”

  Darcy took off running as quickly as she could and praying all the while. “Please, God, don’t take Gram now. I’m just not ready to be without her!”

  She found the stethoscope on Eleanor’s chest of drawers, and she picked it up, and the bottle of pills, and hurried back to the dining room. She could tell immediately that her grandmother’s breathing was easier. She whispered ‘thank you’ heavenward. Darcy was trembling and nearly in tears from the bad scare. It was amazing that she could handle the situation at the General Store without getting nearly as upset as she was right now!

  Louisa took the stethoscope and listened to Gram’s heart. She smiled. “You’re fine, Miss Eleanor. You just got a bit upset, and your heart was racing a bit. Everything is calmed down now.”

  “Did you know that my granddaughter was held at gunpoint yesterday?” Eleanor asked, wondering if they were all reduced to keeping things from her.

  “No, ma’am, I didn’t know a thing about it!” Louisa looked at Darcy in horror. “Are you alright, Darcy?” she asked, looking her over, head to toe. “You weren’t attacked in a personal way, were you?” she wanted to know, not out of curiosity, but because she genuinely liked Darcy, and she wanted to help her if she needed help or someone to talk to.

  “I am fine, Louisa. Those two outlaws were mostly mouth. It was a simple matter to protect myself and the other two women in the store, and of course, Mr. Goode. They were watching him because he is a man, and Mr. Goode was determined to protect all of us. The only one that was really in danger was Waldo, and that was mostly his own fault. Gram, Waldo’s report is exaggerated, and the reason I didn’t tell you was because I didn’t want you to be upset. If I’d known Waldo would release a special edition to tell of his harrowing experience, I would have told you right away. As it is, I thought I had at least a week to gently tell you. I’m so sorry you were upset, Gram. Louisa, thank you for being here. You knew precisely what to do to calm Gram’s heart. I’m not ready to lose my Gram.” She felt tears fill her green eyes and she didn’t try to stop them. She just dabbed at them with her handkerchief while her Gram took her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.

  “It would seem that we each gave the other a fright.”

  “Yes, we did,” Darcy tearfully agreed.

  “Well, you both frightened me!” Louisa commented, and immediately found herself pulled over to their side, her hands held comfortingly. Louisa was shocked by their kindness, and they had no idea how much she loved being treated so well. It had happened so seldom throughout her life that she appreciated it all the more when it did occur. “Thank you both for making me feel a part of your family, and as though I am somebody special.” It was difficult to say the words over the lump in her throat.

  “Louisa, I feel I can speak for Darshana, as well as myself, when I say that we do regard you as family. We would be less without you, and if you left, it would hurt our hearts. So, please stay and know that we do love you. You have made a place in our hearts.”

  “I agree one hundred per cent with Gram,” Darcy assured the woman.

  “Thank you both so much. I am going to go and have a good cry now,” she whispered, and then ran from the dining room before she made a fool of herself.

  “I don’t think that poor girl has had an easy life, sweetheart.”

  “I think you may be right, Gram. Louisa never talks about her past. She changes the subject if I ask her a simple question.”

  “Yes, she does,” Eleanor nodded. “Well, let’s be patient and hope she will trust us enough someday to let us in on what she’s been through. Now then, we should eat breakfast before Greta starts clearing away the food.”

  “Let me fill your plate for you, Gram,” Darcy offered, picking up Eleanor’s plate. It didn’t take long because Gram’s appetite was a bit poor. Darcy then filled her plate and joined Eleanor at the table.

  “Tell me the truth now, Darshana, were you threatened yesterday?” Eleanor’s green eyes were glued to Darcy’s face.

  “Let me tell you exactly what happened, Gram.” She knew that either Shelly or Vivian would be by to visit with her grandmother and would make sure she had every last detail. So, she told the story, beginning to end, including the fact that the two women wanted her to run for Sheriff. “It was a good thing I studied Karate from Bingwen.”

  “A woman needs to be able to defend herself, and you did very well, even though it frightens me to think of you going for that gun and using it.”

  “That man was too busy terrorizing Waldo to realize what I was doing until it was too late.”

  “Which was lucky for you.”

  “Yes, Gram. But, even though I personally feel like strangling Waldo, I couldn’t very well stand by and do nothing when that outlaw threatened to kill him. I just reacted, and fortunately, the situation ended well for all of us. Those two are in jail awaiting trial. Waldo wants them tried for attempted murder, but I don’t know if the charge will stick.”

  “It should. You will all testify to the fact the man was going to shoot Waldo in cold blood.”

  “True.”

  “You are upset,” Eleanor said in her usual abrupt style. “What else happened?”

  “When Will heard I wanted to withdraw from
the race he decided it was because I knew he would beat me. It hurt my feelings, Gram. I wish I’d thought things through before I went to the Mayor and added my name to the ballot. According to Shelly and Vivian, the women in town are pushing their men to vote for me! I also want you to know that I am not defying you, I’ve tried to withdraw!”

  “I know that, child. You have never been defiant. Stubborn, headstrong, and impulsive, but never defiant. You were an easy child to raise. Maybe it was because I was older than when I had your father and life taught me patience, but I also believe that we’ve always had a special bond.”

  “That’s so true, Gram. I never wanted to disappoint you, and when I did, I felt so awful.”

  “Yes, I know. That is why I never spanked you. You punished yourself far more severely than I would have.”

  “I think you were the best parent I could ever have, Gram, and I was, and I still am, lucky to have you.”

  There was a knock on the front door. “I’ll get that!” she called out, hoping Greta would hear her. Mornings were always busy for Greta, and Darcy tried not to make demands of her.

  She opened the door, wearing a smile that faded when she saw her visitor. “Priscilla, I would imagine that Will is at the jail this time of day.”

  “I’m not looking for him!” she declared in her nasty voice. “You got me into serious trouble with my father!” she accused, furious with the redhead.

  “Really? Good for me!” Darcy said with a wicked smile. “That’s what you get when you go around hurting people. It gets back to the people you want to hide it from!”

  “Father sent me over here to apologize to you!”

  “I haven’t heard anything that sounds like an apology,” Darcy told the blonde, tapping her toe on the porch impatiently.

  “That’s because I have no intention of apologizing to you, of all people! You are mean and hateful, and spiteful, and I think you purposely asked Waldo to print that in his paper! You knew how Papa would react!”