by Zi'ere
“Sweetheart, get the babies in their car seats. Get Zina some shoes on and the same goes for you and I’m on my way okay. I have to stop to get a truck but I promise I won’t be longer than thirty minutes. Can you hold on til I get there?”
“Yes Nanny.”
“Ok sweetheart. See you in minute okay.”
“Okay.”
Angel was not going to be happy that I’d called her best friend since middle school and all four of our God-Mothers, but I didn’t know what else to do. Any sane individual knows a four year- old cannot take care of themselves let alone newborn babies and a toddler. I ran around the house getting the things my Nanny Stephanie said I needed. I knew if she said thirty minutes, it would not be a minute later. Maybe quicker but never later. I got the twins both changed dry and ready for an adventure. Zina rocked their car seats with their binky’s in their mouths while I took a quick shower. Newborn spit up did not smell good at all.
Twenty-five minutes later Nanny Steph showed up in a brand new truck to fit all four of us comfortably and safely. I relaxed. There was finally an adult in charge. I could be a kid again. Well I could be a kid until Angel came back and I intended to enjoy it. All that us kids didn’t get from Angel, we got from Stephanie Haywood, our maternal Grand-parents, and paternal Grand-Mother. Our Nanny didn’t have any kids of her own back then but she was always glad to see us and always knew exactly what to do to make everything all right again.
Once in the truck driving through the city, I noticed we were headed to our other set of Grand-parent’s home that we called the ‘Big House’. That meant we would definitely be fed right and cared for with nothing but love. For the first time in days I had a smile on my face. The ‘Big House’ meant new and clean clothes, nice shoes, soft pajamas, and fun. In the elder Haywood’s homes kids were kids, end of discussion. We would be fed on a schedule. The twins would get old time remedies to fix whatever their ailment was and they would be comforted and loved on. I prayed and asked God to give us that life for the rest of the world.
I wouldn’t have to be on mommy duty anymore. There was more than enough room and equipment to be one of the well taken care of kids too. I laid back in my seat and dreamed of getting some sleep while I listened to Steph beg Angel’s voicemail to call her back. Before I knew it I was out like a light, feeling relieved. When Rod made the calls to find out how we were doing, it was simply said that we were spending time with our God-mother. That was the lie Angel told and Steph being none the wiser gave him the same story. Back them Rod and Steph were all we had. Angel got her wish when he’d accepted a contracting job that took him out of town several times a month.
9
Many, many, many moons later…
“AMAYA! AMAYA! DID YOU HEAR THAT?” Johan whispered as he screamed at me.
I shot straight out the bed as if it were on fire and grabbed the nine millimeter from under my pillow.
“Really you got it under your pillow now? What about what we discussed?” Johan continued to whisper shout at me.
He was giving me grief but he said nothing about the gun he was holding as well.
It was a little after midnight when we both were awaken by strange movements inside the house. I knew we wasn’t home alone, my mom and siblings were there and they all should have been sleeping as well. But things never went the way they were supposed to go when Angel was in the building. As a matter of fact, Angel was the reason I even needed a gun. And the more I thought about it, shooting someone tonight would make me feel so much better.
Johan had come through my bedroom window when his father came home yet another night too late according to his mother. Instead of listening to them continue tearing apart their beautiful home as they physically and verbally fought about thots, illegitimate children, and Joe still being in the streets. For the last six years this had been going on. Sometimes when his dad didn’t come home at all, he still came to my house to make sure I was okay. He would come to my house and sleep on the floor in my bedroom. It was kinda like that scene from the movie ‘Love and Basketball’ because Johan was my best friend as well. My only best friend at that and he knew everything about my fucked up life.
Angel had been home all evening which was totally out of character for her. She had four kids but from the outside looking in you would never know it. I was beginning to get more irritated as the noises continued. I had to be in school to shine like the junior in high school that I was the following morning. I didn’t have time to entertain her foolery in the middle of the light. And when dealing with her there was no telling what was going on. Unfortunately, my young eyes had seen way too much in my days. Angel didn’t give a damn though, I knew that for a fact.
Moving across the room to the closed door, I quietly stepped out into the hallway with Johan on my heels. When we rounded the corner into the living room we recognized the sounds. Angel was alone but she was still up to no good. He took the gun out of my manicured hand and went back to my bedroom. The moans and bumps were made from her as she was trying to load up her car with several pieces of luggage. She didn’t give a damn if she woke up her kids while she was on her way out for another random expedition.
Angel leaving in the middle of the night was never a good thing. When she came back into the house, I was leaning against the door frame. It seemed as though I had caught her just in time. First, I watched as she put her expensive bag on her shoulder and turned around in the middle of the floor, my guess is she was making sure she wasn’t forgetting anything she needed for her trip. She snapped her fingers and went into the kitchen. I was quietly on her heels.
10
“So you’re leaving again without a good bye?”
“Damn Amaya! You just scared the shit out of me!”
She put her boney hand over her heart.
She tried to be so dramatic. I couldn’t understand how I could have ever scared her when she put herself in deadly situations constantly. She had no fear in her heart when she was running the streets setting up traps for men to get robbed, in a shady part of town scoring drugs, or causing trouble in the millionaire circle she was once a vital part of. Angel was a spiraling nothing.
“Tell me something sugarfoot…how long do you have to entertain this new trick before you can come back to be a parent to your four children?”
“Look now, don’t start no shit with me Maya! I’m already running late. I don’t have time and I damn sure don’t need a lecture from your little smart ass tonight.”
She waved me off like I was a mosquito and then took a long swig from the small bottle of Kinky she had gotten out the nearly empty fridge.
“So, let me make sure I understand what it is that you are doing this time…”
“Amaya you are not my damn Mama! I run shit in this house not you, you are a child and I suggest you stay in a child’s…”
I cut her off. She was spitting chewed up grass in my face- bullshit. I was only sixteen but was far from a child.
“SO AS I WAS SAYING…you are sneaking out in the middle of the night- for one. For two- you are leaving behind your children once again for God only knows how many days…AGAIN? There is no food here, you were just in the refrigerator. I’m sure you saw the empty shelves. Your kids need things for school that I told you about last week. This week is do or don’t participate for them.”
I pushed down four fingers to count down the four things she needed to take care of before she got ghost as I leaned into her face giving her cold hard facts as only I could. Dealing with her kept me on my toes. I had to think and talk just as fast.
“It’s the third week of the month that means tuition was due over a week ago. Today is Tuesday. We won’t be able to go to back to school until it is paid. Did you leave that money for me to take to the administration building this morning? I need to show up on campus with four thousand dollars plus five hundred for the late fee…where did you leave the cash or check? Did you leave any money so I can go to the store to feed ourselves while y
ou are gone THIS TIME…or do I have to take care of things by myself like the mother you have made me become…damn! Face the fact that you have made us full-fledged orphans!” I was all in her personal space talking to her nose to nose.
I didn’t even care how I was coming across. Honestly I was waiting for a reason to whip her ass. She needed it and I had no problem delivering it. Angel was a violent woman and I knew it but she’d fell off her game considerably. The last few times we’d fought she’d gotten dealt with and there was no one to pull me off of her when we would start physically fighting. Angel could come and go as she pleased. She knew I bitched about it to her but in the end, I would do anything for my brothers and sister.
She’d gone into the kid’s rooms and stolen items to pawn and that was a no-no on my list. I didn’t waste any time going hamm on her. It seemed as though that was the only way I could get through to her these days. Quite frankly, I was at my limit with her and she needed to be put on notice. I was emotionally and physically tired. I couldn’t even focus on being a teenager because I had three kids I had to take care of even though I hadn’t given birth to any of them. They all stood as the best birth control and doctor could ever pass to me. Dealing with Angel’s shit and being strong for the kids was a full time job with few benefits.
Angel had us living off of cheap bare essentials due to her lavish shopping sprees and mismanagement of her finances. She had long ago begun to flat out refuse to give us kid’s money whenever we asked, so I started stealing it every chance I got. When Angel was away, I would have to call her cell phone over and over just to get her to answer the phone. But, the answer was always no in the end. When the time came when Angel was at the worst I’d ever seen her, I stood tall and let her know that she would have to fight me woman to woman before I would allow her to steal anything from the kid’s bedrooms.
11
“I swear I hate the day I let Steph start spending time with you! You have turned into a big ass baby just like her muthafuckin ass! I hate that bitch!”
“So you’re telling me you hate me and calling me a bitch too then?” My pointer finger was pointing toward my chest.
“I swear I don’t have time for this shit tonight! Didn’t I already tell you that? FUCK! I SHOULDN’T HAVE BROUGHT MY ASS BACK IN THIS MUTHAFUCKA!” She stomped her feet like a toddler.
I rushed over to the fridge and opened the door wide so that she could see that it was empty.
“I don’t care what you have time for. You have responsibilities here! Forget what is going on out there, there are issues in here! Leave me money so I can feed your kids!”
I slammed the door shut.
“See that is the gotdamn problem! You think you are my muthafuckin Mama in this muthafucka! But guess what Queen Amaya, unlike Steph I can’t reach into my purse and pull out a stack of hundreds to pacify your ass!”
“I’m not Steph’s child! Those three kids back there don’t belong to Steph- they belong to you! You are in designer labels from head to toe but you can’t stay home to take care of your kids and you can’t leave them anything to make sure they don’t starve to death before you decide to grace us with your weak ass presence again!” I was hotter than fish grease.
“When I get some money to get food, you will be the first person I call. By the time ya’ll get out of school I will have sent some money by Western Union so you can go to the store. Is that okay with you Judge Amaya?”
She finished off her bottle and went to reach for another.
“Ain’t no way in hell is it okay with me! I’m tired of this! I am seventeen years old! How is it possible that I can take better care of your kids than you? You don’t even have a free moment for them? I’m supposed to be enjoying my senior year, not parenting kids that aren’t mine!”
I felt tears coming but Angel was not deserving to see me cry. I couldn’t show weakness with her.
“You are old enough to help me out with your brothers and sisters, damn! Don’t start that shit with me! You’re the oldest…hell that’s what the fuck you are supposed to do!”
“YES, I AM SUPPOSED TO HELP YOU OUT AND WATCH THEM UNTIL YOU GET HOME FROMWORK IN THE EVENINGS! HELP THEM WITH THE HOMEWORK, THAT TYPE OF SHIT, NOT WORRY ABOUT HOW THEIR TUITION IS GOING TO GET PAID- WHAT IS IT ABOUT WHAT I’M SAYING THAT YOU DON’T FUCKIN UNDERSTAND?”
“FUCK THIS SHIT! YOU ARE GOING TO FUCK AROUND AND MAKE ME MISS MY FLIGHT WITH THIS TEENAGED BULLSHIT!”
I realized I wasn’t getting anywhere with her trifling ass.
“Angel if you are gone more than two days, when you get back we won’t be here!”
“Lil girl take your ass back to bed! Where in the hell else are you going to go? Mama and Daddy don’t have the room or the patience for your spoiled asses. Face it, your ass is stuck in the fucking mud- just like me so deal with it! So once again I’m telling your young ass- you can deal with this shit, just like I have to!”
As loud as she was screaming, the entire neighborhood was probably awake. The last thing Angel needed was for the police to show up at her doorstep again.
“I promise you ain’t got it like you used to have it! You don’t even look the same! So since you telling me what I need to do hear me when I say that you need to sit your ass down and parent! Get some rest, take a hot bath, give that hair some real conditioning, and stop fucking every man you think has money! You put yourself through all that wear and tear yet you don’t do a damn thing to better the living conditions of your family! The least you can do is be a hoe with a purpose!”
I had gone too far and I knew it. In my defense she deserved every word she heard and many more. It didn’t surprise me when she lunged at me.
“YOU DISRESPECTFUL ASSED HEIFFER! WHO IN THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE TALKING TO! I WILL FUCK YOU UP IN HERE!” She screamed.
12
I side stepped her and she fell to the floor. I knew the little wine coolers she drank didn’t have her drunk so that meant she was high on something else. I looked down and saw the crack addicted mother from the hit show ‘The Wire’. I looked down and saw death. Angel was coked out and she made me sick to my stomach. She had sores in her face but some kind of way she was able to hide them very well. She was the smallest I’d ever seen her even though she was never a real curvy woman. I had to tell the truth when she stayed home and dressed like the boss she used to be, she looked like she still had it going on. Angel had everyone fooled, even her parents.
“Two days. That’s it Angel. I promise you this time, I’m done with your shit! We…me and the three of them deserve better. If you won’t do it, I will do it for you but I won’t allow you to disrupt our lives while you fuck your life up! Two days Angel. That is it.”
With her lips poked out she got herself off the floor and ran out of the house. My heart was beating one hundred times per minute yet it was broken in half at the same time. I was mentally and emotionally tired. This time had to be the last straw. I had to mean what I was saying to her or she would continue to do just what she’d been doing for the last six almost seven years.
After turning out every single light in the front of the house she’d had on, my fingers were at my head temples as I stumbled back to my bedroom. I stopped when I saw the light on in her bedroom. A once clean and regal room fit for a queen looked like a set up that would be in a trap house. I could only shake my head at the fact that she had her sheets up to her window when there was absolutely no reason for them to be. Angel was trifling to the tenth power.
Amaya, fuck this shit. You can live better on your own or die trying. You don’t need this kind of dysfunction in the kid’s lives. Things could only be better any another way than this. There is no chance it can get worse than this girlfriend. Eventually her bill is going to come due and I won’t allow any of us to be in jeopardy of losing our lives on the account of her.
I turned off the light and closed her door. No one was interested in how she lived. She tried to have the rest of the house looking the same way but I
wasn’t going for it. As horrible as it was, I had her on restriction to keep her pig pen ways in her own bedroom. As I made my way back to my bedroom, I heard my cell phone sing songs back to back. According to the clock it was a quarter to two. I rolled my eyes as I stomped over to my bed. Johan was silent as he watched sports highlights on ESPN as if nothing was wrong in the house he preferred to be in over his own high end home.
I know the shit going on in here has to be worse than his parents arguing over his dad being a rolling stone.
I looked at the phone again. I wasn’t in the mood to cover for Angel to my Grandparents although I had to admit that it was a little late for them to be calling, but then again it wasn’t like they hadn’t done it before. My cell phone began to ring again. According to the ring tone ‘Feds Watching’ by 2 Chainz it was my paternal Grandmother Deloris.
13
Granny D was a different type of grandmother. Don’t get me wrong she kept up with my comings and goings but she had hood mentality that would be with her til she took her last breath.
Me: Hello.
Granny D: What’s going on witcha gurl?
Me: Nothing much, just getting ready for tomorrow.
Granny D: What you got to do? It’s late as hell already.
Me: It’s late but you still called me.
Granny D: Yes I sure did, I had to call to check on you because I know your unfit ass mammy ain’t nowhere to be found is she?
Me: Nope.
Granny D: That bitch fux with my soul! I wish Rob woulda let me whip her ass years ago, I promise we won’t be having the problems we having right now cause I would put my foot so far up her ass she wouldn’t have had a choice but to walk straight.
I laughed, she kept on talking.
Granny D: I see deadbeat dads on tv all day, hell I was just talking to your daddy’s half retarded ass today but I ain’t neva seen no female neglect her children. I wish I could get ya’ll but your prissy and proper Grandma would have my ass in court every week. I ain’t got time for her shit either.
