Kaleidoscope

by Mindy Hayes

  “Is three days enough?” Declan asked.

  I swallowed. “Three days?”

  “The magic number,” Kai said wryly, trying to lighten the mood and failing miserably.

  “Okay. I’ll be ready in three days.”

  • • •

  Without having much time, I had to make things right in my human life. It almost felt like a funeral, like I was dying and needed to get all of my affairs in order. I sort of was though, wasn’t I? Calliope Willow Holbrook wouldn’t exist in Walhalla. In three days it was very possible that I would cease to exist at all.

  Being the Thanksgiving holiday we had the rest of the week off from school. I thought about calling Lia before dropping by, but I didn’t want to give her the option to turn me away. Lia deserved more from me. My dad was just going to have to deal with me revealing this to my closest friends. They were the only ones who had ever been honest with me always. They deserved the same in return from me. No matter the consequences.

  I heaved a sigh, building up the nerve to proceed, before knocking on the front door of her house. It was about a minute before I heard the turning of the lock and Lia peeked her head around the door.

  “Oh, are we friends now?” was her greeting.

  “We’ve always been friends and you know it,” I replied even though I knew she had every reason to be angry with me.

  “You haven’t really acted like it.” She stood straight with her hand on her hip.

  “I know, but I promise I have a good reason.” I swallowed back my fears. This was Lia. She deserved the truth. She didn’t deserve to be kept in the dark. It was as if I needed to keep reminding myself.

  “Are you going to tell me that good reason? Or are we just going to stand here and have a staring contest?”

  “Can we go somewhere private?” I asked.

  “Come in.” She sighed agitatedly and stepped aside, letting me pass into her entryway. “My parents aren’t home, but we can still go up to my room if you really need the privacy.”

  I followed her up the stairs and prepped myself for what I would say. She closed the doors behind us and sat on her bed, waiting for me to explain. It wasn’t as if I hadn’t already told someone about this, so I didn’t know why it was so difficult to gain the courage to tell Lia now. Maybe it was because I knew how her brain worked. She was a scientist. She’d want to know how it was possible. She’d want to run tests and log data. And what I am wouldn’t be able to be explained logically. But this was Lia I was talking about. I could trust her. She wasn’t going to turn me into her next science experiment...or someone else’s, for that matter.

  I hoped.

  “Well. . .” she said impatiently.

  I took a deep breath. “Lia, we’ve been friends for almost four years now. You know me. You know I’d never lie to you, right?” She nodded. “You know I’m not crazy. You know I would never do anything to purposefully hurt you or frighten you.”

  “Callie, just spit it out already.”

  “I’m not all human.” The words spewed out of my mouth. I pulled my hair out of the two braids on either side of my head. “A couple of months ago I learned something about myself.” I lifted my hair back into a ponytail, wrapping the rubber band around my golden curls to keep them back. My ears were completely visible now.

  Lia didn’t shy away from me, didn’t scream. She simply stared, catatonic. What if I sent her into some psychotic break? I cautiously loosened the bustier and my buttery wings leisurely uncurled behind me from underneath my shirt.

  “I’m a faery.”

  Lia swallowed and shifted cautiously back on her bed, away from me. Her mouth fell open as her gaze took me in. I knew it wasn’t every day that your best friend revealed they were a faery, but I expected more of a reaction.

  “Lia,” I prompted.

  She blinked. “You’re. Not. Human,” she said slowly.

  I shook my head. A few expressions flashed across her eyes, but she blinked them away before I could pinpoint her thoughts. She stared at me now with a trace of fear and I hated myself for it.

  “Lia,” I hesitantly asked.

  “Just give me a minute, okay?” Her chest rose rapidly while her eyes stayed glued on me, taking in my new appearance.

  “Okay.” I stood still, letting her observe me. It felt strange letting someone stare at me, even if it was my best friend, knowing I was being judged. I did in fact feel like I was being looked at as a science experiment. What if she wanted to take a sample of my wings or take a blood sample? No. She wouldn’t do that. This was still Lia I was talking about. I waited patiently for about five minutes and then decided it was time to intervene.

  “Lia, will you please say something?”

  She rubbed her eyes, blinked, and cautiously took me in again. “You have wings,” she whispered as if saying it any louder would give me fangs or devil horns. “And pointed ears,” she observed a little louder. “Scientifically none of this makes sense, but there you are and here I am looking at you and. . .you’re real. You are a. . .faery?”

  I nodded.

  She folded her arms securely over her chest. “How?”

  I pulled down my shirt the best I could without squishing my wings. I sat down next to her as carefully as I could, gauging her response and how uncomfortable with my proximity she was. When she didn’t shy away I explained everything from the beginning, starting with my super human hearing and the pull to the forest. Her mouth dropped at all the places mine did when I learned them. She didn’t try to interrupt once. Her silence was all I needed to know she was completely enthralled with the explanation of my behavior, like I was retelling a bedtime story. When I was finished she looked at me skeptically.

  “You hid all of that from me?” Her forehead ruffled. “Why?”

  “Because I was scared. I’m scared Lia. Wouldn’t you be? It’s all a little crazy.”

  “But I’m your best friend,” she said adamantly. “You should be able to tell me anything. You should have told me from the beginning. I would have been there for you. I want you to feel like you can tell me anything. Every deep dark secret.”

  I shifted, uncomfortable with her tone. I understood that she was really upset with me, but it didn’t make sense for her to be so frustrated.

  “I’m sorry?” I tried.

  “I forgive you,” she sighed, looking me up and down, still examining me. Her eyes softened when she peered at my wings. “Can I touch them?”

  I chuckled. “I guess.”

  Her hand reached behind me and gently stroked my wing like you would rub a flower petal between a couple fingers. A small warm smiled appeared on her lips. “They’re so smooth. . .like a rose petal.”

  “Yeah,” I laughed lightly.

  She sat back and sighed again. “Will you give me a minute?”

  My brow crossed and I nodded. She got up from her bed and left her room, opening and closing the door behind her. She stayed away for about a minute before coming back in. I watched her linger in the doorway as I remained in the same spot on her bed.

  “Lia?” I asked calmly.

  “Just making sure you’re still there and not a figment of my imagination or a dream.” She closed the door behind her and sat back down on the bed. Her eyes lit up now. “So tell me more about Kai and Declan. Are they hot?”

  I rolled my eyes because, of course, that would be the next topic for discussion, but I said, “Unbelievably so.”

  “You like one of them, don’t you?” she pried.

  “Like them. As in like, like? No, no,” I denied. Since the night that I overheard them, I had tried to banish their words of affection for me because it wasn’t possible anyway. There had been more important things to worry about. From day one they had been my mentors. My mind focused on them as separate individuals, my friends. Declan was kind and thoughtful, always willing to guide me. Kai, though maddening, was confident and witty, a silent pillar of strength that I could rely on. They had definitely sparked something ins
ide of me, but it was pointless. We could never be anything anyway. “No, they are just my friends.”

  “Liar.”

  “I mean, sure they are good guys. They are brave and, yes, attractive and they watch out for me, but. . .” Did I care for them? Yeah, sure. I cared about what happened to them. Did I think about them in a deeper sense? I didn’t know. My feelings for them were so foreign. I had only loved one person in my entire life and that was Cameron.

  “They have protected you for years. That’s commitment,” she said.

  “Well, Declan has. He has out of guilt. He was supposed to kill me,” I reminded her. “Kai didn’t come until just recently.”

  She didn’t speak; she was lost again, taking in my appearance. “Now that I see it all together, your ears, your wings, your eyes. . .you’re incredible.”

  I bowed my head, embarrassed by her scrutiny. I swallowed.

  “This is going to take me a while to get used to.”

  I sighed in glorious relief. “I understand completely.”

  The only bit I hadn’t tacked on yet was that I was going to Faylinn to stay. “Lia,” I prompted for her to look me in the eyes, so I could get her full attention again.

  When her eyes met mine, when I didn’t speak, she filled the silence. “What?”

  I took a deep breath. “You remember the part where I mentioned that I’m sort of the next in line to rule Faylinn?”

  I didn’t need to explain. It clicked before I could even say it. “You’re going to leave, aren’t you?”

  “Faylinn is where I belong now.”

  Her gaze softened, her eyes tilted down, forlorn. “When do you leave?”

  “Friday.”

  “What?” Her cheeks flushed red. “That soon? What about the rest of the school year? And graduation? And your family? Can’t you wait a little longer?”

  I shook my head. “I can’t. It’s important that I leave soon.”

  “Matt will be home for New Year’s,” she said hastily. “He’ll want to see you. You have to at least say goodbye to him. Wait until January to go.”

  “Lia, I can’t. I have to go now. There’s a. . .situation in Faylinn with the king there now. I have to go and help fix it.”

  “What kind of situation? It can’t possibly be something that can’t wait if you’ve already waited this long.”

  “It’s not that simple, Lia.”

  “So simplify it,” she pressed, troubled.

  “Lia. . .”

  She took a deep breath, calming herself down. “I’m sorry. I just can’t stand the thought of you missing everything.”

  I clenched my jaw, fighting back the tears. “I know.”

  She was silent for a moment and her lip quivered. “Will I ever see you again?”

  Declan and Kai’s most recent revelation echoed through my thoughts. Humans tend to eventually forget us for our protection. “I hope so,” I said, fighting the urge to cry.

  Water built up inside her eyes. “Have you told Cameron yet?”

  I could only shake my head. I couldn’t think about saying goodbye to him yet. Two days. I still had two days to think about how to tell him. Plus it was Thanksgiving. I couldn’t possibly bother him and his dad during the holiday. I imagine they’d probably end up at his grandparents anyway. His dad could barely make macaroni and cheese.

  “What are you going to do about Cameron?” Lia looked at me sympathetically now and began to shake her head. “He’s going to have a hard time with this, Callie.” Her words told me what I already knew.

  “He’ll be fine,” I amended. He had Isla now. I wasn’t someone he relied on anymore. If anything, I relied on him. This would be harder for me than him.

  She shook her head resolutely. “Calliope, you’ve been denying he would come around for so long that you’ve grown blind. This will tear him apart. Is he not a factor in your decision at all?”

  “Of course he is,” I insisted, bringing my fingertips to my forehead. “I’m not taking this decision lightly, Lia. I’ve been debating this for weeks. Aside from my family he’s the one thing holding me back, but I can’t let him dictate my life anymore. I have more important things at stake now than my love life.”

  “Losing you will kill him,” she said softly, as if she was trying to hurt me.

  I squeezed my eyes shut, tears streamed down my cheeks. “Thanks for that.”

  “He’s already lost him mom. You’re the closest thing he has to family aside from his workaholic dad. Did you ever think of that?”

  I shook my head stubbornly and covered my ears. “Why are you being so cruel, Lia? Please stop.”

  Lia reached over and took my hands. “I’m just preparing you, Callie,” she said. “I want you think thoroughly about every possible aspect. You think you don’t matter to us. I see in your eyes the duty you already feel for this Faylinn place, but we, humans, will feel a part of us missing for the rest of our lives.”

  If you even remember me when I’m gone.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  I hadn’t gone back to the clearing since I told Kai and Declan I would go with them. Since it had been a couple of days, the pulsing had crawled back into my body as a reminder of the forest. As if I could forget. It felt weird not seeing them, but I would be with them regularly soon enough. I needed the human time. It wasn’t enough time, but I would accept what I could get.

  I sat looking down at my overflowing plate of Thanksgiving dinner. My mom’s family crowded around the table, laughing and enjoying being around our extended family. Though every family member I had ever known in my whole life surrounded me, I felt more alone than ever.

  “Calliope, you’re not eating,” Mom murmured across the table.

  “Huh?” I looked up to my mom, her words just registering. “Oh.” I took a big bite of mashed potatoes and smiled half-heartedly.

  “How’s that case of yours, Melody?” Grandma asked.

  “Rodgers will get what’s coming to him. I’m going to make sure of that.”

  “How much longer do you have to be in that courtroom with him?” Aunt Audrey asked, wiping food from my younger cousin, Lucy’s, messy mouth.

  “A few more weeks.”

  Maybe three days was too long. I needed the trees and the open air. The noise level suffocated me. Aunt Audrey’s kids screamed and giggled as they poked one another and spoke gibberish. My grandpa guffawed while listening to Uncle Griggs tell a story about a rooster and a tennis racket. At least that’s what I think it was about. My cousin Kelli curled up in her chair with a cell phone, a smirk playing on her lips, unaware of the ruckus around her. Was she even old enough to have a cell phone? I wanted to be her, off in my own little world, happy and oblivious to the real world.

  All of the voices were garbling together. I couldn’t make out one voice from another. My throat was closing in. The pulse in my heart was sprinting. It registered to me that my body was being pulled. It had never felt this strong before, like an anchor had thrown me overboard and tugged me to the bottom of the ocean.

  “Calliope,” Dad mumbled at my left. “Calliope,” he repeated. I finally met his eyes, unsure how long he had been calling my name. “Honey, go get some air,” he whispered, trying not to draw attention.

  I was grateful for the release and excused myself. Mom watched me with a worried stare. I tried reassuring her with my eyes that I was okay, but I wasn’t.

  The relief didn’t start until I passed the line of trees and even then it only brought it to a dull ache. It didn’t release me completely. Maybe it was that I had waited so long to come back or that the pull was getting stronger. Maybe it was that Faylinn knew my decision had been made and was ready for me. I wasn’t sure, but though I would miss this life, I was suddenly grateful I only had one day left. I couldn’t handle this feeling any longer.

  “You don’t have to go,” Dad’s voice sounded over my shoulder. He obviously misunderstood my breakdown.

  I took a few breaths before answering. If I could j
ust catch my breath I could think straight again. “It’s not that.”

  “You’ve been so quiet since yesterday morning. I thought maybe you had changed your mind,” he said.

  I shook my head. “It’s weird.” I swallowed. “I feel so many mixed emotions that it’s almost as if I wish they had already taken me. I feel like I’m dragging out the inevitable and Faylinn is upset with me. But then the other half of me wants to stake claim on my human life, a life that doesn’t really exist anymore.” It was so confusing.

  He came up beside me, wrapping his arm around my waist and took a breath. “I lied before.”

  “About what?” I peered up at him. He watched the woodlands longingly. I wondered if he ever came into these trees just to remember what it was like, but I doubted he’d torture himself like that. Seeing the look in his eyes now, I knew simply being here now was tearing him in a million directions.

  “When I said that I was no longer tied to Faylinn,” he said. “I did feel more for your mother than Faylinn, but it wasn’t an easy decision. I nearly stayed.”

  “But you didn’t.”

  He looked down at me, a mist of moisture coating his eyes. “There’s a separate love and pride that comes with running more than just a family. I didn’t just leave behind my home, my parents or my brother. I left behind thousands of family members and faeries who I’d grown to know and love over centuries of time.”

  His mouth twitched as he fought his emotions. “I loved Faylinn. I still do. And although this is a lot for you to take on, I know you are going to grow a love for Faylinn you didn’t know could exist inside of you. My soul is still linked to it. It is the most magical place you could ever imagine.” The watery mist glazing over his eyes escaped down his cheeks.

  My heart was full, eager. I wanted to understand what he felt when he talked so fondly of Faylinn. I wanted to make a difference for those faeries he left behind. I wanted to know the love he felt for them. It was my responsibility to pick up the pieces now.

  “You make me so proud, Calliope. No matter what happens. I will always be so proud of you.”

  I smiled meekly. “I’m going to need you every step of the way and you won’t be there.”