by Mindy Hayes
“I won’t be far,” he assured, pulling me tighter in his arms. “I won’t be far,” he murmured again.
• • •
After the farewells to my mom’s family, my parents and I stayed up late talking, taking in every last waking moment we had. We didn’t talk about faeries or Faylinn. We didn’t even mention me leaving. We didn’t want to taint the only time we had left. It was simply time for us to be us as it always was before everything changed.
I rolled over in bed that night, unable to sleep. Cameron’s face lingered behind my eyes. We were leaving the next evening and I still hadn’t told him. I doubted he was going to be happy with me, but I couldn’t handle doing this any other way. I had given him up to Isla, but he was still my best friend. How was I supposed to live without him? I couldn’t even touch the thought lurking in the back of my mind. What if after I was gone he forgot about me? Could I say I wouldn’t regret going to Faylinn if it cost me the people I cared most about?
I knew that was why I really kept this from him until the last minute, for selfish reasons. He was the only one who had the power to change my mind. He was the only one who could convince me to stay. I had to wait until it was too late to change my mind.
• • •
I was supposed to meet the Keepers at sundown. The sun had just started to set. The orange streaked the horizon and I was still putting my things together. I had called Cameron and asked him to come over about fifteen minutes before so I was expecting him any minute. I wanted to keep it short and sweet. It was easier this way. The goodbye didn’t need to be dragged out. I told myself he would appreciate me for cutting the ties at the last minute rather than carrying out the inevitable goodbye for days, but deep down I knew that was a lie I told to make myself feel better for omitting the truth.
There was a knock on my bedroom door as I hovered over my empty duffle bag. Could I really not think of one thing to pack?
“Come in.”
Cam peeked around the door. “Your mom let me in. She told me to come straight—” His voice stopped. “What. . .what are you packing for?”
“I’m going away.”
“Going away? Like on vacation or. . .?” He saw the anxious look in my eyes when I turned around. “You’re going to Faylinn,” he tried to clarify. I nodded. “Why? I thought you decided you could do this here? I thought it was decided you were going to stay here?”
“Things change. This makes more sense,” I said and spun back to my duffle. I didn’t know what I was going to pack in it. What would I possibly need? My cell phone wouldn’t work and neither would my iPod. “And I don’t know why you care so much anyway. You really don’t need me anymore.”
I decided to stuff it with my favorite clothes. I knew I would probably never wear them in Faylinn. They had their own clothes, clothes better suited for the woods, but I needed them. I just did.
“Do you even realize what you are doing?” Cameron took hold of my shoulders, stopping me from packing, forcing me to look him in the eyes.
“Yeah, I do. Don’t act like you know better than I do. I’m not naïve.”
“That’s not what I meant.” He sighed, aggravated with me. “I’m just worried about you. This is a big decision.”
“Please, Cam, in case you haven’t noticed I’m all grown up now. I can dress and feed myself and everything now.”
“Don’t do that,” he said, dropping his hands and turning away in frustration.
“What. Don’t do what? Make decisions for myself? Grow up? Get over you?”
There it was. I said it. Why did I say it? I hadn’t meant to confess, but it was too late to take it back now. Cameron’s face instantly twisted back to me and looked as if I slapped him. Maybe it was that he couldn’t believe I actually said it out loud or that he couldn’t believe I could get over him. He was hurt nonetheless, but I didn’t take it back.
We stood in silence for what felt like an eternity until he broke it. “Get. . .over me? When. . .when did you ever. . .I hadn’t realized you ever. . .” He couldn’t get out a complete sentence, which only seemed to enrage me more. Add the fact that he was such a guy. That he hadn’t even suspected my feelings sent me over the edge. I bit down on my tongue and turned my head away.
Humiliated was just the tip of the iceberg. It didn’t even touch the feeling consuming me. Cameron moved closer to me, but I stepped away, red dusting my cheeks. He took another step towards me, cornering me against the edge of my bed, so I couldn’t get away. I felt his soft palm on my cheek as he lifted my chin to face him, his face only inches from mine. Please don’t make me look at your face.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
I clenched my teeth, desperately not wanting to have this conversation and yet determined to stand my ground. I brought this on myself. “When was I supposed to tell you? In between make out sessions with Isla? Or maybe I should have done it before Jillian and Blair or maybe after Lia. There was that week right after Dana, before Myra.” Why couldn’t I shut up?
His eyes fell and he shook his head. “Don’t do this, Calliope.”
I wrenched my face from his fingers. “Take your pick. Tell me when you think would have been a good time.” I bit my lips. I don’t know what had come over me, but the faucet wouldn’t shut off. Where was the water source?
He exhaled heavily, exasperated. “Oh, I don’t know, Cal. We’ve been friends for six years and there wasn’t one time that you could have slipped in, ‘Hey, Cam, I think I kind of like you’? All of the times we hung out. All of the times we spent in your room talking about life. All of the times we went out to dinner or to the movies. All of the times we spent driving in my car on road trips. None of those times seemed decent enough?” His voice rose with every question.
“I was scared!”
“Did you never think maybe I was too?” he shot back. His gaze softened when he saw the tears filling my eyes. I couldn’t look at him anymore. Not with that look of pity plastered across the face I knew all too well.
“Don’t look at me like that, Cameron. I’m not this fragile thing. I figured out a while ago you’d never be mine. I’ve accepted that and now I’m moving on.”
“You’ve accepted a life without me?”
“There is no life with you! Don’t you see that?” His face fell, deflated. My eyes turned down, avoiding eye contact.
“Do you even know why my relationships ended in the past?”
That question caught me off guard. But of course I did. He got bored with one and then went onto the next. But had he ever told me why any of them ended? It hit me that he hadn’t. Had I ever asked? Or had I just accepted it when he moved on to the next?
I didn’t answer.
He laughed bleakly as if I was missing something huge, right in front of my face. “Because of you. None of them could accept you as a part of my life.” He trembled. “When they would all eventually ask me to choose—because believe me, Calliope, they all did—they would say, ‘It’s either her or me’. And I would say ‘her’. You.”
He chose this time to tell me. Now? Really?
I moved back to face my bed. “And Isla?” I questioned, staring down at the half empty duffle.
“She accepted you. She never questioned our relationship. Never asked me to choose.”
And there was my answer. He didn’t want me, merely a girl who would accept me as a part of him.
“I really care about these faeries,” I softened my tone, deflecting his words. “They need me. Me. As much as I don’t want to believe it and as much of a weight that it puts on my shoulders, I can’t possibly deny them. So if that means I move to Faylinn and become a faery queen, I’ll accept that too.”
“So, you’ll just abandon me? Leave your home. For them. They are faeries, Callie.”
He had to throw exhilarant on the fire. “Don’t insult them. Don’t make them out to be some imaginary creatures. In case you haven’t noticed, I’m one of them. I need to be where they are.”
; “Even if that means losing me?” he countered. “Losing everything we have?”
My stomach sank and I lowered my voice. “I already lost you, Cam. Isla is different. I can see that. You love her like you’ve never loved anyone before. And I’ve thought hard about this. Honestly, who is going to marry me, huh?” I paused, clenching that thought. “What will my children become? A quarter faery? Just another heir for Faylinn to go after? Could I really do that to them? Am I really willing to live a lie for the rest of my life?”
“I’ll marry you,” he said abruptly.
“What?” I snorted, unbelieving. “You’re crazy.”
“What if I love you?” he continued.
I shook my head. “No,” I denied. “You don’t love me. Not like that.”
“How do you know? Just because I never confessed it does not mean I haven’t felt it,” he said infuriatingly.
“If you loved me like that you would have seen it in my eyes. I’m an open book, Cam. You’ve said it yourself. You would have acted on it.”
“What if I didn’t act on it because I didn’t want to risk this?” Cameron motioned between our bodies. “What if it didn’t work out between us? What if a relationship ruined this?” He exhaled and swallowed. “I can’t lose you. You’re too important to me.”
“I feel like I’m worth the risk,” I said quietly. “If you wanted this, you would have taken it.” Turning my back to him, I stuffed more useless junk in my bag. I needed to get out of here. Now.
This wasn’t happening, not on the day of my departure. I dug my grave, now I had to lie in it. I had already accepted my fate. I knew where I was meant to be.
Cameron came up beside me, his fingers trailing down my cheek, urging me to look at him. For years I had wanted his touch. This touch. The meaningful kind. The kind that moved my stomach to my heart and claimed my breath. “I can’t lose you now, Callie.”
I swallowed, fighting back the water behind my eyes. “You won’t lose me. Not the important part. You won’t lose our friendship.”
“What if I want more than friendship?” His sapphire eyes were earnest, piercing my heart. The heart that had always belonged to him.
“You don’t,” I disagreed, gritting my teeth and closing my eyes to keep from looking at him.
“What if I do?” he persisted. “Now. What if I want this now?”
I drank the tears in my throat, blocking my airway. The decision was already made. “Then I would have to tell you you’re too late,” I said softly, meeting his eyes. I had to show him I meant it.
“You’re wrong.”
There was determination in his eyes. Cameron snatched me into his arms before I knew what was happening and kissed me. It wasn’t urgent or forced, but it was firm, demanding a kiss back. I didn’t respond at first, but he kept his mouth on mine, working to ignite a spark. He knew I had it in me somewhere. Before I could tell myself to fight it, my walls were crumbling down and I was kissing him back.
It was pointless to fight it. Hadn’t I wanted this all along? His lips were soft as they brushed against mine. My mind slowly became foggy and nothing else seemed to matter in that moment. Everything around us faded into a fog and I felt nothing—breathed nothing—but him.
His hands cupped the sides of my face and he quietly groaned into my mouth, deepening our kiss, drawing me closer toward him. I sighed in liberation, tightening my arms around his neck, breathing in everything that I knew to be Cameron. He whispered my name on my lips, opening my mouth with his. His tongue tangled with mine.
“Calliope?”
His voice pulled me back to reality. I stopped kissing Cam, pausing to compose myself before I spun my head to see Declan.
Chapter Twenty-Three
I hadn’t spoken yet. My voice was gone, my throat suddenly dry. What was he doing in my house? He stood fully clothed, bow across his chest and dagger at his side. He looked so out of place in my house. I shook off the moment. Something had to be said. I couldn’t just stand there like an idiot.
“You know I don’t like to be called that, Declan.”
I wasn’t sure why I felt guilty. I hadn’t done anything wrong. Declan wasn’t my boyfriend. I hadn’t committed myself to him or Kai. But looking into Declan’s eyes of disappointment I suddenly felt like the scum of the earth. He had thought better of me, highly of me even. I had done something very wrong in his eyes.
“I apologize,” he muttered. “I was coming to check on you. I signaled to you and got no response. It’s long past sundown. I was worried, but I obviously had no reason to be.” He was stumbling back, strangely ungraceful.
“Declan,” I pressed. But he had gone, retreating away as swiftly as he could. There was a thud and crash as I heard him escaping.
The logic clicked. It was because he was away from the forest. He risked his life by coming into my home to protect me. And I was making out with Cameron.
Cameron said my name.
What had I done?
“Cal,” Cam prompted once more.
I shook my head. “I can’t.” I kept my back to him and headed for the open doorway. I needed to talk to Declan, to explain or apologize or to say something—anything.
“Calliope,” Cameron pleaded.
“No, Cam.” I turned back to him. “You should be ashamed too. What about Isla? What are you going to say to her?”
His eyes were focused on me with no hint of shame or regret. “That I’m sorry, but my heart belongs to you. It always has. I just never gave myself a chance to realize it.”
“No.” I shook my head, denying myself this moment—a moment that was supposed to be perfect and blissful. Cameron had just kissed me and confessed his love for me. I was supposed to be jumping into his arms and declaring my love back, but I couldn’t. “No,” I said more adamantly. “That should never have happened. That never happened.”
“Calliope, please.” The look of pain on Cameron’s face twisted my stomach. I’d never done anything to hurt him before. We’d gotten in fights before, sure. But never had he left me feeling this absolute shame. He looked at me as if I’d betrayed him. I had never betrayed him in my life. I had never even considered doing anything that might harm him in the slightest.
“I’m sorry. I can’t. I just can’t be with you,” I said, choking on the approaching tears. I couldn’t keep them at bay anymore. They came rushing like a tidal wave. “Maybe if we could turn back the clock to three months ago, I could see myself with you and we could have been happy. But things have changed, Cam. I’ve changed.” I swallowed. The realization set confidently in. “I’m sorry. This isn’t what I want anymore.” There was no future with Cameron anymore. There never could be.
The look of helplessness twisting his face was more than I could bear. I turned and bolted. I had somewhere I needed to be.
• • •
“Declan!” I ran into the darkened trees, swatting away the drooping vines and random branches. He couldn’t have gone far. “Declan?” I stumbled over the rocks and stumps cloaked in wet green, recklessly in need of reaching him. “Declan, please!”
What had I done? What must he think of me now? I wasn’t blind. I denied it in my mind, but I wasn’t an idiot. Declan cared for me and this was how I repaid him.
A figure stepped out from behind a trunk, I nearly fell trying to stop myself from slamming into him. But it wasn’t the face I was expecting, the face I hoped it would be. I was now face to face with those deep vibrant violet-blue eyes, glowing in the dim night sky.
“Kai,” I choked.
“My queen,” he greeted. “Looking for your Keeper?”
Though it was a new way of addressing me, I didn’t even bother scolding him. “I need to talk to Declan.”
“Well it turns out you did something pretty awful. He doesn’t want to see you.”
I took a breath. “You’re lying.”
“I’m not sure I want to talk to you either, but someone has to keep you from running into a trap.” He folded his
arms and leaned his shoulder coolly against the nearest trunk as he eyed me.
I combed my fingers through my hair. “It just happened. One second we were talking and the next it just happened. I didn’t mean for it to happen like that. It just did,” I blundered.
“Wait, what? You and Declan?” Kai’s arms fell to his side as he straightened up, alert.
“What? No.” He didn’t know.
“What happened Calliope?” His tone was probing, yet hesitant as if he didn’t really want to know. He feared my answer.
I opened my mouth to speak, but bit back the words. Did I have to apologize? I shouldn’t have to explain myself to him. I didn’t owe Kai anything. I needed to apologize to Declan. He’d always been so loyal and kind and he’d just walked into the wrong place at the wrong time.
“It’s none of your business.”
“I’m afraid your business is my business, princess,” he said, irritatingly.
“Stop calling me that!” I spat.
“My apologies, it is your majesty now.” He bowed deeply, not in respect, but mocking me.
“Stop!” I screeched even higher.
“My, my, what a temper she has. She’s a feisty little one. I like it.”
I spun around and saw a dark silhouette several feet away, leaning against a large oak, his arms crossed over his chest. My eyes adjusted to the darkness to take in his appearance. His ears pointed out from the disarray of hair that stood on end; so blonde it was nearly white. A dark brown cape tied around his shoulders. He brushed it back and stepped forward. He was undeniably handsome.
Kai moved in front of me, blocking my view. “Favner,” he said.
That was Favner? But he was so. . .so. . .normal. I mean, aside from his dreadfully good looks and the fact that he was a faery; he wasn’t huge by any stretch or vicious looking. From the way he was described I half expected him to be breathing fire. But this man was lean, a couple of inches shorter than Kai, and didn’t look like he could harm a dragonfly.
I tried peering around Kai, but he shifted in front of me as if sensing my curiosity.
