‘Sometimes I get to use off-cuts for my own designs. I made this for you – I wanted you to have something fabulous to wear in your new job.’
She’d thanked Roxy with over-zealous hugs, but Roxy had waved away her thanks. ‘You’re my muse – this is only the start. Keep taking those acting classes and soon I’ll be making your Oscar dress!’
Shauna headed to the studio, knowing that she’d be in for another fourteen-hour day. The crew had recently returned from a location shoot in the Rocky Mountains, where everyone’s skills and patience had been put to the test filming a lengthy scene in which the star and his nemesis engaged in a life-and-death struggle while descending from a mountain pass into a spectacular ravine. It had been fraught with difficulties and tempers had frayed, but Shauna’s admiration for Dan Jackson had grown with each stressful and exhausting day. She and her boss, an Englishman called Terry Sullivan, had been charged with keeping a tight rein on costs while making sure everyone was safe. It often meant having to say no to people who were used to getting their own way, and this didn’t endear them to directors as a rule, but Dan had been a complete pro, handling the situation with patience and good humour while always remaining true to his vision.
As usual, she spent the day assisting Terry while the cast and crew filmed a couple of interior scenes. Terry was coming down with flu after weeks of working too hard, and by evening he was feeling too ill to continue. He called her over and asked her to take over the reins.
‘Jerry wants a detailed breakdown of location costs for the New York shoot. The whole thing is a fucking nightmare and the mayor’s office are breaking my balls about closing off Times Square for the final scene. Can you type me up a state of play so I can get my head around it before I talk to him tomorrow?’
‘Sure, chief, I’ll get started now. Go home and make sure you have a hot toddy – Irish whiskey and lemon with a shot of honey.’
‘Thanks, love. I can do the whiskey, not sure about the rest.’
Shauna sat typing it up for a couple of hours, but despite the fact everyone else had gone home by the time she finished, she didn’t feel tired, just restless.
She decided to take a walk down to the lot where they’d been filming, just to clear her head after staring at spreadsheets all day. It felt as though her brain was beginning to turn to mush.
If only I could do something else instead, something I really love, she thought.
It wasn’t that she hated what she was doing – she was lucky and she knew it. The world of Hollywood movie-making was frightening, exciting, intoxicating, exhausting and fun all at the same time, but she knew deep down that what would make her truly happy was acting.
The lot was in semi-darkness and appeared to be empty. It had been set up for an office scene; a showdown between a corrupt chief of police and the hero.
Shauna sat down in one of the chairs. It was strange to be on the other side of the camera for once. She tried to imagine what it must feel like to be an actor on set, with the director and camera crew on one side, make-up artists running in to apply finishing touches while you went over your lines, the hustle and bustle of runners dashing here and there, then a hush falling as the director called for quiet on set, the clapperboard sounding as they rolled.
Suddenly, Grace Kelly’s lines came into her head. Grace had won an Academy Award for her performance in A Country Girl, in which she played the long-suffering wife of an alcoholic actor. Grace had delivered a memorable monologue which had probably clinched her the famous statuette.
Shauna had first seen the film in her teens and remembered crying as Grace Kelly’s character, at the end of her tether after years of supporting her drunken husband, stands before William Holden and describes the pain she has endured, the sacrifices she’s made, and the terrible cost to her soul. Without thinking, Shauna stood and delivered the monologue, the words rasping in her throat as slipped into the role of Georgie Elgin.
‘Can you stand him up on his feet again? Because that’s where all my prayers have gone … and I might forgive even you, Mr Dodd, if you can keep him up long enough for me to get out from under—’
Shauna was suddenly shocked out of her rapture by the set lights being slammed on. She heard the sound of someone clapping.
‘Bravo, Shauna! Bravo!’
Shauna blinked against the lights, squinting at the voice coming out of the darkness. It was a moment before Dan Jackson came into view, still clapping and smiling broadly at her.
‘Isn’t it at this point that William Holden kisses Grace Kelly?’
Shauna was speechless. ‘Dan, I’m so sorry, I didn’t know that anyone was here.’
‘Never mind about that, finish the scene.’ He stepped forward and held her arms tightly, just as William Holden had done to Grace Kelly. ‘He kisses her and then she says …?’
Momentarily Shauna felt like a rabbit in the headlights, but she could see that Dan was serious and there was something so direct and reassuring about him that the words came to her without thinking:
‘How could you be so angry at someone that you didn’t even really know …?’
‘Maybe I really wasn’t …’
Together they finished the scene and Shauna was astonished that Dan knew all the words too. When the scene was done and Georgie agreed to stay with her husband so that the show could go on, they regarded each other in silence for a moment before Shauna started to laugh, and Dan joined her. Soon they were giggling like teenagers, ‘That was so … exhilarating.’
‘George Seaton was a brilliant director and A Country Girl was one of his best. I’ve watched it a hundred times.’ His eyes twinkled with interest. ‘It seems maybe I wasn’t aware enough of you, Shauna – that’s quite the emotional punch you packed there. Why don’t I know you’re an actress?’
‘I’m not.
‘Not at all?’
‘Well, maybe an aspiring one.’
‘We aren’t short of those in Tinseltown.’
She looked at the ground ruefully. ‘I’m aware of that.’
Dan smiled kindly. ‘There are very few actors who could do what you just did, Shauna.’
Shauna didn’t know what to say, but once again she heard her father’s voice in her head: When opportunity comes knocking, Shauna, open the door …
‘I’ve been taking acting classes.’
‘What you’ve got can’t be learned in an acting class.’
He looked at her, studying her face. ‘It’s late, and we both need to get some sleep before tomorrow, but I don’t feel tired. Do you fancy a drink?’
Chapter 15
Shauna couldn’t pinpoint exactly when she fell for Dan Jackson. It might have been the very first day she saw him at work on set, or it could have been while they sat drinking in Molly Malone’s Irish bar near Melrose Avenue that night after he’d caught her off guard on set.
They’d laughed at each other’s stories. Dan told her that, though he had Irish grandparents, he’d been brought up in a typically middle-class English fashion: a private-school education followed by Cambridge, where he’d been part of the Footlights drama club. He told her of the terrible reviews he received after his first performance with his friend Julian Fellowes, which made him realize he was much better off the stage than on it.
What Shauna liked best about Dan was the way he listened to her and seemed genuinely interested in what she had to say. He was over a decade older but didn’t look it. He had a full head of thick brown hair that stuck up boyishly and never seemed to do what he wanted. He had warm brown eyes that always seemed to have a smile in them for her. Dan had been married before. He and his wife, Helen, had separated amicably; she hadn’t been part of the acting world. ‘It’s tough for sweethearts and wives, Shauna,’ he told her. ‘Directors are never at home and it can be a lonely old business. Only the strongest relationships survive, but you’re too young to know about that yet.’
‘I’ve had my fair share of an education on that front, I can assure y
ou.’
He’d looked at her quizzically but didn’t pry. He asked her about her acting ambitions and told her to keep practising, that acting was a constant process of learning and something that you could get better and better at.
‘Why don’t you change your name?’ he suggested.
‘Why would I do that?’
‘It might help you make that mental leap into believing you’re an actress. Sometimes, taking on a new persona can be freeing, it can give you the confidence you need to move on to the next stage in your life.’
Shauna thought about what he’d said. ‘Then I’ll take your name, as a thank you for your inspiration.’
‘Jackson is as good as any, and I’m flattered. Welcome to the world, Shauna Jackson.’
Dan was usually too busy on set for chit-chat, but occasionally their eyes would meet, and he would always give her that boyish smile and a wink. Shauna found herself looking forward to those special moments.
When the film, A Hard Line, wrapped there was the usual raucous party. The star and all the crew mingled together, and Shauna was starting to feel like she belonged. Tom Cruise and Dan both made speeches in which they thanked the crew for their contribution; Tom’s was emotional and heartfelt, while Dan was his usual self-deprecating and modest self.
‘I’ve been privileged to have worked with some dear old friends, and with new ones, and every single one of you feels like family.’ The crew whooped and whistled in appreciation. ‘Mind you, some of you are like the sort family I only want to hear from in the yearly Christmas card – Tom, you know I mean you!’ Everyone laughed and Tom Cruise good-naturedly told him to fuck off. ‘But there are others I hope that I’ll be seeing a lot more of.’ When he said this, Dan caught Shauna’s eye in the crowd, and she felt herself blush.
While the crew were enjoying the lavish spread that the studio had put on, and drinking copious amounts of the free booze, Shauna noticed Dan wend his way through the crowd in her direction. Many of the crew clapped his back and shook his hand as he went past. Despite his approachability, there was a natural deference to the director in Hollywood Shauna had noticed, each cast and crew member knowing that, even if the director was as seemingly normal as Dan, they were still extremely powerful people and had the influence to make or break careers.
Dan had brought over a bottle of red wine and he joined the small cluster of Shauna’s team, chatting to everyone and topping them up. When he came to her, he offered her the bottle and she said, ‘I’ll just have a drop. Red wine goes to my head.’
‘It’s a good one,’ he said. ‘I told Jerry I didn’t want any of his Californian vinegar – this a good French claret, I’ll have you know.’
‘That’ll be even worse for a hangover!’
Dan hardly left her side for the next couple of hours and Shauna was well aware he’d sought her out. She found herself not wanting to chat to anyone else, and when he asked if she wanted to slip away and have dinner, she nodded.
‘It’s like you’ve left your own birthday party,’ she told him as they crept out.
‘Rubbish,’ he replied. ‘No one will even notice I’ve gone. They’re all drunk and getting off with each other.’
He took her to Spago, his favourite restaurant and one the most iconic in Beverly Hills. As they sat eating clam linguine, Robert De Niro and Martin Scorsese were having dinner at an adjacent table, and Meryl Streep was dining with her agent. Shauna was almost becoming used to rubbing shoulders with the stars, but tonight she only had eyes and ears for Dan.
‘What’s next for you?’ she asked.
‘My next picture is about a family torn apart by the Irish Civil War. It’s got a great script and a smaller budget than this one, it’s more of an ensemble piece. The big blockbusters are great and they pay the bills, but this is something much closer to my heart.’
‘It sounds wonderful. Every Irish person has a story about their own family during that time.’
‘I’m casting right now. I want Richard Harris as the patriarch, and we’re in talks with a couple of actresses for the lead.’
‘How exciting.’
He paused before adding, ‘There’s a small part as the daughter. She’s only in a couple of scenes, but it’s a key role. She leaves Ireland with her new husband to get away from the Troubles, and it breaks her father’s heart.’
‘Who have you got in mind?’
‘I want someone fresh, someone who isn’t jaded – a new voice.’ He looked at her intently. ‘I’ve been watching you and I think you might have what I need.’
Shauna’s jaw dropped. ‘Dan, I—’
‘Don’t say yes or no yet, you’d have to do a screen test. I need the rest of the production team to buy into the idea of a non-professional, but you have a … certain poise and a calm centredness that is just what this part needs …’
Shauna felt she was dreaming when her new agent, recommended by Dan, negotiated a fee that was more than she’d earn in ten years as a location assistant. Her screen test had gone well, after a shaky start. With Dan teasing an understated and naturalistic performance out of her, she had felt herself slip into the persona of her character, Maraid O’Gallagher.
She still found it hard to get her head around this new Shauna Jackson person that she didn’t really know yet. She couldn’t even bring herself to tell Roxy of the incredible opportunity that Dan had singled her out for, it felt too good to be true. She left it until she was on location in Galway before dashing off a quick letter to break the news.
Though Dan maintained a consummate professionalism throughout the shoot, Shauna knew her feelings for him were moving beyond the deep admiration she’d always had for him as a director. She could feel the tug of a deeper emotion drawing her to into his orbit, and she wasn’t sure she wanted to resist.
Dan had dealt with Harris’s wild behaviour with a patience and sensitivity that meant the actor gave one of his best performances. The cast and crew all felt that they had been part of something truly special and there were whispers of Oscar nominations for Dan and Richard.
After the shoot finished, there was time for her to take a short break before heading off to start on post-production back in LA. Shauna decided to spend the time visiting her family. She was surprised when Dan offered to drive her there. ‘It’s God’s own country,’ he told her. ‘I’d be a fool not to enjoy it.’
Shauna could tell that her mother was slightly flummoxed by the appearance of this handsome and debonaire Englishman, and that she was desperate to work out his part in her daughter’s life. It didn’t take long for Dan to win her over, and Da was soon regaling Dan with tales of his uncle who had been sent to prison for his part in the Irish Uprising of 1916 and who had been lucky not be hanged for it.
Nevertheless, as they said goodbye to her parents at the end of the visit, her mother couldn’t resist a dig. ‘It will all come to nothing, Shauna, this acting lark. It’s bad luck to give up your own name.’
‘Hush, Kathleen,’ her father had said, but Dan had put his arm around Shauna.
‘You should be very proud of your daughter, Mrs O’Brien,’ he told her. ‘She’s a wonderful actress, and everyone in Enniscrea will know Shauna Jackson’s name one day.’
Maybe that was the moment when she knew she had fallen in love with Dan. He made love to her that night for the first time, in a small hotel that looked out over Galway Bay. He told her that she was beautiful, and that he would take her dreams and keep them safe with his own. His lovemaking was slow and unhurried, and brought her passion to life again, Shauna knew then it didn’t matter when she had fallen in love with him, only that she was in love.
Dan had become her soulmate, his career was part of the fabric of his existence, and Shauna was like a thread that had been woven into it. She knew that he loved her with every part of his being and she felt the same way.
That first film with him, One Day in April, won him his first Oscar and he told her she was his good luck charm. Her role, though sm
all, got her noticed. Although there were no awards nominations for her, she received glowing reviews in both the Irish and the American press.
Refusing Dan’s entreaties to attend the Oscar ceremony, Shauna opted to stay at home and watch it on TV with only a Chinese delivery for company, not quite ready to put herself under the scrutiny of the flashing bulbs of the red carpet, although Roxy had badgered her to.
‘I’m terrified – they’ll ask me questions and I’ll give stupid answers and I’ll look silly.’
‘You should have let me make you a dress,’ Roxy told her on the phone from Milan.
‘I’m sorry, maybe next time.’
‘You’d better promise!’
She had cried when Dan had won, knowing how much it meant to him, but also knowing that it would take him into the stratosphere. Would this mean that he would drift away from her, that their lives would now be too far apart and he would find someone else more suited to his Hollywood royalty status?
Instead, Dan had shown up at her apartment at 3 a.m. looking the worse for wear and reeking of booze. She’d laughed and tried to help him out of his tuxedo, which was harder than it should have been as he wouldn’t stop talking about how long and boring the ceremony had been, and how he was glad he’d smuggled in a hip flask of brandy because they weren’t allowed to leave their seats for long periods.
‘You’ll have to come with me next year, Shauna – it’s too tedious to bear alone. You will say, yes won’t you?’
‘Put me down as a maybe,’ she’d said, as she struggled to get him out of his trousers.
‘But you’ll be my wife then, so of course so you’ll have to.’
‘Now I know you’re drunk,’ she laughed.
‘No, I’m not. Look …’ He’d fumbled drunkenly in his pocket and pulled out a small box which had the unmistakable stamp of HW – Harry Winston, jeweller to the stars. He proffered it to her. ‘Go on, open it.’
Shauna took the box from his fingers and gingerly opened it. She gasped. Inside was the hugest solitaire she had ever seen, the many facets of its cushion cut throwing a rainbow kaleidoscope across her bedroom ceiling as it caught the light from the vintage Art Deco lamp by her bedside.
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