Weaving my way through the streets of London, I finally pull up outside of Liam's town house, I shut the engine off and make my way up to the front door. He won’t be awake yet, the man sleeps like the dead at the best of times, but now he’s back in his own bed he’s going to be out cold. Knowing this is the one and only time I’ll get to use it, I take the key out of my pocket and open the door. I step inside and shutting it quietly behind me. I sag against the wood, taking a deeply inhale through my nose and letting it back out through my mouth, trying my best to compose my wildly beating heart.
I have to be strong, I can do this.
As I head for the stairs, I see Liam’s bags still at the bottom of them, knowing he’s home I call out his name as I go upstairs. My calls go unanswered, because as I guessed, he’s still dead to the world. As I’ve only ever been to his house once before, when he ended up in hospital, I have no clue which room is his, but move forward anyway. Reaching the top of the stairs, I call out his name again, but once again I’m met with total silence.
Keeping my grip on the banister, I lean forward, looking left then right. All these doors on the landing, and I’m not sure which bedroom is his, sucking in air between my teeth I decide to go in search of him.
I open one door and see what I’m presuming is a guest room, the next door I open is at the end of the long stretch of carpet. I peek inside, hoping to see him curled up fast asleep. Instead what I find has my blood running cold, sending my whole world spinning, crashing around me in seconds. I can’t breathe, my chest has gone tight, I push the door further open and blink my eyes several times, hoping that I’m just plain exhausted and I’m seeing things. Stepping into the room all I can see is my sister’s face on the walls, distorted, ripped and torn to shreds. I recognise some of the pictures, they are from when we were younger, when she was in love with Liam. Everything then comes rushing back to me, the day the guys came here and rushed him to the hospital. It was the day after I told him that she was dead, he came here to be with her, when he was trying to end his own life.
No wonder Connor and Johnny wouldn’t let me up the stairs that day.
They knew.
The bile I can feel rising up my throat can’t be stopped this time, instead I vomit all over the carpet, my stomach wrenching with dry heaves when I have nothing left to give as the tears just keep running down my face. Holding on to one of the walls for support, I realise I’m leaning against pictures of Steph. Well, isn’t that just karma. First, he ruins one Wright girl, now he’s destroyed the other.
Everything he’s said to me has been nothing but lies. He did use me., that I am now certain of.
“Duchess.” His voice is nothing but a whisper, I can hear the panic and dread in the way he called my nickname.
“What are you doing in here?”
I turn and rest my forehead against the wall, placing my hands either side of my head before I start to laugh maniacally.
It’s official, I’ve lost my bloody mind.
He comes closer to me, intending to place a hand on my arm, but before he can get there I scream at him.
“Don’t you dare fucking touch me, and for the record, I am not your Duchess. I never was.”
“Please, just let me explain. I need you to let me explain everything,” he pleads. I’m nobody's mug, he’s fooled me once he isn’t getting the chance to do it again.
“To answer your question, I came here to tell you something. Something that I thought you needed to know, only now I can see all you do is hurt people and I won’t let you hurt her.”
With that I push past him and run as fast as I can to the stairs, taking them as quickly as I can because I can hear him behind, chasing after me.
Slamming his key down on the hallway table, I start to pull open the door, but Liam grabs a hold of my bicep to stop me. We have our own little game of tug of war, me trying to pull away, as he tries to pull me back in, but the door finally opens and I manage to break free, running to my car and standing by it. With a sense of Deja-fucking-vu, I look back to see Liam staring at me, while I glare back.
“You have a daughter.” Once the words leave my lips, I climb into my car and leave.
Not once do I look back.
I can’t.
Chapter Thirty
Liam
I have a daughter?
What the hell was that?
I’d know if I had a child out there, no-one can keep a secret that big, if there’s money to be made from it.
Watching her drive away after she’s dropped yet another bomb on me seems to be the story of my life. She has to be lying, she doesn’t know anyone that I’ve slept with.
Except one, a voice in the back of my head tells me.
No, no, no! Steph would have contacted me, she wouldn’t have kept something this vital from me. She wasn’t a heartless person, she would have wanted me to know.
This is some sort of mistake, Mel has to be confused. Angry even, for finding my Steph wallpaper and it’s her way of hurting me, but then again, she isn’t the type of person who would say something like that just to hurt me.
I’m still standing in my doorway with my junk hanging out, again the story of my life. Shit seems to keep happening to me when I’ve got my dick swinging about.
Oh well, there hadn’t been time to grab boxers when I heard sobbing coming from down my hallway. I thought I was dreaming when I heard her voice calling my name. I was so exhausted when I got back last night, I just collapsed into bed before passing the fuck out the second my head hit the pillow. Not once did it occur to me that she would turn up this bloody early. When I saw her standing there in that room, my heart broke into a million tiny pieces there and then. The pain that was rippling through her due to seeing her dead sister all over my walls. It was tearing her apart before my eyes, and deep in my gut I knew she was done with me, but I hoped that I could try and explain it to her. Only it was too late. Her anger had taken over, her mind was made up. I could see it in her eyes when she finally looked at me.
Stepping back into my house, I close the door quickly and rush upstairs to my bedroom. Not only do I need to put some clothes on, I also need to once again phone the one person who I know hates me but won’t lie to me. In fact, she will take great pleasure in hurting me.
My sister.
The twisted bitch.
Dragging my jeans up my legs, I fasten the button one handed as I dial her number with the other. It rings twice before she answers.
“Seriously Liam? I get nothing from you in nearly ten years, yet I get two phone calls from you in six fucking months. What do you want this time?”
Well, if that isn’t a kick in the bollocks in the way of a greeting, I don’t know what is.
“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Look, I know I’m not your favourite person, brother or not, but you are the only person I can trust to tell me the fucking truth around here. So I’m going to ask you this once and once only…”
I get cut off when I hear a sharp intake of breath down the line, that in itself tells me she knows what I’m about to ask. She knows I know. Even my own family have kept her from me. This is total bollocks. Not wanting to hear what she has to say any more, I end the call and rush out the door, only stopping to quickly pull on a t-shirt and some shoes.
I have a daughter.
I’m a Dad.
Fuck.
As I put my foot down, I break all kinds of driving laws as I head to the one place I haven’t been to since the day I left. The only place I know Mel would run too. Her parents’ house. I have to speak to her. She’s just told me I have a kid I didn’t even know about, so she can be as pissed as she wants at me for the wallpaper because that’s the least of my worries right now. I have to see with my own two eyes that she is real.
I haven’t been on this side of town since the day Steph kissed me goodbye and I promised to come back for her. Sitting at a red light the memories once again hit me full force.
“I don’t have to go, I can s
tay here with you and get a proper job. I love you,” I tell her, as I watch her tears run in rivets down her cheeks.
Stroking my face with the back of her knuckles, she sucks in a sob as she tries her hardest to stop it from escaping.
“I know you do, but you love the guys and you were born to be in this band baby. I’m not going anywhere, I’ll be here waiting for you when you get back.”
The sound of horns honking behind me pull me out of that particular memory, not once did she mention or show any signs that she was pregnant with my child. I knew every inch of her body and there was nothing there to indicate that we had a new life growing inside of her.
Pulling onto the estate where I once lived, I come to a stop when I pull up outside the two story semi-detached house. It’s then I’m sucker punched straight in the gut, there right before my eyes is a small girl with curly brown locks playing in the front garden with her dolls.
I can’t breathe.
Mel was telling the truth.
Nothing could have prepared me for how I’m feeling in this current moment, my whole world has stopped. Like an electric current has recharged me, shocking me back to the here and now. I shake my head and try my best to pull my shit together. That little girl there, is a part of me, I played a part in creating her, and I never even knew about it. I’m gutted to the pit of my stomach, to think that I’ve missed out on her life, watching her growing up.
Does she even know about me?
My heart is breaking, as I start to wonder what she thinks of me. If she does know I exist, does she want to know about me? Does she think her daddy doesn’t love her? That I didn’t want to be in her life?
I don’t know the first thing about raising a kid, the closest I’ve come to kids is Connor’s and Johnny’s little devils, even then I didn’t pay much attention - I’m just fun Uncle Liam to them. This though, this is a whole different kettle of fish, this is my own flesh and blood we’re talking about. Even from this distance I can tell she’s mine, she has my nose… poor kid.
It’s then I look to the front door and see Mel standing on the steps leading up to the house. My blood starts to boil, she knew all this time and kept it from me. She slept in my bed knowing she had this big secret that would change my life told me she loved me when in fact all of it was one big fat lie. It had to be. Gripping the steering wheel, I can feel my temper rising to a new high.
I have to get out of here.
I watch her come down the steps, sitting herself down just in time before my little girl runs and jumps on her, causing Mel to laugh out loud. Not one bit of the sobbing woman that ran out of my house earlier is present. Even from here I can see they are close and are familiar with each other, I feel robbed. Seeing them together like this, my anger starts to bubble in my veins but it wouldn’t be right for me to confront Mel or her parents while I’m like this. The last thing I want is for the kid to think her dad is some violent arsehole.
Again, that’s if she even knows about me.
Putting my car in reverse, I don’t bother checking there's anyone behind me before I spin the car around and hightail it out of there, fast.
Chapter Thirty-One
Melissa
The only place I wanted to be when I dropped that particular bit of information on Liam was home. Not only did I have to come and tell my parents what I had done, I also wanted to be here in case he showed up.
I had to do some damage control.
When I arrived Bethany was so pleased to see me, it broke my heart. What she didn’t realise, was that I’d just turned her world upside down. I couldn’t bear to tell her, as far as she was concerned, she had a dad who was non-existent.
I also couldn’t tell her, that I had fallen in love with her daddy and my heart was breaking, so to protect her I put on a brave face and smiled. She may only be eight, but she isn’t stupid, me trying to act all brave wasn’t fooling her. Especially when I turned up at the house and sent her out to play so I could tell my mum and dad what I had done. I could deal with them being disappointed in me, but what I couldn’t handle was her being disappointed in me.
After I’d had a dressing down and had to listen to my mother sob her eyes out at me for hurting her, I walked away and went outside to Beth. Seeing me coming down the front steps I just about had enough time to sit my arse down on the front lawn before she launched herself at me.
“I missed you Aunty Mel,” she tells me as she squeezes the life out of me. Tears prickle my eyes, but I manage to suck them back in before she pulls away.
“I missed you too, kiddo. Have you been good for Nanny and Gramps?” I ask her, trying my hardest to be normal for her sake. If she sees me crying, she’ll start to ask questions, questions I don’t want to give her the answers too, not yet anyway.
Out of nowhere, the hairs on the back of my neck stand to attention and I get the feeling like I’m being watched. So I take a quick look over her little shoulder and through the bushes. I see the familiar car I know to be Liam's. It has to be his, because there is no way on god's green earth that a car like that would be owned by anybody in this street. Not a chance.
Sucking in a breath, I wait for the storm to happen. Beth must sense something is wrong as she also looks in the direction in which I’m staring.
“What are you staring at Aunty Mel? You look scared.” Her voice trembles showing she’s worried about me. Just as I go to tell her I’m okay, the car spins off at a speed that I know would get anyone a ticket if they were to get caught.
Letting out a long exhale, my shoulders sag in relief. Okay, so maybe today isn’t the day he rips my heart out, only crushes it slightly. The vision of the ripped wallpaper with Steph's face all over it dances around my mind. I can feel the storm getting closer now, like a dark cloud’s on its way over, and soon enough the rain will start to pour down. Only it won’t be just a small rainstorm, it’s going to be one big motherfucking thunderstorm. I know I haven’t got long until it happens, so I now need to prepare myself for when my whole world starts to change.
The day he comes to claim his daughter, the little girl that has been my whole life, since I could remember and who holds a special place in my heart ever since her mother died, will break me completely. To the point I’ll never be the same again, nothing will ever replace that gaping hole in my life. She’s all I have left of my sister, yes, I have my tattoo in her memory, but Beth is our only living connection.
In time I can get over losing him, at least I think I can, only time will tell, but losing this amazing little girl in front of me would be the death of me. She’s the only one keeping my heart beating.
When I look at her, she reminds me so much of Steph, it’s nice to see, as it reminds me of my sister when she was that age in all the photographs I’ve seen that my parents have. If you look close enough you can see bits of her father as well. It’s only small things, but they’re there, nevertheless. Not only do they sleep the same, she has his nose and she does this curl with her lip when she’s thinking about something just the way he does. I only noticed he did it recently, more so when he’s playing his drums and he’s concentrating.
Taking her head in my hands, I look her in the eyes and smile at her before placing a kiss on her cheek.
“I’m okay, kiddo. Aunty Mel is just really tired.” I hate myself for lying to her, but it’s the best I can come up with right now. The lump in my throat is making it hard for me to breathe. Without giving anything away to Beth, or upsetting her further, I tell her to go back inside for her breakfast, it’s still early and I know she wouldn’t have had anything yet. As I tell her, we both hear her tummy rumble and laugh it off.
I watch as she jumps up, running towards the house.
“You staying for breakfast Aunty Mel? Gramps is cooking a full English,” she sings to me.
“Of course I am, I wouldn’t miss out on that, would I?” I tell her. She opens the front door, as I hear her shout through to the kitchen.
“Aunty Mel is staying f
or breaky Gramps, woohoo!”
God, I love her to pieces, she doesn’t have a bad bone in her body, and I have to give credit to my parents for that. They’ve done an amazing job raising her, even though I know at times it’s a struggle for them. They’re getting older now and having a young girl in the house can be tiring at times.
My thinking about my parents and Beth soon comes to halt when I remember Liam now knows about Beth. Why did I go shooting my mouth? If I had kept it shut a little longer than things could have been different, I wouldn’t be sitting here thinking about what’s going to happen.
I know though that there’s no point pondering about the what if’s, it’s all out in the open and there’s no going back. I wipe my face, and squeeze my eyes together, I’ve managed to keep the tears at bay so far, losing it now would be a huge mistake. Pushing myself up off the grass, I start to walk inside the house, stopping short to take another quick glance over the road. I’m double checking and making sure that Liam has in fact driven away and isn’t going to come knocking on the door, making demands to see his daughter. He’s not there though, the way he sped off tells me he was really mad. So no doubt he’ll be off to drown his sorrows somewhere and no doubt get balls deep in some dirty tramp.
Shuddering at the thought of him with some other woman, my skin crawls as I think about it, another woman raking her hands all over his body.
He was supposed to me mine now.
I walk into the house, closing the door behind me, clearing all the fucked-up thoughts I now have running through my head. I’m going to enjoy whatever time I’ve got left with my family, before it’s all torn apart.
It’s been a week since I walked out of Liam’s house and told him about Beth. A week since I saw him outside my parents’ house. I haven’t heard a single word from him. If I’m honest, this makes me nervous, as I haven’t a clue what he’s thinking or doing for that matter, and it means I have no idea how much time I have left with Bethany.
Syren's Rebirth (Syren Series) Page 14
