I trusted my instincts and went for the carpet. I crouched and lifted it up. Bingo! A trapdoor! I opened it, it was dark, but no worries: I was nyctalopic. I easily saw the ladder that would lead me downstairs, but once I got down, I turned on the light. It was almost as bright as in the middle of the day. I squinted for a few seconds — I was nearly blind! — and then thanks to that amazing light — progress never stops — I finally was able to explore that windowless basement, as grey as upstairs, in which Johan’s bedroom was hidden.
Behind the ladder, there was a gigantic bookshelf, which took up the entire wall space. I knew he was a reader, but there were so many books it was impressive. There was a king size-bed with a black bedding — no kidding — but it wasn’t made. I went towards the nightstand, on which laid a water bottle, and a framed picture. I took it and saw a man with grey eyes and fair hair, smiling so kindly to a woman with dark hair and blue eyes that you could tell they were in love.
She carried a little boy — six years old, max — whose black hair was disheveled and smiling from ear to ear, even though there were two teeth missing. His eyes and his father’s showed pure happiness — they were the same, but he had his mother’s hair. My heart ached. It was a beautiful picture. They looked so happy… I couldn’t possibly imagine what Johan had been through… I mean, to witness your parents being killed… I put the picture down, both sad and glad to have seen Johan as a kid, and with my own eyes — it was not like it was every day.
In order to pep up, I continued my exploration. There was a huge built-in closet on the other side of the room, and so I opened it. Most of Johan’s clothes were folded here, and his scent filled the room. I quickly took inventory of what was in front of me: lots of loose tops, grey, black, or white, jeans and joggings of the same colors, a couple shirts, two leather jackets, lots of sweatshirts and a couple jumpers.
He also had black sneakers and biker boots — I loved men who wore that kind of boots, they were so sexy! There was a box full of boxers and socks, all of them black. A couple of pieces were navy or brown, but there were no other colors. Bummer. But no matter, I’d dress up in yellow, blue and pink every day so that his life might be as colorful as a rainbow. “He’s gonna be so glad!” I said out loud, picturing his reaction.
I smiled. I was eager to see him again, and for real. To see his face always, to see his eyes. “This is torture!” I sighed, closing the closet.
I turned away from it and explored another side of the room. There was a black screen — oh come on! — behind which a bathtub was hidden over a greyish bathmat. There was a bath towel hanging on the screen, a shower gel and a shampoo bottle on the bathtub. I opened and smelled them, and here it was, Johan’s scent. There was a toilet hanging from the wall on the other side, and another screen shielded it from the rest of the room. By the bathtub, a sink also hung from the wall, and on its side, there was a toothbrush and some toothpaste in a glass, a little bar of soap, and a razor. The little cupboard underneath held towels, and other toiletries. Nothing fancy.
Above the sink, there was a mirror, and my own reflection appeared. My eyes and their dark circles showed I was curious and tired, just like the paleness of my face. My chapped lips craved water and balm. I looked terrible. I couldn’t believe that this morning, Johan had seen me this way, and I decided that it shouldn’t happen anymore. We might be soulmates, I had to take care of myself. And I wanted to be beautiful for him, as well as for my own sake. He looked so perfect… Granted, I had an excuse for not looking great, but still, I had to get it together. Tomorrow. I was asleep on my feet, now wasn’t a good time to put some makeup on or go to the salon.
This place was comforting, in spite of its coldness, and so, reassured by those discoveries and the semi-presence of Johan, I grabbed a T-Shirt from his closet. I undressed and put it on. I immediately felt good. We were close, even though he was far away from here. I closed the trapdoor, the rug fell back on it, and I turned off the light. It was weird, but since the front door was locked and I was hidden down here, I was certain no one would find me. I could sleep alone, and without being anxious. And if someone was to show up, let’s say, Ryan, I would have the time to hear him coming.
I slid in Johan’s bed, soaked in his scent. I pulled the sheets and wondered what it’d be like to sleep with him in here, in his arms. “This will all be over soon,” I whispered in the darkness, hoping he’d be back in no time with Daniel and my grandmother Andrea.
With a peaceful mind and a smile on my face, I was ready to sleep. But before going to the land of dreams, I saw on the ceiling little shining stars. He had glued those so he could see them lying down. Smarty-pants. It felt like sleeping under the stars, under the canopy of heaven. The darkness wasn’t scary, on the contrary, it was lit by a myriad of scattered little shining stars. I closed my eyes on seeing this constellation, and I fell asleep immediately, exhausted by the dreadful events of the last two days.
Chapter 24
The two weeks that followed were gay and cheerful. Ever since I’d told Adélie about the soulmate’s situation, she was happier than ever. When she wasn’t working, she spent her time cooking good simple food for us, and she was always, always humming.
Esthelle and Lola acted as if they still hated each other, but I heard them whisper together as soon as no one was looking. I didn’t know if they were actually together, but it wasn’t any of my business. I had to let them create their own story, without meddling with it.
Milo’s sadness had vanished. He was in the pink, and very glad to have been promoted in the café he worked in, in the middle of clients and coffee. I liked it too, because I met him every day before going to work so that I could drink his famous latté. We had adapted our former routine, and we were both content. I’d missed those little moments we used to share, talking about everything and nothing, ambiguity-less, and I loved to hear him recite a few lines, when he was inspired.
Clemencia was adjusting to her new life too. She spent most of her time with her son, without being forced to leave him under the care of others, or without having to abandon him to play with other kids. Since she wasn’t working, she was in charge of grocery shopping. She also toured and visited the city with Colin, who was glad to have his mommy to himself and to be able to go out and explore. Lola accompanied them often, when she wasn’t studying. In spite of being sort of home-schooled, she didn’t want to run behind, and you had to give her credit for that.
As for me… I was okay. Ryan’s attack was in the past. I still didn’t want to shower alone in the bathroom, and I’d had a couple panic attacks, but in spite of those unimportant things, I was fine. I was running myself ragged at work, in the hope of forgetting Johan’s long absence. It wasn’t my dream job, but it was better than the one I had in my former pack. At least, I had a regular schedule, great bosses, a salary of my own, and, most of all, I had a choice. If I ever wanted to leave and work somewhere else, the witches wouldn’t blame me for it, and I wouldn’t be whipped in public either. For now, I liked my job, and I was glad to do the girls a favor. I served the clients, helped Esthelle in the kitchen, and even Adélie, sometimes, with the paperwork. It felt good to be useful and appreciated.
It was June, and with the end of spring, it was getting much warmer. Actually, I was always hot. Maybe I just couldn’t stand the heat. But either way, I was yearning to spend my day wearing nothing but a swimsuit. I guess that in summer, I’d just die.
I was longing for Johan. I missed him, and I was worried. Why hadn’t he come back yet? Did something happen? Did he get caught? Did he get killed? Did Ryan “handle” him? This douchebag kept on leaving me threatening little notes here and there, and it was driving me nuts. I was angrier with every note, but I also felt humiliated and ashamed. I had to tell myself to move on, even if the memories of his attack, of my being attacked, often came rushing back, and tormented me. It wasn’t easy, but I was slowly getting over it. Even though Johan wasn’t here to help.
The not-know
ing was truly driving me crazy. I had trouble keeping my she-wolf in check, and my mood swings had a bad repercussion on the pack member’s spirits. I tried to control myself, and the others helped. They didn’t understand the bond that connected Johan and I — how could they? I hadn’t told them, only Adélie knew — but they were doing their best to entertain me, to make me go out, to make me laugh. Especially Milo. A part of him refused to let me go, and he was often trying to win me over. But it was subtle. A couple innuendos here and there, a look that didn’t fool anyone, and lots and lots of affection. But since I didn’t want us to be enemies, I just told him off. He knew where I stood. And besides, he didn’t mind, and he was never blue.
I was worried about Lola though. She seemed happy, and in a way she was, but she sure missed high-school. The year was drawing to an end, so it was pointless to make her join a school now, but I knew she was sad anyway. That was what’s so great about pack: you can’t hide much from the other members.
As the alpha, I could hide some things from them, namely my thoughts about Johan, but I couldn’t hide my feelings. They knew I was worried, and they knew all about the mood I was in. They also were aware of the fact that from time to time; I was scared of Ryan, and it was killing me to know that they knew how weak I was. I wished they could only see me from the outside and be impressed by the strength I was trying to show. But they were my family, and it made sense that they had to know what their alpha was like, no matter her strength or weaknesses. In a way, I was more human, I was more myself — a woman, soft and strong, and even though I had weaknesses, I wasn’t weak.
“Maddie!” I started and poured some of the smoothie I was making. Gosh! Not only was I terribly hot, I’d also be sticky for the rest of the day. Damn it, Esthelle! No, if I hadn’t been daydreaming, I would have been more careful and that wouldn’t have happened. “Maddie!” she said again.
Something in the tone of her voice was worrying. I’d been wiping the smoothie off my breasts with a wet napkin for a couple seconds, but I stopped, and looked at her. On the other side of the counter, Esthelle was white as a sheet, and the panicked look in her eye sent shivers down my spine. If she was freaked, there had to be something wrong. I left the spilt smoothie, ignored the two women who were demanding theirs, and walked towards Esthelle. “What’s wrong?” I asked, trying to keep calm.
“Adélie just spoke with Johan on the phone. He got your grandma, but… We have to go home, now.”
Esthelle had barely finished her sentence that I had already headed out. Adélie was waiting for us, the engine had started, and she looked worried. I threw myself into the car, Esthelle followed, and we just left, at full pet. “Hurry!” I said, scared.
I didn't understand. How could she be so calm? I felt like there was a volcano inside of me, and it was on the merge of bursting. And it would crush everything if it did. Adélie was doing her best. I knew she couldn’t make the car fly; it wasn’t a DeLorean. But I was freaked anyway. I should have just run home; I would have gotten there sooner.
Breathe. That was what I was telling myself not to go berserk. Lola and Clemencia were home. No matter what happened, they could handle it. I could picture them in front of the house, waiting. They had to have understood the problem through me. For now, nothing was happening. My grandma was nowhere to be sensed. What was it all about?
My brain was working full power. Johan had gotten my grandma out of here, but what about Daniel? Did something happen to him? And what was the problem related to Andrea? Was she hurt? Or worse? I was so afraid. She was the only biological family I had left, and if something had happened to her because of those scumbags… I was doing my best not to cry. It was pointless to think about the worst that could happen. I was probably worrying too much.
I was slowly calming down. Adélie was driving as fast as she could, Esthelle kept quiet, and nothing was happening at home. Milo had left work, and he was on his way too. Oh no, I hoped he wouldn’t get fired! If that was the case, I would plead his cause.
I didn’t even wait for Adélie to park — I had already jumped out of the car, and I was searching the whereabouts, in the hope of catching my grandma’s scent. I looked insane, in my little pink dress, running around like a crazy animal. And so I stopped for a second.
Easy, Maddie. Easy, I told myself.
The more I agitated I was, the less efficient I’d be. I stood still, took a deep breath, and focused on my senses. I didn’t hear anything suspicious. Just the happy shouts of the kids in the neighboring playground, the adults talking, the traffic and the horn blasts, the leaves rustling, my friends, breathing. I didn’t see anything suspicious either. The passers-by and their dogs, the flowers, the blue sky, the houses, the concrete. The woods. Wait… Yes! Over there! Between the trees, there was a silhouette. A woman, rather short. Beautiful, fair ringlets, dreamy blue eyes, clothes that cost an arm and a leg…
“Bridget!” I screamed, torn between joy and astonishment. Without even trying to understand — I’d have plenty of time to do that later — I rushed towards her. But I was always through when I realized that she was carrying something. Or, more accurately, someone. Oh. My. God. I ran for half-a-mile, which was how far they were. In the vampire’s arms, there was my grandmother’s curled up body. She was covered in blood. Her eyes were closed, and her face was white. “No, no, no, no, no!” I kept on repeating, my heart shattering in a thousand pieces.
“Not that you don’t make a great peacock impression, but Andrea needs help. If you took just a second to breathe, you’d see that she’s breathing too,” Bridget grumbled.
I managed not to slap her and checked my grandma’s pulse. It was beating faintly, but it was beating, and it was all I needed to know. I turned around and saw all my friends coming towards me, including Milo. Perfect. “Clemencia, you and Colin should stay away while I care for my grandma. Adélie, Esthelle, get me all the bandages and antibacterial you can find. Lola, clear the living-room so we have space, Milo, search the woods to look for Johan and Daniel.
They did what I asked, without objecting my orders. I gently took my grandma in my arms. She was light as a feather. She was uttering wheezes, and her heart sometimes failed her. With Bridget by my side — I still couldn’t figure out what she was doing here — we hurried back into the house. I laid my grandma down on the couch, as carefully as I could. She was still not moving, and I was really worried. Lola had had the time to move some of the furniture so we could move freely. The witches brought me a first-aid kit, as well as other medical supplies, and I started to tend her woods immediately.
Something was wrong. It seemed the healing process hadn’t been triggered. She wasn’t healing, she was in pain, she was bleeding. She really had to have reached the end of her rope.
I kept on dressing her wounds and stopped the bleeding. I’d tended to myself so many times that it was a piece of cake. Unfortunately, she wasn’t getting better. I put a wet cloth on her forehead and wrapped her up in a blanket. Her body was ice-cold. I was doing my best, but in my head, it was chaotic. I couldn’t make sense of what had just happened. Why the hell was she in such a bad state, why was Bridget here, where were Johan and Daniel? And so I looked at the only person who could enlighten me. “What happened?” I asked the vampire.
“That psycho-pack of yours, that’s what happened!”
“Go on!” I said harshly.
“That guy Johan came to me a while ago and he said he knew where you were. I’d been looking for you for weeks, and I was afraid your pack had killed you. I really looked everywhere for you, and I thought I’d never see you again…” There was a sudden sadness in her blue eyes. I held her arm, I was moved. I guess that even though I thought Bridget and I were like best friends, I would never have guessed that she’d be so hurt by my absence. She got it together, and went on. “But anyway, he said he needed my help to get Daniel and Andrea out of the pack. It was no picnic, I tell ya. We spent hours hidden in bushes or thickets, spying on those assholes, tryin
g to look for a flaw. And when we finally did, we went in to get her out of here. Them scumbags were holding her prisoner in an actual cell! She was so weak… Johan entrusted me with her, and he went into freeing Daniel, who was in a pretty bad shape too… But as I was leaving, this prick with a 2010 Bieber haircut…”
Well, well. That rang a bell. He was everywhere! I whispered angrily: “Ryan?”
“Yeah, a real dickhead. He’d been onto us and he’d warned the pack. They’d been waiting for us. It was all a freaking trap! Andrea shot from the hip and jumped head on into the battle. She fought with the courage of a lion, but the others were much stronger. I barely managed to pull her out of there. Johan and Daniel took it from here, and they told me to leave, and to get her to safety, with you. You know me, I do what I’m told, and so I left. I ran all day to get her back to you but… I’m sorry, Maddie. I hope it’s not too late. I know how much you love her, and I should have protected her better.”
I shook my head; I couldn’t believe it. The vampire had come to Johan’s aid, and had meddled into the wolf business even though she had nothing to do with all that. She’d helped Danny and my grandma, she’d fought by their side, and she’d brought Andrea back to me. And she said it wasn’t enough? She was definitely crazy. “You did everything you could,” I said reassuringly while my heart was heavy. “Danny and Johan are still there then?”
She nodded. Despair decided to take over. They didn’t stand a chance. The two of them, against the whole pack, they wouldn’t make it. I was going to lose my grandmother, and I was going to lose my friend and my soulmate as well. And it was all my fault. All of my hope of future happiness was gone. I thought, when I left the pack, that I would lead a better life. That all of this would be done with, that I would finally be free. I was wrong. They would always hold me hostage, somehow. They would always try to ruin my life, to break me, to hurt me.
She-Wolf I Page 31
