by M. L. Rice
I can’t do this, she thought frantically, her gaze darting to the motley group of teens stuck at Mrs. Coulson’s house. This is nothing but brainwashing by religious zealots.
Bryce’s thoughts turned back to her mother’s desperate face, and a pang of guilt stabbed at her. She could suffer through at least one meeting and then tell her mother it wasn’t going to work. That would have to be enough.
As she was having these thoughts Mrs. Coulson walked into the room carrying a tray of fruit punch and shortbread cookies. She situated it on a brilliantly white lace doily draped across the coffee table in the middle of the room. Several of the teenagers pounced on the refreshments as if they hadn’t eaten in days. Bryce didn’t feel like she ever wanted to eat again.
“Hello, everyone. Welcome back to our weekly Path of the Covenant meeting. We have a new member today. Her name is Bryce Montgomery. Please welcome her to the group, everyone.”
“Hi, Bryce,” they all said as one.
She didn’t answer.
“Because she’s new we’re going to explain how our group works. It’s a good refresher for everyone else, too.” Mrs. Coulson turned her sugary gaze on Bryce. “Path of the Covenant is part of what some people call, albeit a bit too crassly, the Ex-Gay Movement. It’s a group that caters specifically to teenagers and young adults who are struggling with homosexual feelings and urges.”
Bryce couldn’t help but roll her eyes and make a scoffing noise. She saw Mrs. Coulson’s lips purse. She continued by clearing her throat dramatically. Obviously she thought Bryce was impertinent.
“Bryce, what is a covenant?”
“An agreement.”
“Yes, but what does it mean in a religious context?”
Bryce sighed. Might as well play along. “A covenant is an agreement between Man and God to do or refrain from doing something.” She paused before adding, “Depending on how God or Man feels about that something at the time.”
Mrs. Coulson’s eyes narrowed, but she pressed on. “Correct. A covenant is an all-important agreement between Christians and God to act appropriately according to the Gospels. The reason this support group…”
Bryce stifled a groan. A support group? Not when you’re force-fed illogical and hurtful propaganda.
“The reason this support group is called Path of the Covenant is because you young people,” she gestured around the circle, “have recently discovered things about yourself that go against God’s plan. We’re here to help! We want you to know God loves you and that, with His help, you can change.” She clapped her hands with delight. “This has been proven time and time again, and anyone who accepts this help can go on to live happy, normal, heterosexual lives.” Mrs. Coulson had gotten more and more excited as she spoke, clearly reveling in her own piousness. “Bryce, I’d like to introduce you to my husband, Tom Coulson.”
She turned to her right, and the unassuming man who had apparently been sitting next to her the whole time stood and nodded. Bryce hadn’t noticed him because he had been practically sunken into the couch. When he stood, he cowered as if afraid of being struck. He was the mousiest man Bryce had ever seen. His hair was messily combed over his balding head and he had a graying mustache that looked as if it were trying to make him look manlier, but it failed miserably.
“Hello, Bryce.” Tom’s voice was so quiet she could barely hear him speak. “I myself am an ex-gay.” He waited for surprise or any kind of reaction from Bryce, but she offered none. “I went through this same twelve-step program when I was in college, and through the love of our Lord, I was able to see that my attraction to men had a root in being too close to my mother and sisters growing up. I was the youngest, so they would take me shopping with them and my sisters would dress me up as a girl for plays they put on. When I reached puberty I found that I thought about other boys in a sexual way and I hated myself for it.” He took a deep breath. “Anyway, my parents discovered Path of the Covenant at the church in my hometown and they really changed my life. I’m a happily married man now.” He glanced briefly at Mrs. Coulson, who gazed lovingly back at him with watery eyes. “And I know this group can help you kids too.”
He smiled shakily and sat back down, a little too quickly.
“Isn’t…that…wonderful?” His wife was still looking at him with pure awe on her face. No one responded.
“Now that you’ve met my husband, a Path of the Covenant success story”—she beamed—“let’s go around the circle and introduce everyone.” Mrs. Coulson smiled sweetly and started. “Bryce, we’ve already met, but again, my name is Dolores Coulson. I’m a daycare provider for children under two and I hold these meetings in my free time in order to give back to society and to help young people such as yourself find their way back to the Lord.”
Bryce fought the upheaval in her stomach.
Next to Mrs. Coulson was a frail-looking boy. Bryce guessed he was no more than eleven years old. Mrs. Coulson smiled at him to continue the introductions. In a quiet voice he said, “My name is Benji.”
“Benji, continue, please.” Mrs. Coulson prodded him.
The boy took a deep breath and said, “My parents think I’m too eff…eff…”
“Effeminate, dear.”
“…effeminate and Mrs. Coulson has helped me realize that I can grow up to be a real man if I pray hard enough.”
Bryce’s eyes were wide with shock and pity.
Next to him was an older girl wearing a T-shirt from Saltus High’s rival school, DeSoto. “My name is Amanda and I’m attracted to girls.”
“Amanda…” Mrs. Coulson leveled her gaze at Amanda with disapproval.
“My name is Amanda and I’m attracted to girls.” She looked defiant.
Mrs. Coulson shook her head and said to Bryce, “Amanda has only been coming to meetings for two months, so she’s still working on Step Two: Accepting that she wants to change.”
Mrs. Coulson then looked to the next young man, who had a glazed look in his eyes as he smiled too widely with teeth that were unnaturally white. “I’m Corey and I used to be attracted to men, but Mrs. Coulson has turned my life around. I have a girlfriend named Sarah and I’m asking her to marry me when I graduate from college in a year.” Mrs. Coulter clapped for him, smiling proudly.
“I’m Brandon,” said the boy on the other side of Bryce. Apparently they were saving her for last. “This is only my third meeting.”
Mrs. Coulter didn’t force him to say more. He seemed very shy.
The last person in the circle was a fit and handsome college student who spoke with a heavy accent. “My name is Luis. I moved to Galveston from the Virgin Islands with my parents five years ago, and I just finished my first year of university at Saltus State. I came out to my parents three years ago, and, in order for them to help me pay for college, I have to attend these meetings.” He looked disdainfully at Mrs. Coulson.
“Now, Luis, we’ve discussed this. I can’t help you if you won’t at least try.”
His ebony skin flushed even darker with the rage Bryce knew he must feel.
Now it was Bryce’s turn. She hesitated with all of the eyes on her, but finally said, “I’m Bryce, and I don’t need to be here.”
Mrs. Coulson tsked. “Of course you need to be here, Bryce. You have unwanted sexual attractions to women.”
“I have sexual attractions to women, Mrs. Coulson, but they are by no means unwanted.”
Out of the corner of her eye she saw Amanda smile.
“Well, coming to these meetings is the first step in acknowledging that you have a problem.”
“I’m not an alcoholic or drug addict, ma’am.”
“No, but you are perverting God’s natural plan.” Mrs. Coulson’s gaze turned to ice as she glared at Bryce. Her tone was knife-sharp. The room fell completely silent. “You think because television shows portray gay behavior as okay that it is. It is not. You are not normal, and I’m here to help you get back on the right path to salvation. Without people like me showing you th
e way, you would be just another lamb to the devil’s slaughter. Why can’t you see how disgusting your acts, your thoughts, your heretical lifestyle choices are to God? It’s here in black and white.” Mrs. Coulson thumped her Bible down on the table.
“Your interpretation,” Bryce said calmly.
Mrs. Coulson grew more heated as she spoke. “You will change, Miss Montgomery, or you will spend an eternity in hell as Satan’s whore. That is your only option. Choose wisely.”
Bryce took a good twenty seconds to slow her breathing before finally replying, “You are not God, Mrs. Coulson. I don’t judge you on how you live your life. You seem like someone who honestly wants to make the world a better place, however misguided you may be, but you shouldn’t judge me on the way I live mine.”
“The Word of God says—”
Bryce spoke louder. “I’m a good person who has never hurt anyone. You don’t know who I am. You know nothing about me. And this is the twenty-first century.” Bryce swung her arms out to encompass the group. “There’s nothing wrong with me and there is nothing wrong with the kids in this room. The only thing wrong in here is you and your hateful, backward thinking.” The stunned looks on the faces of the others in the room told Bryce Mrs. Coulson was unaccustomed to people arguing with her.
Mrs. Coulson’s face reddened, and her sticky sweet veneer cracked. “We cannot help you, Miss Montgomery, if you refuse to accept your dysfunction and ask Jesus Christ for forgiveness.”
“That’s not going to happen, and I don’t need angry bigots like you trying to change the way I was born just because you find it ‘icky.’” Bryce stood to leave.
“Bryce Montgomery, you are damning yourself to eternal hell with this choice!” she yelled.
Bryce stood. Enough was enough. “Being gay isn’t a choice, Mrs. Coulson, but refusing to be berated and insulted by people like you is. Good-bye and thank you for your…hospitality.”
She turned and marched out the front door. How she’d thought she could endure such treatment, even for her mother’s sake, was beyond her.
As she stormed down the walkway to her car she heard the door open behind her. She wheeled around, expecting to see a furious Mrs. Coulson, but she relaxed when she saw Amanda running after her with a smile on her face.
“Bryce! Wait!” She took a deep breath. “I just wanted to say thank you. I haven’t been brave enough to stand up to her. My parents make me go to these horrible meetings, but seeing you fight back…well, I’m not coming back here ever again. I don’t care what they say.” She beamed.
Bryce smiled. “You’re welcome. Although I’m scared to death to go home now. I don’t know what came over me. I guess I’ve just never been one to take abuse. I’m better than that…and so are you.”
“And you’ve made me realize it, so thank you!” She pulled a scrap of paper and a pen from her pocket and scribbled quickly. “Here, this is my e-mail address and phone number. If you need to talk to someone who can relate, just get in touch, okay?”
Bryce took the information and nodded, doubting that she would ever get up the nerve to call or e-mail this girl and rehash all the terrible things that had been said in this group.
Amanda waved, hopped on her bike, and pedaled off.
Bryce sat down in her car with a huff, wondering where she should go and what she was going to say to her parents. What could they do to her? They weren’t paying her college tuition, so she didn’t have to worry about being monetarily cut off like Luis did. The Coast Guard Academy was free to all who were accepted. She had also saved up enough money lifeguarding and teaching to easily pay for incidentals for a year or more, and once she graduated, she had a full-time job waiting for her as an officer.
So, what then?
She realized she dreaded her parents’ disapproval. They had always been so close, and she had always been such a perfectly behaved child, that the thought of rebelling or living a life that was obviously so disgusting to them pained her. She knew in her heart they were wrong, of course, but that didn’t mean she felt like flaunting her newfound sexuality in front of them.
She sighed and picked up her phone. After a few rings Leah answered.
“Bryce! I’m so glad you called. Is everything okay?”
“Well, define okay.” Bryce’s voice was emotionless.
“That doesn’t sound good.”
“Can you meet me for dinner tonight at seven thirty?”
“Sure. Where?”
“How about that Greek place next to the mall?”
“Okay.” Bryce could hear the trepidation in Leah’s voice and she knew neither one of them were going to enjoy the upcoming meal very much.
*
When Leah walked into the restaurant Bryce’s heart leaped and then fell again. She looked beautiful in a bright sundress that hugged her curves in a very pleasant way. This wasn’t going to be easy.
Bryce stood and hugged Leah before they both sat down in the booth Bryce had chosen in the deserted back corner of the restaurant. They sat in awkward silence. Bryce hesitated to start what was sure to be an unpleasant conversation.
Finally, she blurted, “Hummus?” and gestured to the warm pitas and dip the waitress had placed in the center of the table.
Leah declined. “It’s good to see you.” She watched Bryce with obvious concern. “I was so worried about you after…after what happened.” She blushed and looked at her folded hands.
Bryce put down the pita she had picked up and said stiffly, “That was embarrassing for you. I’m so sorry.”
“Yeah, but I really was more worried about you.”
“Well, that’s kind of what I wanted to talk to you about.”
Leah sat up straighter, as though bracing herself for what Bryce might say.
Bryce told Leah everything that had happened since she had been so unceremoniously kicked out of her house. Leah looked sad for most of the story, but the sadness was replaced with horror when Bryce told her about Path of the Covenant.
“Your parents are honestly trying to convert you to straight?”
“Yep.”
Leah spluttered for a moment before finally getting out, “What year do they think this is? I didn’t think people actually believed in that crap anymore!”
Bryce smiled wryly. “That kind of backward thinking is unfortunately still alive and well in this country and definitely in Saltus, Texas.”
“So what are you going to do?”
“Well, that’s why I wanted to talk with you actually.”
“I’m not going to like it am I?”
“No, but neither am I. So here’s the deal. I’m not going to put myself through the bullshit of that crazy hate group—”
“That’s awesome!” Leah interrupted. “Your parents shouldn’t be making you feel like something’s wrong with you! I’m glad you see that.”
“Well, here’s the not-so-great part. Even though I know they’re being ignorant, I still feel awful about putting them through this—”
“Bryce, you need to stand up for yourself. You’re being led like a sheep.” Leah was getting defensive on her behalf.
Bryce exhaled with irritation. “Please just let me finish. This isn’t easy for me. I’m a born rule follower. It has served me well, and I’m not the kind of person who can just destroy the lives of the two people I love most in the world just because they don’t agree with a part of who I am!”
Leah bowed her head. “Sorry. I’m just so pissed at how they’re treating you.”
“Leah, everything you’re saying is something I’ve already told myself. You are so not wrong. It’s just that I can’t bring myself to rock the boat any more than I have to right before I leave them for the first time in my life. This wasn’t going to be easy for them in the first place. I’m an only child and they’re about to send me away not only to college, but to the military.” She slapped both palms on the table. “They’re scared! And now I spring the lesbian thing on them…I don’t know. I’m not going
to be emotionally abused by that disgusting group, but I’m also not going to rub my parents’ faces in it. I have to keep to myself for the next two weeks and concentrate on getting ready for school.” Bryce sat back and folded her hands in her lap. “That’s it.”
There was silence as Leah thought about what Bryce had said. “So you’re saying no more ‘us,’ huh?”
Bryce slouched farther back into her seat. “Yeah.”
Neither of them said anything for a while, but finally Bryce asked, “Do you hate me?”
Leah actually laughed. “Oh my God, Bryce. You don’t know me at all, do you?”
Bryce looked confused.
Leah shook her head and smiled as if she were talking to a small child who couldn’t understand the simplest of ideas. “I’ve wanted to be close to you for as long as I can remember. You are the kindest, smartest, most beautiful, and best all-around person I have ever known. No. I don’t hate you.”
Bryce’s face flushed and she started to protest.
“Stop, Bryce. Let me finish now. The last month has been the happiest time of my life. Never in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine you’d think enough of me to actually call me a friend, much less…well, get as close as we have. There is nothing in the world that will ever make me lose that friendship. We’ve discussed this happening and it’s not a surprise to either of us. I was just hoping that it wouldn’t happen so soon.” She made a pained face, but shrugged.
Bryce wiped at her eyes. She couldn’t help but feel like she was losing something important with Leah, but she nodded. “I’ve told you things I would never tell anyone else, Leah. I’m sorry it took me so long to see how awesome you are and I will never, ever forget you. I don’t want to lose your friendship either. It means the world to me. Especially now.”
