by M. L. Rice
“Not a place I’d ever planned on being either, sir.”
He acknowledged that with a slight nod. “She did most of the talking, but I did eventually get to tell her about my recent move to Seattle.”
When he paused, Bryce thought he was waiting for a response. “And why is that, sir?”
“I’m glad you asked. When I retired from the Navy seven years ago, I didn’t really know what I wanted to do with my life. I ended up working in a stuffy office at a weapons manufacturer for three years, and I tell you, that dog just wouldn’t hunt. I couldn’t stand it.”
“I can imagine.”
“In my free time I ended up getting involved with a nonprofit group called Diving Veteran Rehabilitation, or DiVeR. Being a SEAL and a divemaster made it a perfect fit for me.” He fell silent.
After a moment, Bryce cleared her throat. “It sounds great, sir, but—”
“There are a couple of groups like it in the U.S., but basically, it’s a free program teaching disabled veterans how to scuba dive.” He smiled. “Well, damn if I hadn’t found my calling. I quit at the firm and have been working for DiVeR for four years now. It’s a nonprofit, so it doesn’t pay well, but I can’t imagine doing anything else.”
Bryce looked at him quizzically, but with curiosity and excitement. “How can disabled veterans scuba dive, sir?”
“You’d be surprised. You, for example. I’ve read your files. Champion swimmer in high school and at the academy, correct?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Do you walk very well without your cane?”
Bryce’s face darkened. She hated being reminded of it. “Not very well. No, sir.”
“How do you feel when you’re in the water? How do you move?”
Bryce didn’t have to say anything. Her face told him everything he needed to know.
“Exactly. And if soldiers are missing limbs or are paralyzed, it doesn’t matter. They might need a little extra help from their buddy or some modified equipment, but being in the water is always, always a freeing experience for them.”
She nodded, mesmerized.
“No matter what’s wrong with their bodies or minds on land, they can fly underwater. They become weightless. It’s a universe where they have a freer range of motion, a quiet world where their stress disorders are placated and they can calm down and relax. Understand?”
She felt Daniela’s eyes on her, and because a rock had formed in her throat, she simply nodded. Bryce understood very well. She herself took refuge in the water, and it now meant even more to her since the accident. Every word he said was true for her.
“Excellent. So that’s why I asked you to come here. I had to leave the fund-raiser before the afterparty, so I gave Miss Cordova my card in case she did get in touch with you. After I read your bio in the program I knew you were the person I needed.”
“Excuse me, sir, but…do you mean that you want me to join the DiVeR program?” The prospect excited her. She had always wanted to learn how to dive, but she hadn’t had the time and since the accident she figured that she would never be fit enough to do it. Now this man was saying that it was not only possible, but also beneficial for her to be successful at it.
“Yes, I do. Not only that, but I want to hire you for the program.”
Stunned, Bryce blinked.
He held up a palm. “Like I said, it doesn’t pay much and the actual divemasters and trainers will be unpaid volunteers, but we’d still love to have you.”
“But, sir…I’m not scuba certified.”
“That’s not a problem. I don’t need you as an instructor…yet…I just need someone with your qualifications to help me set up and run the new Seattle branch.”
“What exactly are my qualifications, sir?”
“Well, for one, the championship swimmer thing sure doesn’t hurt. You’re comfortable in the water and you’ll be an excellent diver one day.”
Bryce hoped so.
“For another, you’re a well-respected and competent Coast Guard officer. I’ve done my research. You know how to get things done properly and efficiently. Your commander couldn’t recommend you highly enough. I’ve read the files of many, many retired officers and you are by far my first choice.”
“I’m flattered.”
“So, what do you say? Do you want to learn to dive and help other veterans do the same?”
Bryce smiled broadly. “Hell yes, sir.”
*
They spent the next hour and a half going over the specifics of the job that Bryce would start in a month. She was excited about getting scuba certified and gaining a job that would allow her to be in the water every day if she wanted to. She wouldn’t be in charge of getting donations, but would be the veteran liaison. That meant visiting all the VA hospitals in the area, spreading the word about the program, maintaining the website, answering calls and e-mails, and keeping track of all equipment and facility requests and reservations. The classes would be conducted right there at her VA pool, and open water certifications and dives would be reserved in advance on local dive boats. She’d be busy.
By the time she and Daniela had walked back to her apartment, it still hadn’t sunk in that she had just gotten a job—the first job since her forced retirement. She’d get to work with soldiers, sailors, Coasties, Marines, and airmen that had been put into horrible situations and she’d be part of their healing process. Not to mention the fact that she’d finally learn to scuba dive and would live part-time in her liquid world. She couldn’t believe that Daniela had done this for her.
“So. I know you said you’re excited about this, but are you really sure this is something you want to do?” Daniela asked once they had opened up two bottles of Alaskan Amber Ale and plopped down on the couch back at Bryce’s apartment.
“Absolutely. I mean, it’s not the Coast Guard, but at least I’ll still be doing something worthwhile. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to thank you enough,” Bryce said honestly. She held her bottle out to clink with Daniela’s.
“Good. I’m just glad to see you with something positive to do. Something that will get you out of the house. And you’ll be helping people too. That’s the Bryce I know and love.”
Bryce’s cheeks warmed. She wished Daniela would stop throwing the l-word around. It sliced like a knife in her chest every time she heard it.
“I just want to make sure you’re going to be okay after I leave. We’re only here for another week and a half, you know.” Daniela’s lip trembled almost imperceptibly when she said it.
Bryce nodded, a surge of sorrow blocking her ability to speak. She had grown so accustomed to having Daniela around. She had a new career path now, but she had also fallen head over heels in love for the first time in her life. Her heart ached with every thought of Daniela. Her breath caught and her belly tingled with every late-night imagining. Seeing her sent waves of love and desire rippling through Bryce’s scarred body. And now the person to whom she’d become so addicted would be leaving to finish a tour that would keep her away for another two months. After that, an entire continent would separate them when Daniela returned to New York. Any relationship that Bryce dreamed would form was doomed from the start. Not to mention the fact that even if, miraculously, Daniela could love her back, Bryce still felt she wasn’t good enough for Daniela. She wasn’t pretty enough, wasn’t stable enough, and there was no way she could ask Daniela to swap New York and her burgeoning career for a poor veteran in Seattle.
Bryce jumped when her mobile phone rang and pulled her out of her pensiveness. She held it up to look at the screen and her despair grew.
When she forced it to go to voice mail Daniela asked, “Who was it? You look like someone just spit in your beer.”
Bryce paused, still staring at the phone. “My mother.”
They both sat in silence for a moment as the implications set in. Daniela finally said, “Maybe you should listen to the message. It could be important.”
Bryce thought about it. What
if something had happened to her dad? What if her parents had decided to treat her like a human being?
She squeezed her eyes shut and gripped the phone tightly. “I thought I was done with her.”
“They’re your family. Is it possible to ever truly cut them out? Do you really want to?”
Bryce opened her eyes and sagged. “It wasn’t exactly my choice, was it? I only said what I did in the hospital because she gave me no choice. It was either that or continue to let myself get abused.”
Daniela moved closer so their legs were touching. “That’s one of the reasons I admire you so much.”
Bryce looked at her suspiciously. “I don’t follow.”
Daniela put her hand on Bryce’s knee.
It felt like electricity shot through her body.
“It takes an insane amount of courage to stand up for yourself like you did. To refuse to be insulted and belittled. I know it must have been agony for you to do that.”
Bryce grew misty-eyed. “I didn’t feel courageous. I felt…hollow and beaten.”
Daniela shrugged. “But you still did what was best for you.” She gave her leg a small squeeze.
Bryce didn’t know how to respond to Daniela’s warmth, so she said, “Okay. I’ll listen to the message. My expectations are basement level, though.”
She pressed the button for her voice mail and put the phone up to her ear. After a few seconds of silence her mother’s voice came through. “Hello, Bryce.” Pause. “I don’t know what I wanted to say. It’s been a long time. Your father said that…that I shouldn’t let things end the way they did when I left Seattle. Maybe…maybe you could come home to see us. We would really love that.”
Bryce knew what was coming next.
“Pastor Harold has counseled us to never give up on you. What kind of parents would we be if we did?”
The predictability of her mother made Bryce so very weary.
“So…so that’s what I wanted to say. We love you, honey. Please come back to us. Bye.”
Bryce didn’t speak for a while.
Finally, Daniela asked, “Well? Good news? Bad news?”
Bryce shook her head sadly. “Same ol’ shit.” She couldn’t help it. She leaned her head down onto Daniela’s shoulder. “God, I love them so much. I mean, they’re my goddamned parents. But I just…can’t…handle this. Especially on top of everything else.”
Daniela sighed. “I don’t know what to say. Your parents have really reached a monumental level of asshole-ocity…in a warped, altruistic sort of way. No offense.”
“None taken.”
Bryce realized that Daniela’s hand was still on her leg, and the sudden surge of desire combined with her insecurity and now her parents’ reemergence in her life made her disintegrate inside. Every time she thought she had a handle on her emotions and her psyche, something would happen to tear her down again.
She couldn’t have the woman she had fallen in love with. She couldn’t have her family. She was simply no longer the woman she wanted to be and she could think of nothing that could rescue her from her fragmented life.
Unable to stand the growing grief in her chest, Bryce said, “I think I need to rest now. Do you mind? I’ll call you tomorrow.”
Daniela looked disappointed, but finished her beer and stood, bending forward to hug Bryce. As she pulled away she held Bryce’s hands for a moment. Her touch sent painful and exquisite flames dancing over Bryce’s skin.
“Are you coming to the theater tomorrow night?” Daniela asked hopefully.
Bryce wanted nothing more than to go to the theater tomorrow night, but it hurt too much. “I…think I’ll take a rain check.”
Daniela’s face fell. “Oh. Okay, then. How about lunch? You promised to take me to that brewery at Pike Place Market and on the Underground Tour before I leave.” She smiled hopefully.
“I will take you. I promise. But I don’t know about tomorrow. I have…errands to run.” Bryce’s heart was breaking. The words coming out of her mouth were defensive, meant to distance and protect them both. But another part of her brain screamed at her to keep Daniela close, to wring every last second out of their time together. Instead, panic seized her, causing her to retreat—something she rarely did. Her tough veneer had cracked in the last year, exposing her weaknesses, which had begun to prey on her.
“Okay.” Daniela let go of Bryce’s hands and walked slowly to the door. “I guess I’ll talk to you later?”
Stop her, you idiot.
“Yeah. I’ll call you.”
Daniela walked out of her apartment and Bryce curled into a little ball and started crying. Why did she have to fall in love at the exact moment in her life when she felt the most worthless? She hadn’t even been able to get out of the house long enough to find a job for herself. A friend she hadn’t seen in eight years had to find one for her. So lame. What in the world did she have to offer in return?
Nothing.
She had nothing. She was nothing.
Hours passed slowly as she tried to get her thoughts together. Eventually she uncurled herself from her ball of pathetic self-pity and stumbled to her bedroom, wondering what in the world she was doing. She had hurt Daniela’s feelings and she knew it. It wasn’t Daniela’s fault she was having a minor breakdown. How was Daniela supposed to know that the woman she had reconnected with after so many years had fallen madly in love with her? How was she to know that loving her was causing Bryce to doubt herself and her condition even more?
She flopped down on her bed, Bear following her, and buried her head under her pillows. She would have to apologize to Daniela. She would have to explain at least some of what was going on in her head. It was only fair. Maybe she wouldn’t profess her undying love, but Daniela needed to know more about how she was feeling and what she was struggling with every day.
But not tonight.
Tonight Bryce needed to get the poisonous emotions out of her system. They had been simmering for a while and it had surprised her how quickly they had erupted. A single call from her mother, and bam—there it was. She had to stay away from her friend while her viral neurosis was still at its peak.
A tear fell slowly down her cheek as she took a shaky breath. Bear seemed to sense her angst and walked up to her from the foot of the bed. Purring loudly, he curled up against her left side as she ran her fingers through his soft fur.
“Thanks, buddy,” she whispered to him in the dark.
Chapter Twenty
The next morning Bryce awoke after a sleepless night of tossing, turning, and unbidden provocative thoughts about Daniela. Bear had long since gotten irritated by Bryce’s restless movements and was elsewhere in the apartment, leaving his mother feeling alone and still massively depressed. Still, she knew she had to get up and talk to Daniela today. She couldn’t leave things the way she had yesterday afternoon. She dreaded the conversation. It would be humiliating and probably wouldn’t change anything for the better. But despite her anger, hurt, and doubts, Bryce prized honesty and kindness above most things and she hadn’t been completely honest with or kind to Daniela yesterday.
Of course, she wasn’t about to just prostrate herself and confess her true feelings for Daniela either. She didn’t want to make things weird between them, and she was mortified by the possibility of Daniela realizing that someone with so many issues was in love with her.
Sighing, she pulled herself wearily out of bed and checked the clock on her nightstand. It was still too early to call Daniela, so she limped to the shower to make herself look as presentable as she could. When she was dressed in her favorite pair of jeans and a long-sleeved white thermal under a Coast Guard Academy T-shirt, she paused in front of the full-length mirror. The ever-present cane was in her hand at her side and her scar stood out red and swollen against the smooth pale skin of her face. She quickly leaned the cane against the door and pulled her hair down from its ponytail. This was something she had found herself doing more often of late. It helped her to think that h
er long blond hair could somehow hide the left side of her face if she looked down at the right angle.
She picked up her cell phone and was sickened to see that her mother had left four more messages early that morning. She shook her head. What was she going to do?
Trying to put the unwelcome thoughts out of her mind, she took a deep breath and dialed Daniela’s number.
“Bryce!” Daniela’s excited voice came from the earpiece.
“Hey, Dani.”
“I thought you weren’t going to call. I was worried about you.”
Bryce felt a stab of guilt. “It seems like I’m good at that. Making you worried, I mean.”
“That’s not what I meant, and don’t be like that. Of course I’m going to be worried. Some days you seem almost happy and others, like yesterday…well, I wonder if it’s me.” She sounded anxious.
“No way, Dani. You’re the best thing that’s happened to me in a long time.” Bryce was thankful that Daniela couldn’t see her. She continued quickly, embarrassed. “I’m sorry about my little shutdown last night. I’ve been…struggling with some things.”
“I know, but I also want you to know that I’m here for you.”
“I know you are and thank you. So how about that beer? Are you still up for going to Pike’s?”
“Absolutely!”
“Sweet. I can be there in about thirty minutes.”
“Bryce?”
“Yeah?”
“Thank you for calling.”
Bryce smiled. “I’ll see you in a bit.”
*
She parked in the Pike Market lot and slowly made her way down to the brewery where she knew Daniela would be waiting. Her skin tingled in anticipation of seeing her again. It didn’t matter that she had seen her every single day for the past two and a half weeks. It was only getting worse as she fell more and more in love with her.
