Precious Lace (Lace, #4)
by
Adriane Leigh
Copyright 2013 by Adriane Leigh. All rights reserved.
Cover Design by Chris Mascaro
One
My shoulders hunched and sobs escaped my throat as I walked up the stairs. I had no idea what my future would hold and if Carter would be in it. What I did know for sure was that I needed Cate.
My head swirled with the prospect of telling her that Carter and I had gotten married in Aspen. At that point I had no idea if I would tell her. I hadn't seen Parker haul the white garment bag out of the car, so I didn't think he'd brought it in, which meant Cate wouldn't be clued in to the most monumental secret of my life. I approached the door to our apartment and paused. I looked down at the glistening ring on my finger and tears choked my throat. I slid it off and nestled it in the pocket of my jeans. It hurt my heart to take the ring off, but I didn't know if I had the emotional strength to delve into that with Cate.
I stepped into the apartment and found the few bags that I’d taken with me just inside the door. The apartment was silent as I looked around for Cate. I wandered down the hallway to her bedroom, peeked my head in the door and found her propped up in her bed with a book.
"Hey! How was Aspen?" She hopped off the bed and embraced me tightly.
"Okay," I squeaked.
"God, what happened, Eva? Are you okay?" She pulled away from me and held me at the shoulders. I shook my head no. "Tell me." She sat me down on the edge of the bed and held me tightly, patting my head while running her fingers through my hair soothingly. Sobs wracked my body for long moments. I inhaled Cate's favorite perfume and felt at home with her. Carter had been a temporary interlude. Cate was my home. Cate had always been my family and that would never change. I should have known Carter would make me need him and then stomp all over my heart. I had been foolish to think that he had changed for me. When I'd said yes, perhaps I was overwhelmed at the thought that he needed me; I surely hadn't been thinking straight to marry a man I'd known for only a month.
I warred with myself if I should tell her that I was now a married woman.
I finally pulled away and wiped the itchy tears off my face. She jumped up and ran to her bathroom returning with tissues for me.
"What happened in Aspen?" she prodded gently.
"It was amazing. God, it was so amazing, Cate. We talked. We were perfect. He told me things. He told me about the first time he saw me at the boutique opening." A wry smile crossed my face. "It was perfect… and then it wasn't," I trailed off sadly. "I was afraid to come home. We have such a bad history here, and I mentioned that I wished we could stay in Aspen forever and he exploded. We got in a monumental fight and I don't even know whose fault it was anymore. Maybe I shouldn't have said anything. He can't stay away from Boston; he has a business. Maybe I was selfish…" I finished.
"No Eva, you just tried to talk to him. You're allowed to bring up your concerns. He shouldn't have reacted that way. Carter fucks you up so monumentally in the head. I'm so over him."
Tears started to trail down my cheeks again at her words. Little did she know that I couldn't be over him—I was married to him. My hand slipped to the ring in my pocket and I fingered it from outside the denim. I struggled to take a breath.
"I just need to take a shower. I'll think more clearly after a shower."
"Okay." She squeezed me in a tight hug before I stood and crossed the living room of our apartment. I picked up my bags on the way and tossed them on the bed, shut the door to my room, and stood in front of the dresser. Slipping the ring out of my pocket, I turned it toward the evening light cascading through the windows. The rays reflected in every direction, fragmenting and glistening. A few stray tears trailed down my cheeks. I slipped the ring on my left hand and caressed it lovingly. His birthstone. He was so sweet and thoughtful to think of it that way. It was Carter and me, right here on my ring finger, for what was supposed to be an eternity. Tears locked in my throat as the thought crossed my mind that I may have to give his symbol of our love back to him. My stomach suddenly churned as I thought about a life without him. I felt like I could be sick again.
I slid the ring off my finger and set it on the dresser before walking into my bathroom, stripping, and standing under the hot spray of the showerhead, praying that the water would wash away my anguish.
"Eva!" Cate screamed from my bedroom moments later.
"What?" I jumped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around my body as I ran into my bedroom.
"What is this?" Cate's eyes were the size of saucers. She held my ring between her fingers. I bit my bottom lip firmly, willing the self-inflicted pain to distract me from the thoughts swirling in my head.
"My wedding ring," I mumbled.
"You got married?" Cate was still shrieking.
"God, Cate. Quiet." I pressed my eyelids together tightly, trying to will myself out of this situation. I heard Cate huff from across the room.
"You and Carter got married?" Cate whispered. I nodded in confirmation.
"Shut the fuck up." She flopped on the bed with the ring still held firmly between her fingers. I opened my eyes slowly to catch her reaction. Her eyes were darting from me to the ring in her palm. I dropped on the bed beside her dejectedly.
"Well, this puts a whole new spin on things doesn’t it?" She flipped the ring between her fingers. "That man has impeccable taste in jewelry," she whispered thoughtfully.
"Cate," I groaned. She shrugged.
"So what are you going to do?" She handed the ring back to me.
"I don't know. I'm sorry I didn't tell you. At the moment it all feels like a dream, I don't even know if it was real anymore. It was so beautiful in Aspen. We were so perfect, but Boston fucks with us." I worried the ring between my fingers.
"It's okay. I mean, you're a bitch for getting married without me… oh my God, did you have a dress? Don't tell me you went to the justice of the peace?" She shot me an appalled look. A giggle bubbled out of my throat. It felt so good to release some of the tension that had built up the past few days.
"No, no justice of the peace and yes, I did have a white dress. It was beautiful." My heart swelled at the memory. "There was even a photographer." My insides twisted at the pain that would undoubtedly come when we got the proofs back.
"Thank God. You're still a bitch for doing it without me."
"I know. I'm sorry, Cate." I peered up into her eyes sadly.
"I’m sorry, Eva. I’m the bitch for making this about me." She wrapped me in a hug again. "Are you going to call him?" She pulled away as I wiped more tears from my eyes.
"I don't know. I think he needs time. He just dropped me off here. He didn't even ask. I don't think he wants me." A sob escaped my throat and I crumpled into an incoherent ball against Cate. She rubbed my back gently.
"He wouldn't marry you and then suddenly not want you, Eva. You just have things to work through. You don't marry someone after knowing them for a month without having some things to work through." She stroked my wet hair. "Maybe you should just sleep on it tonight. Maybe you both need time to think. Call him tomorrow." She smiled and pushed me off the bed. "Can I make you anything?"
"No, my stomach is in knots. I don't think I can eat." I took a deep breath and grabbed pajama bottoms and a shirt and headed for the bathroom.
I stood in front of the mirror and looked at the broken girl staring back at me. Carter had called me Mrs. Morgan all week, and my stomach had done delicious flips every time. I loved him so much, but just because you love someone doesn’t mean they're good for you.
I arched my neck in the mirror and fingered the spot where Carter had left a bruise weeks ago. The spot was clean, the pink
flesh unmarred. It was like it had never happened at all. Tears trickled down my cheeks at the thought.
I ran a brush through my hair and then pulled on my pajama pants and shirt before curling up on the bed and hugging my pillow tightly. Thoughts swirled as I saw the ring glinting in the light on the dresser. My heart hurt at the memory of him giving it to me.
It's us. You and me, always.
My body shuddered in pain at the memory of his words.
Will you wear it? For me?
A sob choked my throat and I covered my mouth with my hand and ran to the bathroom. I heaved over the sink but my stomach was empty. I had nothing left inside to lose. My body was literally sick at the thought that Carter had just dropped me off here without a word.
"I'm so sorry, Carter." I whispered into the empty room. Life without Carter was going to be hollow and painful. I made my way back into my bedroom and threw myself on the bed in the fetal position and fell into a restless sleep. I couldn't even escape him in my dreams.
Two
The following night I still hadn't heard from Carter but I felt better. I put it in perspective and thought we could actually get through this. I had the strength to fight for him. I still didn't know why Carter had dropped me off without a word—what was going though his head?
I had checked my phone repeatedly throughout the day for missed calls and texts but found none. I still couldn’t put on the ring; I wanted to wear it, I wanted it on my finger, I wanted to be his, but I didn't know if he wanted me anymore, and I knew even if he did we had so many issues to work through.
After dinner, I took the first step. I worried my lip between my teeth as I stared at my phone. My stomach clenched in anxiety as I pressed his name to dial.
The line rang once, twice, three times. My heart fell with each ring.
"Hi." His voice sounded empty and hollow as my heart thudded in and out of my chest.
"Hi," I choked out. God, I miss you. Can we put this behind us? Do you still want me? "How are you?" I whispered.
"Not good," his deep voice answered.
"Me too." A few tears trickled down my cheeks and I sniffed as my nose began to run. "Can I see you?" The words escaped my lips before I could stop them.
"You want to?" Carter's voice came across the line emotionless.
"Always." I whispered.
I heard a sharp intake of breath. "Do you want me to send Parker?"
"Okay." I paused, unsure of what to say. "Carter?"
"Yeah?" he replied.
"I’m sorry." The air escaped my lungs in a quiet breath.
"Parker will be there in ten." He hung up the phone.
I sat with my head in my hands for a few moments wondering what that brief conversation had meant. Carter's voice was completely emotionless. He sounded exactly like that last day in Aspen—few words and painfully quiet. My heart fell into the pit of my stomach.
I stood, grabbed my purse, and threw on shoes all ready for Parker's arrival when my eyes landed on the ring. My heart ached again at what he'd said; how we'd shared each other in the gondola on the ride down. Tears sprang to my eyes. I squeezed them shut to try to push the pain away. I needed to be strong and deal with this head on. I had had the last twenty-four hours to sob and cry, now was the time to move forward, with or without Carter.
I walked out the bedroom door, leaving the ring behind.
The car ride was silent as Parker drove me to Beacon Street. I refused to over-analyze the situation. No more thinking, I had to start doing. I made my way up the steps, the lamplight off the street throwing shadows around the limestone pillars. It felt dark and unknown. I knocked lightly at the door.
"Come in." I heard from inside the house. I turned the knob and opened the door, taking soft steps into the foyer. The house was bathed in silence.
Removing my shoes, I walked barefoot through Carter's home. The home that I had thought would be mine for those few short weeks in Aspen. I found the kitchen and the living room dark and empty. Walking down the hallway, I found a soft light emanating from a cracked door. My fingers touched the dark wood and I peeked in. There sat Carter, behind his desk.
I stepped in the room and his eyes watched me blankly. His face was expressionless. He wore a plain black shirt and faded jeans with one leg crossed ankle to knee, barefoot. God, I loved seeing him barefoot in a pair of worn jeans. His reading glasses sat perched on a stack of paperwork. I held his gaze as I sat down in the chair facing the rich mahogany desk. His eyes looked bloodshot and hollow.
I registered a bottle of whiskey open on the desk and his hand wrapped around a nearly empty glass. My eyes shot to his. I'm sure he could see the question in my mind. My thoughts were filled with the last time I’d seen drunk Carter, angry and unpredictable. I closed my eyes and sighed deeply.
"Are you okay?" I opened my eyes and held his steely gaze with mine.
"I told you I’m not." His eyes seemed to look right through me.
"Are you mad?"
"Of course I’m mad." He took a sip. My brain searched for answers. I still didn't feel like what I had said warranted this kind of reaction.
"Do you... want to have the marriage annulled?" I whispered as fear seized my heart.
His head whipped up and indefinable emotions blazed in his eyes. "Is that what you want?"
"I... no. But if it's what you want..." I trailed off.
"It's not. But I would understand..." He turned his head to stare out the window into the black night.
"I’m sorry you're upset, Carter, but I don't regret telling you how I felt…" I trailed off.
"I’m not mad at you, Evangeline. It was terrible, what you said, I don't know what you expected me to do. But I’m mad at me, too. I shouldn't have reacted that way. And what I did after… it shouldn't have happened." He dropped my gaze and took a long draw from his glass.
"What shouldn't have happened?" My brain tried to recall the events of that day.
"After, on the car. I nearly…" He trailed off.
"Nearly what?" I whispered, afraid to hear his answer. He squeezed his eyes tight as if he were trying to rid an image from his brain.
He heaved a great sigh. "I nearly raped you," he said through clenched teeth.
"What?" I choked out.
"Don't do that, Evangeline. Don't pretend that it was nothing. What I did to you was terrible. I can't even believe you're here right now. And when you let me drop you off at home, I knew then. I knew that was it for us. It broke my heart, but I deserve it. You're too good for me, Evangeline." He ran his hands through his hair. "We had such a perfect time, and then I did that to you. I’ll understand if you never want to see me again."
I sat stunned speechless. My brain couldn't even begin to comprehend what he was saying. "Carter, that's not—"
"Don't bother. I'll have Parker send the rest of your things to your apartment."
"Carter, no—"
"Eva, fucking stop. I hurt you. You should leave. I'm no good for you."
"You're the best thing in the world for me," I whispered, tears clouding my vision. His eyes shot to mine.
"How can you say that?" he said, his voice laced with anger.
"Because you are. I came alive when I met you. You make me feel things that I didn't even know I could feel. And Aspen… Aspen was beautiful, and I knew if our life together was like that, I knew I’d made the right decision the day I said yes." A sob choked my throat.
"Eva, please don’t cry." He rushed to my chair and sat on his knees in front of me. "I hurt you all the time. You were right when you said my past is fucked up, and you're the one that has to pay for it. My past and my future are colliding and I don't know if we'll survive it." He wrapped his arms around my waist and held me close to him.
"I want to Carter. I want to survive it. Please, let's survive it. Tell me you still want to. I just... I don't think I can live without you," I whispered.
"Eva…" His eyes found mine. "I lost control. The person that matters the most
in my life, I hurt. How can you forgive me?"
"That's not what happened, Carter." I placed my hands on his face and held his gaze. "I loved it. I loved what happened after. You didn't do it to me, we did it together."
He gazed at me with a confused look on his face. "I was so rough."
"You're always rough. I like you rough," I said with a wry smile. His eyes narrowed in confusion.
"Are you kidding me?"
"Not for a minute." I shook my head and leaned into his ear. "It was hot, Carter. It makes me hot just thinking about it." I pulled away and his eyes were huge. He dropped his hands from my sides and looked down at the floor.
"Is that why you've been mad? Is that why you brought me home yesterday? Why you didn't talk to me at all on Sunday?" My heart wrenched at the memory. Maybe I was the angry one now.
He nodded slowly.
"If we would have talked about this we could have avoided so much pain, Carter." I heaved a sigh.
"I’m so sorry, Evangeline. You'll never know how sorry I am for what I did to you; how I acted, and then I didn't even talk to you about it. I’m sorry for taking you to your apartment. I'm so fucking sorry for everything." Emotion pooled behind his blue eyes.
"You have to talk to me next time. You can't just shut me out."
"I was ashamed," he whispered.
"Well next time say that, don't just fucking drop me off without a word. You don't want me to run, I don’t want you to throw up your fucking walls and block me out. You hurt me so much when you left me at my apartment. I thought we were over, Carter. I thought that meant you didn't want me." Tears ran down my cheeks uncontrollably.
"God, no Eva. Please stop crying. Please. I always want you. I never for a minute didn’t want you. I was just so ashamed, I thought you'd never want to see me again."
My shoulders heaved as my body was wracked with sobs. I was so confused. I wanted him in my life desperately but so much had happened between us. We'd caused each other so much pain. We loved each other but were we good for each other? I knew without a doubt that if we could be as happy as we were in Aspen we could be amazing, but could we find that here in Boston?
Precious Lace (Lace #4) Page 1
