by Len Webster
Rob pressed his lips tight together. He wanted to be with her tonight. Wanted to be with her all the nights before and after this one. Taking a deep breath, he reached for the handle, twisted it, and opened the door.
“I’m capable,” he whispered, his eyes never leaving hers. “I just need time.”
Time to tell you that I do love you at the right moment.
She grasped his fingers and led him inside her room. Every step caused his breathing to heave. The room was dark, with only a small amount of light seeping through the windows. Allison broke away and went over to the bedside table. There was a flick, and then fairy lights brightened her bedroom. They were wrapped around a newly installed steel horizontal bar on the wall.
“Julian installed it,” she explained. “We were meant to buy lamps and walked out of the store with fairy lights instead.”
Rob closed the distance. When his hands returned to cupping her face, he looked up at the lights and smiled. Then he returned his gaze to the woman who had waited for him. The woman he wouldn’t let wait any longer.
“You sure you want tonight? I’ll wait until you can trust me again,” he said softly, his right thumb stroking her cheek. The nervous smile she made had him kissing it away with the slight contact of his lips on hers.
“I’m sure,” she said and then spun around. Her back faced his chest. Then she reached into her hair and began to pull out bobby pins.
Rob stepped closer and took over, removing the remaining pins and releasing her hair. He watched her ash-blonde locks tussled down her back. Brushing her hair over her shoulder, Rob exposed her other shoulder and pressed his lips against her creamy skin. The sigh she made urged him to continue to trail his lips up the curve of her neck until he reached the soft spot under her ear. A wet, open-mouth kiss was made as his fingers found the zip of her ball gown.
“God, I love this dress on you,” he whispered.
“Thank you. But it’s Stevie’s. She let me borrow it,” she explained, breathlessly.
He slowly pulled the zipper and said, “It would have never suited her. Not when you wear it with such elegance. It was made for you.”
Allison’s breathing hitched when the zipper made it to the bottom of the bust and it loosened around her. Rob’s hand skimmed her right arm until he held her hand in his. He slowly spun her around, her dress revealing her white lace strapless bra. Letting go of her hand, he bent down and pulled her gown off her, allowing it to pool on the floor. When he stood, he grasped her hands and helped her step out of her dress. He took in her flawless body. Her small waist and perfect breasts. Her long, smooth legs and the nervous smile on her face.
Her shaking hands reached for the buttons of his shirt, and slowly, she unbuttoned his shirt completely. Rob peeled the material off his back and let it fall to the floor.
“You sure?” he asked once her hands settled on his hips.
Allison nodded. “I don’t know when Stevie and Julian will come home.”
Rob dug his hands into her hair and pulled her in for a kiss. This time, his lips dominated, pouring his heart into the way he kissed her. His tongue slipped past her lips and found hers. Tangled, massaged, and stroked, their tongues found a rhythm that had his heart beating so fast he was scared it would burst. Allison pulled back and as she slowly got on her knees, her lips pressed to his chest, then his stomach, and finally, she planted one above his belt buckle.
Her fingers grazed his crotch, causing him to inhale sharply as she worked to unfasten his belt. When it was free, she unsnapped his pants and pulled the zipper down. Then she slid her hands inside and cupped his hard boxer briefed-erection in her small hands. Rob thrust into his hands, unable to help himself. She squeezed once more and caused him to moan. Just as she loosened her hold, her fingers left him and slipped into his underwear and tugged.
As she attempted to lower both his pants and underwear, realisation snapped inside him. He didn’t want her on her knees to please him. It wasn’t about him.
“Allison,” he said, grasping her hands and pulling her up.
“I thought—”
“No,” he interrupted her. “It’s not about me tonight. It’s about you.”
The startled expression on her face was enough for him to know that no man had ever put her needs before their own. It made him furious. He reached over and pulled the blanket back.
“Sit on the bed,” he instructed. “I’ll take off your heels.”
She did as he had requested and sat on her bed. However, the nervousness still consumed her hazel eyes. Rob had reached the strap of one of her shoes and unbuckled it before he slipped it off. Then he did the same with her other. When he stood up, he kicked off his own shoes and pulled off his socks. His eyes remained on hers as his hands reached his pants.
Allison got off the bed and reached behind her. Then she unclasped her bra. “Keep going,” she urged.
The moment his pants fell to his ankles, her bra had found its place on the floor, exposing her beautiful breasts to him. They were the perfect size with perfect pink nipples. Beautiful didn’t describe her. It didn’t have enough sentiment and meaning.
Their underwear was now the only thing between them. Allison dug her thumbs into the sides of her panties when he took a step towards her, stopping her.
“Are you on the pill?” he asked.
She averted his stare and then shook her head. “I’m not.”
“It’s okay. I have a condom.” Rob then bent down, dug into his pants pocket, and pulled out his wallet. Then he flipped it open and retrieved the protection. He placed the foil package between his teeth and then pulled down his boxer briefs. Allison’s eyes darted to his length. From the way her eyes widened, he knew he was at a considerate length to what she might have been used to. Rob’s hand reached the square foil and ripped it open with his teeth. “Lie back on the pillows, Allison.”
She complied. The mixture of green and yellow in her eyes swirled under the fairy lights. Rob fisted his erection and then stroked himself twice before he rolled the rubber down his impossibly hard length. When the protection was on, he climbed on the bed until he hovered over her.
The smile on her face extinguished the nervous gleam he saw in her eyes moments ago.
“Hi,” she breathed and then cupped his face. Allison guided his lips to hers, kissing him in that gentle way that he had come to love. It was soft with her. It was never a game. She had only ever wanted him.
His heart swelled at the thought.
“Hi,” he said softly. He settled between her legs, his length pressed against her underwear-covered core.
She let out a low moan and he felt her desire against him. Rob’s lips met hers in a chaste kiss as he ground against her, eliciting the increase of her heavy breathing. He groaned as her nails clawed into his back. His right hand had palmed her breast before he rolled her nipple between his finger and thumb.
“Oh, God,” she whispered.
“Fuck, Allison.” It had never felt this good before. Hearing her moans and pants.
“Not like this,” she pleaded. “I need you inside me. Please.”
Reluctantly, and afraid he’d blow before he even got to be intimate with her, Rob broke away from her body and got on his knees. His fingers dug into the side of her panties. He sucked in the almost thin air and then pulled her lacy white underwear down her legs and disposed of them on the floor.
Rob’s eyes gazed at her creamy naked body under the fairy lights. He swallowed hard as he wrapped his hand around his hardness. Pumped himself once to settle his nerves and settled back between her legs. Missionary hadn’t been his favourite position. But with Allison, it felt right.
His body covered hers as he peppered kisses along her jaw and her neck. Then he dipped his head lower and pressed his lips against her the tops of her breasts. Reaching between them, he fisted his erection and guided himself to her entrance. He heard Allison’s sharp intake of breath at the contact. His flesh on hers. Rob glanced down to
see the connection, feeling his heart clench at the sight. Then he gazed back at her to see her breathing hard. Her hands settled on his jaw and she nodded.
Rob pressed into her, and Allison instantly tensed. The fear in her eyes flashed, and he reminded himself to slow down. The clenching of her jaw was enough for him to know that she’d had bad experiences and he wouldn’t be one of them for her. He pushed her knees further apart and shoved a hand between them, finding the sweet spot above where they joined. She rewarded his circular rubs with her moans and her eyes slammed shut.
God, she’s tight.
He’d never felt such sensations before her. Warm, tight, and wet. What he loved the most was the fact that he could feel her heart beat against his chest. He took it as the green light to continue. Rob splayed his hands onto her mattress as he slowly thrust inside her. Her face contorted, and it appeared she was in pain. Just as he was about to stop, he felt it and halted all his movements. He nudged slightly forward and her eyes shot open.
“You’re a virgin,” he breathed.
Ally’s breathing ceased.
Three words.
She couldn’t deny it. The tip of Rob’s erection was at her barrier. She couldn’t lie and she didn’t want to.
“I am,” she whispered.
He blinked rapidly at her as if he couldn’t comprehend it. That was one of the many secrets she had kept from the public. All the things the media reported about her were lies. She was a virgin. The only time she had been remotely sexual was during her last year of high school at a party. The guy she was with was drunk and she had tried to give him a blowjob. Even in his intoxicated state, he knew how terrible she was at it. He’d pushed her off and stormed out, humiliating her. But she was thankful that he hadn’t remembered her lack of oral talents the morning after.
“I can’t,” Rob revealed in a tight voice and began to pull out of her.
Ally’s hands cupped his backside stopping him by urging him forward. “Don’t do this.”
His clenched his jaw. “Allison,” he growled her name. “I can’t. I can’t take your virginity like this.”
“Rob,” she pleaded in a heavy breath. “Please.”
“No.”
Her internal muscles clenched around him, and he let out a breathless groan. “Fuck,” he muttered.
She took the opportunity and dug her fingers into his ass cheeks and that one act had him thrusting hard into her. A cry left her lips as the pain shot through her. Heat overwhelmed her as Rob held himself still, the vein in his neck protruded.
Rob had taken her virginity.
There was no other man she had wanted it to be but him.
But the regret simmered in his light blue eyes, and the way his mouth went slack broke away parts of her heart. It was so clear. He hadn’t wanted to take it. The realisation weighed down on her chest, making it hard for her to breathe. Her hands fell to her sides as he avoided eye contact. He cringed, eyes slammed shut, as he pulled completely out of her. Ally glanced down to see the blood on the condom and on her sheets. She winced at the pain and the sight of Rob scrambling off her and the bed.
Ally sat up, and the pain inside her didn’t dissipate as quickly as she thought it would. It stung. Rob was by far the largest she’d seen, so she knew it would hurt. She watched as Rob pulled the condom off and shoved it into one of his socks. Then he picked up his underwear and slipped them on. He quickly dressed as Ally’s tears formed, blurring him into a silhouette.
“That shouldn’t have happened,” he muttered as he threaded one leg into his pants and then the other. “I took your virginity. I didn’t think you were … I fucking took your virginity.” He buttoned his pants, shoved his socks into his pockets, and then put his shirt on.
She pressed her legs together and folded her arms over her breasts, trying to cover herself from him. He hadn’t looked her in the eye. Rob hastily buttoned his shirt and then picked up his belt.
“I-I’m,” he mumbled, staring at the messy bed rather than her. He’d fallen over his own words. But this time, unlike the other times it went wrong for them, Rob hadn’t apologised. He took several steps backs, turned, and then left her room. Ally kept still until she heard the apartment door close.
A sob escaped her and then her tears found their way down her cheeks. The radiating heat in her chest felt nuclear. Reaching over, she grasped the blanket and covered her naked body. But not before taking in the small amount of blood left behind. He’d broken her hymen and left. He hadn’t finished. He had dressed and was regretful. Ally brought the blanket up to her neck and laid down. She rested her head on the pillows and tightly closed her eyes.
For the very first time, she felt worthless and decided that whore had never fit her so well as right now. She was even less than that. She wasn’t even worthy enough of him finishing.
“Ally!” Stevie had shouted her name once the apartment door closed.
Ally kept her eyes on the bedside table as she had since Rob had left. She wasn’t sure what time it was. She didn’t care. The tears continued to fall and the pain in her chest made breathing a difficult task. Somewhere in the apartment, her phone had rung, but she hadn’t done a thing to get to it. Rushing footsteps echoed and then her bedroom door burst open.
“Oh, Ally,” her roommate breathed as she entered Ally’s room.
Ally didn’t answer her.
Stevie climbed onto the bed and sat behind her. Her hand settled on Ally’s shoulder.
“Rob called me an hour ago. I ignored his calls because I thought he was calling to find out where you and Adam were.”
The sound of Stevie sniffing caught her attention. Ally turned in her bed to see the tears sliding down her friend’s face. “Why are you crying?”
Stevie sat against the headboard and wiped her tears. “Because I’m a sucky friend. Because I let this happen. Because I’m stupid for not standing up for you more. I gave him the benefit of the doubt, and he still hurt you. I should have known his calls were important.”
Clenching the blanket tight against her naked body, Ally sat up and shook her head at Stevie. “It’s not your fault. I wanted it … I just had no idea that I’d lose my virginity like that. I thought he’d …”
Her bright blues were consumed with guilt, and her frown was clear as day. The grief had swept through Stevie’s face.
“Don’t look at me like that,” Ally said in a small voice.
Her brows furrowed. “Like what?”
Ally’s shoulders slumped as she tried to hold back her tears. “Like I’m pathetic. I already feel like I am.”
“No,” Stevie breathed and wrapped her arms around Ally, bringing her close to her. “I don’t think you’re pathetic at all.”
Ally rested the side of her face on her shoulder. “You should have seen his face when he realised. It was this almost undeserving realisation that consumed him. Like I wasn’t good enough or something.”
“Don’t think like that. Because trust me, you’re way too good for Rob.” Stevie rubbed her arm.
“I’m not,” she sobbed. “I got called a whore for two years of my life by strangers. But no one made me feel like one like Rob has.”
“Hey,” Stevie said, pulling her back. She looked Ally straight in the eye. “You’re not one. Because if you are, then, what the hell does that make me? Ally, don’t make my mistake after I lost my virginity to Julian. I was so traumatised over how much I fell in love with him that I tried to forget him with a countless amount of men and sex. Don’t do it. Don’t even think you’re one.”
“But did Julian walk away when he broke your … hymen?”
Stevie shook her head. That was where their similarities differed. “No. He didn’t. He touched me in this caring way that made me feel loved.”
Ally nodded. “That’s what’s so different about the Moors brothers. One loves deeply. The other one is so reluctant. He says all the right words and then takes them away. Hurts you with actions. Repairs you with broken promises.”
“Ally, what you do after you leave this bed is up to you. You could do something stupid like me and sleep with as many men as possible. Or you could not let this hurt you any further. Be stronger than this. Don’t make my mistakes.”
“Stevie, I don’t think I could let another man touch me,” she whispered. Then something her roommate had said earlier got her attention. “He called you?”
“Yeah. He told me what he did. He didn’t make excuses for himself. I could kill him, really. He told me to come check on you because he knew you wouldn’t talk to him or forgive him. Said that he had to try to understand why he did it. He sounded like he was in pain and was upset over hurting you,” Stevie revealed.
Ally kept quiet, unsure how to respond. She’d have much rather he had come back and stayed with her. Figure out things together. She wasn’t what he might have thought. She thought him putting her first meant something. She’d been wrong.
“Hey, why don’t you take a shower,” Stevie suggested, getting off the bed. “I’ll change your sheets. We’ll talk when you’re dressed. Yeah?” Then she retrieved Ally’s pink silk dressing gown from the chair in the corner of the room and handed it to her.
Not saying a word, Ally took it and laid it across her lap. Her gaze fixed on it rather than her friend. When Stevie had reached the bedroom door, Ally heard her sigh and she lifted her chin to see the sad smile on her face.
“Not everyone gets that romance novel the first time. I’m sorry it didn’t happen that way for you. I hope the next time you’re with someone they make you feel loved. I don’t want you to miss out on that.” Then she left Ally alone in her bedroom.
When she was sure Stevie wouldn’t return, Ally covered her face with her hands and cried. Tears pooled in her palms as she tried to regain control of her weeping heart. Ally wiped her hands on her blanket and slipped her robe on. She tied the sash around her and then got out of bed. She didn’t want to see the clear evidence of her stupidity. She had handed her virginity over to someone who had regretted taking it. Being intimate together hadn’t meant anything to him as it had for her.
