by Len Webster
Stevie took the napkins out of Rob’s hands. “Could you tell Ally that dinner’s ready?”
“Ahh, I don’t think that’s a good—”
“Don’t worry. She knew you’d be over. She’s been on her phone for the last half hour,” Stevie said as she passed a napkin over to her brother and her sister-in-law.
“Okay,” he said. Taking a deep breath, he stepped away from the dining table and made his way to Allison’s bedroom. When he reached it, he closed his eyes and let his knuckles tap on her door. Rob found the door handle and twisted it open. He peered into her bedroom and found her sitting on her bed, staring at a piece of paper in one hand. He noticed that she held her phone against her ear.
“Hang on a second,” she said and then looked his way. She gave him a tight smile. There was no anger or resentment. She appeared calm as she said, “Hi.”
He stared at her. She didn’t have that same expression on her face. The same one that had told him he had broken her heart. Allison raised a brow at him. And he cleared his throat. “Dinner’s ready.”
She nodded. “Yes, Serge. I’ll talk to you later. Stop worrying.”
“You okay?” he asked.
“Yeah. Mind giving me a second?”
“Of course.” Rob nodded once and then backed away from her door, not bothering to close it properly. With a loud exhale, he returned to the table and sat in the seat his brother had pointed out. It didn’t take long for Stevie to put out the creamy chicken and mushroom pasta dish in front of him. Rob thanked her and glanced over to see his brother grinning at him, proud of his accomplishment of being able to cook, no doubt. Annie was to his right, explaining something to Stevie about Jarred’s upcoming graduation ceremony.
“I’m sorry I’m late,” Allison said, interrupting the flow of the conversation around him. His focus moved instantly to her as she smiled and took the seat across him. “This smells delicious. I feel terrible for not helping out.”
“Nah,” Julian dismissed, stabbing his plate of pasta with his fork. “Sounded important.”
Allison reached over for her glass of water and took a sip. “Just family stuff.” Then her eyes met his and the agony in them flashed through. The guilt knocking the wind out of him.
“Rob?”
He turned to his right to see Annie staring at him with her brows knitted. “Yeah?”
She held up the bottle of wine and tilted her head at him. “Asked if you wanted wine.”
“Oh. No, thank you, Annie. I’m on training restrictions with Nationals coming up,” he explained with a smile.
“Yeah, Annie,” Julian teased. “Our Robbie is gonna win the gold!”
Rob had peeked over to find Allison blinking at him before she said, “He’ll win. I have faith that he will.”
And all he did was stare at her, unable to find the words to speak. She had too much faith in a man who had broken her heart.
Two bottles of wine shared between Stevie, Julian, and Annie later, dinner and dessert had been consumed by everyone. Silent glances were all that Rob and Allison had exchanged. It was becoming difficult to sit there and remain quiet.
“You may not take my brother away and do inappropriate things, Allison!” Julian announced in a loud slur.
Allison flinched. Her eyes wider than he had ever seen them before.
“Okay, Mr I-can-impress-everyone-with-my-ability-to-drink-and-hula-hoop.” Stevie paused and glanced at her dinner guests. “It’s a long story. He tried to hula-hoop with some of the kids on the fifth floor earlier. Come on, we’re taking you to bed. You have to work tomorrow, Mr Vice President,” she said, pulling at her fiancé’s arm.
A grin from ear to ear developed on Julian’s face. “Yes. Yes, you shall. And we’ll do inappropriate things!”
“Guys.” Jarred pulled a disgusted face. “Sitting right here.”
Julian shifted in his seat and stared at his soon-to-be brother-in-law. “I’m gonna go make love to your sister now. Goodbye.”
“How the hell are you drunk right now?” Stevie asked as she pulled him out of the chair.
He chuckled. “I’m not. I’m the right kind of tipsy. Plus, I found a bottle of tequila while I was cooking.”
Rob found it a fitting moment to announce his exit. He rose up from his seat. “I think it’s time I get going. Thanks for dinner. It was good seeing everyone.”
“Quick!” Julian yelled. “Someone stop him. He’s leaving. We’ll never see him again when he goes into tournament preparations.”
Making his way to his younger brother, Rob set a hand on Julian’s shoulder. “You’re back in Melbourne for good, Julian. I’m not losing another four years without you. Just because I’m preparing for Nationals and Worlds doesn’t mean I’m not going to be there for you. Call me tomorrow. I’ll see you all later.”
“Holy shit, Robbie, you sentimental bastard! Blondie, did you record that?”
“Sadly, no.”
The sound of a chair scratching caught Rob’s attention. “I’ll walk you out,” Allison said.
Rob should have said no. Told her that it was okay. But all he did was nod and head towards the front door with Allison a few steps behind. When they reached the door, he turned to face her.
“Allison—”
“I’ll walk you downstairs,” she interrupted. The smile on her face confused him. Her niceness had him on edge. He wasn’t sure what to expect, but he’d take whatever it was.
“Okay,” he replied as he opened the apartment’s front door and let her out first. Then he shut the door behind him, continuing down the hall and to the elevator. He pressed the down button and waited.
The second it dinged open, Allison walked inside ahead of him, and Rob followed. She had pressed the lobby floor button and let out a heavy sigh. The air around them felt thick. His heart throbbed. His fingers close to brushing against hers. He smelt her sweet fragrance, reminding him of fresh jasmine. Things he loved most about her consumed him. Rob had opened his mouth to speak, but he quickly shut it. An apology was on his lips, but he was sure she wouldn’t believe it. So Rob stood there being tortured by her presence.
The elevator came to a stop and the metal doors opened to the lobby. Allison walked out first and then Rob. She had made it a few steps before she turned around and faced him.
Her hazel eyes flashed in pain and he knew he had been the one to cause it. She tucked her hair behind her ear and took a deep breath. “Can I see you tomorrow?”
He flinched in shock of her question. “What?” he asked.
“Can I see you tomorrow?” she repeated. “Your place?”
“You want to see me?”
Allison nodded. Her facial features remained unmoved. Like they were numb. “Whatever time. After training if that’s better for you.”
“Whenever you want to come over, I’ll be there. I’ll text you my address later.”
No smile.
And he was stupid for thinking she would. Allison took a step back and said, “I’ll see you, then. Good night, Rob.”
“Good night, Allison,” he said with as much softness as he could muster in his voice.
That was what had brought a small smile on her face before she pressed the button on the panel and returned to the elevator.
Tomorrow.
I have to make up for everything, then.
Ally glanced down at the text message on her phone one more time to make sure she was outside the right apartment.
Rob: 701/22 Dorcas Street, Southbank.
Gazing up at the number on the front door, she sighed. She hoped she was on the right floor. It was just after midday when she drove through the city for fifteen minutes. The city streets and traffic confused her. She had no idea how to perform a Hook turn when she had turned right. Sydney didn’t have them. And she had been praying to God that she wouldn’t be pulled over in her brother’s car over it. Ally would have walked but she had decided against it. Especially with what she had planned. It was stupid but she
needed to do it. She needed closure this way. The phone call she had made to Serge last night was about her moving back to Sydney. To complete the rest of her deal with her father at home. Ally hadn’t agreed, but she hadn’t said no either. She was confused. And she had barely slept, thinking about whether she should see Rob today.
If Stevie knew, she’d be disappointed in Ally. But they had different experiences, and although she still hadn’t forgiven Rob, she had to find a way to get over what happened. Taking a deep breath, she peeked down at her long-sleeve burgundy skater dress. She wasn’t sure how to dress for such plans, but she had decided whatever she wore didn’t matter. Her makeup was minimal, and she let her wavy ash-blonde hair flow past her shoulders. Ally gave herself one more mental pep talk and then knocked on the white painted door.
The loud knocks boomed with her heartbeat, it seemed. Not as strong and definitely shaky. Both nervous actions her body had made. She’d heard the chain unbolting before the door opened.
“Hi,” he breathed.
And she felt it. Her heart’s betrayal. Why did she love him? Why him? As she took in his light blue eyes, she knew there was no one else. That was why she had made the decision to see him. When Rob had opened the door completely, she took in his black skinny jeans and tight charcoal V-neck shirt that hugged his body nicely. She knew what lie beneath. It had been against her breasts almost a week ago.
“Hi,” she said breathlessly, not liking the weakness in her voice. “Can I come in?”
Rob stepped aside and welcomed her into his apartment. When Ally was inside, she heard him close the door and she took in his small apartment. It was much smaller than hers and Stevie’s, but it appeared spacious. Standing in the middle of the kitchen, dining room, and living room combination, Ally noticed he had a couch by the wall, a dining table with four chairs, a bike on the balcony, and a cream-coloured rug under the wooden coffee table. The kitchen was on one wall with black cupboards and a white countertop. By far, one of the tiniest kitchens she’d ever seen. There was minimal furniture but he lived alone and she hadn’t expected much. It was a man’s kind of apartment. Neutral colours and furniture for functionality rather than showcase potential.
“Did you want a drink? I have wine somewhere that I got from the Christmas party last year,” he offered.
Ally spun around and shook her head. Alcohol was not on the agenda. For tonight and for her health. She approached his dining table and set her brother’s car keys and her phone on it. Then Ally stared at the Rowing Australia magazine on the table. That would be him. She was sure it would happen to him. She just had some decisions to make for it to happen.
“I’m fine,” she finally answered and peeked up at him through her long lashes.
“Allison, about that night. I didn’t know and … I handled it badly.” He paused and closed the distance between them. He reached for her hand, and she let him take it. She wanted to hear what he’d say. To hear the regret for herself. His eyes met hers and air thinned in her lungs.
“Rob,” she said in an almost whisper.
“I shouldn’t have left you like that. I’m so sorry. I took your virginity and left. I’m a fucking asshole. I’m not surprised that you hate me. I panicked when I saw the horror in your eyes. The pain I put you through. I didn’t think I was worthy enough to be your first. Or special enough. I’ve never been with a virgin before. You gave me this gift and I threw it in your face as if it meant nothing. But it was everything. Believe me—I didn’t do it the right way, and I’m sorry. I wish we could go back. So you could have someone else be your first. Go back and make you realise how bad I am for you.” The strain and emotion in his voice had her believing. Though it wasn’t her ideal first time, she believed in his remorse.
Ally broke his hold of her hand and she reached up and cradled his jaw, bringing his mouth close to hers. “I need you to do something for me,” she whispered.
“Anything, Allison. I’ll do anything,” he answered as his palms clutched onto her hips.
“I need a second chance.”
Rob tensed, searching her eyes. “What?”
“Where’s your bedroom?” Her gaze swung over to the two doors to her right.
“Allison, what are you saying?”
Ally’s palms left his jaw and reached down to remove his from her. Then she threaded her fingers through his and hoped he wouldn’t deny her. Not this time. She took a deep breath to settle her nerves and kept her eyes firm on his. “I can’t let what happened last week be my only experience of intimacy. I can’t let you breaking my hymen and pulling out be it. I need something to forget it. I need a different memory and experience to replace it. I need to feel you one more time.”
Rob’s lips had parted before he took a startled step back, breaking contact. “Allison, I—”
She silenced him by fisting his shirt and pulling his lips down to hers.
Not this time.
As selfish as it was, she would not allow him to deny her a proper sexual interaction. She knew sex was a lot more than what he had given her. But it wouldn’t be about sex or an act. She’d show him her love, even if he would never feel it. This was about making love. Telling him this way through the connection of their bodies.
His lips were slow to move against hers. Like his mind hadn’t quite understood what was happening. She was attempting one more try between them. Obviously, there were strings attached, but she would find a way to pretend. Just like she had with her old life. Pretended that she was happy. Pretended that her old life held meaning. And more importantly, pretended like she wasn’t in love with Robert Moors.
The thought had her missing a beat in their kiss and she pulled back, panting. She’d mull over the consequences of what she wanted to do later. Right now, she wanted to obliterate the memory of her first time. But she knew all those strings crossed and tangled. Ally was sure that closure wasn’t what she’d get. She’d only fall deeper. Hurt deeper. All forms of deeper, she’d find. Stepping back, she took his hand and raised her brow at him.
Rob’s eyes searched hers. Desire and need consumed his light blues, but she also saw the panic. She felt guilty for putting him in this position, but she’d never been selfish enough in her life. She’d let men like her father take from her. Let a man like Rob break her heart. But this time, this was about her. Her wants and needs. For her closure.
“The door on the left,” he breathed, sounding defeated. He had conceded to her wants and for Ally that made her feel powerful.
Once she had threaded her fingers with his, she slowly led him towards his bedroom door. She made sure the little voice in her head didn’t try to change her mind. She already knew the repercussions but she didn’t care. And the moment her hands wrapped around the door handle, she was so sure.
This was for her.
It’s my only chance to be with him.
It’s my only chance to be with the man I love.
The tight squeeze of her heart made her breathless. The pain reminding her of how temporary this was. How temporary she was in his life. Ally pulled the handle and opened the door. She led him into his bedroom, and Rob broke their contact to close the door. Ally’s eyes swept his bedroom. Like the rest of the apartment, it was small with a floor-to-ceiling black wardrobe against the wall. A king-size bed with tables on either side. Next to the doorway that led to the en suite was a desk. Upon reaching it, she noticed several photos on it. One of Julian and him from Clara and Noel’s wedding. Another of a group of small boys with water balloons. One of Rob, Julian, and their father. But one picture caught her attention. Ally reached over and picked it up. It was of a woman with light blue eyes, a radiant smile, and chestnut locks. The woman was beautiful.
“That’s my mother,” Rob said behind her.
“She’s beautiful.”
“She was.” He took the frame from her and set it down. “She died of breast cancer when I was ten.”
Ally’s eyes watered. Breast cancer. He had lost his mother at a
young age. Ally wouldn’t know how to cope without her mother. Although she was flaky when it came to things like what Ally wanted out of life, she was always there. If she had ever told her mother about her sickness, she was sure she’d have her mother’s complete support.
“I’m so sorry,” she said softly.
Rob’s hands settled at the nape of her neck, bringing her closer to his solid body. “It’s okay. She would have loved you, Allison. She was honest and the nicest woman I have ever known. But sometimes, I get mad when I think about the fact that she hid it from us. Didn’t tell us she had cancer.”
Ally froze.
Rob’s mother had never told them about her cancer and she had died. Although Ally didn’t have cancer, she wasn’t the healthiest person walking down the street. She was sick. Her future held dialysis or a transplant. Her future wasn’t looking so bright. She wasn’t going to tell him that her kidneys weren’t functioning. Her own family didn’t know.
“Allison?” The concerned tone in Rob’s voice had her blinking.
“Your neighbours will see,” she said, changing the subject.
He nodded once and then left her to walk over to the bedside table. He picked up the small remote, pointed it at the large floor-to-ceiling windows, and pressed several buttons. The blinds slowly began to obscure the windows. Like the wardrobes, they were black, enough to keep prying eyes away and to give them privacy. Then he turned, pressed another button, and the down lights were turned on in a dim brightness setting.
Rob breathed out and set the remote back down. “We don’t have to do this.”
Ally turned and faced him. “You don’t want to?”
“I want to,” he stated softly, his gaze falling to his hands. Then he lifted his chin and gave her a tight smile. “But I don’t want this if it screws up my chances of getting you to forgive me. I want you to want this because you want it and not because you need it to give yourself the confidence that I took away from you. You’re beautiful, Allison. You don’t need me or any other man to tell you that.”
She took several steps until they were face-to-face. “I just need you, Robbie.”
